by Bill Tiepelman
Paws, Claws, and Dragon Flaws
A Hatchling's First Crime Spree The problem with baby dragonsβaside from the fire, claws, and tendency to bite first and ask questions neverβis that they have zero sense of consequences. That was exactly the issue with Scorch, a freshly hatched menace with a face too cute for its own damn good. Scorch was small, green, and absurdly chonky for a dragon. He had big, round eyes that made villagers go βAwww!β right before he set their laundry on fire. His wings were still useless, which made him mad as hell, so he compensated by getting into everyoneβs business. If you had food? It was his now. If you had valuables? Also his. If you had dignity? Kiss that goodbye. Unfortunately for the town of Bramblewick, Scorch had decided that today was the day he would make the entire village his. And that meant looting. A lot of looting. A One-Dragon Heist It started at Old Man Higginsβ bakery. The old bastard never stood a chance. One second, he was setting out a fresh tray of honey buns, and the next, a green blur shot through the open window, snagged the entire batch, and scurried off under a cart. βWhat theββ Higgins sputtered, staring at his empty counter. Then he spotted the culprit. Scorch, sticky-faced and smug, licked honey off his claws and burped directly in Higginsβ direction. βWhy, you littleββ Scorch took off, tail wiggling as he darted down the street, leaving a trail of crumbs and zero remorse. Criminal Mastermindβ¦ Kinda By noon, he had: Stolen a pie from the windowsill of Widow Gertrude (who threw a broom at him and missed). Pilfered a pair of underpants off someoneβs clothesline (why? No one knows). Scared the blacksmithβs apprentice by sneaking up behind him and exhaling just enough smoke to make him pee himself. Bit a knightβs boot because it was shiny. The villagers were beginning to take notice. A posse formed. Angry murmurs spread. βThat little bastard just stole my lunch.β βHeβs been terrorizing my chickens!β βHe stole my wifeβs best cooking pot! And sheβs pissed!β Scorch, completely unbothered, was currently sitting in the middle of the fountain, feet kicked up, gnawing on a stolen ham hock. Then, just as he was really getting comfortable, a shadow loomed over him. Enter Trouble βWell, well, well. If it isnβt the townβs newest pain in my ass.β Scorch paused mid-chew and looked up. It was Fiona. The townβs official problem-solver. She was tall, scarred, and wielded an attitude as sharp as the sword on her hip. She also looked thoroughly unimpressed. βYou done yet, Tiny Terror? Or are you planning to rob the mayor next?β Scorch blinked his big, innocent eyes. Fiona crossed her arms. βDonβt even try it. Iβve been around too long to fall for that cute act.β Scorch, deciding he did not like this woman, stuck his tongue out and immediately launched himself at her face. Unfortunately, his tiny, useless wings did nothing, so instead of an epic attack, he just face-planted onto her boot. Silence. Fiona sighed. βGods save me, this is going to be a long day.β How to Train Your Disaster Fiona had dealt with all kinds of problems beforeβbandits, mercenaries, one very drunk wizardβbut never had she been tasked with disciplining a pint-sized dragon with a superiority complex. She bent down and picked up Scorch by the scruff like an angry mother cat. He flailed. He hissed. He smacked her in the face with his chubby little paw. None of it was effective. βAlright, you tiny bastard,β she muttered. βYouβre coming with me.β The townsfolk cheered. βAbout time someone dealt with that little menace!β βThrow him in the stocks!β βNo! Send him to the mines!β Fiona gave them all a look. βHeβs a baby.β βA baby criminal,β Widow Gertrude shot back. βHe stole my pie.β Scorch, still dangling from Fionaβs grip, licked his lips loudly. βSee? No remorse!β Gertrude shrieked. Fiona sighed and turned on her heel. βYeah, yeah. Iβll deal with him.β And before the mob could organize itself further, she marched off, dragon in tow. The Art of Discipline (or Lack Thereof) Fionaβs idea of βdealing withβ Scorch turned out to be plopping him down on her kitchen table and pointing a finger at him. βYou need to stop stealing things,β she said firmly. Scorch yawned. βIβm serious. Youβre pissing everyone off.β Scorch flopped onto his back and dramatically threw his legs in the air. βOh, donβt even. Youβre not dying. Youβre just spoiled.β Scorch let out a very unconvincing death rattle. Fiona pinched the bridge of her nose. βYou know what? Fine. You wanna be a little menace? Letβs make it official. You work for me now.β Scorch stopped fake-dying. He blinked. Tilted his head. βYeah,β Fiona continued. βIβm making you my apprentice.β Scorch stared. Then he did the only logical thingβhe stole her dagger straight from its sheath. βYou little shitββ A New Partnership It took fifteen minutes, a chair tipped over, and a very unfortunate headbutt to get the dagger back. But once she did, Fiona knew one thing for certain: She had made a mistake. Scorch was already investigating every corner of her house, sniffing things, chewing things, knocking things over just because. He had the attention span of a drunk squirrel and the morals of a highway robber. Butβ¦ She watched as he scrambled onto the counter, knocking over a stack of papers in the process. He was clearly proud of himself, tail wiggling, tongue sticking out as he surveyed his domain. Fiona sighed. βYouβre going to burn this town down someday, arenβt you?β Scorch burped out a tiny ember. βGods help me.β And just like that, the townβs biggest problem became Fionaβs personal headache. Β Β Bring Scorch HomeβIf You Dare! Canβt get enough of this tiny troublemaker? Lucky for you, Paws, Claws, and Dragon Flaws is available as stunning artwork on a variety of products! Whether you want to cozy up with a tapestry, challenge yourself with a puzzle, or send some fiery charm in a greeting card, Scorch is ready to invade your space. π₯ Tapestry β Turn any wall into a dragonβs lair. π¨ Canvas Print β High-quality artwork, perfect for fantasy lovers. π§© Puzzle β Because wrangling a dragon should be a challenge. π Greeting Card β Share some mythical mischief with friends. π Tote Bag β Carry your essentials with a bit of dragon sass. Grab your favorite, or collect them allβjust be prepared for a little chaos. π