funny cat

par Bill Tiepelman

Grinfinity Purradox

The Cat, the Cult, and the Missing Underpants In the acid-laced dreamscape of Kaleidowood, nestled between the Caffeine Mountains and the River of Poor Decisions, lived a feline who wasn’t quite... sane. Or real. Or housebroken. Locals called it Grinfinity — a name spoken only after three espresso shots and a silent prayer to the God of Hangovers. Grinfinity wasn’t born. He coalesced. Formed from the collective subconscious of every drunk art major who ever said “I could totally design an NFT of a cat that eats the multiverse.” He was 70% fractal mischief, 20% day-glow fluff, and 10% weaponized smile. And that smile? It had molars. Not like “oh how cute, kitty has teeth,” but “oh god it bit the mayor and he still can't eat pudding right.” By day, he posed as a mystical guru in the backyard of a defunct yoga studio, purring cryptic nonsense to wide-eyed influencers and failed DJs. By night, he attended underground raves where he sold micro-doses of existential dread packed in jellybean form. His third favorite hobby was rearranging people’s sock drawers into mandalas and then watching their slow mental decline. But on the fateful Thursday that kicked off the Purradox, Grinfinity had other plans: he wanted the Moon's underpants. "What?" you ask. "The Moon wears underpants?" Of course it does. Why do you think it hides behind clouds during full moons? Modesty. Lunar modesty. But the Moon’s underpants weren’t just any cosmic skivvies — no, these were handwoven from the silky regret of 1990s boybands and reinforced with the sighs of every raccoon who ever found an empty trash bin. They were the comfiest, most powerful underpants in the known reality cluster. Legend said that whoever wore them gained the ability to lick their own ego clean, summon a never-ending brunch, and annoy telemarketers with mind bullets. Grinfinity didn’t care about that. He just wanted to steal them and leave them hanging on a church steeple in Wisconsin. For the vibes. Thus began a journey through wormholes, drive-thrus, and a surprisingly aggressive nudist colony called “Freeballonia.” But first, he needed a crew. And like any true antihero, he started with the worst idea possible: Craigslist. The first to answer was Darla Doomleg, a retired roller derby champ turned erotic taxidermist. She had a bat tattooed on each butt cheek and a pet stoat named Greg. Then came Phil “No Pants” McGravy, a man banned from seventeen diners and one time accidentally married an inflatable couch. And rounding out the chaos was Kevin, a sentient pile of glitter with a vape addiction and daddy issues. “We're going to steal lunar underwear,” Grinfinity announced, tail coiling like a Salvador Dalí signature. “And if we’re lucky, fart in them before the universe resets.” No one blinked. Kevin did release a small puff of lavender mist, but that was just how he showed excitement. They climbed into Darla’s hover-Winnebago, gassed up on fermented Snapple and sheer spite, and rocketed toward their fate. Grinfinity sat at the helm, purring like a tattoo gun stuck on “regret,” eyes glowing like traffic lights at a rave. The first destination? The Great Cosmic Sock Drawer — a sub-dimensional vault rumored to contain every lost sock, sense of dignity, and good decision ever made while drunk. It was also, according to Reddit, the portal to the Moon's laundry chute. They had no idea what horrors awaited. But Grinfinity didn’t care. He had his claws sharpened, his grin dialed to “menace,” and his butt parked squarely in destiny’s cupholder. The Great Sock Drawer and the Trouble with Sentient Panties Inside the yawning, sock-scented maw of the Great Cosmic Sock Drawer, time hiccuped. Reality folded like origami made by a drunk uncle at a family BBQ, and gravity was having a petty argument with inertia. Grinfinity and his crew stumbled out of the hover-Winnebago, blinking at the fuzzy chaos sprawling before them. The landscape was pure chaos. Left socks lounged in velvet hammocks, drinking hot cocoa and sighing about their missing partners. Right socks marched in military formations, demanding justice, a Netflix series, and warm feet. Thongs floated overhead like smug butterflies, occasionally dive-bombing crew members with snarky insults. A massive athletic sock the size of a cathedral sobbed gently into a vat of Axe body spray. “I feel like I licked a lava lamp,” muttered Phil No Pants, who was currently wearing a kilt made of caution tape and chewing on a glowstick for courage. “What is this place?” “The psychic fallout zone of every laundry day gone wrong,” Darla Doomleg whispered, clutching Greg the stoat, who had gone full feral and was now gnawing at the space-time continuum like it owed him money. “We need to find the Laundry Chute of Ascension.” Kevin the Glitter Pile was vibrating, leaving behind little trails of sparkly nonsense and purring to himself in Morse code. “This place smells like wet shame and cinnamon gum,” he murmured. “I feel alive.” Grinfinity prowled ahead, his paws leaving imprints of color that shifted when no one was looking. Every step was an insult to geometry. His grin widened with each twitching sock and floating brassiere they passed. He was in his element — chaos, laundry, and low-stakes cosmic thievery. All his nine lives had been leading to this moment. Suddenly, a booming voice erupted from the horizon like a burp from a god who’d eaten too much cheese. “WHO SEEKS THE PANTIES OF THE MOON?” Everyone froze. Even Greg. Even Darla’s left butt cheek clenched in alarm. Out of a storm cloud made entirely of mismatched dryer lint emerged a being of impossible fluff and profound sass: the Panty Warden of the 7th Cycle. It had the body of a sentient laundry basket, legs made of coat hangers, and eyes that screamed "I once had hopes, but then I taught middle school." “State your purpose or be ye sorted by the eternal spin cycle!” it roared. Phil stepped forward, holding a novelty-sized pair of edible underpants as a peace offering. “We’re here to borrow the Moon’s undies and maybe cause some low-level metaphysical vandalism. No biggie.” The Panty Warden blinked slowly. “Do you even understand the power you seek? Those briefs control tides, menstrual cycles, and cheese production in Wisconsin. They're woven from lunar wool and blessed by the Pope's weird cousin.” “That’s exactly why we need them,” Grinfinity replied, his eyes glowing like radioactive olives. “Also, I made a bet with a comet that I could graffiti Saturn’s rings while wearing them.” The Warden sighed, releasing a cloud of fabric softener that smelled like unresolved childhood trauma. “Very well. But first, you must pass... the Trials of the Tumble.” And just like that, the ground fell away. The crew screamed, some out of fear, others out of habit. They plummeted through a vortex of laundry-themed horrors: a tunnel of moist towels, a field of biting sock puppets quoting Nietzsche, and a karaoke pit where rogue lingerie sang ABBA songs at weaponized volume. Trial One: The Washer of Regret. The team was trapped inside a swirling cylinder of bad exes, awkward conversations, and that one time you texted “you too” when the barista said “enjoy your drink.” Grinfinity just floated through, humming “Toxic” by Britney Spears and occasionally hissing at ghosts. Darla punched her way out with brass-knuckled sass. Kevin just melted into a puddle of self-love and re-emerged fabulous and more glittery than ever. Trial Two: The Bleach Zone. Everything turned white. The crew was assaulted by unsolicited opinions, yoga moms in Uggs, and the endless loop of someone explaining NFTs. Phil nearly broke until he remembered he’d once peed in an influencer’s smoothie. That gave him strength. Trial Three: Ironing Board of Destiny. A smooth-talking ironing board challenged them to a game of philosophical beer pong. The questions were abstract (“Can socks dream of matching feet?”), the answers more so. Grinfinity aced it with riddles that sounded like pickup lines from a sentient thesaurus. He seduced the board into submission. Finally, they emerged in the heart of the Drawer — the Spin Temple, a massive coliseum of cotton and ego. Suspended in the center, guarded by a choir of floating sentient boxer briefs, hovered the prize: the Lunar Underpants. They were magnificent. High-waisted. Laced with constellations. The tag simply read “Handwash Only: Violates 17 Natural Laws if Machine Dried.” “I’m gonna sniff them,” Kevin whispered reverently. “You’re not gonna sniff them,” Darla snapped. “I might sniff them,” Grinfinity admitted, already climbing the scaffolding with the grace of a deranged ballet dancer. As he reached for the waistband, a ripple shot through space — a psychic fart of destiny. The Moon felt it. Back on the lunar surface, the Moon blinked. It had been binge-watching telenovelas and eating emotional ice cream, unaware its favorite underpants were under siege. It rose slowly. The air crackled. Somewhere, a celestial gong sounded. The Moon. Was. Coming. Underwearageddon, Glitter Redemption, and the Grinning End of All Things The Moon was pissed. Like, full-on “I came home to find my favorite snack gone and someone used my toothbrush as a butt-scrubber” kind of pissed. It tore across the cosmos like a cosmic Karen in a minivan made of passive-aggressive Yelp reviews, headed directly for the Great Cosmic Sock Drawer. As it moved, it plucked meteors from space like curlers and rolled them into its hair. Lightning cracked across its craters. It snarled in Spanish. Meanwhile, deep within the Spin Temple, Grinfinity clutched the legendary Lunar Underpants like a man possessed — or more accurately, like a cat who had just found the warmest, most forbidden nap spot in the multiverse. “They’re... so soft,” he purred, eyes rolling back as celestial cotton caressed his furry cheeks. “This must be what angels wear when they go clubbing.” Darla Doomleg stood guard, wielding a feather boa turned plasma whip. “We’ve got maybe thirty seconds until the Moon shows up and rage-bounces us into another dimension.” Kevin, now three times larger and pulsing with high-voltage glam energy, was covered in psychic sequins and vibrating with existential anxiety. “I don’t think I’m ready to fight a planetary body, guys. I barely survived brunch with my ex last week.” Phil No Pants was applying glow-in-the-dark war paint using a bottle of expired ranch dressing. “You guys worry too much. What’s the Moon gonna do, moon us?” Then the ceiling exploded in a tidal wave of lunar fury. The Moon descended like a glittery judgment god, wreathed in flames and expletives. “WHO. TOUCHED. MY. UNDIES.” “It was consensual!” Grinfinity shouted, hiding the underpants in a pocket dimension shaped like a suspiciously moist gym sock. “Also, we’re technically insured.” The Moon blinked, then launched a crater-sized moonbeam directly at them. Chaos erupted. Battle of the Briefs had begun. Sock armies rose from beneath the temple, unified by their mutual hatred of foot sweat and abandonment. They charged the Moon’s shoelace golems, who whipped through the air with deadly accuracy. Lingerie drones buzzed above, firing taser-thongs at anything that moved. One particularly aggressive sports bra suplexed a cardigan into next week. Phil No Pants rode into the fray on a flaming flip-flop, swinging twin pool noodles like nunchucks and screaming, “I AM THE TIDE POD WARRIOR!” Darla leapt into the air, roundhouse-kicking a pair of sentient long johns into a spinning dryer vortex, then delivered a passionate monologue about consent and the importance of label-reading during laundry. The socks paused, inspired. One wept quietly. Kevin, meanwhile, had achieved a glitter-based transcendence. He floated above the battlefield, shimmering like a rave god, whispering affirmations and raining down healing sparkles. Enemies froze mid-punch to marvel at his radiant thighs. A bra snapped itself back on in respect. But the Moon would not be swayed. It summoned a tidal wave of moonlight, collapsing the fabric of the drawer. Grinfinity had one shot — one chance to save them all and pants the Moon at the same time. He reached into the quantum sock-pocket, pulled out the Lunar Underpants, and slipped them on with the slow-motion power of a shampoo commercial meets an exorcism. Light flared. Somewhere, a llama learned to play bass guitar. Reality hiccuped. “You cannot wear those,” the Moon roared. “They are mine!” “Correction,” Grinfinity said, stepping forward with a pelvic thrust that echoed through the void. “They were yours. Now they’re riding this fuzzy thunder-thicc tail and fueling chaos like grandma’s chili on cheat day.” He activated the Underpant Protocol: an ancient power encoded in the waistband. Threads of truth and bad decisions spiraled outward, rewriting physics with every purr. The Moon staggered, blinking in slow-motion as its own gravitational ego was pulled into a swirling vortex of shame and self-reflection. “Is this what I’ve become?” the Moon whispered. “A petty ball of overreactive glow?” Kevin floated up beside it. “We all lose our shine sometimes. What matters is whether you sparkle again… on your own terms.” The Moon sobbed. One giant, shimmering tear fell from the sky and splashed onto Earth, instantly birthing a pop-up spa in Cleveland. No one questioned it. It had a four-star rating by noon. In that moment, Grinfinity forgave the Moon. Or maybe just got distracted by a floating meatball. Either way, peace was restored. The Spin Temple faded into a soft fog of dryer sheets and awkward goodbyes. The sock armies disbanded. The sentient panties returned to their cloud nests. The Moon returned home, slightly wiser, moderately humbler, and down one pair of godly underwear. Back on Earth, Grinfinity opened a fusion brunch parlor called Purradox & Eggs. Darla launched a wildly successful line of tactical corsets. Phil became the host of a reality show called “Naked and Mildly Confused.” Kevin published a memoir titled “Glitter and Guts: My Journey Through Sockspace.” And the underpants? Still worn by Grinfinity, usually on Wednesdays, always backwards, occasionally while skateboarding down gravity wells just to flip off the laws of thermodynamics. He never stopped grinning.     Still grinning? Good — because now you can bring a piece of the madness home. Whether you want to display Grinfinity’s legendary smirk above your fireplace, send dangerously whimsical greetings to frenemies, or spend a questionable weekend assembling his fur one psychedelic piece at a time, we've got you covered. Own the purradox in glorious form: Framed Print: Class up your chaos — Grinfinity belongs in a frame, not in your sock drawer. Canvas Print: Vibrant, bold, and as misbehaved as your last birthday party. Tapestry: Cover your wall in color-drenched cat chaos (or your ex’s taste in décor). Jigsaw Puzzle: Lose your sanity piece by piece — just like Grinfinity intended. Greeting Card: Because nothing says “I’m thinking of you” like a cosmic cat who may have destroyed space-time for fun. Get weird. Get wonderful. Get Grinfinity.

par Bill Tiepelman

La fille, le chat et le jardin qui n'existaient pas hier

Un jeudi qui était censé être comme tous les autres, Lydia, une petite fille curieuse avec une affinité pour les robes à motifs roses et les grandes aventures, s'est promenée dans son jardin pour trouver quelque chose qui n'était certainement pas là la veille : un immense jardin enchanté. Il y avait des plantes qu'elle ne reconnaissait pas, ce qui était étrange car Lydia se considérait comme une experte en jardinage. D'énormes fleurs de la taille d'une assiette à dîner se courbaient au-dessus de sentiers en bois sinueux, leurs pétales chatoyants dans des nuances impossibles d'indigo, de corail et de pêche vif. Des vignes enroulaient des arbres centenaires comme si elles tissaient une tapisserie, et l'air sentait le miel et la cannelle, même si c'était probablement le même jardin où le chien des voisins aimait bêcher leur pelouse. À côté d'elle se trouvait son Maine Coon duveteux et légèrement sarcastique, Maximilian von Purrington. Max avait été baptisé ainsi par la grand-mère de Lydia, qui prétendait que les chats portant des noms longs développaient du caractère, et Lydia en déduisit que c'était vrai puisque Max avait une personnalité qui pouvait remplir la maison. Sa fourrure rousse brillait de manière presque théâtrale dans la douce lumière filtrant à travers le feuillage, et il était assis, la queue enroulée autour de ses pattes, regardant le jardin avec un mélange de surprise et de légère désapprobation. Il préférait l'intérieur, où les collations étaient abondantes et le risque de végétation étrange était minime. « C’est toi qui as fait ça ? » murmura Lydia, déjà certaine que le jardin cachait des secrets qu’elle n’avait pas encore découverts. Max leva les yeux vers elle, plissant ses yeux verts avec l'expression blasée d'un chat habitué à faire plaisir aux humains. « Je pense que nous savons tous les deux que je ne suis pas un fan d'horticulture », répondit-il, sa voix dégoulinant du genre d'accent britannique sec que Lydia imaginait pour lui. En vérité, Max ne parlait pas, mais l'imagination de Lydia comblait les vides. « Et ne pense même pas à manger quoi que ce soit ici. Si les champignons ont des yeux, on se retourne. » Mais Lydia s'élançait déjà sur le premier sentier sinueux, sa jupe en dentelle tourbillonnant autour de ses jambes, ses cheveux rebondissant alors qu'elle sautait sur des racines qui semblaient palpiter de vie. Max, déchiré entre sa loyauté et sa réticence à entrer dans le jardin, la suivit avec un soupir résigné. Le secret du jardin Plus ils s'enfonçaient dans le jardin, plus il devenait étrange. Il y avait des fleurs qui semblaient se réarranger quand Lydia ne regardait pas, et des plantes qui tremblaient et se retiraient quand Max s'approchait, comme intimidées par sa hauteur désinvolte. Lydia riait et tournoyait, se délectant de chaque vue étrange et merveilleuse, tandis que Max marmonnait à voix basse des « bêtises botaniques » et des « humains et de leur bêtise ». Ils atteignirent ensuite une clairière où se dressait une immense porte en bois finement sculptée, isolée, qui ne menait à rien de particulier. Sur sa surface, on pouvait lire, en caractères délicats, les mots : « Pour ceux qui sont perdus ou qui s’ennuient tout simplement ». « Oh ! Il faut y aller ! » déclara Lydia. — Ou bien, dit Max d’une voix traînante, en étirant délicatement ses pattes, on pourrait faire demi-tour. J’ai entendu dire que le canapé était bien chaud à cette heure de la journée. Mais avant qu'il ne puisse protester davantage, Lydia avait poussé la porte et ils étaient entrés. Une danse avec les crapauds De l’autre côté de la porte, ils se retrouvèrent dans un jardin encore plus étrange. Le chemin sous eux n’était pas fait de terre ou de bois, mais de nuages ​​doux et épais qui amortissaient chaque pas, et les plantes ici étaient encore plus absurdes qu’avant. Des champignons violets vifs poussaient sur des rochers flottants, et d’énormes plantes gonflées à la fourrure pastel se balançaient au rythme d’une musique qui semblait sortir de nulle part. « Est-ce qu'on flotte ? » demanda Max, quelque peu angoissé. « Je suis un chat, Lydia. Je suis censé rester près du sol. La gravité fait partie de ma marque. » Lydia l’entendit à peine. Elle se précipitait déjà vers un bouquet de fleurs aux pétales brillants qui ressemblaient à des vitraux. Derrière les fleurs, un panneau indiquait : « À GAUCHE : Un ogre amical avec de la limonade gratuite. À DROITE : Attention aux crapauds qui dansent des claquettes. » Lydia, étant une enfant logique, a décidé que la limonade gratuite était une opportunité à ne pas manquer, alors elle a viré à gauche, avec Max marchant à contrecœur derrière elle. En effet, ils rencontrèrent bientôt un ogre amical assis dans un grand fauteuil confortable, à l'air étonnamment domestique. Il portait des lunettes, avait un anneau dans le nez et tenait une carafe de limonade dans une main. Alors qu'ils s'approchaient, il sourit et leur offrit à chacun une tasse (Lydia accepta avec plaisir, Max renifla sa tasse avec méfiance). « Belle journée dans le jardin, n'est-ce pas ? » dit l'ogre, dont le nom se révéla être Gérald. « Oh, je n'irais pas plus loin que la rivière, cependant – il y a des buissons de myrtilles sauvages avec une attitude assez particulière là-bas. » « Oh, merci, Gerald ! » dit Lydia, ravie d’avoir trouvé un ami. « Est-ce que tu vis ici ? » « Oh, je ne dirais pas que j'habite ici », répondit mystérieusement Gerald, regardant par-dessus ses lunettes. « C'est juste là que je vais le jeudi. Le vendredi, je suis plutôt un troll des montagnes, si tu vois ce que je veux dire. » Il fit un clin d'œil. Après quelques gorgées supplémentaires de limonade, Lydia et Max remercièrent Gerald et repartirent une fois de plus, lui faisant signe au revoir tandis qu'il retournait à son magazine, qui semblait s'intituler « Ogrely Affairs ». Le voyage de retour Des heures, ou peut-être quelques minutes, plus tard, Lydia et Max revinrent enfin sur leurs pas jusqu'à la porte solitaire du jardin. Ils la franchirent et débouchèrent une fois de plus dans l'arrière-cour parfaitement normale de Lydia. Le jardin enchanté avait disparu, remplacé par les buissons habituels, une pelouse inégale et le chien du voisin qui aboyait après un pigeon. En entrant dans la maison, Max s'étala immédiatement sur le tapis le plus proche avec un soupir, comme s'il venait de faire un voyage terriblement ardu. « Que penses-tu que tout cela signifie ? » demanda Lydia en jetant un regard vers le jardin, comme si elle espérait qu’il réapparaisse. Max lui lança un regard impénétrable. « Certaines choses, Lydia, sont mieux laissées sans explication. Comme la recette de limonade de cet ogre. » Ils ne parlèrent plus jamais du jardin, mais chaque jeudi, comme sur des roulettes, Lydia vérifiait l'arrière-cour, juste au cas où la porte reviendrait. Et même s'il ne l'admettait jamais, Max vérifiait toujours aussi. Ramenez la magie à la maison Si vous avez aimé l'aventure enchanteresse de Lydia et Max dans le jardin mystique, vous pouvez garder un morceau de cette magie dans votre propre espace. Explorez notre collection Mystical Gardens and Childhood Dreams , avec des créations fantaisistes de Bill et Linda Tiepelman qui capturent l'esprit onirique de l'histoire. Des plaids douillets aux accessoires charmants, ces articles sont parfaits pour ajouter une touche d'émerveillement à votre vie quotidienne. Tapisserie – Transformez n’importe quelle pièce en une escapade de conte de fées avec cette magnifique tapisserie. Coussin décoratif – Ajoutez une touche de magie à votre canapé ou à votre coin lecture avec ce coussin décoratif douillet. Sac fourre-tout – Emportez un morceau du jardin enchanté avec vous partout où vous allez ! Pochette – Gardez vos essentiels à portée de main avec cette charmante pochette, parfaite pour les aventures quotidiennes. Chaque pièce de cette collection est conçue pour apporter un sourire et une touche de fantaisie dans votre vie. Emportez avec vous un peu de la magie du jardin et laissez libre cours à votre imagination !