gnome romance

por Bill Tiepelman

The Woodland Wisecracker

The Bark Behind the Giggle Deep in the rustling bowels of Elderbark Woods—where the ferns gossip louder than the crows and the mushrooms have cliques—there lives a gnome with a laugh like a strangled squirrel and a tongue quicker than a squirrel on mead. His name? No one really knows. Most call him “That Damned Gnome” or, more respectfully, The Woodland Wisecracker. He’s ancient in gnome years, which is already saying something, because gnomes start sprouting gray whiskers before they’re out of diapers. But this one’s been around long enough to prank a dryad’s sacred tree, live to tell about it, and then prank it again just because he didn’t like the sap tone she used when she caught him the first time. His hat is a collage of past indiscretions—berries he stole from witch-purses, mushrooms “borrowed” from faerie circles, and a tuft of dire squirrel tail he claims was won in a poker game (no one believes him, especially not the squirrels). His days are a tapestry of mischief. Today, he had rigged a family of tree frogs to croak in unison every time someone passed the old cedar latrine. Yesterday, he spelled the badger’s burrow to smell like elderflower perfume—an incident still being litigated in the unofficial woodland court of “WTF Did You Just Do, Gary?” But it wasn’t always like this. The Wisecracker had once been a promising woodland historian, with impeccable footnotes and a genuine fondness for moss classification. That was until the Great Incident—a scholarly disagreement over whether blue moss was just green moss with sass. It ended with a symposium ruined by glitterbombs, an angry dryad boycott, and one furious troll with sparkles in places no troll should sparkle. Since then, the Wisecracker had chosen a more... recreational route through life. He lived in a hollowed-out stump stacked with scrolls, frog jokes, and an ever-replenishing jar of fermented beet liquor. Nobody knew where it came from. It was just there. Like his opinions. Loud. Uninvited. And usually followed by a prank involving slippery root polish or magically animated underpants. It was on a bright, dew-fresh morning—one of those disgustingly poetic ones that inspires woodland critters to hum showtunes—that the Wisecracker decided it was time to raise the stakes. The forest had gotten too cozy. Too polite. Even the weasels were organizing book clubs. “Unacceptable,” he muttered to his toadstool seat, scratching his chin with a twig he’d sharpened purely for dramatic effect. “If they want wholesome... I’ll give them wholesome. With a side of explosive berry jam.” And so began the Grand Forest Prank War of the Season—a campaign destined to scandalize nymphs, enrage beetles, and firmly cement the Wisecracker’s legacy as the most unrepentant little bastard the woodland had ever loved to hate. Of Pranks, Pheromones, and Poorly Timed Potion Eruptions The Wisecracker, being a gnome of refined nonsense, knew the key to a truly memorable prank wasn’t mere humiliation—it was poetic humiliation. There had to be timing. Artistry. A dramatic arc. Ideally, pantslessness. And so, the first phase of the Grand Forest Prank War of the Season began at dawn... with a basket of enchanted berries and a pheromone spell so potent it could make a rock pine for a cuddle. He left the basket at the foot of the Council Glade, where forestfolk gathered for their weekly “Mediation and Mutual Squeaking” circle. Inside were berries infused with giggleleaf oil, tickle spores, and just a pinch of something he called “pixie pheroblaster”—a substance banned in at least seven counties and one very traumatized fairy convent. By noon, the glade had descended into full chaos. An elderly squirrel began slow-dancing with a pinecone. Two wood nymphs started a vigorous debate on the ethics of licking tree sap straight from the bark—with full demonstration. And one unfortunate owl began hooting at its own reflection in a puddle, proclaiming it “the only bird who understands me.” When the Council tried to investigate, they found nothing but a calling card left under the basket: a crude drawing of a gnome mooning a pine tree with “KISS THIS, TREE-HUGGERS” written in aggressive mushroom ink. “It’s him again,” groaned Elder Wyrmbark, a centuries-old talking stump with the patience of a Buddhist snail and the libido of a very lonely log. “The Wisecracker’s struck again.” As expected, the forest community was split. Half declared war. The other half requested recipe tips. Meanwhile, the gnome himself was busy working on Phase Two: Operation Hot-Buns. This involved rerouting the fae hot spring using a system of enchanted hoses (which he had borrowed—permanently—from a disgraced water elemental with intimacy issues). By midafternoon, the pixies’ annual Full Moon Tan-athon was a steamy, bubbling geyser of screeches and rapidly evaporating modesty. “They were this close to inventing bikini lines,” he whispered proudly to a nearby beetle, who stared back with the thousand-yard gaze of someone who’d seen things no beetle should. But not every scheme went perfectly. Take, for instance, the romantic detour. You see, the Wisecracker had a complicated relationship with one Miss Bramblevine—a half-sprite, half-briar bush enchantress who had once kissed him, slapped him, then enchanted his eyebrows to grow in reverse. He still hadn’t forgiven her. Or stopped writing letters he never sent. One evening, he found her in a clearing, muttering incantations and plucking suspiciously romantic-sounding harp chords. She was conjuring a love aura for woodland speed dating. Naturally, he couldn’t let this travesty of intimacy unfold un-messed-with. He approached her with his usual charm—wearing nothing but a smile, a leaf thong, and one boot (the other was being used by a family of hedgehogs for tax reasons). “Fancy seeing you here,” he winked, leaning seductively against a log that immediately crumbled. “Care to sample a little homemade ‘gnomebrew’? It’s got notes of regret and wild raspberry.” “Still trying to seduce the entire underbrush with your fermented nonsense?” she smirked, but took the flask. She sniffed, gagged, and downed it in one swig. “Still tastes like broken promises and bat piss.” “You always said I was consistent.” There was a moment. A dangerous, sparkling, “should-we-or-should-we-not-do-this-again” kind of moment. Then her hair caught fire. Gently. Softly. Because the gnome had, regrettably, spiced the batch with firefern for “zest.” “DID YOU JUST—” “I panicked! It was supposed to be seductive! Do NOT explode the frogs again!” It was too late. Her rage spell detonated the decorative frog choir he’d hidden in the nearby bush. The explosion scattered musical amphibians across the glade. One of them croaked the opening bars of a Barry White song before going silent forever. The Wisecracker fled, his one boot flapping, hair full of harp strings, heart beating to the tempo of his own mischief. He’d have to lay low—maybe in the badger tunnels. Maybe in Bramblevine’s heart. Maybe both. He liked it complicated. And yet, the forest was now alive with energy. Pranks were spreading like spores in springtime. Hedgehog street art. Raccoon rap battles. A mysterious new trend where squirrels wore tiny mustaches and conducted acorn inspections. The Wisecracker’s influence was seeping through the roots themselves. It wasn’t just about giggles anymore. It was an uprising. A forest-wide movement of snark and subversion. And at the center of it all, the little gnome with the too-wide grin, a dangerously overstocked arsenal of practical jokes, and absolutely no sense of when to stop. He climbed atop his mossy throne that night, arms wide to the stars, and bellowed into the canopy: “LET THE THIRD PHASE COMMENCE!” Somewhere in the dark, an owl pooped itself. A frog sang again. And the trees braced themselves for what came next. Mayhem, Moss, and the Moonlit Tribunal of Shenanigans The forest had reached critical silliness. The squirrels had unionized. The frogs had formed a jazz trio. A fox began charging admission to watch a raccoon and a badger fight in interpretive dance. Everywhere, everywhere, the Wisecracker’s influence oozed like glittery tree sap—mischief, whimsy, chaos, and just a splash of low-grade arson. It was time. Not for another prank. No. This was beyond mischief. This was legacy. This... was The Final Gag. But first, he needed a diversion. And so he called upon his most loyal allies: the Truffle Dancers—a group of rotund, semi-retired badgers who owed him a favor from that one time he helped hide their mushroom moonshine still from the ranger fauns. “I need you to stage a performance,” he said, adjusting his ceremonial prank hat (a regular hat, but covered in feathers, jam stains, and live beetles trained to spell rude words). “Interpretive?” asked Bunt, the lead badger, already oiling his hip joints with pine resin. “Explosive,” said the gnome. “There will be glitter. There will be jazz. There may be screams.” By twilight, the clearing behind the Elderbark Grove was filled with an audience of questionable sobriety and wildly varying consent levels. Bramblevine was there, arms crossed, eyes narrowed, already holding a small fireball in one hand and a healing salve in the other. Duality. The performance began. Fog. Dramatic torchlight. Bunt spinning like an angry cinnamon roll. The badgers twerked. A ferret wept. Somewhere, a crow squawked the Wilhelm scream. But just as the grand finale began—with a chorus of frogs launching bottle rockets from their mouths—everything froze. A thunderclap echoed across the forest. The glade went dead silent. Even the beetles spelling out “FLAPSACK” paused mid-A. From the sky descended a giant pair of moss-covered sandals, attached to the spectral form of Grandfather Spriggan, the ancient forest spirit and reluctant enforcer of natural order (and, regrettably, trousers). “ENOUGH,” the spirit bellowed, voice like thunder wrapped in nettles. “THE BALANCE HAS BEEN UNPRANKED.” The forest tribunal convened on the spot. Spectators transformed into a jury of woodland peers: a stork, three indignant squirrels, one disapproving mole with bifocals, and a toad who seemed entirely too into the drama. The charge? Crimes against quietude, reckless charm, unauthorized enchantment of raccoon tail accessories, and the willful violation of Article 7B of the Woodland Code: “Thou shalt not install fart noises in sacred glens.” The Wisecracker stood accused. Shirtless. Glorious. Holding a bottle of homemade sparkling bogwater and still slightly singed from a previous glitter incident. “How do you plead?” asked the Grandfather, his sandals creaking ominously. “I plead... absolutely fabulous,” the gnome said, performing a pirouette and releasing a smoke bomb shaped like a duck. The duck quacked. Dramatically. Gasps echoed through the clearing. Somewhere, a pinecone fainted. The tribunal descended into chaos. The jury broke into argument. The squirrels wanted exile. The mole demanded public shaming. The toad proposed something involving marmalade and a haunted bidet. Bramblevine watched it all with a look that blended admiration and homicidal irritation. But then... silence. The Grandfather raised one hand. “Let the accused make a final statement.” The Wisecracker took the stand—a stump with a suspiciously familiar frog perched on it—and cleared his throat. “Friends. Foes. Sap-suckers of all types. I do not deny my pranks. I embrace them. I curate them. This forest was growing dull. The squirrels were starting to quote Plato. The moss had formed a jazz quartet called 'Soft & Moist.' We were becoming... tasteful.” He shuddered. So did the jazz moss. “Yes, I spiced your spring festivals with nude raccoons and enchanted whistles. Yes, I bewitched an entire weasel choir to sing bawdy limericks in front of the Sacred Hollow. But I did it because I love this forest. And because I’m just the right kind of emotionally stunted chaos goblin to think it’s funny.” A pause. A silence thicker than badger gravy. Then... the toad applauded. Slowly. Then maniacally. The crowd followed. A frog exploded in joy (literally—he was part balloon). Even Grandfather Spriggan cracked what might have been a mossy smirk. “Very well,” the old spirit said. “Your punishment... is to continue.” “...Wait, what?” said the gnome. “You are hereby appointed the Official Prank Warden of Elderbark Woods. You will balance mischief with magic. Bring chaos where there is order. And order where there is too much bean stew. You shall report directly to me—and to Bramblevine, because someone has to keep you from dying in a frog-related accident.” “I accept,” the gnome said, straightening his beetle-feather hat with surprising gravity. Then he turned to Bramblevine. “So... drinks?” She rolled her eyes. “One. But if your flask smells like regret again, I’m setting your left nipple on fire.” “Deal.” And so it was that the Woodland Wisecracker ascended—not to glory, but to legend. A gnome of gags, a prophet of prankery, a messiah of magical mischief whose deeds would echo through the roots and leaves for ages. The frogs would sing songs. The beetles would spell tributes. And somewhere, in the warm belly of the woods, a badger would shake its hips... just for him. Long live the Wisecracker.     Bring the mischief home! If the antics of the Woodland Wisecracker made you snort, chuckle, or question the life choices of certain amphibians, you can now immortalize his chaos in your own realm. Whether you’re decorating a den worthy of enchanted badgers or searching for the perfect gift for that lovable troublemaker in your life, we’ve got you covered: Adorn your walls with a vibrant tapestry that captures his gnomey glory in full chaotic bloom, or go bold with a glossy metal print or dazzling acrylic display worthy of a tribunal hall. For cozy nights of mischief planning (or regretful introspection), wrap yourself in our luxuriously soft fleece blanket. And don’t forget to send someone a laugh (or a gentle warning) with our delightfully irreverent greeting card featuring the Wisecracker himself. Claim a piece of the prankster’s legacy—and let your decor cackle with character.

por Bill Tiepelman

He Who Walks with Wind & She Who Sings to Stones

Of Beards, Boots, and Bad Decisions Long before the forest whispered their names into the moss, He Who Walks with Wind was just a humble (and slightly scruffy) gnome with a spectacularly oversized feathered headdress — the sort of thing that made squirrels pause mid-acorn. His boots were too big, his beard was too wild, and his sense of direction was... well... wind-dependent. His friends in the woods often joked that he had the charm of a river rock — hard to hold onto and prone to vanishing downstream after a bottle of pineberry wine. But everything changed the day he stumbled (quite literally) into She Who Sings to Stones. Now, she was no ordinary forest maiden. No sir. This was a woman who could calm a thunderstorm with a side-eye and convince even the crankiest badger to hand over his last berry tart. She wore a headdress of feathers softer than secrets and robes woven from mountain twilight. And worst of all (for him)... she caught him singing to his own reflection in a puddle. "Nice voice," she said, her words like warm honey but with the sharpness of a pebble in your shoe. "Do you serenade yourself often, or am I just lucky today?" And just like that — he was doomed. In the best, most embarrassing way possible. From that moment on, they became the forest’s worst-kept secret. The loudest whisper. The odd couple that critters gossiped about endlessly. He brought clumsy poems carved into sticks. She responded with mossy hearts on his walking path. He accidentally wooed her with terrible fishing skills. She let him believe he was mysterious (he wasn’t). And thus began their legendary love story — one filled with mishaps, stolen kisses behind pine trees, and enough awkward glances to fill a hollow log. View His Collection | View Her Collection Of Stones, Songs, and Stolen Things It didn’t take long for the forest to realize that He Who Walks with Wind and She Who Sings to Stones were absolutely terrible at keeping things casual. For one, their “chance encounters” were happening so often that even the mushrooms started rolling their eyes. After all, how many times can two gnomes “accidentally” meet at the same mossy log at the exact same twilight hour without the universe winking suspiciously? But there was something about her that unraveled him. Maybe it was the way her voice floated between tree roots like a lullaby only rocks understood. Or the way her smile could disarm even the sharpest thorn bush. Or — and he would never admit this aloud — the way she stole things. Oh yes. She Who Sings to Stones was a notorious thief. Not of valuables — no. Her crimes were far worse. She stole moments. She stole his awkward pauses mid-sentence and replaced them with knowing glances. She stole the roughness from his voice with every quiet laugh. She even stole his lucky acorn — the one he swore protected him from wandering skunks (it didn’t). He found it days later tucked beneath his pillow with a note: "Protection only works if you believe in something bigger than your beard. —S" But he wasn’t innocent either. He Who Walks with Wind was a collector too — of her songs. At night, when the forest hummed low and the stars yawned above the treetops, he would follow the soft echoes of her voice. Never too close. Never letting her see. Just close enough to catch pieces of melody drifting like dandelion seeds — fragile, weightless, impossibly precious. He began carving her words into stones. Not fancy stones. Not polished gemstones. Just regular forest rocks — the kind most gnomes kick absentmindedly. But to him, these were sacred. Each carried one word of her songs: “Patience” “Kindness” “Wild” “Enough” He placed them like breadcrumbs through the forest — a map only she could read. And of course... she found them. One by one. Because she was the sort of woman who always found what was meant for her. One morning, after a night of restless dreams about her laughter echoing in the hills, he woke to find a perfect circle of stones outside his door. His stones. His words. Returned — but now surrounded by tiny wildflowers and mossy hearts. The message was clear: "If you want me — walk the path you’ve started." And so, for the first time in his rambling, wandering life... he walked with purpose. Not with the wind. But toward her. This was no longer a story of solitude. This was a story of two souls circling each other — stubborn, playful, fierce — until the forest itself held its breath. Of Forest Gossip, Awkward Kisses, and the Very Bad Squirrel Incident The thing about forest creatures is — they talk. Not just the whispery, rustle-in-the-leaves kind of talk. No. Full-blown, scandal-hungry, gossip-mongering chatter that would put any village marketplace to shame. And when the subject was He Who Walks with Wind and She Who Sings to Stones... well, let’s just say the squirrels were holding meetings. “Did you see him trip over his own staff yesterday trying to look heroic?” “She smiled at him again. That’s the third time this week. It’s basically a marriage proposal.” “I give it two more days before he tries to build her a house made entirely of sticks and regret.” Even the owls — who usually prided themselves on dignified silence — were side-eyeing from the treetops. But despite the forest-wide commentary, their story kept weaving itself in unexpected ways. Take, for example, the Very Bad Squirrel Incident. It all started when he — in a misguided attempt at romance — decided to gather her favorite forest berries for a surprise breakfast. What he didn’t know was that those particular berries were under the jealous watch of the local squirrel matriarch — a wiry old beast known as Grumbletail. The moment his clumsy hands reached for the berries, the squirrels launched a coordinated attack with the kind of ferocity usually reserved for territorial foxes and bad poetry readings. He arrived at her cottage hours later — scratched, tangled, missing one boot, and carrying exactly one sad little berry in his dirt-covered palm. She blinked at him, standing there like a wind-blown scarecrow of embarrassment. “You absolute fool,” she whispered. But her eyes — stars above, her eyes — were sparkling with something wild and dangerous and impossibly soft. And then — because the forest gods have a twisted sense of humor — it happened. The First Kiss. It wasn’t elegant. There was nothing poetic about it. He leaned in at the exact moment she turned her head to laugh and the whole thing ended with a bumped nose, an awkward tangle of beard, and her muffled giggle against his chest. But when their lips finally met — really met — it was like every stone he’d ever carved, every word he’d ever stolen from her songs, every ridiculous misstep... finally made sense. The wind forgot to blow. The trees leaned in closer. Even Grumbletail — watching from a safe distance — begrudgingly approved. Afterwards, sitting beneath a crooked old pine, they laughed until their sides ached. Not because it was funny (though it absolutely was) — but because that’s what love felt like for them: Messy. Ridiculous. Beautifully imperfect. As the sun melted into the horizon, she poked him gently with her finger. “If you ever steal berries from Grumbletail again, I’m not saving you,” she teased. “Worth it,” he grinned, pulling her close. And just like that — two souls who had spent a lifetime walking alone... began learning how to stay. Of Vows, Feathers, and Forever Things The forest had been waiting for this day for longer than it would ever admit. Word had spread faster than a startled rabbit — He Who Walks with Wind and She Who Sings to Stones were getting married. And let me tell you — no one throws a celebration like woodland creatures with too much time and too many opinions. The Preparations Were... Something The owls insisted on handling the invitations (delivered in tiny scrolls tied with fern ribbons). The badgers argued for three days about what type of moss made the best aisle runner. Grumbletail the Squirrel — yes, that Grumbletail — shockingly volunteered to oversee security, muttering something about "keeping things civilized." The ceremony location? The Heartstone Clearing — a sacred, wildly overgrown circle deep in the woods where stones hummed if you listened close enough... and where countless gnome love stories were rumored to have begun (and ended, often with dramatic flair). The Bride Was Magic She Who Sings to Stones wore a gown stitched from twilight — soft greys, rich earth tones, and wildflowers braided through her long silver hair. Her headdress was adorned not just with feathers, but with tiny carved stones — each one gifted to her by him over their impossible journey together. She looked like a song made visible. The kind of song that quiets storms and stirs ancient roots. The Groom Was... Trying His Best He Who Walks with Wind was absolutely, hopelessly nervous. He’d polished his boots (which promptly got muddy). He’d combed his beard (which immediately tangled in a rogue twig). His headdress was slightly crooked. But his eyes... his eyes never left her. As she stepped into the clearing, every creature — from the smallest beetle to the loftiest owl — felt it: This wasn’t just love. This was home. The Vows (Improvised, Of Course) He cleared his throat (twice). "I never knew the wind could lead me somewhere worth staying. But you... you are my stone. My song. My forever place." She smiled — that maddening, beautiful, secret smile. "And I never knew stones could dance... until you tripped over every single one on your way to me." Laughter echoed through the clearing — loud, wild, utterly perfect. The Forest Rejoiced The celebration that followed was the stuff of legend. The rabbits organized an impromptu berry feast. The foxes provided slightly questionable musical entertainment (there was howling). The squirrels, begrudgingly, allowed dancing beneath their favorite trees. And the stars? Oh, the stars stayed out far later than usual — winking knowingly over two gnomes who had somehow turned awkward missteps and stolen glances into something breathtakingly permanent. And As The Night Faded... They sat together, tangled in each other, surrounded by stones and feathers and laughter that would echo in the woods for generations. "Home," he whispered into her hair. She nodded. "Always." And So Their Story Lives On... In the stones that hum when the wind passes through. In the feathers caught in the branches long after they’ve gone to bed. And in every ridiculous, wonderful, perfectly imperfect love story waiting to happen just beyond the trees.     Bring His Story Home Some stories aren’t just meant to be read — they’re meant to be lived with. He Who Walks with Wind carries with him a spirit of wild adventure, quiet romance, and the kind of humor only found in the heart of the woods. Now, you can bring his legendary presence into your space — a daily reminder that love, laughter, and a little bit of mischief belong in every corner of your life. Metal Print — Sleek, bold, and perfect for a space that echoes with adventure. Canvas Print — Rustic charm meets timeless storytelling for your walls. Tapestry — Let the wind tell his story across fabric flowing with forest magic. Fleece Blanket — Curl up in cozy folklore and daydream of distant woods. Throw Pillow — A soft landing for tired adventurers and dreamers alike. Every Piece Tells a Story Let his quiet strength, mischievous spirit, and legendary heart become part of your everyday world. Whether on your walls, your couch, or wrapped around your shoulders — his journey is ready to continue with you. Explore the Full Collection →     Let Her Quiet Magic Find You She Who Sings to Stones doesn’t shout her wisdom — she leaves it tucked in corners, resting on shelves, and humming softly beside you in moments of stillness. Her story is one of grace, patience, and secret strength — and now her spirit can dwell in your space in beautifully crafted ways. Acrylic Print — Sleek clarity capturing her timeless quiet beauty. Framed Print — A classic heirloom piece for a heart-centered home. Tote Bag — Carry her story with you — to markets, to forests, or wherever you wander. Greeting Card — Send a small, powerful blessing into someone else's world. Sticker — A tiny, mischievous reminder to listen for the quiet songs in life. Her Presence Lingers Long After the Song Whether decorating your favorite reading nook, becoming a cherished gift, or adding a whisper of magic to your day — her story is ready to walk beside yours. Explore the Full Collection →     Epilogue: And the Forest Just Kept Smiling Years later — deep in that same wild forest where it all began — they are still there. He Who Walks with Wind still gets lost on purpose sometimes. (Old habits, old boots.) He still carves her words into stones when he thinks she isn’t looking. And yes — he still sings badly to puddles on quiet mornings... because now she sings along. She Who Sings to Stones still listens for stories the wind forgets to tell. She still leaves him tiny gifts in strange places — feathers braided with wildflower threads tucked into his coat pocket, small heart-shaped stones placed along his wandering paths, notes scrawled with things like: "Don’t forget berries (Grumbletail is watching)." They built a home together — if you can call it that. Part cottage, part moss-covered miracle, part falling-apart-on-purpose. It smells of pine needles, old books, and laughter that never learned how to be quiet. The forest watches them — still — with that old, knowing smile. And the Animals? The squirrels still gossip (they always will). The owls still judge. The rabbits still host awkwardly loud dinners near their porch. But ask anyone — ask even the grumpiest badger — and they’ll tell you: This is how the best stories end. Not with grand adventures. Not with epic quests. But with two foolish souls who chose to stay — tangled together in feathers, stones, and all the wonderfully ordinary magic of forever. And Somewhere... Right Now... She’s humming. He’s tripping over a tree root. And the forest? Still smiling. Shop His Story → | Shop Her Story →

por Bill Tiepelman

Una linterna, una rana y mil risas

En lo más profundo del corazón del Bosque Susurrante, donde los hongos crecían como paraguas y las luciérnagas hacían que la noche pareciera un festival de taberna, vivía el Viejo Jorgin , un gnomo con una barriga tan redonda como fuerte era su risa. Pero no era un gnomo cualquiera. No, no. Era el orgulloso dueño de la barba más afortunada del país. Al menos, eso era lo que se decía a sí mismo cada vez que una gnoma se negaba a trenzarla. Pero esa noche, Jorgin no estaba pensando en su barba, estaba pensando en la rana que tenía en las manos. —¡Maldita sea, esa cosa saltó directamente a mi sopa! —gruñó, sosteniendo al alborotador de un verde vibrante frente a su linterna—. Arruinó un guiso de hongos perfectamente bueno. ¡Y me guiñó el ojo! ¿Me guiñaste el ojo, pequeña babosa...? La rana, para su crédito, no confirmó ni negó la acusación. El cacareo que se oye en el bosque —¡JA! —Una carcajada resonó entre los árboles y Jorgin se sobresaltó tanto que casi dejó caer la rana. Allí, de pie como una visión de caos y deleite, estaba Marla , la única mujer del pueblo que podía beber, bailar y ser más astuta que él. Sus rizos salvajes estaban escondidos debajo de un sombrero rebosante de flores, y su vestido azul estaba bordado con pequeños corazones y enredaderas, como si la propia tela se hubiera enamorado de ella. Ella lo señaló con los ojos brillantes. —Oh, Jorgin, dime que no... —No fue una cena romántica —resopló mientras levantaba la rana—. Este sinvergüenza se metió sin que nadie lo invitara. Marla se inclinó y sonrió. —¿Estás segura? Tiene los ojos de un príncipe. Jorgin resopló. “Más bien son los ojos de un recaudador de impuestos”. Una apuesta sellada con un beso Marla se cruzó de brazos. “Bueno, sólo hay una manera de averiguarlo”. Jorgin parpadeó. “¿Qué?” "Tienes que besarlo." Él la miró fijamente. “Marla, ¿te has vuelto loca?” Ella sonrió. “¿Tienes miedo?” “¿De contraer la gripe de las ranas ? ¡Sí!” Pero la forma en que lo miraba, traviesa y atrevida, hizo que su corazón de gnomo diera un extraño vuelco. Y como nunca, ni una sola vez, había rechazado un desafío de Marla, suspiró dramáticamente y se llevó la rana a los labios. La rana se lamió su propio globo ocular. Jorgin retrocedió. “No, de ninguna manera. Eso no es natural”. Marla volvió a reírse y le dio una palmada en el hombro. “Está bien, está bien. Lo haré”. Antes de que él pudiera protestar, ella le arrancó la rana de las manos, hizo un puchero y le dio un beso en su pequeña y llena de bultos. Bueno, eso no salió como estaba planeado En el momento en que sus labios dejaron la rana, hubo una nube de luz dorada. Jorgin saltó hacia atrás. Marla jadeó. Las luciérnagas se apagaron. Y en el lugar de la rana… estaba… un contable de mediana edad, muy desnudo y muy confundido. —Oh, dioses —murmuró el hombre mirándose las manos—. Otra vez no. Jorgin y Marla intercambiaron miradas. El hombre suspiró. —Soy el príncipe Dorian del Reino Evergild . Una bruja del pantano me maldijo después de un, digamos, 'malentendido' relacionado con una deuda que me negué a pagar. Has roto mi maldición, bella doncella, y estoy en deuda contigo para siempre. Se arrodilló ante Marla, con los ojos llenos de gratitud. Jorgin se aclaró la garganta. —Eh... tú también estás desnudo. Dorian suspiró de nuevo. “Sí, eso también pasa”. Marla toma una decisión Marla miró detenidamente al príncipe. Luego a Jorgin. Luego volvió a mirar al príncipe. “Entonces… ¿eso significa que tenemos que casarnos?”, preguntó. Dorian sonrió. “Ese sería el final tradicional de un cuento de hadas”. Marla se dio un golpecito en la barbilla. “Hmm. Contraoferta”. Jorgin se tensó. “Vuelve a tu elegante castillo, paga tus deudas y nosotros pretendemos que esto nunca sucedió”. Dorian parpadeó. “Oh, eso es… eso es realmente un alivio”. Jorgin exhaló un suspiro que no sabía que estaba conteniendo. Marla se volvió hacia Jorgin, todavía sonriendo. —Entonces, ¿qué dices? ¿Quieres compartir un guiso sin ranas conmigo? El corazón de Jorgin dio otro vuelco. Tosió y se frotó el cuello. —Siempre y cuando me prometas que no me convertirás en príncipe. Ella enganchó su brazo con el de él. —Oh, Jorgin. Ya eres el rey de mis malas decisiones. Y con eso, dejaron a Dorian para buscar unos pantalones, mientras se reían todo el camino de regreso a su aldea iluminada por hongos, donde no había maldiciones, ni obligaciones reales, ni más malditas ranas en el guiso. ¿Te encanta este cuento extravagante? 🌿✨ La encantadora imagen que la inspiró , "Una linterna, una rana y mil risas" , está disponible para imprimir, descargar y obtener licencias en nuestro Archivo de imágenes . 🔗 Ver en el Archivo

por Bill Tiepelman

Flores, barbas y para siempre

En lo más profundo del corazón del Bosque Susurrante, donde la luz de la luna bailaba con las sombras y las flores florecían con un resplandor radiante, vivían dos gnomos con reputación de traviesos. Orin, con su barba blanca como la nieve y sus ojos brillantes, era un manitas que pasaba sus días creando ingeniosos artilugios. Lila, con sus rizos de un rojo intenso que asomaban por debajo de su sombrero con corona de flores, era una curandera con una inclinación por beber a escondidas un sorbo de hidromiel encantado de su propio suministro. Juntos, eran los alborotadores más infames del bosque... y su historia de amor más duradera. Orin y Lila habían sido socios en el crimen y en el corazón durante décadas. Habían robado miel encantada del jardín de la Reina de las Hadas, engañado a un troll para que les entregara su laúd dorado y, una vez, de manera bastante famosa, burlaron a un mago búho gruñón para recuperar una corona de hongos robada. Sin embargo, esa noche, algo era diferente. Esa noche, Orin tenía un plan, uno que no involucraba bromas ni pociones. La propuesta traviesa Bajo el arco resplandeciente de flores en forma de corazón que había cultivado en secreto durante semanas, Orin estaba sentado nervioso, haciendo girar una pequeña caja de madera en sus manos. "¿Crees que le gustará?", le susurró a una luciérnaga que zumbaba alrededor de su cabeza. La luciérnaga parpadeó dos veces, un estímulo silencioso. En ese momento apareció Lila, con su vestido ondeando como un pétalo al viento. —¿Qué estás tramando, anciano? —bromeó, sus labios se curvaron en una sonrisa cómplice—. Vi el resplandor a una milla de distancia. No estás tratando de atraer a la Reina de las Hadas aquí otra vez, ¿verdad? Orin se rió entre dientes, acariciando el lugar cubierto de musgo que tenía a su lado. —Esta noche no haré travesuras, querida. Solo tú y yo... y algo pequeño en lo que he estado trabajando. Una noche de revelaciones Lila entrecerró los ojos con desconfianza, pero se sentó a su lado y rozó la mano con la suya. La calidez de su tacto, incluso después de todos estos años, todavía le producía un escalofrío. Orin se aclaró la garganta y abrió la caja de madera, revelando un anillo tallado en la piedra lunar más rara, que brillaba con una luz sobrenatural. —Lila —comenzó, con una voz inusualmente seria—. Has sido mi compañera en todo: travesuras, magia y amor. He engañado a trolls y esquivado maldiciones contigo a mi lado. Pero nunca me he tomado el tiempo de decirte lo que realmente significas para mí. —Orin —interrumpió Lila, con voz temblorosa por la diversión y la emoción—, ¿me estás proponiendo matrimonio? ¿Después de setenta años de aventuras? Orin sonrió, el brillo en sus ojos era más brillante que nunca. —Sí. Y antes de que empieces, no, esto no está encantado, no explotará y definitivamente no te pondrá verde el dedo. Soy solo... yo, pidiéndote que seas mío para siempre. Un giro travieso Lila tomó el anillo y lo examinó con ojo crítico. Luego, con una sonrisa pícara, se lo puso en el dedo. —Es hermoso —dijo en voz baja—. Pero sabes, Orin, no puedo hacerte las cosas demasiado fáciles. Antes de que Orin pudiera responder, ella metió la mano en su bolso y sacó un pequeño frasco de líquido azul brillante. “Esto”, dijo, sosteniéndolo en alto, “es un suero de la verdad. Si lo bebes y me dices por qué realmente me amas, diré que sí”. Orin enarcó una ceja y su sonrisa se hizo más amplia. —Vas a hacerme trabajar para conseguirlo, ¿no? —Siempre —respondió Lila con los ojos brillantes. La verdad revelada Orin tomó el frasco y lo bebió sin dudarlo. El suero actuó al instante, su magia extrajo la verdad de su corazón. —Te amo, Lila —dijo, con voz más suave—, porque eres salvaje y valiente. Porque haces que lo imposible parezca un juego que podemos ganar. Porque eres la única que puede seguirme el ritmo... y la única a la que quiero seguir para siempre. La sonrisa traviesa de Lila vaciló y fue reemplazada por una suavidad que hizo que sus mejillas brillaran más que las flores que las rodeaban. "Bueno, gran tonto", susurró, inclinándose hacia ella, "has vuelto a robarme el corazón". Cuando sus labios se encontraron bajo el arco resplandeciente, las luciérnagas bailaron a su alrededor, proyectando su luz sobre el jardín encantado. El suero de la verdad, el anillo de piedra lunar y el arco mágico en forma de corazón, todo se desvaneció en el fondo. En ese momento, solo estaban Orin y Lila, dos almas traviesas unidas por un amor tan eterno y mágico como el bosque mismo. Epílogo En los días siguientes, la noticia del compromiso de Orin y Lila se extendió por el Bosque Susurrante. La Reina de las Hadas envió flores encantadas como regalo (quizás como ofrenda de paz por las travesuras del pasado), el trol tocó a regañadientes su laúd dorado en la celebración y el mago búho envió un críptico mensaje de felicitación. Pero nada de eso le importó a Orin y Lila. Estaban demasiado ocupados planeando su próxima aventura, esta vez, como marido y mujer. Después de todo, las travesuras eran más divertidas cuando eran un asunto familiar. Lleva la magia a casa Celebre la encantadora historia de amor de Orin y Lila con nuestra exclusiva colección de productos "Blossoms, Beards, and Forever". Perfectos para agregar un toque caprichoso a su espacio o como un regalo sincero para alguien especial. Explore nuestros artículos destacados: Tapiz encantado : transforme cualquier habitación con una impresionante representación de gran formato de esta escena mágica. Impresión en lienzo : una forma atemporal de capturar el encanto de la historia de amor de Orin y Lila. 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