snarky gnome

Contes capturés – par Bill Tiepelman

Pout and Prank: Gnome Siblings at Play

Interviewer: Oh boy, we’ve got a real sibling rivalry on our hands here, don’t we? Let’s start with the basics—who’s the prankster and who’s the pouter? Finn the Gnome (grinning, tongue out): Obviously, I’m the prankster. What can I say? I was born with this level of awesomeness. See this face? Total mischief, baby! Fiona the Gnome (pouting dramatically): And I’m the pouter. Not by choice, though. I’m just always the victim of his stupid pranks! He glued my flowers to my hat last week! How am I supposed to get them off, huh?! Finn: It was brilliant, admit it. Her head was like a mobile flowerpot! She made the whole forest smell like daisies for days. You’re welcome. Fiona: *Groans* I hate daisies now. Interviewer: Wow, so it sounds like you’ve been the target of a few pranks, Fiona. What’s the worst one he’s pulled on you? Fiona (crossing arms): The worst? Oh, easy. He swapped out all my mushroom caps with fake ones made of toadstools. I went to sit down and ended up with a purple butt for a week. It was so embarrassing! Finn (laughing uncontrollably): HA! That was my masterpiece. And she’s still mad about it! Totally worth it. Interviewer: Finn, do you ever feel bad for your sister, or is it all fun and games? Finn: Look, I love her. But if you’re not pranking your sibling, are you even a real sibling? Besides, she gets me back. Like last month, she braided my beard into a hundred little knots while I was asleep. Took me hours to untangle. Fiona (smiling for the first time): That was my masterpiece. It was even better because you screamed like a baby gnome the whole time. Interviewer: Sounds like there’s some payback in your relationship. Do you two ever get along? Fiona: When he’s not pranking me, he’s okay, I guess. Sometimes we forage together, and he’s actually kind of useful. But then he ruins it by sticking mushrooms in my hair. Finn: Admit it, you’d miss me if I wasn’t around. Who else would keep you on your toes? Fiona: I’d be thrilled to never trip over a fake snake again, thank you very much. Interviewer: Well, it sounds like this rivalry isn’t ending anytime soon. Any final words for each other? Finn: Yeah—watch your back, sis. There’s a mushroom with your name on it. Fiona: And you better watch your beard tonight. I’ve got ideas. Interviewer: Well, there you have it, folks—gnome sibling rivalry at its finest! Finn and Fiona may prank and pout, but deep down, we know there’s love. Or at least something like it.     The Backstory of Finn and Fiona: Sibling Shenanigans in the Gnome World From the moment they could toddle around the mushroom patches, Finn and Fiona have been the definition of sibling chaos. Born just minutes apart, these two have been in a constant battle of pranks and pouts, much to the amusement (and sometimes frustration) of the other gnomes in the village. Finn, the wild child of the forest, has never met a prank he didn’t like. Whether it’s switching out Fiona’s toadstools or hiding in the trees to drop acorns on unsuspecting gnomes, Finn lives for the mischief. His talent for trouble is only matched by his infectious grin and his habit of sticking his tongue out at everyone and everything. Fiona, on the other hand, is the more serious of the two—at least when it comes to being the victim of Finn’s tricks. With her flowery headbands and wide, expressive eyes, she might seem like the more innocent sibling, but don’t be fooled. Beneath that pout is a mastermind of revenge, plotting her next move to make sure Finn gets a taste of his own medicine. Let’s just say the last time she braided his beard into tiny knots, it took the entire village to help untangle it. Despite their ongoing prank war, there’s a deep bond between these two. They might annoy the mushrooms out of each other, but when it comes down to it, they’re always there for a good laugh (and maybe the occasional truce). In a world full of mushrooms, flowers, and fake snakes, Finn and Fiona remind us that sibling rivalry isn’t just about the pranks—it’s about the love, too. Even if it comes wrapped in a prank or two.     Love the sibling mischief of Finn and Fiona? You can bring a little of their playful chaos into your home with these fun products! 🎉 Add some whimsical charm to your space with the “Pout and Prank” throw pillow—perfect for pranksters and pouters alike. Carry a bit of their sibling rivalry on the go with the tote bag, featuring this quirky duo. Transform your space into a whimsical forest scene with the vibrant tapestry, capturing the fun of Finn and Fiona. Or bring their playful energy to your walls with the beautiful canvas print, perfect for adding some sibling fun to your decor! Get your own piece of their fun and mischief today! 🍄

Contes capturés – par Bill Tiepelman

The Enigmatic Zombie Gnome: Brain on the Rocks

It wasn’t easy being undead. And for a gnome, it was especially awkward. Gerald, formerly known as “Gerald the Garden Defender,” now just went by “The Enigmatic Zombie Gnome.” Partly because it sounded mysterious, but mostly because no one in their right mind would mess with a brain-holding zombie gnome. Gerald, once a proud protector of suburban lawns, had been through some stuff. It all started when some dipshit sorcerer—probably fresh off his third Dungeons & Dragons campaign—decided he needed a few gnome corpses for "experiments." A couple of chants, a blood moon, and one botched spell later, Gerald and his fellow garden buddies were up and walking. Except now, they weren’t trimming hedges or scaring squirrels. No, they were dragging their sorry, rotting butts around, contemplating life’s bigger questions. Like, “Why the hell was Gerald holding a brain?” “This can’t be mine,” Gerald muttered, staring at the dripping, mushy mass in his hand. He squeezed it lightly. A satisfying squelch. “Feels a little too fresh to be mine, honestly. Or maybe I’ve just been dead too long to remember.” He scratched his cobweb-covered hat, which, let’s be real, was holding on to its last shred of dignity by a thread. Literally. Wandering around the garden, Gerald glanced at the other zombie gnomes. Steve—who still had a daisy growing out of his eye socket—was gnawing on a stick. Classic Steve. And Larry? Larry just stared into the distance with a vacant look, drool pooling on his chin. Probably thinking deep thoughts about existentialism or some crap. Or maybe he was just wondering where his pants went. It was a toss-up. “Right,” Gerald mumbled, tossing the brain up like a football. He caught it with an impressive splat. “Guess I should find the idiot this belongs to.” Gerald was no hero. He didn’t give two dead rat turds about whose brain it was. But he also didn’t want to be mistaken for some gory IKEA mascot lugging a squishy accessory everywhere. He had standards. Off to the Neighbors Gerald shuffled past the rusty garden gate and out onto the sidewalk. The sun was setting—thankfully, because zombie gnomes in broad daylight? Not exactly “incognito.” The first stop was Mr. and Mrs. Johnson’s place next door. They were old, weird, and smelled like prune juice, but if anyone’s brain had spontaneously vacated their skull, it was probably one of them. Gerald gave the doorbell a try, but his green, decomposing finger went straight through it. “Perfect,” he groaned. He was about to kick the door in when Mrs. Johnson opened it, staring wide-eyed at the gnome standing on her welcome mat, brain in hand. “Oh dear, what have you got there?” she asked, squinting through thick bifocals. Gerald groaned. If she had a brain at all, it was clearly on its last neurons. “Is this yours?” Gerald asked, thrusting the brain toward her like a broken UPS package. “Found it in the garden. Thought you might’ve dropped it. Though honestly, if it was yours, you probably wouldn’t even notice. No offense.” Mrs. Johnson tilted her head. “I don’t think so, dear. I’m quite sure mine’s still in here somewhere.” She tapped her temple with a bony finger. “Right. Yeah, sure,” Gerald muttered under his breath. “Well, if you happen to lose it, you know where to find me.” He waved the brain for emphasis, letting a chunk of it plop onto her doorstep. “Whoops. My bad.” And with that, he shuffled off down the street. The Bar Crawl Next stop, the local dive bar. Maybe someone there had misplaced their brain—Gerald certainly wouldn’t be surprised, judging by the clientele. The bar was dimly lit, reeked of stale beer, and was populated by the same two guys who had probably been glued to their stools since the Reagan administration. Gerald dragged himself in, brain still in tow, and plopped onto a stool. The bartender—a grizzled man who looked like he’d seen one too many zombie flicks—just stared. “We don’t serve gnomes,” he grunted, polishing a glass with all the enthusiasm of someone hoping for an early death. “Not here for a drink,” Gerald replied, propping the brain on the counter. “Unless you’ve got something that’ll make this less squishy. Got any formaldehyde on tap?” The bartender raised an eyebrow. “Buddy, if that’s your brain, I think you’ve had enough drinks already.” “Ha. Ha. Hilarious,” Gerald said with a roll of his milky, undead eyes. “But seriously. Anyone lose this? Saw some of your regulars out back, and let’s be honest, this brain probably has more function than half of them combined.” The bartender snorted, wiping down the counter. “Try the morgue, pal. Maybe someone there’s missing a few marbles.” Some Questions Are Best Left Unanswered By the end of the night, Gerald still hadn’t found the owner of the brain. And after running into a couple of particularly brainless joggers, he was starting to wonder if it was worth keeping around at all. He gave it a last squish, smirking at the satisfying sound. “You know what? Screw it,” Gerald decided, tossing the brain into a nearby hedge. “Someone’ll find it. Or not. Either way, I’m done being the neighborhood lost-and-found.” He stretched, groaning as his bones popped. “Back to the garden for me. Maybe tomorrow I’ll lose a limb and someone will return it. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll find out whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn.” As Gerald shuffled back to his post, he couldn’t help but smile. Being undead was a pain in the ass, but hey—at least he wasn’t completely brainless. Unlike Steve.

Contes capturés – par Bill Tiepelman

Le dragon du Gnome : un lien mythique

Les mésaventures commencent "Ah, le fardeau d'être insondablement puissant et irrésistiblement charmant", grommela Griswold, le gnome, ses paroles lourdes de sarcasme alors qu'il esquivait adroitement une bouffée de souffle de dragon. "Essaye de suivre, Searwing," le taquina-t-il, jetant un regard sardonique par-dessus son épaule au puissant dragon qui le suivait. Searwing, dont les écailles scintillaient comme un coucher de soleil emprisonné dans l'onyx, souffla avec indignation. Sa tête massive était baissée au niveau de Griswold, ses yeux brillant d'une intelligence et d'un agacement que seule une créature de sa stature majestueuse pouvait posséder. "Je pourrais t'incinérer avec un éternuement, petit," gronda-t-il, la chaleur de ses mots chatouillant le chapeau pointu du gnome. Griswold sourit, faisant tournoyer son balai comme un barde avec un luth. "Et pourtant, te voilà en train de jouer à la nounou d'un gnome. Le destin a un sens de l'humour aussi tordu que la colonne vertébrale d'un gobelin, hein ?" Ensemble, ils s'aventurèrent à travers la canopée tordue de la forêt enchantée, leurs plaisanteries étant une mélodie au milieu de la symphonie de la nature sauvage. Griswold, d'un pas léger et espiègle comme la rosée du matin, ouvrait la marche avec la confiance de quelqu'un qui pouvait sortir de la gueule d'un dragon en parlant - principalement parce qu'il l'avait fait à plusieurs reprises. Ils étaient dans une quête des plus étranges : récupérer le Gland qui murmure, une graine de légende censée faire germer la sagesse elle-même. Beaucoup l'avaient recherché, attirés par les récits sur son pouvoir, mais Griswold le recherchait pour une raison bien plus personnelle. "Si je dois avoir une conscience de la taille d'un dragon", avait-il déclaré, "cela pourrait aussi bien être une conscience qui offre une conversation décente". Alors que le jour cédait la place à la caresse argentée du clair de lune, le duo atteignit une clairière. L'air bourdonnait de magie, le sol était tapissé de champignons rougeoyants et en son centre se dressait le plus vieux chêne de la forêt, ses branches berçant les étoiles. "Voici", murmura Griswold, une rare révérence dans la voix, "la Sentinelle des Secrets , où notre prix nous attend. Maintenant, attrapons ce gland avant que quelque chose de méchant ne décide de l'interrompre." La queue de Searwing balayait le sol, son regard alerte. "Ta propension aux ennuis est sans précédent, gnome." Avec un sourire et un clin d'œil, Griswold répondit : "Eh bien, merci, Searwing. Je suis fier de mes talents." Un rebondissement dans le conte Griswold s'approcha de la Sentinelle, ses doigts dansant d'anticipation. Mais alors qu'il tendait la main, les yeux de l'arbre, jamais vus auparavant, s'ouvrirent brusquement. "Ah, un autre petit voleur est venu chercher mon trésor", grogna l'arbre, sa voix comme le bruissement de mille feuilles. Le gnome recula, feignant le choc. "Voleur ? Je suis Griswold le Grand, ami des bêtes, défieur des pronostics et charmeur de... enfin, tout. Je cherche simplement une audience avec votre estimé gland." Le chêne grondait de rire. "De nombreux titres, un tout petit, mais aucun ne vous proclame auditeur. Le Gland qui murmure ne peut pas être pris, il doit être gagné." Le front de Griswold se plissa, son sarcasme momentanément mal placé. "Mérité ? Et je vous en prie, comment peut-on gagner le droit de converser avec un cinglé ?" "En faisant face à une épreuve", répondit le chêne. "Réussissez, et le gland est à vous. Échouez, et vous deviendrez un résident permanent de mes branches." Sans hésitation, Griswold a accepté. " Alors, allons-y. J'ai des endroits où aller, des dragons à agacer. " Le procès était une énigme qui faisait écho aux complexités de la nature et à la simplicité de la vérité. Griswold écoutait, son esprit bouillonnant de pensées, de plaisanteries et de répliques. Finalement, avec une lueur de triomphe dans les yeux, il donna sa réponse, imprégnée de son esprit caractéristique. L'arbre s'arrêta, la forêt retint son souffle, puis des rires, riches et profonds, remplirent l'air. "C'est exact, gnome. Ta sagesse est aussi acérée que ta langue." Avec un éclat, le Whispering Acorn tomba dans la main attendante de Griswold. Cela bourdonnait de potentiel, et pendant un instant, la façade de plaisanterie de Griswold vacilla, révélant la sincère curiosité qui se cachait en dessous. "Eh bien, Searwing, il semble que nous ayons gagné la journée", rayonna Griswold en empochant le gland. "Maintenant, revenons avant que ce foutu fou ne commence à me donner des cours de moralité." Le dragon renifla, un panache de fumée sortant de ses narines. "Je soupçonne qu'il aura beaucoup à dire sur les gnomes sarcastiques et leurs manières espiègles." Griswold rit, tapotant le museau du dragon. "Alors nous ferons tout un couple, n'est-ce pas ? Venez, partons. L'aventure et la gaieté vous attendent !" Et le cœur léger et le moral élevé, le gnome et son dragon partirent, leurs ombres projetées par la lune, leur légende commençant tout juste à grandir. Explorez la collection Dragon du Gnome Déployez la légende dans votre propre espace avec la collection exclusive « The Gnome's Dragon ». Des traits vifs de nos affiches aux histoires imbriquées de nos puzzles, chaque produit est une passerelle vers le lien fantastique entre Griswold et Searwing. Le dragon du Gnome Poster Transformez vos murs en une toile d'aventure avec notre affiche Le Dragon du Gnome . Des couleurs riches et des détails exquis transforment votre espace de vie en un royaume enchanté, un hommage parfait à l'audace de Griswold et à la majesté de Searwing. Puzzle Le Dragon du Gnome Reconstituez la mystique avec notre puzzle Dragon du Gnome . Chaque pièce est un fragment du conte, vous invitant à vous mettre dans la peau du gnome et à partager son aventure et son humour. Tapis De Souris Le Dragon du Gnome Laissez chaque défilement et clic être un voyage fantaisiste avec le tapis de souris Dragon du Gnome . Travaillez et jouez dans le paysage même que parcourent nos héros, accompagnés du snark de Griswold et de la sagesse de Searwing. Le dragon du Gnome Coussin Reposez-vous sur la tradition avec notre coussin décoratif Le Dragon du Gnome . Installez-vous confortablement avec un morceau tangible du conte et rêvez peut-être de vos propres quêtes mythiques et plaisanteries effrontées. Couverture Polaire Le Dragon du Gnome Enveloppez-vous dans la chaleur de notre couverture polaire Le Dragon du Gnome . Doux, luxueux et enchanté par l'essence de la camaraderie, il est parfait pour les nuits où l'air est frais et où le cœur aspire à des histoires de courage. Découvrez ces trésors et bien plus encore chez Unfocussed, où chaque produit est un chapitre d'une saga continue de magie et de malice. Visitez-nous pour ramener à la maison une partie de la légende aujourd'hui.