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Lullaby in a Leafdrop

par Bill Tiepelman

Lullaby in a Leafdrop

It’s a little-known fact—scrupulously left out of most fairy tales because of its messiness and alarming wetness—that fairies are not born in the traditional sense. They are brewed. Yes, brewed. Like tea or poor decisions. At precisely 4:42 a.m., before the first robin even thinks about coughing out a chirp, the dew collects on the tip of a heart-shaped leaf deep within the forests of Slumbrook Hollow. If the temperature is just cold enough to make a spider wear socks, but warm enough that a squirrel can scratch itself lazily without shivering, the brewing begins. The recipe? Simple: one drop of moonlight that missed its target, two specks of laughter from a sleeping child, a dash of forest gossip (usually about raccoons behaving inappropriately), and one blade of grass that’s been kissed by lightning at least once. Stir gently with the breeze of a forgotten wish, and voilà—you have the beginning of a fairy. Now, these aren’t fairies as you might imagine them. They don’t pop out fluttering with tiaras and purpose. No, the first stage of fairy development is embryonic sass in a gelatinous mood sac. They’re mostly wing, attitude, and napping. Their first instinct upon "waking" is to sigh dramatically and roll over, which often causes the entire dewdrop to tilt dangerously, sending everyone into a panic except the fairy, who mutters “Five more minutes,” and promptly passes out again. The fairy in question this particular morning was named **Plink**. Not because anyone named her, but because that’s the sound her dewdrop made when it formed, and the forest takes naming conventions quite literally. Plink was already a bit of a diva, her wings shimmering with the subtle arrogance of someone who knows she was born glittery. She curled up inside her liquid leaf hammock, tiny hands tucked beneath a chin that had never known the touch of responsibility. Outside the dewdrop, however, chaos brewed. A beetle patrol was out on morning rounds and had spotted Plink’s nursery hanging precariously from a twig targeted by a particularly aggressive blue jay. The forest had rules: no jay traffic before dawn, no unnecessary loud flapping, and absolutely no pooping near the dew nurseries. Unfortunately, the blue jay had a reputation for violating all three. Enter Sir Grumblethorpe, a retired mole-knight in tweed armor, wearing a monocle that didn’t improve his vision so much as his self-esteem. He’d taken it upon himself to ensure Plink’s survival. “No fairy’s going to get scrambled on my watch,” he declared, thumping the ground with his walking acorn staff, which was mostly ceremonial and partially rotten. What no one had realized yet—not even Plink in her blissfully gelatinous snooze—was that today was the last viable dew-day of the season. If she didn’t hatch before sundown, the drop would evaporate, and she'd become a memory, drifting off into the realm of nearly-made-things, like diets and honest politicians. But right now? Right now, Plink drooled a little, one wing flopping gently against the inside curve of the drop, dreaming of sugar plums, existential dread, and an itch on her foot she didn’t yet know how to scratch. And the blue jay? Oh, he was circling. Sir Grumblethorpe adjusted his monocle with the dramatic flair of someone who felt very important and, frankly, wasn’t going to let a little thing like scale stop him from acting like it. After all, it took tremendous courage to be one-nineteenth of the size of the threat and still shout orders like you owned the shrub. “Battle stations!” he declared, though precisely what that meant in a forest that had never seen a battle was left vague. A centipede scurried by with two pencils and a wine cork for armor, shouting, “Where’s the fire?!” and tripped over a snail who’d been asleep for most of the decade. Meanwhile, Plink dreamt she was the Queen of Marmalade Kingdom, riding a honeybee into battle against a horde of breakfast crumbs. She had no idea her leafdrop was now the central focus of a multi-species emergency council convening beneath her on a mossy stump. “Let’s be rational,” said Professor Thistlehump, a weasel with spectacles thick enough to burn ants in winter. “If we just ask the jay politely—” “You want to negotiate with an airborne fart with feathers?” snapped Madame Spritzy, a disgraced hummingbird opera singer turned tactical screecher. “This is war, darling. War with feathers, guano, and beady-eyed doom.” Sir Grumblethorpe agreed. Or rather, he didn’t disagree fast enough, which was close enough. “We need air support,” he muttered, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “Spritzy, can you still fly the Pattern of Mirthful Panic?” “Please,” she scoffed, fluffing her feathers. “I invented it. Watch the skies.” Above them, the blue jay—named **Kevin** (because of course his name was Kevin)—began his final descent. Kevin had a simple mind, mostly composed of shiny objects, food, and a belief that screaming as loud as possible was a form of communication. He spotted the glint of the dewdrop and squawked with what could only be described as delight or rage, or perhaps both simultaneously. Spritzy launched like a caffeinated firework. She zig-zagged wildly, shrieking an aria from “Pond Pirates: The Musical” at a pitch that made several worms explode from stress alone. Kevin flapped midair, confused and mildly aroused, then backpedaled with surprising grace for something that once ate a frog for fun. Meanwhile, deep inside the dewdrop, Plink finally stirred. Her dreams had turned into gentle nudges—stirrings from the realm of waking. Her translucent wings began to twitch like radio signals tuning into the frequency of reality. The warmth of the day was starting to tickle the base of the dewdrop, and somewhere, instinct began to whisper: Hatch now. Or don’t. Your call. But hatch now if you’d prefer not to be steam. But Plink was groggy. And let’s be honest, if you’ve never tried waking up from a dream where you were being serenaded by a choir of marshmallows, you don’t know how hard it is to give that up. She rolled over, pressed her face to the dewdrop’s inner surface, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, “Shhh. Five more eternities.” Sir Grumblethorpe stomped his foot. “She’s not hatching! Why isn’t she hatching?!” He looked up toward the treetop, where Kevin had now found a shiny gum wrapper and was momentarily distracted. The emergency council reconvened in a panic. “We need something powerful! Something symbolic!” hissed Madame Spritzy as she divebombed into the meeting. “I have an old kazoo,” offered a squirrel who had never been invited to anything before and was just thrilled to be included. “Use it!” barked Grumblethorpe. “Wake her up! Play the Song of the First Flight!” “No one knows the tune!” cried Thistlehump. “Well then,” Grumblethorpe said grimly, “we wing it.” And so they did. The kazoo howled. The forest cringed. Even Kevin stopped mid-flap, beak agape, unsure if he was under attack or witnessing interpretive art. Inside the dewdrop, Plink twitched violently. Her eyes snapped open. The air trembled. Her wings exploded into light, catching the sun like a disco ball made of dreams and backtalk. The dewdrop shimmered, vibrated, and with a sound like a bubble giggling, it popped. And there she was—hovering. Tiny, wet, blinking at the world, and already looking unimpressed by the fact that she was awake at all. “You’re all very loud,” she said with the kind of disdain only a newborn fairy could muster while dripping with celestial goo. Kevin tried one last dive, but was immediately hit in the face by an angry badger with a slingshot. He retreated into the sky with a squawk of defeat and one of Madame Spritzy’s feathers stuck to his tail. Below, the forest held its breath. Plink looked around. She slowly raised one eyebrow. “So… where’s my welcome brunch?” Sir Grumblethorpe fell to his knees. “She speaks!” “No,” Plink corrected with a shrug, “I sass.” And that was the first moment anyone in Slumbrook Hollow realized what kind of fairy she was going to be. Next up? Flight school. Possibly sabotage. And definitely brunch. If you're expecting a tale of rapid character development, noble quests, and tidy emotional closure, I regret to inform you: Plink was not that kind of fairy. The first hour of her conscious existence was spent trying to eat the petals off a daisy, attempting to seduce a bumblebee (“Call me when you’re done pollinating”), and announcing, loudly, that she would never be doing chores unless those chores involved dramatic exits or glitter-based warfare. Still, for all her sass and damp sparkles, Plink was, in a deeply peculiar way, hopeful. Not the gentle, passive sort of hope. No, her hope had teeth. It snarled. It strutted. It demanded brunch before diplomacy. The kind of hope that said: “The world is probably terrible, but I will look fabulous while surviving it.” Madame Spritzy took her under-wing (literally), beginning an unlicensed and highly irregular crash course in flying. “Flap like your enemies are watching,” she barked, circling Plink who spun midair, spiraled downward, and crash-landed in a patch of moss with all the grace of a fallen blueberry. “You said I was born to fly!” Plink wheezed, spitting out a beetle. “I said you were born in a droplet. The rest is up to you.” Flight school continued for three chaotic days, during which Plink broke two twigs, dive-bombed a fungus, and accidentally invented a new type of aerial swear gesture. Her wings grew stronger. Her sarcasm sharpened. By the fourth morning, she could hover in place long enough to sneer convincingly, which was considered a graduation requirement. But the forest was changing. The dew was thinning. The weather warming. Plink’s own birth had been the season’s final droplet—meaning she wasn’t just the last fairy of spring. She was the only fairy of this bloom cycle. The last tiny miracle before the long, dry season ahead. No pressure. Naturally, when she found out, her first response was to fall dramatically onto a mushroom and yell, “Why meeeeeee?” which startled a hedgehog into fainting. But after several exasperated lectures from Professor Thistlehump and one extremely caffeinated pep talk from Sir Grumblethorpe involving the phrase “legacy of luminous lineage,” she relented. Sort of. Plink decided to become the kind of fairy who didn’t wait for fate. She would build her own kind. Not in a creepy lab way. In a fairy godmother-meets-contractor kind of way. She would whisper magic into seedpods. She’d bottle dreams and tuck them into acorns. She’d snatch laughter from moonlit lovers and tuck it into pinecones. She didn’t need to be the last. She could be the first of the next wave. “I’m going to teach squirrels to make hope bombs,” she announced one morning, inexplicably wearing a cape made of moss and attitude. “Hope bombs?” asked Grumblethorpe, adjusting his monocle. “Little spells wrapped in berries. If you bite one, you get five seconds of unreasonable optimism. Like thinking your ex was a good idea. Or that you can fit back into your pre-winter leggings.” And so it began: Plink’s odd campaign of mischief, magic, and emotional disruption. She buzzed from leaf to leaf, whispering weirdness into the world. Lonely mushrooms woke up giggling. Wilted flowers perked up and requested dance music. Even Kevin the blue jay started carrying shiny twigs to other birds, no longer dive-bombing hatchlings but (awkwardly) babysitting them. The forest adapted to her chaos. Grew brighter in places. Stranger in others. Where Plink had passed, you could always tell. A leaf might glitter for no reason. A puddle might hum. A tree might tell a joke that made no sense but made you laugh anyway. And Plink? Well, she grew. Not bigger—she was still the size of a hiccup. But deeper. Wiser. And somehow, more Plink than ever. One twilight, many seasons later, a tiny dewdrop formed on a new leaf. Inside it, curled in soft sleep, a fairy fluttered its brand-new wings. Around the drop, the forest held its breath again, waiting, wondering. From above, a streak of mischievous light circled the branch. Plink peered down, smiled, and whispered: “You’ve got this, sparklebutt.” Then she zipped away into the stars, leaving behind a single echo of laughter, a speck of glitter, and a world forever changed by one loud, brilliant drop of hope.     Bring the magic home. If Plink's tale stirred your imagination or made you laugh-snort tea, you can carry a piece of that enchantment into your own space. "Lullaby in a Leafdrop" is available as a canvas print, metal print, acrylic print, and even a dreamy tapestry to turn your wall into a window to Slumbrook Hollow. Perfect for lovers of fantasy decor, fairy tale fans, and anyone who believes a little glitter and grit can change the world.

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Cranky Wings & Cabernet Things

par Bill Tiepelman

Cranky Wings & Cabernet Things

The Root of All Sass The forest hadn’t always been this irritating. Once upon a century or three ago, it was a quiet, dewy glade where deer pranced, squirrels politely asked to borrow acorns, and the mushrooms didn’t have delusions of poetry. Then came the influencers. The elf-folk with their glittery yoga mats. The centaur DJs thumping trance beats into the soil. And worst of all—gentrification by unicorns. Just because they crap rainbows doesn’t mean they belong on every enchanted hillside selling kombucha out of crystal flasks. She had had it. Her name was Fernetta D'Vine—though the locals just called her “That Wine Bitch in the Thicket.” And she was fine with that. Titles were for royalty and real estate agents. Fernetta was far more interested in her own domains: the mossy log she ruled from, her deep collection of fermented potions, and the daily ritual of glaring disapprovingly at every twit who dared prance past her glade without a permit—or pants. Today was a Tuesday. And Tuesdays were for Cabernet and contempt. Fernetta adjusted her wings with a groan. The years had left them creaky, like an old screen door that screamed when you opened it at 2 a.m. to sneak out for questionable decisions. Her dress, a glorious tangle of ivy and attitude, brushed the ground with a stately rustle as she lifted her goblet—no stemless nonsense here, thank you—and took a sip of what she called “Bitch Blood Vintage 436.” “Mm,” she muttered, eyes narrowing like a hawk spotting a tourist. “Tastes like regret and someone else's poor planning.” Just then, a chirpy little sprite buzzed into view, high on pollen and bad decisions. She wore a sunflower bra and had glitter in places that clearly hadn't been cleaned in days. “Hi Auntie Fernetta!” she squealed. “Guess what? I’m starting an herbal side hustle and wanted to gift you my new line of detox beetle-water enemas!” Fernetta blinked slowly. “Child, the only thing I detox is joy,” she said. “And if you flutter one wing closer with that fermented insect filth, I will personally shove that potion up your nectar hole and call it aromatherapy.” The sprite’s smile faltered. “Okayyy…well…namast-eeeeee!” she buzzed, zooming off to terrorize a willow tree. Fernetta took another sip, savoring the silence. It tasted like power. And maybe a little like last week’s berries soaked in disappointment, but still—power. “Fairies these days,” she muttered. “All glitter, no grit. No wonder the gnomes have gone into hiding. Hell, I’d hide too if my neighbors were lighting sage to align their chakra while farting through recycled leaves.” Just then, the rustling of bushes drew her attention. She slowly turned her head and muttered, “Oh look. Another woodland dumbass. If it’s one more damn bard looking for ‘inspiration,’ I swear by the crust in my wings I’ll hex his lute so it plays only Nickelback covers.” And from the underbrush stepped someone... unexpected. A man. Human. Middle-aged. Balding. Slightly confused and definitely in the wrong fairytale. He blinked. She blinked. A crow cawed. Somewhere in the distance, a mushroom wilted from secondhand embarrassment. “...Well,” Fernetta drawled, slowly standing. “This should be good.” Man Meat and Mossy Mayhem He stood there, mouth slightly ajar, looking like a half-baked biscuit who’d wandered into a renaissance faire after taking the wrong turn at a Cracker Barrel. Fernetta sized him up like a wolf eyeing a microwaved ham. He was wearing cargo shorts, a “World’s Best Dad” T-shirt that had clearly surrendered to time and coffee stains, and a confused expression that suggested he thought this was the line for the gift shop. In one hand he held a phone, blinking red with 3% battery. In the other, a laminated trail map. Upside down. “Oh,” she sighed, swirling her cabernet. “You’re one of those. Lost, divorced, definitely on your third midlife crisis. Lemme guess—you signed up for a ‘healing hike’ with your yoga instructor-slash-girlfriend named Amethyst and got ditched at the crystal cairn?” He blinked. “Uh… is this part of the nature tour?” She took one long, slow sip. “Oh sweetheart. This is the of your dignity tour.” He stepped forward. “Look, I’m just trying to get back to the parking lot, okay? My phone’s dead, and I haven’t had coffee in six hours. Also, I may have accidentally eaten a mushroom that was… glowy.” Fernetta chuckled, low and wicked, like a storm cloud amused at the idea of a picnic. “Well then. Congratulations, dumbass. You just licked the universe’s glitter cannon. That was a dreamcap. The next three hours are going to feel like you're being spiritually exfoliated by a raccoon wearing a therapist’s pants.” He swayed slightly. “I think I saw a talking chipmunk that said I was a disappointment to my ancestors.” “Well,” she said, slapping a mosquito off her shoulder with the grace of a drunk ballerina, “at least your hallucinations are honest.” She turned away, refilling her wine from a nearby stump that was—improbably—tapped like a keg. “So what’s your name, forest trespasser?” “Uh. Brent.” “Of course it is,” she muttered. “Every lost man who stumbles into my part of the woods is either named Brent, Chad, or Gary. You boys just roll off the production line with a six-pack of poor decisions and one good college memory you won’t shut up about.” He frowned. “Look, lady—fairy—whatever. I’m not trying to cause trouble. I just need to find the exit. If you could point me to the trailhead, I’d be—” “Oh, honey,” she interrupted, “the only head you’re getting is the one from the hallucination beaver who thinks you’re his ex-wife. You’re in my glade now. And we don’t just offer directions. We offer... lessons.” Brent paled. “Like... riddles?” “No. Like unsolicited life advice wrapped in sarcasm and aged in shame,” she said, raising her glass. “Now sit your crusty behind on that toadstool and brace yourself for an aggressive fairy intervention.” He hesitated. The toadstool made a suspicious farting noise as he lowered himself onto it. “What… kind of intervention?” Fernetta cracked her knuckles and summoned a cloud of wine vapor and attitude. “We’re gonna unpack your issues like a suitcase at a nudist colony. First of all: why the hell do you still wear socks with sandals?” “I—” “Don’t answer. I already know. It’s because you fear vulnerability. And fashion.” Brent blinked. “This feels… deeply personal.” “Welcome to the glade,” she smirked. “Now, tell me: who hurt you? Was it your ex-wife? Your daddy? A failed podcast about cryptocurrency?” “I… I don’t know anymore.” “That’s step one, Brent,” she said, standing tall, her wings shimmering with drunken menace. “Admit that you’re not lost in the woods. You are the woods. Dense. Confused. Filled with raccoons stealing your lunch.” Somewhere in the distance, a tree spontaneously caught fire out of sheer secondhand embarrassment. Brent looked like he was about to cry. Or pee. Or both. “And while we’re at it,” Fernetta snapped, “when did you stop doing things that made you happy? When did you trade wonder for spreadsheets and excitement for microwave burritos? Huh? You had magic once. I can smell it under your armpits, right between the regret and Axe body spray.” Brent whimpered. “Can I go now?” “No,” she said firmly. “Not until you’ve purged all the bro energy from your soul. Now repeat after me: I am not a productivity robot.” “…I am not a productivity robot.” “I deserve joy, even if that joy is weird and sparkly.” “…even if that joy is weird and sparkly.” “I will stop asking to ‘circle back’ during Zoom calls unless I’m literally chasing my own tail.” “…That one’s… hard.” “Try harder. You’re almost healed.” And just like that, the glade shimmered. The trees sighed. A chorus of frogs sang the opening bars of a Lizzo song. Brent’s third eye blinked open just long enough to witness a vision of himself as a disco lizard dancing on a tax return. He passed out cold. Fernetta poured the rest of her wine into the moss and said, “Another one converted. Praise Dionysus.” She sat back on her log, exhaled deeply, and added, “And that’s why you never ignore a fairy with wine and unresolved emotional bandwidth.” Hangover of the Fey Brent awoke face-down in moss, his cheek pressed lovingly against what may or may not have been a mushroom with opinions. The sun filtered through the treetops like judgmental fingers poking a sleeping shame sandwich. His head throbbed with the kind of ancient drumbeat usually reserved for tribal exorcisms and EDM festivals in abandoned warehouses. He groaned. The moss squelched back. Everything hurt—including some existential parts of him that had been long dormant, like hope, ambition, and the idea of ordering something other than chicken tenders at restaurants. Somewhere behind him, a teacup-sized voice chirped, “He lives! The human rises!” He rolled over to see a hedgehog. A talking hedgehog. Wearing a monocle. Smoking what was clearly a cinnamon stick fashioned into a pipe. “What fresh hell…” he muttered. “Oh, you’re awake,” came Fernetta’s voice, laced with her usual brand of sarcasm and sage-like disdain. “For a minute I thought you’d gone fully feral and joined the bark nymphs. Which, by the way, never do. They’ll braid your chest hair into dreamcatchers and call it a vibe.” Brent blinked. “I had… dreams.” “Hallucinations,” corrected the hedgehog, who offered him a shot glass of something that smelled like peppermint and regret. “Drink this. It’ll balance your aura and possibly reset your digestive tract. No promises.” Brent drank it. He instantly regretted it. His tongue recoiled, his toes curled, and he sneezed his deepest shame into a nearby fern. “Perfect,” said Fernetta, clapping. “You’ve completed the cleanse.” “Cleanse?” “The Spiritual Audit, darling,” she said, fluttering down from a branch like a disillusioned angel of sarcasm. “You’ve been assessed, emotionally undressed, and gently smacked with the stick of self-awareness.” Brent looked down at himself. He was wearing a crown made of twigs, a tunic fashioned from moss and squirrel fur, and a necklace of... teeth? “What the hell happened?” Fernetta smirked, taking another languid sip from her ever-present wine glass. “You got fairy drunk, emotionally baptized in pond water, told a fox your deepest fears, slow-danced with a sentient daffodil, and yelled ‘I AM THE STORM’ while peeing on a rune stone. Honestly, I’ve seen worse Tuesdays.” The hedgehog nodded solemnly. “You also tried to start a commune for divorced dads called ‘Dadbodonia.’ It lasted fourteen minutes and ended in a heated debate about chili recipes.” Brent groaned into his hands. “I was just trying to go on a hike.” “No one just hikes into my glade,” Fernetta said, poking him with her wine glass. “You were summoned. This place finds you when you’re on the brink. Teetering on the edge of becoming a motivational meme. I saved you from dad jokes and sports metaphors for feelings.” Brent looked around. The forest suddenly felt different. The light warmer. The colors sharper. The air thick with mischief and mossy wisdom. “So… what now?” “Now you leave,” Fernetta said, “but you leave better. Slightly less of a tool. Maybe even worthy of brunch conversation. Go forth into the world, Brent. And remember what you’ve learned.” “Which was…?” “Stop dimming your weird. Stop apologizing for being tired. Stop saying ‘let’s touch base’ unless you mean physically, with someone hot. And never—ever—bring boxed wine into a sacred grove again or I’ll hex your plumbing.” The hedgehog saluted. “May your midlife crisis be mystical.” Brent, still blinking in disbelief, took a few tentative steps. A squirrel waved him goodbye. A pinecone winked. A raccoon dropped a single acorn at his feet in symbolic solidarity. He turned once more to look at Fernetta. She raised her glass. “Now go. And if you get lost again, make it interesting.” And with that, Brent stumbled out of the glade and back into the world, smelling of moss, magic, and a hint of Cabernet. Somewhere deep inside, something had changed. Maybe not enough to make him wise. But enough to make him weird. And that, in fairy terms, was progress. Back in her glade, Fernetta sighed, stretched, and settled back on her mossy throne. “Well,” she muttered, sipping again. “Guess I’ll do mushrooms for dinner. Hope they don’t talk back this time.” And somewhere in the trees, the forest whispered, laughed, and poured another round.     🍷 Feeling personally attacked by Fernetta's sass? Well, now you can hang her grumpy face on your wall like a badge of chaotic enlightenment. Click here to see the full image in our Fantasy Characters Archive and grab your very own print, framed masterpiece, or license-worthy download. Perfect for wine witches, forest freaks, or anyone whose soul runs on sarcasm and Cabernet. Because let’s be honest—you either know a Fernetta… or you are one.

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Aged Like Fine Wine and Dark Magic

par Bill Tiepelman

Aged Like Fine Wine and Dark Magic

The problem with being an immortal fae wasn’t the magic, the wings, or even the centuries of unpaid taxes. No, the real issue was the hangovers. The kind that lasted decades. Madra of the Withered Vale had once been a sprightly little thing, flitting through the moonlit woods, enchanting mushrooms, cursing ex-boyfriends, and generally making a nuisance of herself. That was a long time ago. Now, she was what the younger fae rudely referred to as “vintage,” and she had no patience for their nonsense. She took a long, deliberate sip from her goblet of Deepwood Red, a cursed wine so potent it had ended kingdoms. The glass was chipped, but so was she. “You’re staring again,” she muttered. There was, of course, no one around. Except for a particularly nosy squirrel perched nearby, watching her with its beady little eyes. It had been doing this for weeks. “I swear, if you don’t scram, I’ll turn you into an acorn. Permanently.” The squirrel chittered something obscene and darted up a tree. Good. She had enough problems without dealing with judgmental rodents. The Golden Age of Poor Decisions Once upon a time (which, in fae terms, meant somewhere between fifty years and five hundred, she had stopped counting), Madra had been at the center of every enchanted revelry. She had danced on tables, cast spells of questionable legality, and made absolutely terrible choices involving attractive strangers who later turned out to be cursed frogs. Or worse—princes. Then one fateful evening, she had challenged the wrong elf to a drinking contest. Elves, being the smug little tree-huggers they were, rarely drank anything stronger than honeyed mead. But this one had been different. He had a wicked grin, a suspiciously high alcohol tolerance, and the kind of bone structure that suggested he’d never known true hardship. “I bet I can drink you under the table,” she had declared. “I bet you can’t,” he had replied. Madra had won. And lost. Because the elf, in a spectacularly petty move, had cast a drunken curse upon her before passing out in a puddle of his own hubris. She would never, ever be able to get properly drunk again. “May your tolerance be eternal,” he had slurred. “May your liver be unbreakable.” And that was that. Decades of drinking and nothing. She could chug a bottle of fae whiskey without so much as a dizzy spell. All the joy, all the chaos, all the questionable decision-making? Gone. And now she sat here, on her usual branch, drinking out of pure spite. Visitors are the Worst She was midway through her fourth glass of sulk-wine when she heard the distinct sound of footsteps. Not the light, careful steps of an animal or the sneaky little scurrying of goblins trying to steal her socks. No, this was a person. She groaned. Loudly. “If you’re here to ask for a love potion, the answer is no,” she called out. “If you’re here to complain about a love potion, the answer is still no. And if you’re here to steal my wine, I’ll turn your kneecaps into mushrooms.” There was a pause. Then a voice, deep and annoyingly smooth, called back. “I assure you, I have no interest in your wine.” “Then you’re an idiot.” The owner of the voice stepped into view. Tall. Dark hair. The kind of smirk that suggested he either had a death wish or was a professional seducer. “Madra of the Withered Vale,” he said, with the kind of dramatic flair that made her want to throw her goblet at his head. “I have come to seek your wisdom.” Madra sighed and took another sip. “Oh, stars help me.” She had a feeling this was about to be one of those days.     Some People Just Don’t Listen Madra stared at the mysterious visitor over the rim of her goblet, debating whether she was sober enough to deal with this nonsense. Unfortunately, thanks to the elf’s curse, she was always sober enough. “Listen, Pretty Boy,” she said, swirling her wine in a way that suggested she was this close to throwing it at him. “I don’t do ‘wisdom.’ I do sarcasm, mild threats, and occasionally, revenge-fueled spellcraft. If you’re looking for a wise old fae to give you a heartwarming prophecy, try the next forest over.” “You wound me,” he said, placing a hand on his chest like some kind of tragic bard. “Not yet, but I’m seriously considering it.” He chuckled, entirely too at ease for a man standing in front of a clearly irritated fae with questionable morals. “I need your help.” “Oh, for the love of the Moon.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine. What exactly do you want?” He stepped closer, and Madra immediately pointed a clawed finger at him. “If you’re about to ask for a love spell, I swear—” “No love spells,” he said, holding up his hands. “I need something much more serious. There’s a dragon.” She sighed so hard it rattled the leaves. “There’s always a dragon.” Why is it Always a Dragon? Madra took a long, slow sip of her wine, staring at him over the rim of her goblet. “Let me guess. You need a magic sword. A fireproof cloak. A blessing from an ancient fae so you can fulfill some ridiculous prophecy about slaying the beast and reclaiming your lost honor.” He blinked. “...No.” “Oh. Well, that’s disappointing.” He shifted on his feet. “I need to steal something from the dragon.” She snorted. “So, what you’re saying is, you don’t just want to get yourself killed—you want to do it in the most spectacularly bad way possible.” “Exactly.” “I like you.” She took another sip. “You’re an idiot.” “Thank you.” Madra sighed and finally set down her goblet. “Alright, fine. I’ll help. But not because I care. It’s just been a while since I’ve watched someone make absolutely terrible decisions, and frankly, I miss it.” Bad Plans and Worse Ideas “First things first,” she said, sliding off the branch with surprising grace for someone who looked like she’d been through at least three wars and a questionable marriage. “What, exactly, are you trying to steal?” He hesitated. “Oh, no.” She pointed a gnarled finger at him. “If you say ‘the dragon’s heart’ or some other romantic nonsense, I am leaving.” “It’s… uh… a bottle.” She narrowed her eyes. “A bottle of what?” He cleared his throat. “A very old, very magical bottle of enchanted liquor.” Madra went completely still. “You mean to tell me,” she said, voice dangerously low, “that there exists a drink strong enough to be locked away in a dragon’s hoard, and I have been suffering through this for centuries?” She waved at herself, meaning the curse, her sobriety, and possibly her entire life. “...Yes?” Madra’s wings twitched. “Alright,” she said, cracking her knuckles. “New plan. We’re stealing that bottle, and you are my new favorite human.” He grinned. “So, you’ll help?” She grabbed her staff, took a final sip of wine, and flashed a wicked, too-sharp smile. “Darling, I’ll do more than help. I’ll make sure we don’t just survive this—we’ll make it look good.” And with that, Madra of the Withered Vale set off to do what she did best. Cause absolute, spectacular chaos.     Take a Piece of the Magic Home Did Madra’s snarky wisdom and thirst for chaos resonate with you? Perhaps you, too, appreciate a fine wine, a terrible decision, or the idea of an ancient fae who’s just so over it. If so, you can bring a little of her enchanted, slightly tipsy magic into your own world! 🏰 Enchant Your Walls with a Tapestry – Let Madra’s unimpressed gaze remind you daily that life is short, but wine is forever. 🌲 A Rustic Wood Print for Your Lair – The perfect addition to any home, office, or mysterious forest dwelling. 🧩 A Puzzle for the Cursed and the Cunning – Because assembling a thousand tiny pieces is still easier than dealing with adventurers before coffee. 💌 A Greeting Card for Fellow Mischief Makers – Share Madra’s unimpressed expression with friends and let them know you care—just, you know, in a fae kind of way. Whether you're decorating your walls, sending a snarky note, or testing your patience with a puzzle, these magical creations are the perfect way to celebrate fae mischief and questionable life choices. Shop the collection now and bring a little enchanted attitude into your world. Just... don’t challenge an elf to a drinking contest. Trust us.

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Dancing with the Breeze

par Bill Tiepelman

Dancing with the Breeze

Dancing with the Breeze: A Fairy’s Guide to Chaos and Confidence In the heart of the Meadow of Improbable Wonders, where wildflowers whispered secrets and dragonflies gossiped like suburban moms, lived a fairy named Calla. And Calla? Well, Calla was a *lot*. Not in a *causing-the-downfall-of-a-kingdom* way—though, let’s be honest, she’d probably be excellent at that, too. No, Calla was simply a walking, flying, glittering embodiment of “extra.” She didn’t just exist. She *thrived.* Loudly. And sometimes at the expense of other people’s patience. “It’s not my fault,” she would say, tossing her golden curls. “I was born fabulous. Some of us are just built different.” Most fairies in the Meadow had sensible jobs—pollinating flowers, controlling the weather, guiding lost travelers. Calla, on the other hand, had a self-assigned role: *Chief Enthusiasm Officer of General Nonsense.* Which is why, on this particularly sunny morning, she was standing on a toadstool, dramatically monologuing to a crowd of deeply uninterested insects. The Art of Waking Up Fabulous Let’s get one thing straight—Calla was *not* a morning person. In fact, she considered mornings to be a personal attack. They arrived uninvited, they were unnecessarily bright, and worst of all—they required her to function. She had perfected a strict wake-up routine: Groan dramatically and refuse to move for at least fifteen minutes. Knock over her jar of stardust (every. single. morning.). Complain loudly that life was unfair and that she needed a personal assistant. Finally drag herself out of bed and look in the mirror. Admire herself. More admiration. Okay, *one more minute* of admiration. Start the day. Today was no different. She stretched luxuriously, let out a satisfied sigh, and blinked blearily at the world. “Another day of being perfect. Exhausting, honestly.” After throwing on her *signature* fairy outfit—a tiny cropped top, shredded green shorts (courtesy of an unfortunate incident with a hedgehog), and a sprinkling of moon-dust highlighter—she fluttered out of her tree-hollow home, ready to cause *just a little* chaos. The Wind Selection Process Calla had one simple mission today: Find the *perfect* breeze and dance with it. Not just *any* wind would do. No, no, no. This was an art form. A science. A spiritual experience. The breeze had to be just right—strong enough to lift her, soft enough to keep her floating, and ideally infused with just a little magic. She tested the Morning Dew Drift—too damp. Nobody likes soggy wings. The Midday Gust of Disappointment—too aggressive. Almost yeeted her into a tree. The Afternoon Swirl of Indecision—too unpredictable. It nearly carried her into an awkward conversation with Harold the socially anxious squirrel. Finally, just as she was about to give up, the Sunset Whisper arrived. Warm, golden, playful. “Oh yes,” she purred. “This is the one.” Flying, Flailing, and Unexpected Lessons With a running start, Calla leapt into the air and let the wind carry her. She twirled, flipped, let herself get lost in the rhythm of the sky. The world blurred in streaks of green and gold, and for a few perfect moments, she was weightless. Then, because life is rude, she lost control. One second she was soaring. The next, she was spiraling, heading directly for the *one* obstacle in an otherwise open field—Finn. Now, Finn was a fellow fairy, known mostly for his ability to sigh like an old man trapped in a young body. He was a realist, a planner, a problem-solver. He was also, unfortunately, standing exactly where Calla was about to crash. “MOVE!” she yelled. Finn looked up, blinked, and said, “Oh, no.” And then she collided with him, sending them both tumbling into a cluster of wildflowers. Debriefing the Disaster “Calla,” Finn wheezed from beneath her. “Why?” She rolled off him dramatically. “Oh, please. That was at least 70% your fault.” Finn sat up, picking daisies out of his hair. “How, exactly?” “Standing. In my way. Not moving. Existing too solidly.” Finn sighed the sigh of someone who had made poor life choices by knowing her. “So,” he said, “what was today’s lesson? Aside from the fact that you need to work on your landings.” Calla stretched her arms, smiling at the setting sun. “Life is like a breeze. Sometimes you fly, sometimes you crash, but the important thing is—you go for it.” Finn considered this. “Huh. Not bad.” “Obviously.” She flipped her hair. “Now, come on. Let’s go throw rocks into the pond dramatically.” Finn groaned, but followed. Because Calla? Calla made life interesting.     Take the Magic Home Want to bring a little fairy mischief and whimsy into your life? Whether you’re looking to add a touch of enchantment to your walls, snuggle up with cozy magic, or carry a piece of the fairy realm with you—these handpicked products are the perfect way to capture the spirit of Calla’s adventures. ✨ Canvas Print: Elevate your space with the stunning "Dancing with the Breeze" Canvas Print. Let Calla’s carefree energy inspire you daily. 🧚 Throw Pillow: Add a sprinkle of fairy dust to your home with this magical Throw Pillow, perfect for daydreaming and dramatic sighing. 🌙 Fleece Blanket: Wrap yourself in cozy fairy magic with the ultra-soft Fleece Blanket. Ideal for chilly nights or plotting your next mischief. 👜 Tote Bag: Carry a little fairy sass wherever you go with this enchanting Tote Bag. Perfect for magical errands and spontaneous adventures. Life is short—surround yourself with things that make you smile. And remember, when the breeze is right, always dance. 🧚✨

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Cup of Frosted Magic

par Bill Tiepelman

Coupe de magie givrée

Un matin de neige, dans les bois enchantés de Glimmergrove, une toute petite fée très agacée nommée Zephyra se retrouva dans une position plutôt indigne. Elle s'occupait de ses affaires - c'est-à-dire qu'elle dormait dans son hamac préféré en pétales de rose - lorsqu'une rafale de vent hivernale la catapulta dans une tasse rouge surdimensionnée. La tasse, abandonnée par un humain imprudent, était désormais sa résidence indésirable. « Génial, marmonna-t-elle en repoussant une mèche de cheveux argentés de son visage. C'est exactement ce dont j'avais besoin : une prison glacée déguisée en poterie de mauvaise qualité. » Elle croisa les bras et agita ses ailes d'un air mécontent, envoyant une petite rafale de givre dans l'air. « Si j'avais voulu me geler les fesses, j'aurais accepté ce boulot de mannequin pour le stupide jardin de sculptures de glace de la Reine des Neiges. » Les ailes de Zephyra étaient des glaçons scintillants, ses cheveux étaient emmêlés dans un chignon désordonné qui criait « lutin surmené » et son nez couvert de taches de rousseur était rouge vif à cause du froid. Elle leva les yeux vers le bord imposant de la tasse. À sa grande consternation, il était recouvert d'une couche de givre glissante, faisant de toute tentative d'évasion un désastre glissant en attente de se produire. « Parfait. Tout simplement parfait », dit-elle en levant les mains de façon théâtrale. « Je suis une fée vieille de plusieurs siècles dotée de pouvoirs magiques, et je suis coincée dans une tasse à café comme une sorte de garniture ailée. » Entrez le renard Alors qu'elle préparait son évasion, un renard curieux apparut, sa queue touffue ondulant dans la neige. Le renard s'arrêta, renifla l'air, puis croisa le regard de Zephyra. Un lent sourire se dessina sur son visage, ou du moins un sourire aussi grand que celui qu'un renard pouvait produire. « Oh non, » gémit Zephyra. « N'y pense même pas, boule de poils. » Le renard pencha la tête, réfléchissant clairement à la meilleure façon de renverser la tasse et de récupérer son nouveau goûter de fée. D'un mouvement impertinent du poignet, Zephyra fit apparaître une petite boule de neige et la lança vers le nez du renard. Il poussa un cri et recula de quelques pas, la regardant avec une fierté blessée. « C'est vrai ! » cria-t-elle, se levant dans la tasse avec toute l'autorité que sa stature de cinq centimètres pouvait rassembler. « Je ne suis pas un hors-d'œuvre pour votre buffet d'hiver. Boum ! » Le renard émit un grognement dédaigneux et s'éloigna en trottinant, décidant clairement qu'elle ne valait pas la peine de faire cet effort. Zephyra se laissa retomber dans la tasse, ses petits poings reposant sur ses hanches. « J'effraie les prédateurs, je survis aux tempêtes de neige et pourtant je suis toujours coincée dans cette stupide chose », marmonna-t-elle. « Et ensuite ? Un écureuil essaie de m'utiliser comme décoration pour le sapin ? » Le magicien du café Comme par enchantement, le bruit de pas craquants parvint à ses oreilles gelées. Une grande silhouette émergea des arbres, emmitouflée dans plusieurs couches de robes et d'écharpes. La nouvelle venue portait un thermos fumant et fredonnait une mélodie joyeuse qui fit frémir les ailes de Zephyra d'irritation. « Un sorcier », murmura-t-elle. « Bien sûr. Parce que ma journée ne pouvait pas être plus bizarre. » Le sorcier, inconscient de la fée qui le fusillait du regard depuis l’intérieur de la tasse, s’approcha d’un air ravi. « Eh bien, qu’avons-nous là ? » dit-il d’une voix tonitruante et chaleureuse. « Une petite fée dans une tasse ! Quelle délicieuse surprise ! » Zephyra haussa un sourcil. « Ravissante pour qui, exactement ? Parce que je ne me sens pas particulièrement capricieuse en ce moment. » Le sorcier la regarda en plissant les yeux. « Oh, tu es une femme courageuse, n'est-ce pas ? » « Fougueux ? Écoute, imitateur de Gandalf, j'ai eu une matinée difficile, et à moins que tu n'aies une échelle, un sort de téléportation ou au moins un bon cappuccino, je te suggère de continuer à marcher. » Le sorcier rigola. « D’accord, mon petit. Mais comment es-tu arrivé là-dedans ? » Zephyra roula des yeux. « Est-ce que j'ai l'air de savoir ? Une minute, je fais une sieste, et la minute d'après, je suis une glace dans cette monstruosité. » Le sorcier hocha la tête avec sagesse, comme si c’était une explication parfaitement raisonnable. « Ne vous inquiétez pas, je vais vous libérer de votre prison de porcelaine. » « Oh, enfin ! Quelqu'un de sensé, dit Zephyra. Et pourquoi pas une couverture, tant qu'à y être. J'ai les ailes gelées, là. » La grande évasion D'un mouvement du poignet, le sorcier lança un sortilège et la tasse commença à chauffer. De la vapeur s'éleva du bord, faisant fondre le givre et permettant à Zephyra de déployer ses ailes. Elle s'envola dans les airs, faisant un petit tour sur elle-même juste pour se débarrasser du froid. « Il était temps », dit-elle en repoussant la poussière imaginaire de sa robe chatoyante. « Merci, je suppose. » Le sorcier sourit. « De rien, mon petit. Mais je dois dire que tu es un sacré personnage. » « Ouais, eh bien, quand on est aussi petit, il faut avoir une grande personnalité », dit-elle en lui adressant un clin d'œil effronté. « Maintenant, si tu veux bien m'excuser, j'ai une sieste à finir, et si une autre tasse se met en travers de mon chemin, j'y mets le feu. » Sur ce, Zephyra s'enfuit dans la forêt, laissant le sorcier rire et secouer la tête. Et ainsi, la tasse givrée était vide dans la neige, un monument à la détermination d'une fée très impertinente à ne jamais laisser l'hiver - ou une mauvaise céramique - prendre le dessus sur elle. Ramenez la magie à la maison Si l'aventure glaciale de Zephyra vous a enchanté, pourquoi ne pas apporter un morceau de son monde dans le vôtre ? Découvrez notre collection exclusive mettant en vedette « Cup of Frosted Magic » sur une variété de produits : Belle tapisserie : Transformez vos murs en un pays des merveilles hivernal magique. Impressions sur toile : Capturez le charme éthéré de Zephyra dans des détails vibrants. Puzzle difficile : assemblez les pièces de la magie fantaisiste, un détail givré à la fois. Cahier à spirale : Notez vos propres contes magiques dans un cahier aussi enchanteur que l'histoire de Zephyra. Cliquez sur les liens ci-dessus pour acheter maintenant et ajouter une touche de fantaisie givrée à votre vie !

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