par Bill Tiepelman
Velvet Torque: The Rebel Fairy
The Midnight Kickstart It was quarter past midnight when the ground trembled under the neon-stained clouds of Feyridge. Somewhere between the scent of lavender oil and motor grease, a rumble echoed through the twisting alleys of the Clockwork Quarter. And at its center—revving the engine of a skull-studded motorcycle that glowed like it had secrets—was her. Velvet Torque. No one called her by her birth name anymore, mostly because nobody remembered it. She’d long since traded faerie dust and lullabies for horsepower and brass knuckles wrapped in satin. Her wings? Six-foot blades of iridescent artistry, sharper than half the swords in the Royal Guard’s arsenal. Her bunny ears? Absolutely real. A remnant of an ill-advised love affair with a shape-shifting rabbit prince. Don’t ask. Seriously—don’t. Tonight was not about exes or regrets. Tonight was about payback. She zipped up her corset, tucked a tiny dagger into her garter, and took one last pull on a glitter-infused cigarillo that smelled like cotton candy and vengeance. “Let’s ride, bitches,” she whispered to her bike, which hummed in response like a good familiar should. Her motorcycle, SugarSkull, wasn’t just sentient—it was gossipy. And petty. But it was loyal, and that was enough. Velvet’s mission? Crash the Grand Mechanist’s annual Gala of Gears and expose his not-so-little secret: he’d been siphoning magic from the Fae Forest to fuel his precious automaton army. Not cool. Also? He’d banned cupcakes from the city under some obscure ‘combustible icing’ ordinance. That was the final straw. With a booted foot in glitter-laced leather, she kicked SugarSkull into gear. Fire belched from the twin exhaust pipes shaped like fanged cherubs. The bike roared like a thunder god with a hangover as Velvet launched herself down the cobbled roads, wings flaring behind her like stained-glass war banners. As she tore past the bakeries and brothels of Gear Alley, patrons raised their glasses. “Go get him, Velvet!” someone shouted. Another yelled, “You still owe me ten gold for that tequila-fueled llama bet!” She winked. “Put it on my tab, darling.” Halfway through the city, a mechanical pigeon dive-bombed her with a royal summons. She swatted it mid-air. “Nice try, Tinker King,” she growled. “But I RSVP’d with a chainsaw.” By the time she reached the copper drawbridge to the palace gates, the guards had already pissed themselves. One of them dropped his halberd and fled. The other started reciting his resignation letter in haiku. Velvet revved her bike, licked a candy skull lollipop, and pulled out a compact mirror that doubled as a fireball grenade launcher. “You boys might wanna duck.” The Gala was about to get interesting… The Gala Gets Gutted The palace courtyard was glittering with mechanical peacocks and clockwork flamingos, all preening under the golden glow of suspended aether-lanterns. Guests in gear-studded gowns and velvet waistcoats sipped shimmering cocktails and exchanged pleasantries like this was just another Tuesday in the realm of the obscenely rich. That is, until SugarSkull launched itself through the ballroom’s stained-glass skylight like an angry comet driven by sass and spite. Velvet landed in the middle of a chocolate fondue fountain and immediately lit a firework cigar, sending rainbow sparks into a chandelier made entirely of enchanted hummingbirds. “Ladies, lords, and what-the-fork-ever that is,” she announced, pointing to a guest with three monocles and a nose-ring the size of a wagon wheel, “your gala has officially been canceled.” The crowd gasped. One duchess fainted. A goblin threw his shrimp cocktail at her. Velvet caught it mid-air, licked it, and tossed it over her shoulder. “Tastes like colonialism,” she muttered. The Grand Mechanist, a tower of steam-powered smugness in a top hat rigged with its own weather system, stepped forward with an oily sneer. “Ah, the infamous Velvet Torque,” he drawled. “To what do we owe this delightfully disruptive honor? Another petty vendetta, perhaps?” “Petty?” she scoffed. “You banned cupcakes, Barnaby.” “That’s Lord Barnaby—” “Nope,” Velvet snapped, pulling a scroll from her cleavage and unfolding it with theatrical flair. “By royal decree of Queen Shyla the Slightly Unhinged, and by order of the Underground Order of Sugar-Infused Justice, I am hereby authorized to deliver a magical audit, a sugar strike, and a vibe check.” Gasps again. Somewhere, a monocle popped dramatically. Velvet smirked. Lord Barnaby’s automaton guards surged forward—towering brass monsters with drills for hands and no sense of humor. Velvet cracked her knuckles. “Darling,” she purred to her reflection in a butter-slicked serving tray, “try not to completely demolish the architecture.” What followed was chaos married to choreography. Velvet spun through the ballroom like a disco banshee. Her wings sliced through gears and gearsmen alike, shedding glitter like weaponized confetti. She rode SugarSkull straight up a support beam, launched into the air, and hurled a molotov teacup right into Barnaby’s smug little weather hat, setting off a mini thunderstorm above his powdered wig. “That’s for the forest,” she hissed. “And that’s for banning sprinkles, you greasy goblin.” Within minutes, the gala had become a war zone of melted cheese wheels, collapsing candelabras, and confused nobles trying to crawl out of their own hoop skirts. Velvet landed beside a demolished hors d'oeuvres table, grabbed a stuffed mushroom, and stuffed it in her mouth while launching a smoke bomb shaped like a corsage. She strolled casually through the haze, collecting enchanted gears and whispering sweet threats to trembling guests. “Tell your friends. The Fey don’t forget. And we don’t forgive unsalted scones.” By the time Velvet reached the throne room, Lord Barnaby was hiding behind a statue of his mother. “You’ll never make it out!” he barked. “I’ll activate the failsafe! I’ll—” She held up a crystal cupcake. “This? This is the failsafe.” With a bite, the enchantment detonated—disabling every piece of machinery in the palace, turning the Mechanist’s army into a pile of sad scrap metal. Velvet sauntered up to him, her heels clicking like a countdown. “Now, say it,” she demanded. He gulped. “...Cupcakes are...magic.” “Damn right,” she grinned. “Now get out of my kingdom, Barnaby. And take your kale cookies with you.” With the palace now a glorious mess of frosting and revolution, Velvet mounted SugarSkull once more. The courtyard had filled with rebels, bakers, and winged misfits ready to take back their sugar-soaked city. Someone handed her a martini. Someone else handed her a puppy. She accepted both. “Where to next, boss?” SugarSkull asked, its dashboard lighting up like a rave. “Wherever the patriarchy still thinks pink can’t punch,” Velvet purred, revving the engine. “Let’s paint the world with glitter and gasoline.” With a trail of magic fire and the scent of spiced cupcakes behind her, Velvet Torque rode into legend, laughter echoing across the clouds. She was wild. She was whimsical. She was the moment. And damn, did she look good doing it. 💫 Bring Velvet Torque Home If this wild ride through steampunk mischief, magical rebellion, and unapologetic glam spoke to your inner troublemaker, we’ve got just the thing. “Velvet Torque: The Rebel Fairy” is available now as a selection of stunning, high-quality art products that bring her sass and sparkle right into your space: 🖼️ Wood Print – The perfect statement piece for any rebel's lair. 🧵 Tapestry – Bring bold, whimsical energy to your walls. 🛋️ Throw Pillow – Add a pop of power (and pink) to your space. 🧩 Puzzle – Piece together every bit of magic and mischief. 💌 Greeting Card – Send rebellious fairy vibes with flair. Power. Glitter. Wings. Now available in your living room.
