Funny Halloween tale

Contes capturés – par Bill Tiepelman

Spells, Pumpkins, and Gnome Mischief

In the heart of the haunted hollow, there sat a gnome. Not just any gnome—this was Garvin, the self-proclaimed “Master of Spells” and “Pumpkin Aficionado.” Spoiler alert: he was terrible at both. Garvin wasn’t your typical, cutesy lawn gnome. No, no. This one had big plans. With his oversized witch’s hat, adorned with fake flowers he stole from Mrs. Willowbottom’s garden, and his broom that had never swept a thing in its life, Garvin was ready to cause some mischief. Or at least, that was the plan. “Alright, pumpkin,” he muttered under his breath, glaring at the jack-o'-lantern next to him, which glowed a bit too cheerfully for his taste. “Tonight’s the night we make magic happen.” The pumpkin didn’t respond. It was a pumpkin, after all. Garvin huffed. “You know, some witches get a talking cat. I get...you. A vegetable with a face. Great.” The broom next to him seemed to mock his lack of witchy credibility. But it wasn’t the broom’s fault that Garvin hadn’t quite mastered the whole “flying” thing. Or sweeping, for that matter. He gave it a kick for good measure. It did nothing, of course. With a dramatic flourish, he waved his hands, trying to summon something spooky, something powerful. “Abra...kadabra?” He paused, frowned. “Wait, no. Alaka-zam? Oh, whatever.” Nothing happened. Well, aside from a gust of wind that knocked over a nearby stack of firewood. Real spooky stuff. Frustrated, Garvin leaned back against the pumpkin and crossed his arms. “I’m starting to think this whole witchy gnome business is overrated. Do you know how much this stupid hat itches? And don't even get me started on these striped socks. They're cutting off circulation.” The pumpkin glowed, casting a warm light on Garvin’s disgruntled face. For a moment, the gnome just stared at it. Then, with a sigh, he nudged it again. “Look at you, all smug with your perfect little glowing grin. Bet you’re really proud of yourself, huh?” Suddenly, a bat flew overhead, casting a shadow across the moonlit yard. Garvin flinched, then quickly composed himself, pretending he hadn’t just jumped out of his skin. “Oh, yeah. That’s real original. A bat. On Halloween. Didn’t see that coming.” He rolled his eyes. But as the bat disappeared into the night, Garvin allowed a small smirk to creep across his face. Maybe tonight wasn’t so bad after all. After all, it was Halloween—a night for witches, gnomes, and all sorts of spooky mishaps. He picked up his broom, not to fly it (let’s not kid ourselves), but to lean on it like a walking stick. “Alright, pumpkin,” he said, “let’s go see if we can find some candy to ‘borrow.’ After all, if I can’t conjure magic, I can at least conjure up a sugar rush.” And with that, Garvin, the most sarcastic, spell-challenged gnome in the haunted hollow, shuffled off into the night, ready to cause just the slightest bit of mischief... or at least get his hands on some chocolate. The pumpkin, as usual, said nothing.     Bring Home the Mischief! Love Garvin the gnome and his magical, sarcastic adventures? Why not invite him into your home! Whether you're decorating for the spooky season or just want a quirky reminder of Halloween mischief, we’ve got you covered. Choose from a variety of products featuring "Spells, Pumpkins, and Gnome Mischief": Framed Prints – Add a touch of gnome magic to your walls with this beautifully framed print! Tapestries – Drape your space in whimsical charm with a cozy tapestry of Garvin and his pumpkin companion. Greeting Cards – Share the fun with friends and family with gnome-inspired Halloween greeting cards. Stickers – Slap some spooky, gnome-filled goodness on your laptop, notebook, or anywhere that needs a dash of Halloween fun! Embrace the enchantment with a touch of sarcasm – Garvin wouldn’t have it any other way!

Contes capturés – par Bill Tiepelman

Hocus Pocus Tortoise

The Hocus Pocus Tortoise It was Halloween night, and Carl wasn’t feeling the spooky spirit. While his neighbors adorned their lawns with inflatable skeletons and fake gravestones, Carl preferred something quieter—Netflix and boxed wine. However, when he stepped outside to take out the trash, he noticed something strange at his front door. A tortoise. But not just any tortoise. This one wore a purple witch’s hat, with a buckle gleaming in the moonlight, and its shell was carved like a jack-o'-lantern. A small cauldron bubbled beside it, and Carl swore he heard... cackling? “Alright, I’ve seen weirder stuff after a couple glasses,” Carl mumbled. He approached the tortoise cautiously. “What’s your deal, little guy?” The tortoise blinked slowly, then—much to Carl's disbelief—spoke. “Not so little, are we now? I’m a magical tortoise, buddy. Call me Hexley.” “A talking tortoise. Yeah, sure, why not. How many drinks have I had?” Carl rubbed his eyes and looked around, but the street was empty except for Hexley. “Alright, let’s play along. What do you want, Hexley?” “Oh, it’s not what I want, it’s what you need,” Hexley said with a sly grin, his eyes twinkling beneath the brim of his oversized witch hat. “I sense you’ve been avoiding the fun, Carl. Don’t think I don’t know about your sad attempt at avoiding Halloween by binge-watching rom-coms.” “Wait, how do you know my name?” Carl stammered, stepping back. Hexley’s shell glowed faintly orange as he chuckled. “Buddy, I’m not just any tortoise. I’m the Hocus Pocus Tortoise! Halloween is my domain. And right now, you’re my project.” Chaos Unleashed Before Carl could object, Hexley waved a claw in the air, and suddenly, Carl’s once-boring front yard exploded into a full-blown Halloween carnival. Pumpkins swirled through the air, turning into enormous jack-o’-lanterns with flaming eyes. Skeletons danced on his lawn, and somehow, his trash bin had transformed into a candy dispenser shooting full-sized chocolate bars. “Whoa, whoa! Stop, stop!” Carl shouted, nearly tripping over a rogue black cat that dashed past him. “I didn’t ask for this!” Hexley grinned wider. “That’s the beauty of it. No one asks for a magical tortoise to ruin—or rather, improve—their evening. But here I am.” He waddled slowly toward Carl, his shell glowing with every step. “Now, how about we liven you up a little?” With another wave of his claw, Carl felt a strange tingle in his body. He looked down and—what the hell?—he was now dressed in a pirate costume, complete with a hook for a hand, an eye patch, and a bottle of rum. “I look like an idiot!” Carl yelled, though part of him found the situation strangely hilarious. “That’s the point, matey,” Hexley said, now perched atop a conjured treasure chest. “You’re supposed to let loose! Life’s too short to be boring. Besides, the neighborhood Halloween party starts in ten minutes. You’re going as Captain Carl.” “I don’t even like parties!” Carl protested, but Hexley just shook his head. The Wildest Night As if on cue, his phone buzzed. It was a notification from the neighbors: “Halloween Block Party. Join us, Carl! Don’t be a buzzkill this year.” Carl sighed, knowing Hexley wasn’t about to take ‘no’ for an answer. “Come on, Captain Carl,” Hexley said with a wink. “It’s not every day you get invited to the party of the year by a magical tortoise. Let’s go make some chaos.” And so, with a combination of resignation and curiosity, Carl grabbed his bottle of rum and followed Hexley down the street. His neighbors were already gathering, dressed as zombies, superheroes, and werewolves, but none of them had a tortoise with a pumpkin shell casting spells left and right. Before he knew it, Carl was the center of attention, thanks to Hexley. The tortoise had turned the punch bowl into a fountain of margaritas, the party snacks into gourmet appetizers, and at one point, he enchanted the music playlist to only play ‘Monster Mash’ on a loop. But somehow, everyone loved it. By the end of the night, Carl found himself laughing more than he had in years. He’d won the costume contest (because of course, a magical tortoise’s creation would win), danced like an idiot, and even made a couple of new friends. A Bewitching End As the party wound down and the crowd began to disperse, Carl sat on the curb with Hexley beside him, nursing a final drink. “Okay, I’ll admit it,” Carl said, wiping his brow. “You were right. I needed this.” Hexley gave a slow nod. “Of course, I was right. I’m always right.” He smirked, tipping his witch hat. “Now, next year, we’ll turn it up even more. Maybe I’ll turn you into a werewolf, or a sexy vampire. We’ll see.” Carl chuckled, shaking his head. “No more surprises. One night of magical chaos is enough for me, thanks.” Hexley just grinned. “We’ll see about that, Carl. We’ll see.” And with that, the Hocus Pocus Tortoise vanished into the mist, leaving Carl to wonder if any of it had been real at all. Except for the fact that he was still in a pirate costume, and his lawn still had a skeleton breakdancing under the moonlight. “Next year’s gonna be even weirder, isn’t it?” Carl muttered, as he stumbled back inside, kicking a pumpkin out of the way. “Dammit, Hexley.”     Bring Hexley's Magic Home If Hexley's mischief has sparked your Halloween spirit, you can bring a bit of the magic home with you. Whether you're decorating or gifting, these Hocus Pocus Tortoise products will cast a fun spell on your home: Hocus Pocus Tortoise Framed Print – Capture the essence of Hexley’s whimsical charm with this high-quality framed print. Perfect for adding a spooky yet playful vibe to any room. Hocus Pocus Tortoise Puzzle – Love a challenge? Piece together this magical tortoise while sipping on your favorite Halloween treat. Hocus Pocus Tortoise Greeting Cards – Send some spooky fun to friends with these delightful greeting cards, featuring Hexley in all his Halloween glory. Hocus Pocus Tortoise Coffee Mug – Start your mornings with a bit of mischief! This mug is the perfect companion for sipping your brew and plotting your own magical adventures. Whether you're decorating for Halloween or simply love the idea of a magical tortoise making your life more interesting, these products are sure to make Hexley a part of your world.