Anthropomorphic characters

par Bill Tiepelman

Winter Mischief in Stripes and Lace

Fiona Frost wasn’t your average winter spirit. No, she was the kind of mischief-maker who could ruin a snow angel competition with one perfectly placed snowball—or as she called it, “creative intervention.” And today, as the snow glistened and the icy wind whispered across the frozen forest, Fiona sat smugly in the snow, her striped stockings tucked under her boots, plotting her next bit of chaos. “Ugh, this place is dead,” she muttered, twirling a frozen twig between her fingers. Her dual-colored pigtails—pink on one side, blue on the other—were frosted with snowflakes, not that she minded. “The woodland creatures are hibernating, the humans are avoiding frostbite, and the snowmen? Don’t even get me started on those lazy lumps of ice. What’s a girl gotta do to get some fun around here?” A chirp caught her attention. Perched on a nearby branch was a tiny bird, shivering in the cold. Its wide eyes darted nervously, no doubt sensing it was in the presence of trouble. Fiona smirked, her painted lips curling mischievously. “Oh, don’t look at me like that,” she said, placing a hand on her heart, the stitched red emblem on her corset looking almost sincere. “I don’t mess with birds… usually.” The bird tilted its head. Fiona tilted hers right back, mimicking it. “Go on, then. Fly away before I decide to turn you into an ornament.” The bird chirped once more and zipped off, leaving Fiona alone again. She sighed dramatically, falling back into the snow and staring up at the sky. “The things I do for entertainment. Maybe I should start a winter prank TikTok… oh, wait, no Wi-Fi in the woods. Figures.” Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of crunching snow. Someone—or something—was approaching. Fiona sat up, her mismatched eyes narrowing. “Well, well, what do we have here?” she whispered, brushing the snow off her lace-trimmed sleeves. Out from the trees stumbled a man, bundled in a ridiculously oversized parka, the kind of outfit that screamed “I don’t belong here.” His boots were caked in snow, and his face was hidden beneath layers of scarves. Fiona couldn’t help but snicker. “Tourist,” she muttered, rising to her feet. “This is going to be fun.” The man didn’t notice her at first, too busy fumbling with his map. A map. In 2024. Fiona nearly lost it. “Excuse me!” she called, waving her gloved hand. The man looked up, startled, and stumbled backward. “Whoa! You… you startled me!” Fiona raised an eyebrow. “You’re in the middle of the woods, in a snowstorm, and you weren’t expecting to see anyone? Bold choice.” The man hesitated, his breath fogging in the cold air. “I… I think I’m lost.” “Clearly,” Fiona said, crossing her arms. “What gave it away? The fact that you’re dressed like a sentient sleeping bag or the map that’s older than you are?” The man frowned. “Look, I don’t need your attitude. I just need directions.” Fiona gasped theatrically, placing a hand over her heart. “Oh, sweetie, I’m not giving you attitude. This is just my charming personality.” The man groaned, shoving the map into his pocket. “Fine. Can you help me or not?” Fiona pretended to think, tapping her finger against her lips. “Hmm… I could help you. But where’s the fun in that?” “Fun?” the man repeated, exasperated. “I’m freezing out here! This isn’t a game!” “Isn’t it, though?” Fiona replied, her grin widening. “Life’s a game, darling, and I’m the one who makes the rules.” Before the man could protest, Fiona snapped her fingers. A gust of icy wind swirled around him, lifting him off his feet and spinning him in circles. His muffled shouts were almost drowned out by Fiona’s laughter. When the wind finally set him down, he was sitting in a perfect circle of untouched snow, his parka now covered in glitter. Fiona clapped her hands together, delighted. “Oh, that’s much better. You look fabulous, darling!” The man sputtered, brushing glitter off his sleeves. “What the… what did you do?!” “Relax, sparkle pants,” Fiona said, waving him off. “You’re fine. Just needed a little makeover.” “You’re insane,” he muttered, climbing to his feet. “I’m out of here.” “Good luck with that!” Fiona called after him. “Hope you enjoy wandering in circles!” He paused, glaring at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Fiona smirked, her eyes glinting with mischief. “Oh, didn’t I mention? This forest is enchanted. Unless I help you, you’re not going anywhere.” The man groaned, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Fine! What do you want?” “Hmm…” Fiona tapped her chin thoughtfully. “How about… a compliment?” “A compliment?” “Yup,” she said, twirling a strand of her hair. “Tell me I’m fabulous, and I might just let you go.” The man stared at her, his jaw clenched. Finally, he sighed. “Fine. You’re… fabulous.” Fiona beamed. “Why, thank you! See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” She snapped her fingers again, and the trees seemed to part, revealing a clear path. “There you go. Safe travels, sparkle pants!” The man didn’t wait to ask questions. He hurried down the path, muttering under his breath. Fiona watched him go, a satisfied smirk on her face. “Humans,” she said, shaking her head. “So easy to mess with.” She plopped back down in the snow, crossing her legs and gazing up at the sky. “Now, who’s next?” she wondered aloud, her grin widening. Winter was her playground, and she wasn’t done playing yet.     Explore the Archive If you loved the sassy mischief and whimsical charm of Winter Mischief in Stripes and Lace, you can bring this character to life in your own space! Visit our archive to download, print, or license this artwork and explore more fantastical creations. Click here to view this image in our Fantasy Characters Gallery. From playful mischief to magical artistry, there’s always something to inspire your imagination in the Unfocussed Archive!

par Bill Tiepelman

Game of Croaks and Oinks - Sword & Sass

Game of Croaks and Oinks In the verdant swamplands of Ribbitshire, Sir Kermit the Green—a noble knight of the Lily Order—had lived a life of quiet bravery. Across the border, in the porcine lands of Snoutholm, Lady Piggy of House Porcine reigned supreme, her iron will matched only by her love for luxury. Though their worlds were as different as mud and water, fate had other plans for the amphibian and the boar. The Tavern Incident It all began on a humid evening at The Crooked Tadpole, a tavern infamous for its watered-down mead and poorly thought-out open mic nights. Kermit, seeking a brief respite from courtly duties, was enjoying a mug of fermented fly beer when Piggy stormed in. Draped in a fur cloak and brimming with sass, she demanded the bartender “fetch something that doesn’t taste like a swamp boot.” The two locked eyes across the smoky room. Piggy scoffed, unimpressed by the quiet knight in the corner, while Kermit muttered under his breath, “Great. Another loudmouth noble.” Neither had planned to speak to the other. But when a drunken minstrel tripped, spilling an entire pitcher of mead on Piggy’s boots, her shriek of outrage shook the rafters. In the chaos, Kermit accidentally knocked over his chair, which toppled into the tavern’s taxidermy bear—a prize possession of the local lord. The bear collapsed, crushing the innkeeper’s prized lute and setting off a chain reaction that ended with the entire tavern on fire. In the aftermath, as villagers gathered to gawk at the flames, the local baron arrived, demanding to know who was responsible. Piggy, covered in soot, pointed dramatically at Kermit. “HIM!” she declared. “The green oaf!” Kermit retaliated with a calm yet cutting rebuttal. “I wasn’t the one screeching like a banshee and throwing furniture.” “HOW DARE YOU!” Piggy bellowed. Before anyone could stop her, she drew her jeweled dagger and lunged at him. Kermit, dodging expertly, slipped on a puddle of ale and knocked both of them into a rain barrel. By the time the baron managed to break up the brawl, the two were soaking wet, furious, and sentenced to repair the tavern together under threat of exile. The Coronation Chaos As luck—or misfortune—would have it, word of their "heroic" actions (completely exaggerated by a traveling bard) reached the king. Believing they had “selflessly” saved the tavern from total destruction, the king invited both Kermit and Piggy to the royal court for a feast in their honor. Neither wanted to go. Kermit hated pomp and circumstance, while Piggy found the whole ordeal beneath her. But refusing the king’s summons was a surefire way to lose one’s head—or at least one’s lands—so they begrudgingly attended. The feast began innocently enough, with roasted pheasant, honeyed figs, and a suspiciously slimy soup that only Kermit seemed to enjoy. However, as the evening progressed, things took a turn. A courtier made the mistake of calling Piggy “plump” in her presence, resulting in a well-aimed drumstick being launched across the room. Meanwhile, Kermit found himself in a heated debate with the king’s advisor about the ethical treatment of swamp creatures, which ended with the advisor storming off in a huff. The climax of the evening came when the king, slightly tipsy, declared, “These two should rule together! A frog and a pig—what a jolly jest!” The court erupted into laughter, but the king wasn’t joking. To Kermit and Piggy’s horror, the king had a marriage contract drawn up on the spot. Despite their protests, the document was signed and sealed before the feast was over. The Reluctant Rulers Now crowned King Croak and Queen Sass, the unlikely duo found themselves ruling the kingdom of Ribsnort, a newly united land combining Ribbitshire and Snoutholm. Their reign got off to a rocky start, with constant arguments over everything from castle decor (“No, Kermit, we are NOT hanging lily pads in the royal dining hall!”) to military strategy (“Piggy, I don’t think ‘charge in screaming’ is a viable plan.”). Their bickering, however, proved to be surprisingly effective. When an assassin attempted to poison the royal stew, Piggy’s insistence on sampling everything first saved Kermit’s life. When a rival lord attempted to stage a coup, Kermit’s calm negotiation skills (and Piggy’s ability to throw a chair like a catapult) managed to thwart the rebellion. The Unexpected Bond Over time, their mutual disdain turned into begrudging respect. Piggy admired Kermit’s wisdom and his ability to remain calm under pressure. Kermit, meanwhile, couldn’t help but admire Piggy’s fierce determination and her ability to command a room. The pair began to work together, combining their strengths to rule Ribsnort with a unique blend of diplomacy and sass. Their subjects adored them, often referring to them as “the bickering parents of the realm.” Even the king, who had initially orchestrated their union as a joke, admitted they were surprisingly effective leaders. The Legacy of Croak and Sass Years later, bards would sing of King Croak and Queen Sass, the frog and the boar who turned a drunken tavern brawl into a legendary reign. They were remembered not just for their unconventional partnership, but for proving that even the most unlikely pairings could create something extraordinary. And though they’d never admit it, late at night, in the privacy of the royal chambers, Kermit and Piggy would often laugh about how it all began—with a spilled mug of mead and a burning tavern.     Bring "Sword & Sass" Into Your World Celebrate the epic saga of King Croak and Queen Sass with exclusive merchandise! Whether you're a fan of fantasy humor, whimsical art, or unforgettable characters, these products are perfect additions to your collection—or the ideal gift for a fellow adventurer. Explore the options below: Tapestry: Transform any space with the bold and whimsical artwork of Sword & Sass, perfect for a dramatic flair in your home. Canvas Print: Elevate your walls with this stunning piece of fantasy art, a perfect centerpiece for any room. Puzzle: Dive into the details of this epic artwork piece by piece with a high-quality puzzle that’s as fun as the story itself. Spiral Notebook: Take your notes or jot down your own epic tales in a notebook that’s as unique as your imagination. Visit the full collection at our shop and bring the legend of Sword & Sass into your world today!