leather jacket gnome

par Bill Tiepelman

Gnome on a Chrome Crusade

In a world too small for his ambitions and too mundane for his taste, a gnome named Rufus "Rusty" Ironbeard decided to hit the open road. No longer content with the daily grind of garden duties and pond-watching, he strapped on his black helmet, threw on a worn leather vest over his plaid shirt, and revved up his custom chopper—an impressive chrome-adorned machine that sparkled in the sunset. Rusty was no ordinary garden gnome. No ceramic smile or fishing pole for this guy. He was a rebel, a wanderer, and, quite frankly, a bit of a troublemaker. Known in the gnome community as "that guy with the attitude," Rusty had a history of defying the norms. And now, with a sunset ablaze on the horizon, he was about to embark on his biggest escapade yet—a wild ride to the mythical bar known as "The Gnome's Last Call," said to serve brews potent enough to knock a dwarf off his stool. The Open Road (Or as Gnomes Call It, the "Tiny Highway") As Rusty sped down the highway, the desert stretching out on either side of him, he felt a thrill he'd never experienced before. With each mile, he grew bolder, flipping off cacti and honking his tiny horn at bewildered lizards sunbathing on the asphalt. A gang of fellow gnomes on bikes joined him along the way, their miniature motors roaring and their beards flying in the wind. “Alright, boys!” Rusty shouted over the sound of their engines, “Tonight, we drink like trolls and sing louder than banshees!” The other gnomes raised their fists, cheering in unison, their voices like a pint-sized thunder. A Slight Detour: The Law Gets Involved Of course, no good gnome adventure is complete without a little run-in with the law. As Rusty and his crew tore through the desert, they failed to notice the flicker of red and blue lights flashing in the distance. Soon, the shrill sound of a police siren filled the air. A human cop on a ridiculously oversized motorcycle pulled up beside Rusty, his face a mix of confusion and annoyance as he squinted down at the posse of tiny bikers zooming along the road. “You little…gnomes?!” the cop stammered, not quite believing his eyes. Rusty, never one to miss an opportunity for mischief, grinned up at the officer and gave him a thumbs-up. “Aye, Officer Big Pants, just a couple of gnomes out for a scenic ride. What’s the problem?” Rusty asked, as innocently as a leather-clad gnome could manage. The cop sighed, rubbing his temples. “I don’t even know where to start. But you’re going 20 in a 65. That’s not exactly…efficient.” Rusty cackled. “Efficiency is overrated, mate. It’s about the journey, not the speed!” With that, he revved his engine, spit out a wad of sunflower seed shells at the cop’s feet, and sped off, leaving the officer bewildered and probably wondering if he’d had too much coffee that day. The Gnome’s Last Call Eventually, after countless dusty miles and one particularly impressive detour involving a questionable roadside burrito stand, Rusty and his crew arrived at The Gnome’s Last Call. The bar was everything they’d dreamed it would be—a cozy, dimly lit hole in the wall, tucked into the shadow of a massive boulder and illuminated by the glow of neon mushrooms outside. Rusty kicked open the door (well, he tried—it was a heavy door for a gnome, and after a few tries, he managed to nudge it open enough to slip inside). The smell of ale, herbs, and grilled mushrooms filled the air, and the place was packed with rowdy gnomes, dwarves, and the occasional goblin. They strolled up to the bar, where a grizzled gnome bartender with a scar across one eye greeted them. “What’ll it be, boys?” he growled. Rusty grinned. “The strongest brew you’ve got. We’re here to drink ‘til we can’t tell an elf from a cactus!” The bartender chuckled, reaching below the bar and pulling out a dusty bottle labeled “Granny’s Doom Brew.” Rusty eyed the bottle suspiciously. “What’s in that?” “You don’t wanna know, kid. Let’s just say it’s got a kick,” the bartender replied, pouring the thick, bubbling liquid into shot glasses no bigger than thimbles. With a smirk, Rusty raised his glass. “To gnomes on the road! May our beards stay wild and our bikes stay shiny!” The gnomes clinked their tiny glasses together and downed the brew. Instantly, Rusty’s eyes went wide, and his vision blurred as the potent drink worked its magic. “That’s… that’s some strong stuff,” he gasped, holding onto the bar for support as the room started to spin. One Last Ride When the sun rose the next morning, Rusty and his gang stumbled out of The Gnome’s Last Call, clutching their aching heads but laughing at the wild night they’d survived. Stories were shared, exaggerated, and completely fabricated as they prepared for the ride home. “Reckon I might retire after this one,” Rusty joked, slapping one of his friends on the back. “Find myself a nice garden to settle down in. Maybe plant a few daisies, flirt with a mushroom or two.” But as they rode off into the sunrise, he knew that was a lie. The call of the open road was too strong, the thrill of the unknown too intoxicating. Rusty was a gnome on a chrome crusade, and nothing—not cops, cactus stings, or even Granny’s Doom Brew—was going to change that. The End (or, as Rusty would say, “Just another stop on the ride”).     Join the Chrome Crusade – Limited Edition Prints Available If Rusty Ironbeard's daring road adventure speaks to your rebellious spirit, you can bring a piece of his journey home! This image, "Gnome on a Chrome Crusade", is available in our archive as a limited edition print, perfect for adding a touch of humor and adventure to your space. Discover it along with other unique pieces in our Image Archive. From prints to high-quality downloads, let Rusty remind you that life’s greatest adventures start on the open road—whether you're a gnome or not!

par Bill Tiepelman

Tiny Rebel in a Big World

Once upon a time, in a desert much too big for his boots, there was a gnome who went by the name of Grog Thistlebeard. Grog wasn’t your average garden-variety gnome, happy to stand guard over tulips and wave at butterflies. Oh no—Grog had a leather jacket, a custom-painted motorcycle, and a serious thirst for adventure. One evening, as the sun sank behind the rolling desert dunes, casting the sky in hues of fiery orange and purple, Grog adjusted his belt, gave his mustache a final twirl, and revved up his ride—a gleaming motorcycle he lovingly called "Rustbucket." It was anything but rusty, but Grog thought the name gave it character. His mission? To ride from the sandy flats of Cactusville all the way to a mystical place known only as the Big Rock. No one was entirely sure what the Big Rock was, but Grog had heard whispers that it was actually a gigantic cheese wheel left behind by an ancient clan of desert mice. The Road Less Graveled Grog kicked his bike into gear and shot off across the desert, his beard streaming like a wild banner behind him. The desert critters—lizards, jackrabbits, and tumbleweeds—watched in awe as the tiny gnome rocketed past. He had barely hit top speed when he encountered his first obstacle: a cactus. Not just any cactus—this one was big, mean, and had a scowl on its face (or so Grog imagined). “Oi! Watch the spikes, mate!” Grog yelled as he swerved around the prickly beast. “Almost took my beard clean off!” The cactus didn’t respond (as cactuses generally don’t), but it stood as a silent reminder that the desert was full of surprises. As he sped off, Grog muttered, “This whole 'wide open spaces' thing is a bit overrated if you ask me.” A Gnome, a Hawk, and a Borrowed Hat About an hour into his journey, Grog noticed a shadow circling overhead. It was a hawk, and it didn’t look friendly. The bird, seemingly intrigued by Grog’s shiny ride and crimson hat, began to swoop lower and lower. “Back off, featherbrain!” Grog shouted, waving his fist at the sky. But the hawk wasn’t deterred. With a screech, it made a dive straight for him. In a heroic act of self-preservation, Grog took off his hat and threw it as a decoy. The hawk snatched the hat and soared off, leaving Grog safe but slightly miffed. “Great. Now I’ll be the only gnome in the land without a proper pointy hat,” he grumbled, vowing to retrieve it on the way back. “Or find an even pointier one. A rebel doesn’t follow fashion rules anyway.” The Mystery of the Big Rock As dusk settled over the desert, Grog spotted a shape on the horizon. It was the Big Rock—or, as the rumors had it, the Big Cheese. With newfound excitement, he pushed Rustbucket to its limits, the bike rattling and roaring across the sand. Finally, he skidded to a halt in front of his destination. There, standing magnificently against the twilight sky, was the Big Rock. And Grog had to admit, it did indeed look somewhat…cheesy. “Could it be?” he whispered to himself, licking his lips in hopeful anticipation. Clambering off his bike, Grog strode up to the massive boulder, pulled out his trusty knife, and gave it a tentative scratch-and-sniff. His nose wrinkled in disappointment. “Just a rock, not even a whiff of cheddar,” he sighed. “Blasted desert legends. I should’ve known.” Return of the Pointy Hat As he prepared for the long ride home, Grog’s keen eyes caught sight of a glint of red on a nearby cactus branch. There it was—his hat! The hawk had evidently decided it wasn’t as delicious as it looked and had dropped it en route. Grinning, Grog retrieved the hat, dusted it off, and plopped it back on his head. “Ah, much better,” he said, striking a victorious pose. “Now, let’s ride home and tell the gang about how I faced down hawks, cacti, and the legendary Big Rock.” Back to the Garden (With a Few Tall Tales) By the time Grog rolled back into Cactusville, the desert was bathed in moonlight, and his fellow garden gnomes had gathered to hear his story. Grog took a deep breath and began weaving a tale of peril, adventure, and bravery that grew more exaggerated with every word. “...and that’s when the hawk swooped down, eyes like fiery coals, talons as sharp as dragon’s teeth, and I wrestled it barehanded right out of the sky!” he boasted. His audience gasped in awe, even though most of them suspected that Grog’s stories were about as real as the Big Cheese. But that didn’t matter. Grog Thistlebeard was a tiny rebel in a big world, and every adventure—whether real or slightly embellished—was another badge of honor. As he finished his tale, Grog tipped his hat and took a bow, feeling every bit the hero he believed himself to be. The End (Or, as Grog would say, “Just the Beginning”)    Bring Grog’s Adventure Home If you’re inspired by Grog Thistlebeard’s epic journey and want to keep his adventurous spirit close by, check out our exclusive products featuring the artwork "Tiny Rebel in a Big World" by Bill and Linda Tiepelman. Perfect for anyone with a taste for adventure and a love for whimsical art, these pieces bring Grog’s daring escapades right into your home: Throw Pillow - Add a dash of rebel spirit to your sofa with this cozy and colorful pillow. Tapestry - Transform any wall into a statement of adventure with this stunning tapestry. Canvas Print - Bring Grog’s desert journey to life with a high-quality canvas print, perfect for any space in need of a little boldness. Puzzle - Piece together the gnome’s adventure with this fun and challenging puzzle, great for fans of both fantasy and games. Let Grog’s courage and charm remind you every day that life is one big adventure—just waiting to be explored.