anthropomorphic frog

par Bill Tiepelman

Love Beneath the Morning Glory

The Bloom Boom Affair It began on a wet Tuesday. Not the dramatic, lightning-splitting, thunder-belching kind of wet. No. This was the gentle kind of wet that makes flowers open shyly, moss turn smug, and frogs feel just a little sexier than usual. It was precisely the kind of afternoon where moist was no longer a punchline—it was a lifestyle. Our scene opens on a mossy stump that locals call “The Velvet Throne.” Perched atop it were two frogs—no ordinary amphibians, mind you. These were tree frogs, jewel-toned and glistening like jade marbles dunked in desire. One was named Julio, and the other, Blossom. She had the kind of stare that made crickets rethink their life choices, and he had thighs that could crush a lily pad with the power of poetry. They weren’t always lovers. They started as polite neighbors who’d once locked eyes over a shared raindrop, both sipping from opposite ends like an amphibian Lady and the Tramp. Things escalated when Blossom—ever the unconventional romantic—built Julio a miniature umbrella out of magnolia petals and twine. He swooned so hard he nearly fell into the mud. She made him soup. They began “meeting for dew” under a canopy of morning glory petals, and like any sensible frog, they started avoiding eye contact in public just to keep the village gossip juicy. Now here they were—huddled beneath the curved embrace of a fresh bloom as a light drizzle tap-tapped overhead. The flower’s funnel acted as nature’s love motel, complete with ambient lighting, floral scent, and a gentle hum from a confused bee stuck in the next bloom over. "So," Blossom croaked with a sly smirk, adjusting her daisy tiara just so. "You gonna kiss me, or are we just here to exchange pollen and disappointment?" Julio's throat puffed out like a plush balloon. “I was waiting for the rain to set the mood.” “Honey,” she drawled, leaning in, “this whole forest is setting the mood.” She wasn’t wrong. Even the fireflies were flickering suggestively. A distant owl hooted the opening bars of a Marvin Gaye song. Somewhere, a mushroom shivered with anticipation. He finally leaned closer. “Blossom… if you were a rain droplet, I’d let you fall on my tongue first.” She blinked. “Julio… that’s the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” “But did it work?” She grinned, bit her bottom lip, and whispered, “It really, really did.” Outside the bloom, the drizzle turned to a light rain. Inside, a romance unfurled—slow, sticky, and slightly steamy. But of course, you know this is only the beginning… Tongues, Tea, and Trouble on the Throne They say love is patient, love is kind. But in the bog behind Bramblebrush Hollow, love is wet, weird, and just a little bit wicked. Under the soft arch of their morning glory hideaway, Blossom and Julio had moved from shy glances to full-on knee-touching. In frog terms, that’s practically third base. And on this particular day, Julio wasn’t playing defense. “You ever think,” he murmured, tracing a dewy fingertip along the curve of Blossom’s spine, “that we were destined to meet under this very bloom? Like the universe croaked us into existence just for this moment?” Blossom snorted, spraying a mist of pollen out of her nostrils. “Julio, you romantic dirt waffle. That was either the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard or an allergic reaction to fate.” He gave a low, amused ribbit. “I’m serious. The flower, the rain, us. It’s poetic.” “Poetic?” she grinned. “Julio, our first date ended with you mistaking a glowworm for a mint and projectile vomiting off a mushroom ledge. I had to bathe you in rainwater and ego-salve for half the night.” “And yet,” he said, with that glimmer in his pupils, “you came back for more.” She rolled her eyes, but her smile lingered. “Don’t flatter yourself, pond prince. You owe me three fireflies, a thistle massage, and emotional restitution for that time you told my mother I burp like a duck.” “Your mom laughed.” “She laughed because she thought you were a joke.” The bickering had that soft-lipped, comfortable cadence only lovers and siblings could master—a blend of fondness, venom, and shared inside jokes delivered with the finesse of verbal judo. But beneath the sass, under that veil of floral flirtation, something else simmered: want. Real, gooey, hopelessly swamp-scented want. The rain thickened. So did the air between them. Julio leaned in, this time not for drama but for truth. “You scare me, Blossom.” She tilted her head. “Because I’m hot? Or because I’m a highly emotional frog with complex needs and a running tab at the aphid bar?” “Yes.” They paused. A beetle flew past. A snail honked (or something vaguely honk-adjacent). The forest didn’t care about their romantic tension. But oh, it was watching. Julio reached for her hand. “Look. All jokes aside, I think I could stay under this flower with you forever. Like… retire here. Grow mold together. Raise tiny tadpoles and name them after lesser-known Greek deities.” Blossom blinked. “Did you just propose... cohabitation?” “Maybe.” “Julio, we’ve only been snogging for eight sun cycles.” “That’s like, five frog years.” She cocked a brow. “Don’t bring pseudo-science into our romance.” “I’m just saying… I like the idea of forever with you.” Blossom softened. She hated when he got like this—earnest, sweet, dreamy-eyed like he’d swallowed a poetry book and half a cloud. And she especially hated how much it made her heart go bloop. “Okay,” she said finally. “But if we’re doing this, I have rules.” Julio sat up straighter. “Name them.” “One,” she said, holding up a delicate finger, “no tongue fights before dusk. I have a schedule.” “Reasonable.” “Two. You clean the flower. Daily. Pollen is not an aesthetic, it’s an allergen.” “Done.” “Three. If you ever flirt with that flat-faced toad from Lilypatch again, I will roast you alive and serve you to a stork.” Julio blinked. “Understood.” “And four—no surprise mating songs. If you’re gonna sing, I want choreography and backup crickets.” “I’ll call the band.” They sealed it with a kiss. It was not dainty. It was sticky and weird and made a nearby caterpillar gasp. But it was theirs. Just as they began to settle into the newfound bliss of shared expectations and dangerously implied commitment, a new sound split the air: a squelch, followed by a high-pitched titter and the unmistakable voice of Velma—Blossom’s rival, frenemy, and occasional mycological consultant. “Ohhhhhh no,” Blossom whispered, panic rising faster than sap in spring. Julio peeked out of the bloom. “She’s bringing her entourage.” “The Giggling Tadpoles?” “All six.” Velma emerged with the kind of strut that only came from eating your ex’s best friend and posting about it on MudTok. She wore a shimmering fern frond as a cape and had a smug glow like she’d just seduced someone’s boyfriend—and maybe she had. “WELL WELL WEEEELL,” Velma chirped, clearly having rehearsed that line all morning. “If it isn’t Miss Morning Glory herself, playing house with Loverboy Julio on the Velvet Throne.” Blossom didn’t blink. “Velma. How’s that rash?” Julio winced. The Giggling Tadpoles gasped in unison. Velma hissed, “That was seasonal and you know it.” “Seasonal like your mood swings?” Blossom asked sweetly. The rain slowed, but the tension crackled like static in the moss. Velma grinned, dangerously wide. “Just dropping by to tell you there’s a little change coming to the Hollow. Some new blood. Some French blood.” Julio gulped. “You don’t mean—” Velma nodded. “That’s right, cherubs. A new frog in town. He wears a beret. He speaks in syllables you can taste. And rumor has it…” she leaned in, “he’s looking for a muse.” All eyes turned to Blossom. “Well, mon dieu,” she said. “Guess things are about to get sticky.” Berets, Betrayals, and the Bloom of Truth By the time the French frog arrived, the Hollow had already spiraled into scandal. Word had spread like fungal rot on a damp log: a mysterious, velvet-voiced stranger from “La Mare des Poètes” (translation: ‘Pond of the Poets,’ though some locals insisted it was just a fancy mud puddle) had sashayed into Bramblebrush Hollow looking for his “inspiration.” His name? Jean-Luc Tadreau. His resume? Former lily model, amateur haikuist, full-time homewrecker. Jean-Luc was tall, lean, and glistened like a freshly buttered baguette. His beret perched jauntily between his eyes, and his voice was so smooth it made slime trails look rough by comparison. And when he crooned? Lawd. Even the rocks blushed. Blossom was not impressed. “He smells like fermented lavender and pretension,” she muttered, perched beside Julio under the morning glory, sipping nectar straight from a flower straw. “He bowed to me and kissed his own hand,” Julio grumbled. “Then winked at a mushroom.” “That’s not charisma, that’s a fungal kink.” But the Hollow didn’t care. Velma had gone full PR blitz—posting dreamy sketches of Jean-Luc on bark scrolls, hyping up his “one-night-only interpretive dance tribute to love and amphibian freedom.” The Giggling Tadpoles had formed a fan club. Frogs lined up around the swamp to hear him whisper sweet nothings about existential rain and sensual algae. And worst of all? He was actively pursuing Blossom. It started with sonnets. Then escalated to interpretive staring contests. Then… the scandal. A public gift—a golden beetle wrapped in lotus petals delivered during morning dew hour, in front of Julio. “What the actual frog,” Julio had croaked, staring at the sparkling beetle like it was a live grenade with wings. “That’s our spot. OUR BLOOM!” Blossom held up her webbed hands. “I didn’t invite him. The beetle was… unsolicited.” “So was my existential crisis, but here we are!” The bloom wilted. Figuratively and literally. Blossom felt caught. Sure, Julio was loud, emotional, and once mistook a pinecone for a rival. But he was hers. Jean-Luc? He was every wrong decision wrapped in pheromones and poetry. A walking red flag that spoke in riddles and probably exfoliated. So she made a choice. She decided to destroy Jean-Luc the only way she knew how—publicly, dramatically, and with questionable ethics. The next evening, under the largest lily pad in the Hollow, Jean-Luc hosted a “soirée of the senses.” There was aphid wine. A glowworm strobe show. Someone set up a bubble machine. He was mid-monologue—something about the aching sweetness of forbidden love—when Blossom slinked into view wearing her daisy crown, a sly smile, and a glint of theatrical vengeance in her eye. “Jean-Luc,” she purred. “Sing me something. Something... real.” He did. A crooning ballad about moons and longing and the sorrow of amphibian monogamy. Frogs swooned. A snail wept into his leaf napkin. When he finished, Blossom stepped forward and kissed him. Full on. Wet. No tongue. But full. The crowd erupted in gasps. Julio, lurking nearby, dropped his nectar cup. Velma screamed “YESSSS!” in a way that scared two newts into fleeing the state. Then Blossom turned, grinned at Jean-Luc, and slapped him across the cheek with a wet leaf. “That was for calling me your muse,” she snapped. “I’m not a canvas. I’m the whole damn gallery.” And with that, she turned on her heel and marched straight to Julio. He stared at her. “You kissed him.” “I know.” “You slapped him.” “Also true.” “You walked off like a queen.” “That’s just my gait, babe.” Julio crossed his arms. “Explain yourself.” “He needed to be publicly humbled. You needed to be reminded I’m completely, tragically into you. Also, you owe me a dance.” “A dance?” “Yup. Under our bloom. Right now.” She grabbed him by the webbing and pulled him beneath their favorite morning glory. The petals shimmered in the moonlight, heavy with rain and forgiveness. Music swelled—probably imagined, or possibly a cricket band with great acoustics. Julio wrapped his arms around her. “You’re insane.” “Thank you.” They swayed. Slowly. Goofily. Beautifully. Two frogs in love, ignoring the gossip, the chaos, the fungal influencers and pretentious poets. Just them, under their bloom. Wet. Weird. And exactly where they were meant to be. Outside, the Hollow returned to normal. Velma swore vengeance. Jean-Luc vanished into the mist, whispering something about a mysterious turtle named Solange. The Giggling Tadpoles rebranded as a jam band. But none of it mattered. Because love, real love, isn’t about drama or grand gestures. It’s about knowing who makes your heart croak loudest in the rain.     Take a piece of Bramblebrush Hollow home... Whether you want to wrap yourself in romance with this lush beach towel, hang a splash of whimsy in your den with a canvas print or tapestry, or simply send frog-loving friends a sweet reminder of soggy love with a greeting card, the magic of Julio and Blossom awaits. Bring home the bloom, the sass, and the sweet, sticky kiss of love beneath the morning glory.

par Bill Tiepelman

Between Pencils and Planets

Froggert Van Toad and the Infinite Sketchpad By all accounts, Froggert Van Toad had lived a rather normal life for a frog who’d recently transcended dimensional boundaries via a raincloud. Not that he planned it. Froggert was, if anything, chronically unplanned. His days were normally spent slurping existential lattes on lily pads and sketching esoteric doodles that no one appreciated—least of all his cousin, Keith, who insisted Froggert get a "real job," like fly herding or insurance fraud. But Froggert was an artist. A philosopher. A fishless fisherman. And above all, an amphibian of radical optimism. So when a glowing planetary orb began weeping over his sketchbook one day—dripping cosmic tears onto his to-do list (which only said “nap” and “invent a new blue”)—Froggert didn’t flinch. He grabbed his favorite pencil, a stubby orange No. 3 with bite marks and delusions of grandeur, and dove right into the puddle. And that’s how he ended up here: fishing in a pond no bigger than a coaster, surrounded by office supplies, under a cloud that cried moonlight. He sat in his rolled-up shorts, water tickling his knees, casting his line into a miniature ecosystem populated by suspiciously judgmental goldfish. They blinked at him in passive-aggressive synchrony, as if to say, “You brought a reel into a metaphor?” But Froggert was unfazed. He’d seen worse critiques. That one time he submitted a sketch of a melancholy snail to the Prestigious Amphibian Arts Guild, they mailed back a single word: “why.” (Not “why?” Just “why.”) Now, he was determined. This wasn’t just a pond. This was the blank canvas between realities. The moist studio of the gods. The aquatic cradle of art itself. And Froggert would fish inspiration from it—hook, line, and overthinker’s spiral. Behind him, a stubby army of orange pencils stood like battalions of judgmental monks, whispering things like “perspective lines” and “remember shadows, idiot.” He ignored them. Froggert had more pressing concerns. Namely, what exactly was nibbling his bait… and whether or not it was the ghost of Van Gogh’s hamster, or just another manifestation of his imposter syndrome. The line tugged. His eyes widened. “Oh, it’s happening,” he muttered, gripping the reel like a frog possessed. “Either I’m about to catch the next great concept or a very angry cosmic metaphor.” From above, the cloud rumbled. Drops fell like glimmering commas, as if punctuation were raining directly onto his artistic block. Froggert smiled. “Come to papa,” he crooned to the void, “You’re either my muse or a fish with a graduate degree in chaos.” And then he pulled. The Fish, The Muse, and the Accidentally Erotic Eraser With a grunt that sounded suspiciously like a French exhale, Froggert tugged his line and reeled in... absolutely nothing. Nothing, but in a very specific way. It wasn't the absence of a fish that worried him. It was the *presence* of the absence. The line came back empty, yet shimmering—dripping with symbols that hadn't been invented yet, glowing in hues only visible after a double espresso and a full-on existential crisis. He blinked. Once. Twice. The air wobbled. Somewhere between the cloud and the pencils, a tiny trumpet made of watercolor sound blasted a four-note jingle he instinctively knew was titled “Bold Decision #6.” The pond rippled, and the goldfish formed the shape of a face. Her face. His muse. She emerged like a dream filtered through a Salvador Dalí colander—part fish, part frog, part celestial librarian. She had lips like an unspoken poem and gills that blushed when she noticed Froggert’s stare. In one delicate webbed hand, she held a scroll labeled “Plot Device”, and in the other, an iridescent eraser that radiated the sultry aura of forbidden grammar corrections. “Hello, Froggert,” she said, her voice a cross between jazz and a warning label. “I see you’ve been fishing again.” Froggert stood, wobbling slightly in the pond, pants soaked, posture heroic in the way that only extremely damp frogs can manage. “Muse,” he said breathlessly, adjusting his beret, which hadn’t been there moments ago. “You’ve returned. I feared you’d left me. You’ve been gone since the Great Sketchbook Fire of ’22.” “I had to,” she said. “You were still shading with a single light source like an amateur. And your metaphors? They were becoming… squishy.” He gasped, wounded. “Squishy?! That’s harsh coming from a woman who once used a walrus to symbolize late-stage capitalism.” She smiled coyly. “And it worked, didn’t it?” The goldfish nodded in unison like backup dancers with tenure. The Muse floated closer, and the pond deepened beneath her like the gravity of deadlines. She reached out with her eraser and touched Froggert lightly on the snout. His nose itched with the forgotten scent of acrylics and ambition. Around them, the pencils began to chant rhythmically, “DRAW, DRAW, DRAW,” like a cult of overly caffeinated art students. “You’ve been blocked,” she whispered. “Creatively. Emotionally. Aquatically.” “I know,” he croaked. “Ever since my last series—‘Anxious Gnomes in Business Casual’—got shredded in the gallery’s Yelp reviews, I haven’t been able to finish a single canvas. I just sit on my log, sip lukewarm inspiration, and yell at birds.” She laughed. The water giggled in sympathy. “You’ve forgotten why you create. It’s not about applause or reviews. It’s about process. Mystery. That delicious panic of not knowing what the hell you’re drawing until it stares back and says, ‘You missed a spot.’” Froggert blinked. “So… you’re saying I need to stop worrying about being brilliant and just make beautiful, weird nonsense?” She nodded. “Exactly. Now here—take this.” She handed him the eraser. As it touched his hand, the world shivered. Not violently. More like a flirty shimmy from a cosmic belly dancer. Instantly, Froggert was filled with memories—unfinished sketches, forgotten ideas, that one time he tried to animate spaghetti into a romantic lead. All of it. But now, he saw the value. The humor. The joy in the mess. “But wait,” he said, looking up, realization dawning like a sunrise painted by someone with access to very expensive light filters. “Why now? Why come back to me today?” Her expression softened. “Because, Froggert... the moon cried. And the moon only cries when a real artist is close to remembering who they are.” And then, just like that, she vanished—dissolving into the pond like watercolor in warm tea. The goldfish scattered, the cloud hiccupped, and the pencils screamed with fresh enthusiasm, now shouting, “EDIT! EDIT! EDIT!” Froggert stood alone, soaked and inspired, holding the sacred eraser and the line still shimmering with raw potential. He looked down at his feet, then at the sky, then at the empty canvas that had suddenly appeared on the grass beside him. He squinted at the canvas. It squinted back. “Okay,” he muttered. “Let’s make something… ridiculous.” The Exhibition at the Edge of the Desk Three days later, Froggert Van Toad had become a legend. Not in the mainstream sense. He hadn’t gone viral, nor been featured in any reputable galleries, nor even accepted into the local toad-based co-op (which had very strict “no dimension-hopping” bylaws). But in the hidden circles of interdimensional art critics, caffeine-fueled stationery supplies, and emotionally available goldfish, Froggert had ascended. It began with a single stroke—a chaotic, daring, slightly smudged line across the canvas. Then another. Then a furious explosion of colors that defied any wheel ever taught in art school. Froggert wasn’t just painting—he was exorcising doubt, romanticizing absurdity, and interrogating the myth of clean edges. The pond became his studio. The pencils? His choir. The cloud? A misty muse of background lighting. Each day, Froggert woke with dew on his snout, inspiration in his chest, and a dangerously erotic eraser tucked into his tiny toolbelt. He painted frogs as astronauts, bananas as philosophers, and fish as unfulfilled middle managers. He painted dreams that had no name and breakfast items with disturbing emotional baggage. One afternoon, he created a six-foot tall self-portrait made entirely of regret and glitter glue. The Muse reappeared briefly just to weep softly, fan herself with a palette, and disappear into the wallpaper. And then it happened. The cloud, in a particularly dramatic lightning-sneeze, unveiled a cosmic scroll: a gallery invitation addressed to “Froggert Van Toad, Artisan of Madness.” The location? The Edge of the Desk. The ultimate exhibition space—where the clutter ended and the void began. A place feared by dust bunnies and respected by rogue paperclips. Only the bravest creatives dared show their work there, teetering on the boundary of purpose and oblivion. Froggert accepted. Opening night was electric. The crowd—a curated mash of sapient staplers, depressed ink cartridges, origami swans with MFA degrees, and a talking cactus named Jim—gathered with baited breath and literal bait (there were snacks). A paper lantern orchestra hummed ambient jazz. Someone spilled chai on a crayon that immediately broke up with its label and swore off monogamy. Froggert arrived dressed in a dramatically flared bathrobe and mismatched galoshes. He held a martini made of melted snowflakes and bravado. Behind him stood his masterpieces, now elevated by string, glitter tape, and invisible emotional scaffolding. The crowd gasped. They gurgled. One staple fainted. A pair of thumbtacks whispered something scandalous and applauded with their pointy heads. And then the Muse returned. Not as a whisper or a ripple—but as a full-bodied hallucination wearing sequins, eyeliner, and the unmistakable aura of a metaphor that got tenure. She approached Froggert, eyes glinting with admiration and a hint of unfinished business. “You did it,” she said. “You turned doubt into spectacle.” Froggert croaked softly. “I had help. And also, possibly a mild head injury.” “It suits you.” They stood in silence for a moment, staring at the final piece: a chaotic, iridescent pondscape titled “Hope Wears Galoshes.” “So,” Froggert ventured, twirling the eraser in his fingers, “you gonna vanish again or…?” She smirked. “Only if you forget what this is really about.” “Art?” “No,” she said, leaning in close, her voice like soft thunder. “Permission.” Froggert nodded slowly, like a philosopher in slow motion or a frog too proud to admit he just got goosebumps. The cloud wept in joy. The pond burbled in applause. A rogue mechanical pencil proposed marriage to a sentient paintbrush. The Edge of the Desk shimmered with possibility, just as a nearby drawer yawned open and revealed an entire dimension of unsorted inspiration waiting for its day in the sun. Froggert took the Muse’s hand. “Let’s get weird,” he said. And they vanished into the puddle, giggling. The End… and also, just the beginning.     Bring Froggert's universe home with you! If you’ve laughed, lingered, or just slightly fallen in love with the world of Froggert Van Toad, why not invite a piece of his whimsical pondscape into your own space? From galaxy-kissed metal prints to dreamy canvas artwork, every detail of “Between Pencils and Planets” is ready to leap from the page and onto your wall. Feeling cozy? Drift into inspiration with our luxurious art tapestries or dry off from your next muse-induced pond dive with our irresistibly soft beach towels. Want to send a little creative chaos to someone special? Share the story with a printed greeting card that says, “I believe in amphibians, and you.” Explore all available formats at shop.unfocussed.com and let the muse move you.