Captured Tales

by Bill Tiepelman

The Devilish Sprite of Emberglow Forest

Deep in the tanglewood shadows of Emberglow Forest, where sunlight filtered like liquid gold and nothing that grinned could be trusted, lived a sprite named Virla. She wasn’t your grandmother’s kind of faerie. No twinkly dust, no squeaky voice. This one had horns. And hips. And a smile that suggested she'd stolen your socks, your secrets, and your last decent bottle of elderflower wine—all before breakfast. She dressed in leaves stitched tighter than gossip in a village square and wings that shimmered like blood-orange flames every time she fluttered past a squirrel mid-nap. The other woodland creatures had learned two things: don't accept her cookies, and never, ever ask for a favor unless you wanted your eyebrows relocated or your love life suddenly redirected toward a disgruntled badger. Now, Virla had a hobby. Not the respectable kind, like moss arranging or berry fermenting. No, she dabbled in... well, chaos. Small-scale mayhem. Think glitter bombs in bird nests, enchanted whoopee cushions made from skunk fur, or swapping the moonflowers with gigglepetals—a flower so cursed with ticklishness, even the bees got the giggles. But on the particular Tuesday our story begins, Virla was bored. Dangerous, truly biblical-level bored. She hadn’t tricked a sentient being in three whole days. Her last prank, a pixie makeover spell that left a troll prince looking like a porcelain doll with pouty lips, had run its course. The forest was getting wise. Time to expand her turf. And wouldn't you know it, fate—possibly drunk and definitely underdressed—delivered her a treat. A man. A mortal man. In a crisp button-down, lost in the woods with a camera, a journal, and the swagger of someone who believed trail mix was survival food. “A biologist,” she whispered to herself, peeking from behind a fern with her wicked grin in full bloom. “Delicious.” She slinked down from her mossy perch with the elegance of a cat who knew it looked good and the confidence of someone who had once convinced a bear he was allergic to honey. Her wings pulsed gently behind her as she stepped into a shaft of dappled light, making sure the sun hit her cheekbones just right. She cleared her throat—daintily, devilishly. “Lost, are we?” she purred, letting her voice curl around the air like smoke. “Or just pretending to be helpless for attention?” The man blinked, jaw slack. “What the… are you cosplaying out here or—wait. Wait. Are those wings? And horns?” Virla’s grin widened. “And attitude. Don’t forget the attitude, darling.” He fumbled for his camera. “This is incredible. A hallucination, probably. I haven’t eaten since noon. Did that granola bar have mushrooms in it?” “Darling, if I were a hallucination, I’d come with fewer clothes and worse decisions.” She stepped closer, eyes narrowing with interest. “But lucky you, I’m very real. And I haven’t had a good prank since Beltane.” She leaned in, close enough that her breath brushed his ear. “Tell me, forest boy... are you easily enchanted?” He stammered something unintelligible. She giggled—a sound that made flowers bloom out of season and squirrels faint from blushing too hard. “Excellent,” she said. “Let’s ruin your life in the most delightful way possible.” And with that, the game began. The man, whose name—he eventually confessed—was Theo, was precisely the sort of earnest, over-educated wanderer Virla adored to torment. He kept saying things like, “This isn’t scientifically possible,” while she made his shoelaces vanish and his socks begin debating one another in fluent squirrel. Virla called it a meet-cute. Theo called it neurological collapse. Tomato, tomahto. On their first “date”—a term Virla delighted in because it made him visibly uncomfortable—she took him to a mushroom circle that giggled when stepped on and tried to eat your toes if you insulted their spores. Theo tried to take samples. The mushrooms tried to take his boots. Virla nearly cried from laughter. “I thought fairies were supposed to be helpful,” Theo grunted as he wrestled a particularly clingy fungus off his ankle. “That’s like saying cats are supposed to fetch,” she replied, floating upside down and licking honey off a pinecone. “Helpful is boring. I’m whimsical. With an edge.” Over the next week—if you can call that stretch of twisted, time-bending chaos a “week”—Theo learned several things: Never accept tea from a sprite unless you want to meow for three hours straight. Forest nymphs gossip worse than old barmaids with crystal balls. Virla had an addiction to glitter. And revenge. But mostly glitter. One morning, Theo awoke to find a crown of beetles braided into his hair. They chanted his name like a sports team warming up. Virla just leaned against a tree, wings aglow, picking her teeth with a pine needle. “Adorable, aren’t they?” she cooed. “They’re emotionally co-dependent. You’re their god now.” “I’m going to need therapy,” he muttered. “Probably. But you’ll be adorable while unraveling.” And then came the accident. Or, as Virla later put it: “The gloriously unintentional consequences of my perfectly intentional mischief.” You see, she’d enchanted a stream to flow in reverse just to confuse a cranky water sprite. She didn’t mean for Theo to fall into it. Nor did she expect the ripple of enchanted logic to reset part of his biology. When he climbed out, sputtering and wet, he looked... different. Taller. Sharper. More fae than man. His ears had curled, his irises shimmered like frost under starlight, and he suddenly understood everything the mushrooms were saying. “Virla,” he growled, wiping river moss from his face. “What the hell did you do to me?” She blinked, momentarily caught off-guard. “I was going to ask if you wanted breakfast, but this is so much better.” He grabbed a reflection from the water—because yes, in Emberglow, reflections are mobile and gossipy—and studied his new features. “You turned me into a fae?” She shrugged, smile playing on her lips. “Technically, the stream did. I just… encouraged the possibility.” “Why?” “Because you’re fun.” He stared. “You ruined my life.” “I improved it. You now have better cheekbones and an immune system that can handle eating glowing berries. Honestly, you’re welcome.” Theo looked like he was going to protest. But then he sighed, dropped onto a mossy log, and muttered, “Fine. What now? Do I have to steal babies or dance in circles under the moon or something?” Virla sat beside him. Her wing brushed his shoulder. “Only if you want to. You’ve got options. Trick a prince. Woo a dryad. Make a frog orchestra. Live a little. You're not shackled to mortal mediocrity anymore.” He considered. Then, slowly, he smiled. “Okay. But if I’m going to live like a fae, I want a new name.” Virla grinned so wide it nearly cracked the forest in half. “Darling, I was hoping you’d say that. Let’s call you… Fey-o.” He groaned. “No.” “Fayoncé?” “Virla.” “Fine. We’ll workshop it.” And so, the Devilish Sprite of Emberglow Forest gained a partner—not in crime, exactly, but in mischief. Together, they became legends whispered among the brambles, the reasons travelers found their boots singing or their pants inexplicably braided. And Theo? He never got back to his research. But he did learn to levitate goats.     Bring Virla Home: If you’ve fallen under the spell of Virla and her devilish charm, you don’t have to wander into enchanted woods to keep her mischief nearby. Capture her fiery wings and wicked grin on beautifully crafted products from our Emberglow Collection. Metal Prints – Sleek, vibrant, and gallery-ready, perfect for making a bold statement in your space. Canvas Prints – Add fantasy to your walls with rich texture and color that brings her forest magic to life. Throw Pillows – Add a splash of fae sass to your couch, reading nook, or secret lair. Tote Bags – Carry chaos with you in style—Virla-approved mischief capacity included. Each piece is a slice of the story, designed to turn your everyday life into something just a bit more enchanted… and unpredictable.

by Bill Tiepelman

The Eggcellent Trio

In the heart of the Whimwood Glen, nestled between mossy tree trunks and wild cherry blossoms, lived three eccentric gnome siblings: Bramble, Tilly, and Pip. Known collectively (and proudly) as “The Eggcellent Trio,” their reputation stretched far beyond their size — which was roughly two and a half carrots high. They weren’t famous for being wise, nor particularly helpful. No, their fame came from a very specific seasonal skill: Easter egg smuggling. Not smuggling *from* anyone, mind you — smuggling *to*. Their mission? Delivering mysterious, oddly magical eggs to unsuspecting woodland residents who clearly didn’t ask for them. “It’s called surprise joy, Pip,” Bramble would say, polishing a particularly glittery teal egg while his beard twitched with excitement. “The best kind of joy is the unsolicited kind.” “Like mushrooms in your tea,” Tilly added, cheerfully placing a glow-in-the-dark egg inside a squirrel’s sock drawer. She wasn’t quite sure the squirrel even wore socks, but the drawer had a hinge and that was reason enough. Each egg was a work of odd art: some chirped when opened, others puffed confetti laced with giggles, and one memorable creation laid a tiny marshmallow every full moon. They weren’t practical, but practicality was rarely on the menu in Whimwood. The trio coordinated with military-level precision. Pip was in charge of reconnaissance — mostly because he was sneaky and once accidentally dated a vole for two weeks without anyone noticing. Bramble crafted the eggs using recipes that may or may not have included fermented jelly beans. And Tilly? She was the getaway driver, using her handmade leaf-cart which only occasionally caught fire on downhill slopes. This year’s mission was different. Bigger. Bolder. Borderline illegal in three counties (if gnome law were ever enforced, which, thankfully, it wasn’t). They had set their sights on High Hare Haven — the elite burrow community of the Easter Bunny himself. “We’re going to sneak into the Bunny’s personal egg vault,” Bramble declared, nose twitching with anticipation, “and leave our eggs there. Reverse robbery. Joy-burglary. Egg-bomb of happiness.” “That’s… bold,” Pip said, already halfway into a bush for surveillance. “Also, we might die. But like… in a festive way.” “Imagine the Bunny’s face,” Tilly sighed dreamily, tucking a giggle-egg under her bonnet. “He’ll open his vault and be confused and delighted. Or mildly concussed. Either way, a memory.” So they plotted. And packed. And possibly had too much elderflower wine. At dawn, with cheeks rosy and hats lopsided, the Eggcellent Trio rolled toward legend, wobbling in their little leaf-cart full of chaos, glitter, and cheer. The sun had barely yawned over Whimwood Glen when the Eggcellent Trio rolled to a halt behind a suspiciously large mushroom that Tilly claimed had “excellent acoustics for eavesdropping.” Before them loomed High Hare Haven — a sprawling underground compound disguised as a hill, complete with a topiary shaped like a smug-looking rabbit and a "No Solicitors" sign that Pip was certain had once been a gnome. “Alright,” Bramble whispered, adjusting his oversized pom-pom hat like a war general donning his helmet. “We’re going in quiet, fast, and as delightfully illegal as gnome-ly possible.” “Are we sure this isn’t just trespassing?” Tilly asked, adjusting her knitted bloomers. “Like, Eastery trespassing, sure. But still…” “No. It’s reverse burglary,” Bramble insisted. “Totally different. We’re leaving things. That’s gifting with flair.” High Hare Haven was guarded by a platoon of overly serious bunnies wearing aviator goggles and fitted vests embroidered with “EggSec.” Pip, the smallest and sneakiest of the three, executed his signature move: the Hop ’n’ Drop. It involved hopping like a bunny, dropping like a gnome, and generally confusing everyone within a 10-foot radius. He slipped past the guards using a cardboard decoy shaped like a motivational quote about carrots. Inside, the halls shimmered with magical wards — pastel runes glowing faintly, whispering phrases like “Access Denied,” “Hippity Hop No,” and “Don’t Even Try It, Chad.” Pip snorted and picked the lock with a candy cane sharpened to a felony-level point. He was in. Meanwhile, Bramble and Tilly made their approach from the rear, scaling a jellybean drainage chute. It was slick. It was sticky. It was absolutely not up to code. “Why is everything in here edible and also a death trap?” Tilly hissed, chewing absently on her sleeve. “That’s called branding,” Bramble replied. “Now climb.” After what felt like a lifetime of crawling through a licorice-scented wind tunnel, they reached the vault: a massive golden egg embossed with the words “BunVault 9000 – Authorized Whiskers Only.” Pip was already there, munching nervously on a marshmallow decoy egg. “Bad news,” he whispered. “The Bunny’s in there. Like, in the vault. Napping. On a pile of Fabergé backups and Cadbury prototypes. He looks very… serene.” “So we stealth it,” Bramble said, wide-eyed. “Drop the eggs, don’t wake the bun, get out. Like folklore ninjas.” “With hats,” Tilly added. They crept in, balancing their carefully curated chaos-eggs in gloved hands. Pip tiptoed over a glowing carrot-shaped alarm, while Tilly used her scarf to muffle the sound of glitter spilling from her surprise-bomb egg. Bramble, too round to be stealthy, rolled like an oddly soft cannonball behind a stack of commemorative Peep dispensers. Then it happened. Someone — and historians would never agree on who — sneezed. It was not a small sneeze. It was a gnome-sized, pollen-induced, allergy-fueled kaboom of a sneeze that echoed off the vault walls like a jazz solo on bath salts. The Bunny stirred. His left ear twitched. One eye fluttered open… and locked onto Pip, who froze mid-egg placement like a tiny Easter-themed criminal caught mid-gift. “...The fluff,” the Bunny growled, voice deep and oddly seductive for a rabbit. “Who the fluff are you?” The trio panicked. Bramble launched a Confetti Egg of Tactical Distraction™. It exploded in a blast of rose-scented streamers and faint giggling noises. Tilly dove under a velvet table. Pip did a cartwheel so perfect it nearly earned him a sponsor. “We’re joy insurgents!” Bramble cried, crawling toward the exit. “We come bearing unsolicited delight!” “And artisan eggery!” added Tilly, throwing a marshmallow grenade that fizzled with the smell of nostalgia. The Bunny blinked. Then blinked again. He stood slowly, brushing glitter off his tail with dramatic flair. “You… … to give me eggs?” “Well, we weren’t going to just keep them,” Pip muttered, somewhat insulted. For a long moment, the room held its breath. The Bunny stared at the chaos. At the rainbow of odd eggs now nestled among his curated collection. At the gnomes—wide-eyed, covered in sparkles, one of them chewing his own hat out of nerves. Then the Bunny… laughed. A soft, huffy kind of chuckle at first, which soon snowballed into a deep, belly-hopping cackle. “You’re all certifiably insane,” he said. “And possibly my new favorite people.” He offered them a cup of carrot espresso and a chocolate cigar. “No one’s surprised me in a hundred years,” he admitted. “I’d forgotten what nonsense felt like. It’s delightful. Dangerous, but delightful.” The Eggcellent Trio beamed. Bramble wept a little, blaming it on the espresso. Pip tried to pickpocket a Fabergé just for old time’s sake. Tilly gifted the Bunny a “Tickle Egg” which snorted every time someone walked past it. They didn’t get arrested. They got invited back. Officially. As chaos consultants. From that day forward, every Easter morning in Whimwood and beyond, odd little eggs would appear where none had been — on doorknobs, in shoes, under teacups. They didn’t hatch anything living, but they often hissed compliments or whispered off-key songs. No one knew where they came from. Except everyone did. And they smiled. Because somewhere out there, three gnomes in knitted clothes were probably giggling behind a bush, cartwheeling through danger, and redefining what it meant to deliver joy… one wildly unnecessary egg at a time.     Spring turned to summer, and summer to cider-season, but the whispers of *The Eggcellent Trio* only grew louder. Children would wake to find eggs that burped haikus. Grandmothers discovered pastel spheres in their breadboxes that told scandalous jokes in Old Gnomish. One bishop swore his sermon notes were replaced by a talking yolk that recited Shakespeare, backwards. The Bunny — now their greatest accomplice — commissioned them as official “Agents of Anarchy & Cheer,” complete with embroidered sashes they never wore because Pip used his to smuggle tarts. Their leaf-cart was upgraded to a licorice-fueled hover-sled, which exploded often and to great applause. Occasionally, other gnomes tried to copy them. One trio attempted a "Maypole Mayhem" stunt with explosive taffy. It ended in melted shoes and a goat with trust issues. The truth was simple: only Bramble, Tilly, and Pip had the right balance of heart, humor, and total disregard for sensible planning. Now and then, on especially magical mornings, if you follow a trail of giggles and candy wrappers deep into Whimwood Glen, you might stumble upon a scene beneath a cherry blossom tree — three gnomes, bellies full of laughter, arms full of nonsense, and eyes twinkling with plans they probably shouldn't share. And somewhere in a vault, in the heart of High Hare Haven, a single egg sits on a velvet pillow. It hums softly. It smells faintly of cookies. And once a year, it cracks open — not with a chick, but with a new idea. An idea wild enough to earn its place in the legend of the Eggcellent Trio… ...the only gnomes to ever break into a vault to break out a holiday.     Love the tale of Bramble, Tilly, and Pip? Bring their mischievous charm into your home with artful keepsakes from our Captured Tales collection. Whether you’re looking to smile every morning with a cozy throw pillow, puzzle your way into gnome-lore with a delightful jigsaw puzzle, or send joy in the mail with a whimsical greeting card — this trio’s legendary spirit is ready to hop into your heart and your space. Adorn your walls with the magic of mischief using our vibrant metal print or turn a plain space into a giggle-worthy nook with our enchanting tapestry. It’s not just art — it’s an egg-ceptional adventure, waiting to be displayed. Explore more Captured Tales Art at shop.unfocussed.com and let the legend live on... one egg, one giggle, one gnome at a time.

by Bill Tiepelman

Love in Small Gestures

The Eye of the World The Eye had always been there. Silent. Watching. Weeping. No one knew exactly where it came from — it was simply discovered one soft, gray dawn, nestled into the hillside like a secret the earth couldn’t keep any longer. Massive and alive, it blinked slow as tides, its iris glistening with a deep, knowing hazel, the kind of color you could lose years in. The Eye never spoke, though the villagers swore they heard murmurs when the wind stirred just right. Some said it belonged to a sleeping god. Others, that it had watched the world too long and wept for what it saw. But most simply left offerings at the base: coins, candles, hand-written prayers folded small as beetles. And still, the Eye cried. That was until Mira wandered into the glade, dragging a damp blanket and a half-eaten pear. She was four, maybe five. Small by any standard but determined in that way only children and wildflowers can be. Her parents thought she was napping. Instead, she was following the trail of petals she’d been dropping all week, convinced they would lead her to something magical. She was right. The Eye blinked at her. She blinked back, wiped her nose on her sleeve, then frowned. “You’re sad.” It wept again, the tear pooling until it spilled from the lower lid and began its slow, luminous descent. Mira didn’t flinch. She watched it with a grave sort of calm, then pulled the blanket from her shoulders, bunched it up in her tiny fists, and reached upward. She couldn't possibly touch the Eye — not really — but she reached anyway. On tiptoes, arms high, she offered the cloth like a holy thing. And for the first time, the tear did not fall to the ground. It touched the blanket… and vanished like a sigh into her outstretched hands. The Eye stilled. In the hush that followed, something shifted — not in the sky or the trees, but in the space behind things. The kind of change that only happens when someone chooses love over logic, kindness over comprehension. Mira patted the air gently and whispered, “It’s okay. I get sad too. But it helps when someone sees you.” The wind carried her words upward, and the Eye, impossibly, softened. The Child and the Colossus The villagers were the first to notice the change. Birds sang differently. The morning mist arrived a little later, lingered a little longer. Old Elric, who hadn’t seen color since the war, claimed the flowers were “louder.” Children began laughing more, not louder — just more. It was as though joy had been quietly invited back to the village, and no one knew exactly who had mailed the invitation. Mira returned to the Eye every day after that. Sometimes she brought a different cloth — a wash rag, a scarf, her father’s old undershirt that she’d filched from the laundry bin. Other times, she brought stories. “Today I got a star sticker for coloring inside the lines. I didn’t mean to, it just happened.” “I tried peas again. Still gross.” “I think trees are just really slow people.” The Eye listened. It blinked. Sometimes, it cried. But not always — and when it did, the tears seemed… lighter. Like clouds letting go of rain they no longer needed to carry. One afternoon, Mira brought a small jar. It was glass, painted in streaks of wild blue and glittering green. She stood beneath the Eye, waited until a tear fell, and caught it with care. “This one’s for my mama. She’s been sad in the mornings.” The Eye blinked, the edges of its lid twitching — not in confusion, but something older… recognition. Understanding. By the end of the week, Mira had an entire shelf in her bedroom filled with “tears.” Some for her mother, who woke up tired. Some for her father, who had forgotten how to laugh with his teeth. One was labeled with a drawing of the family dog who’d gone away. She never gave the tears as gifts, only kept them like tiny, sacred promises — reminders that sadness wasn’t bad, just heavy. And that someone, somewhere, had helped her carry it for a while. The villagers eventually followed her example. They no longer left coins or candles at the base of the Eye. They left notes. Confessions. Crayon drawings. They whispered apologies into jars, sang lullabies into empty cups, tucked little poems into tree roots, believing — rightly — that the Eye would hear. And all the while, Mira grew. Not fast, not suddenly — like a melody you don’t realize you’ve been humming until someone else joins in. The Eye never stopped watching her, even as she grew taller, and the space between them became more and more balanced. She still brought cloths sometimes, though now they were sewn into proper handkerchiefs. She still talked, though her stories had bigger words and more pauses. And when the Eye cried, she was still there, arms ready, even if her heart was the cloth now. On her sixteenth birthday, she stood before the Eye one last time. It was raining, but she didn’t flinch. She didn’t speak. She simply pressed her hand to its lid — it was cool, like stone warmed by memory — and whispered, “Thank you for seeing me, too.” The Eye blinked… and smiled. Not in any way mouths smile. But in the way dawn sometimes feels like a held breath finally exhaled. And though she walked away that day, Mira never truly left. Because when the world became too sharp, too loud, too broken — there were always those who remembered the girl with the cloth and the Eye that cried. And they taught their children, and those children taught theirs, that love doesn’t need a reason. It only needs a moment. A gesture. A reaching upward. And so the Eye still watches. Still weeps. But not always in sorrow. Sometimes… in awe.     Epilogue: Jars of Light Years later, the stories of the Eye and the girl who dried its tears became legend. But unlike most legends, this one didn’t gather dust or become bloated with grandiosity. It remained simple. Gentle. Whispered from one soul to another, passed like a folded note in a quiet classroom of the universe. Some say Mira became a healer. Others, a poet. A few insist she was just a girl who once listened hard enough to be heard by something ancient. But everyone remembers the jars. They became relics — not of power, but of presence. Tiny glass vessels holding something you couldn’t quite explain but always recognized: the feeling of being loved without needing to be fixed. To this day, travelers who find their way to the glade will sometimes see a child — never the same one twice — standing below the Eye, cloth in hand, speaking softly into the vastness. And always, the Eye listens. Because some truths outlive time, and some hearts, no matter how small, leave behind ripples that change everything they touch. And in those ripples, among the trees and morning hush, you might just hear it — not a voice, not a whisper, but something closer: A gesture of love, still reaching up.     Bring the Story Home Let the emotion and beauty of “Love in Small Gestures” live beyond the screen. Whether it’s to inspire, to soothe, or simply to remind you of the quiet strength in tenderness, this image is now available in a variety of beautiful formats for your space: Framed Print – A timeless, gallery-worthy presentation that brings elegance and sentiment to any wall. Metal Print – Vivid, sleek, and durable—this modern format makes every detail of the image pop. Wall Tapestry – Soft, flowing fabric turns your space into a sanctuary of meaning and memory. Fleece Blanket – Wrap yourself in comfort and compassion. Perfect for quiet evenings and thoughtful gifts. Let this story stay with you — not just in memory, but in the moments between. Because love, as always, lives in the small things.

by Bill Tiepelman

Tongues and Talons

Of Eggs, Egos, and Explosions Burlap Tinklestump never planned to be a father. He could barely manage adult gnomehood, what with the ale debts, magical gardening fines, and one unresolved beef with the local frog choir. But destiny—or more precisely, a slightly intoxicated hedgehog named Fergus—had other ideas. It began, as these things often do, with a dare. “Lick it,” Fergus slurred, pointing at a cracked, iridescent egg nestled in the roots of a fireberry tree. “Betcha won’t.” “Bet I will,” Burlap shot back, without even asking what species it belonged to. He’d just finished chugging a fermented root beer so strong it could strip bark. His judgment was, generously, compromised. And so, with a tongue that had already survived three chili-eating contests and one unfortunate bee spell, Burlap gave the egg a full, slobbery swipe. It cracked. It hissed. It combusted. Out hatched a baby dragon—tiny, green, and already pissed off. The newborn let out a screech like a kettle having an existential crisis, flared its wings, and promptly bit Burlap on the nose. Sparks flew. Burlap screamed. Fergus passed out in a daffodil patch. “Well,” Burlap wheezed, prying the tiny jaws off his face, “guess that’s parenting now.” He named the dragon Singe, partly for the way it charred everything it sneezed on, and partly because it had already reduced his favorite pants to ashes. Singe, for his part, adopted Burlap in that aloof, vaguely threatening way that only dragons and cats truly master. He rode around on the gnome’s shoulder, hissed at authority figures, and developed a taste for roasted insects and sarcasm. Within weeks, the two became inseparable—and entirely insufferable. Together they perfected the art of mischief in the Dinglethorn Wilds: lacing faerie tea with fireball elixirs, redirecting squirrel migration routes with enchanted nut decoys, and once swapping the Wishing Pond’s coins with shiny goblin poker chips. The forest folk tried to reason with them. That failed. They tried to bribe them with mushroom pies. That almost worked. But it wasn’t until Burlap used Singe to light a ceremonial elvish tapestry—during a wedding, no less—that real consequences came knocking. The Elvish Postal Authority, a guild feared even by trolls, issued a notice of severe misconduct, public disruption, and ‘unauthorized flame-based object alteration’. It arrived via flaming pigeon. “We have to go underground,” Burlap declared. “Or up. Higher ground. Strategic advantage. Less paperwork.” And that’s when he discovered the Mushroom. It was colossal—an ancient, towering toadstool rumored to be sentient and mildly perverted. Burlap moved in immediately. He carved a spiral staircase up the stalk, installed a hammock made of recycled spider silk, and nailed a crooked sign to the cap: The High Fungus Consulate – Diplomatic Immunity & Spores for All. “We live here now,” he told Singe, who replied by incinerating a squirrel who’d asked for rent. The gnome nodded in approval. “Good. They’ll respect us.” Respect, as it turned out, was not the first reaction. The Forest Council called an emergency tribunal. Queen Glimmer sent an ambassador. The owlfolk drafted sanctions. And the elvish inspector returned—this time with a flamethrower of his own and a 67-count indictment scroll. Burlap, wearing a ceremonial robe made of moss and buttons, greeted him with a manic grin. “Tell your queen I demand recognition. Also, I licked the tax form. It’s legally mine now.” The inspector opened his mouth to reply—just as Singe sneezed a fireball the size of a cantaloupe into his boots. Chaos had only just begun. Fire, Fungi, and the Fall of Forest Law Three days after the incident with the flaming boots, Burlap and Singe stood trial in the Grand Glade Tribunal—an ancient patch of sacred forest converted into a courthouse by some very judgmental birches. The crowd was massive. Pixies with protest signs, dryads holding petitions, a group of anarchist hedgehogs chanting “NO SHROOM WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!” and at least one confused centaur who thought this was an herbalist expo. Burlap, in a robe made from stitched-together leaves and sandwich wrappers, sat perched atop a velvet mushroom throne he'd smuggled in from his “consulate.” Singe, now the size of a medium turkey and infinitely more combustible, sat curled on the gnome’s lap with a smug expression that only a creature born of fire and entitlement could maintain. Queen Glimmer presided. Her silver wings fluttered with restrained fury as she read the charges: “Unlawful dragon domestication. Unauthorized toadstool expansion. Misuse of enchanted flatulence. And one count of insulting a tree priest with interpretive dance.” “That last one was art,” Burlap muttered. “You can’t charge for expression.” “You danced on his altar while yelling ‘SPORE THIS!’” “He started it.” As the trial went on, things unraveled fast. The badger militia presented charred evidence, including half a mailbox and a wedding veil. Burlap called a raccoon named Dave as a character witness, who mostly tried to steal the bailiff’s pocket watch. Singe testified in the form of smoke puffs and mild arson. And then, as tensions peaked, Burlap unveiled his trump card: a magically binding diplomatic document written in ancient fungal script. “Behold!” he shouted, slapping the scroll onto the stump of testimony. “The Spores of Sanctuary Accord! Signed by the Fungus King himself—may his gills ever flourish.” Everyone gasped. Mostly because it smelled awful. Queen Glimmer read it carefully. “This... this is a menu from a questionable mushroom bar in the Marshes of Meh.” “Still binding,” Burlap replied. “It’s laminated.” In the chaos that followed—wherein a squirrel delegate threw a nut bomb, a pixie went rogue with glitter-based spells, and Singe decided the time was ripe for his first true roar—the trial collapsed into something more closely resembling a music festival run by toddlers with matches. And Burlap, never one to miss a dramatic exit, whistled for his getaway plan: a flying wheelbarrow powered by fermented gnome gas and old firework enchantments. He climbed aboard with Singe, gave a two-finger salute to the crowd, and shouted, “The High Fungus Consulate shall rise again! Preferably on Tuesdays!” They vanished in a trail of smoke, fire, and what smelled suspiciously like roasted garlic and regret. Weeks later, the Mushroom Embassy was declared a public hazard and burned down—though some claim it grew back overnight, taller, weirder, and faintly humming jazz. Burlap and Singe were never captured. They became legends. Myths. The kind whispered by tavern bards who smirk when the lute chords go slightly off tune. Some say they live in the Outer Bramble now, where law fears to tread and gnomes make their own constitutions. Others claim they opened a food truck specializing in spicy mushroom tacos and dragon-brewed cider. But one thing’s clear: Wherever there’s laughter, smoke, and a mushroom slightly out of place… Burlap Tinklestump and Singe are probably nearby, plotting their next ridiculous rebellion against authority, order, and pants. The forest forgives many things—but it never forgets a well-cooked elvish tax scroll.     EPILOGUE – The Gnome, the Dragon, and the Whispering Spores Years passed in the Dinglethorn Wilds, though “years” is a fuzzy term in a forest where time bends politely around mushroom rings and the moon occasionally takes Tuesdays off. The tale of Burlap Tinklestump and Singe grew roots and wings, mutating with every retelling. Some said they overthrew a goblin mayor. Others swore they built a fortress made entirely of stolen doorbells. One rumor claimed Singe fathered an entire generation of spicy-tempered wyvernlings, all with a flair for interpretive fire dancing. The truth was, as usual, far stranger. Burlap and Singe lived free, nomadic, and joyfully unaccountable. They wandered from glade to glade, stirring trouble like a spoon in a bubbling pot. They crashed fae garden parties, rewrote troll toll policies with sock puppets, and opened a short-lived consulting firm called Gnomebody’s Business, which specialized in diplomatic sabotage and mushroom real estate. They were kicked out of seventeen realms. Burlap framed each eviction notice and hung them with pride in whatever hollow log or enchanted gazebo they currently squatted in. Singe grew stronger, wiser, and no less chaotic. By adulthood, he could torch a beanstalk mid-air while spelling out rude words in smoke. He’d developed an affinity for jazz flute, enchanted bacon, and sneezing contests. And through it all, he remained perched—either on Burlap’s shoulder, his head, or on the nearest flammable object. Burlap aged only in theory. His beard got longer. His pranks got crueler. But his laugh—oh, that full-bodied, giddy cackle—echoed through the forest like a mischievous anthem. Even the trees began to lean in when he passed, eager to hear what idiocy he’d utter next. Eventually, they disappeared entirely. No sightings. No fire trails. Just silence… and mushrooms. Glowing, tall, gnarled mushrooms appeared wherever they’d once been—often with singe marks, bite impressions, and, occasionally, indecent graffiti. The High Fungus Consulate, it seems, had simply gone... airborne. To this day, if you enter the Dinglethorn at twilight and tell a lie with a grin, you might hear a chuckle on the wind. And if you leave behind a pie, a bad poem, or a political pamphlet soaked in brandy—well, let’s just say that pie might come back flaming, annotated, and demanding a seat at the council table. Because Burlap and Singe weren’t just legends. They were a warning wrapped in laughter, tied with fire, and sealed with a mushroom stamp.     Bring the Mischief Home – Shop "Tongues and Talons" Collectibles Feeling the itch to cause some magical mayhem of your own? Invite Burlap and Singe into your world with our exclusive Tongues and Talons collection — crafted for rebels, dreamers, and mushroom-loving firestarters. 🔥 Metal Print: Bold, gleaming, and built to withstand even a dragon sneeze — this metal print captures every detail of the gnome-dragon duo’s chaotic charm in razor-sharp resolution. 🖼️ Canvas Print: Add a splash of whimsy and fire to your walls with this stunning canvas print. It’s storytelling, texture, and toadstool glory all in one frame-worthy piece. 🛋️ Throw Pillow: Need a cozy companion for your next mischief-filled nap? Our Tongues and Talons throw pillow is the softest way to keep dragon energy on your couch — no scorch marks included. 👜 Tote Bag: Whether you're hauling forbidden scrolls, enchanted snacks, or questionable diplomatic documents, this tote bag has your back with sturdy style and spellbinding flair. Shop now and carry a little bit of chaos, laughter, and legendary fungus with you — wherever your next adventure leads.

by Bill Tiepelman

The Last Gherkin

The Jarred Truth Gus was a gherkin, but not just any gherkin. He was the last one in the veggie drawer with dreams. Real, fermented, ambitious dreams. He wanted more than life as a garnish next to a burger. He wanted to be seen. To be respected. Maybe even—dare he whisper it—dipped in ranch and worshiped by stoners at midnight. But fate had other plans. Cold, briny plans. He awoke one morning to the wet snap of a rubber glove and the shrill sound of “time to clean the fridge,” which every vegetable knew meant one thing: The Purge. Carrots vanished. Celery sticks were chopped without mercy. And then… the jar. It sat there. Ominous. Full of his sliced brothers and sisters, faces frozen in pickled horror. Floaters, they were called in the drawer. Veterans of the Vinegar War. Some had been dill, others bread-and-butter. All were casualties of the same cruel process: sliced, soaked, and sealed away. “No no no… not the jar,” Gus whimpered, his tiny gherkin knees knocking together. “I’ve got plans! I’ve got dreams! I’ve got at least two weeks of shelf life left!” He darted behind a jar of expired pesto, but it was no use. The Fridge God’s hand descended, rummaging. “Where the hell did I put that last pickle?” came the voice, cavernous and cruel. Gus knew he was being hunted like a snackable fugitive. He made a break for it, slipping off the produce shelf, rolling with terrifying grace past the almond milk and over a forgotten blueberry. It was majestic. It was suicidal. Unfortunately, he forgot the laws of fridge physics—mainly that the bottom drawer had no traction. He skidded, tumbled, and landed right in front of the cursed thing. The Jar. Its lid twinkled like a stainless-steel executioner’s axe. Inside, the pickles swirled, glassy-eyed and expressionless. One of them mouthed something at him. It looked like “run,” but it could’ve also been “rum.” Either way, it was a bad sign. “You don’t have to do this!” Gus screamed as the hand closed in. “Take the mustard! It’s expired! TAKE THE MUSTARD, YOU MONSTER!” But it was too late. The hand gripped him like a cruel god plucking a mortal soul from a salad bar. Dill or Be Dilled Gus’s scream echoed through the cold cathedral of the refrigerator. The other condiments looked away—ketchup wept softly, while the mayo just muttered, “Not again.” This wasn’t their war. They’d seen too many perish. Too many dreams pickled. He was placed on the cutting board like an offering to the kitchen gods, the giant looming over him wielding a knife that could fillet a zucchini into trauma. Gus tried diplomacy. “Listen, big guy. Maybe we talk this out, huh? You look like someone who enjoys a well-aged cheese. I could introduce you to Brie. She's cultured. Flexible. Way more your type.” The blade paused. For a second, Gus thought he saw hesitation in the human’s eyes. But no. It was just a reflection of the ceiling fan. Reality sharpened like the knife’s edge. Then came the horror. Not slicing. No—worse. He was picked up, inspected… and tossed into the jar. Whole. Untouched. Alive. Gus hit the brine like a cannonball of fear, bobbing helplessly among the saucer-eyed slices of his kin. “Why am I still whole?! This is some Silence of the Cucumbers level crap!” One of the floaters drifted over. His name was Carl. Carl had been a cucumber in a past life, before the Big Slice. Now he floated, all zen and pickled. “You get used to it,” Carl murmured. “Eventually your soul ferments. Just let the brine in.” “Let the brine in?! I DON’T WANT TO BE SOUP-INFUSED! I HAD A CRUSH ON A CHERRY TOMATO!” Gus bellowed, slamming his little fists into the glass. Outside, life went on. The fridge door opened periodically—light flooding in like a judgmental god. A bottle of kombucha exploded somewhere on the top shelf. A tofu block quietly expired. No one cared. Weeks passed. Or maybe hours. Time meant nothing in the pickle jar. Gus began to lose his grip. He wrote manifestos in mustard on the inside of the glass. He developed a briny accent. He started talking to a baby corn cob named Victor, who may or may not have been real. And then, one day… The jar opened. “Finally,” Gus whispered. “Rescue. Freedom. A chance to tell my story. Maybe even a Netflix deal.” But instead, the hand reached past him. Took a slice. Closed the lid again. Gus floated there, suspended in the sour silence of rejection. That’s when it hit him. He was too whole. Too intact. Too… special. They’d never eat him. He was cursed to witness it all—forever floating, forever fermenting, forever screaming on the inside while maintaining his outward crunch. And so he remains. The last gherkin. Guardian of the Jar. Screaming into the void of dill-infused eternity. Look deep enough into the brine… and the brine looks back.     Epilogue: The Cult of the Crunch Some say Gus still floats there, whispering secrets to the baby corn. Others claim he finally merged with the brine and ascended into a higher state of snack consciousness. A few believe he escaped during a blackout and now runs an underground support group for traumatized vegetables behind the crisper drawer. The jar sits on the shelf, slightly fogged, oddly glowing. People open the fridge, stare at it, and feel a chill. They can't explain why. They just know that something is… watching. Judging. Probably pickled. And late at night, if you press your ear to the lid, you might just hear a faint whisper carried on the vinegar vapors: “Don’t get sliced. Get out while you’re fresh.” But by then… it’s already too late.     Take Gus Home (Before the Brine Claims Him) If you've laughed, cringed, or had a mild existential crisis reading the tale of The Last Gherkin, why not invite Gus into your home? Gus is now available in a variety of forms for your twisted decor needs: Framed Print – Perfect for your kitchen, breakroom, or pickle panic room. Acrylic Print – For those who like their horror crisp and their humor transparent. Metal Print – Industrial-strength absurdity for your gallery wall or mad scientist lab. Tote Bag – Carry the trauma with you, in style. Don't just read about Gus. Live with him. Haunt your own fridge.

by Bill Tiepelman

The Featherlight Guardian

Of Mushrooms, Mayhem, and a Very Unimpressed Owl Deep within the Verdant Verge—a forest so enchanted it once accidentally turned a lumberjack into a pinecone—perched a creature of such delicate fluff and sarcastic judgment that even the fairies feared her side-eye. She was the Featherlight Guardian. Not *a* guardian. The Guardian. Capital T. Capital Attitude. Her name was Mabel, and she was an owl. Well, technically. If you asked her, she’d tell you she was “a divine combination of ethereal fluff, guardian-grade wisdom, and naturally curled lashes that don't require enhancement, thank you very much.” With feathers dipped in hues of midnight blue, scandalous scarlet, and a yellow that could make the sun insecure, Mabel wasn’t just a sight—she was a statement. Her giant sapphire eyes had seen a thousand moons, a few awkward forest rituals, and at least one very embarrassing wizard duel involving a misfired glitter spell. Mabel’s job—her sacred duty—was to guard the Heart of the Forest: a magical glen containing the roots of every tree, a lot of bioluminescent frogs with drama issues, and one eternally simmering cauldron that brewed the mood of the forest itself. She took this duty seriously. Which is why, when a band of bumbling, slightly tipsy mushroom hunters stomped into her glen one moonlit Tuesday, she let out a sigh so heavy, it shook the canopy. One of the hunters—whose name was either Jasper or Disappointment, she wasn’t sure—tried to pet her. Pet her. “I am not a therapy fluff-ball,” she hooted, unimpressed. “Touch me again and I’ll introduce your eyebrows to fireflies with boundary issues.” The hunters giggled and carried on, picking glow-shrooms with the elegance of drunk raccoons. Mabel narrowed her eyes. The Heart of the Forest was reacting—glowing brighter, pulsing faster. She could feel it—a brewing mood swing. The last time it felt like this, a tree grew upside-down and quoted Shakespeare for a month. With a whip of her rainbow-feathered wings and a dramatic sigh worthy of a soap opera priestess, Mabel fluttered down from her perch. It was time to fix this. Again. Because that’s what guardians do. But this time, she had a plan. A devious, glitter-laced, sass-infused plan that just might teach these mushroom marauders a lesson they’d never forget. Mabel smirked, her massive eyes twinkling with mischief and just a hint of vengeance. “Let the chaotic enlightenment begin,” she whispered. Glitter, Karma, and an Owl’s Slightly Vengeful Redemption Arc Now, you may be wondering: what exactly does a glitter-laced, sass-infused plan look like? Well, if you’ve ever seen an owl enchant a fungus with sentience and a flair for passive-aggressive poetry, you’re halfway there. Mabel, flapping her impossibly elegant wings, swooped toward the cauldron in the glen—the one that brewed the emotional weather of the entire forest. She whispered something ancient and slightly petty into it. The brew shimmered. The frogs croaked in falsetto. The trees leaned in. Moments later, the glen shifted. Not violently. Oh no—Mabel preferred her vengeance subtle. The mushroom hunters, who moments before were giggling and plucking things that should definitely not be plucked, paused as the forest suddenly... responded. The mushrooms started glowing in synchronized color waves. Purple. Green. Chartreuse, if you're feeling fancy. A low hum began to rise from the soil—like an a capella group warming up beneath your feet. The drunkest hunter, whose name was Chad (they always are), blinked and said, “Dude, is the dirt singing?” “Yes, Chad,” Mabel muttered from a nearby tree. “The dirt is singing, and it hates your cargo shorts.” Then, one by one, the mushrooms sprang to life. Not aggressively—no, this wasn’t that kind of story. They simply became dramatic. The largest of them stretched upward, took a deep, unnecessary breath, and announced in iambic pentameter: “Fair forest friends, these fools do treadWhere sacred roots and balance wed.Their grubby hands, their clueless cheer—Shall reap the karma growing here.” The mushroom hunters froze. Chad dropped his glow-shroom and tried to whisper, “We’re tripping,” but the mushrooms shushed him in chorus. Mabel, now perched on a branch above the glen, flared her wings like a drama teacher at a school for troubled fairies. She spoke with measured gravitas. “Welcome, mortals. You have disturbed the glen of harmony, disrupted the shrooms of sentiment, and insulted my feathers with your lack of personal grooming.” “...We were just looking for snacks,” whimpered Jasper-Probably-Disappointment. Mabel sighed, but there was something softer beneath it this time. “You silly bipeds. The forest isn’t your snack aisle. It’s alive. It feels. It gets moody. Like me. But with fewer accessories.” A hush fell over the glen. Even the frogs were quiet, save for one who softly hummed “Greensleeves” for ambiance. Mabel fluttered down to eye level, enormous sapphire gaze locking onto the mushroomers like a velvet curse. “You have one chance,” she said. “Apologize to the mushrooms, clean up your mess, and make a vow to leave this forest better than you found it. Or I unleash the moss with legs. And let me tell you, it chases.” There was, understandably, a lot of apologizing. One of the hunters even offered to start a composting blog. Mabel remained skeptical, but allowed them to flee, escorted by a parade of disapproving woodland creatures and one passive-aggressive fern. When the glen settled again, Mabel returned to her perch. The Heart of the Forest dimmed to a soft golden glow. The mood had reset. The mushrooms resumed their usual level of aloof wisdom, muttering sonnets under their breath. And Mabel? She tucked her wings in, gave her feathers a fluff, and said to herself, “Still got it.” She wasn’t just a guardian. She was a vibe. Up in the trees, the moon winked behind a lazy swirl of clouds, and the forest sighed—a little lighter, a little wiser. All under the watchful eyes of its sassiest, fluffiest, most fabulous protector: the Featherlight Guardian. The End. Or maybe the beginning of a new plan. You never know with Mabel.     ✨ Bring Mabel Home Whether you're decorating your cozy reading nook, plotting forest justice from your desk, or just love the idea of a sarcastic owl watching over your space—The Featherlight Guardian is available in enchanting formats to suit your style. Adorn your walls with her wisdom via a wood print or shimmering metal print, snuggle up with her sass on a charming throw pillow, or let her perch in your thoughts with a magical spiral notebook. Bring a little mischief and magic into your everyday—because let’s be honest, Mabel would expect nothing less.

by Bill Tiepelman

The Herbalist of Hollow Glen

Leaf & Let High Deep in the velvet folds of the Wobblewood Forest—past the babbling mushroom brooks and the sentient ferns that whisper unsolicited advice—there lived a peculiar old gnome known only as “Stibbo.” He was not a warrior, nor a wizard, nor particularly organized. But Stibbo was a herbalist, and he was damn good at it. Unlike your average garden-variety gnome, Stibbo’s specialty wasn’t just healing balms and anti-fungal moss poultices. No, no. His true gift was in the recreational application of the forest’s more... enlightening botanicals. On any given morning, you'd find Stibbo perched high on a mossy branch, swaddled in a patchwork robe of live leaves, hand-rolling the day’s inspiration with fingers calloused by centuries of chill. His hair, a wild shock of forest static, framed a face permanently crinkled into a blissed-out grin. His eyes? Perpetually half-closed—as though squinting at reality from a slightly different dimension. Stibbo had a philosophy he liked to call “Photosynthesis of the Soul.” The idea was simple: you sit still in the sunlight, puff something leafy, and allow your thoughts to grow roots and vines and little internal flowers. “Grow inside,” he’d say, “and you won’t need pants out here.” He was the unofficial shaman of the Hollow Glen, offering guidance (or at least amusing ramblings) to travelers who’d taken a wrong turn or were simply high enough to end up there on purpose. His regulars included a raccoon named Steve who only spoke in interpretive dance, a troupe of bisexual frogs who ran a drum circle on Wednesdays, and a dryad going through a messy breakup with an oak tree. One day, a human named Trevor stumbled into the glen, visibly lost and visibly stressed. He wore khakis, which immediately triggered Stibbo’s suspicion. “A pants-wearer,” Stibbo whispered to a nearby snail. “Corporate energy. We must help him.” Trevor was in finance. Or used to be. Burned out from the hustle, he’d set off into the woods hoping for some kind of enlightenment—or at least an excuse not to check his email. That’s when he met the old herbalist, who was mid-sesh and humming an off-key version of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams.” “You look like a man who needs a tea made from questionable flowers,” Stibbo said, waving a smoking bundle of something suspicious in front of Trevor’s face. Trevor, too exhausted to argue, sat. Thus began his initiation into the Hollow Glen way of life—one puff, one rant, and one squirrel philosophy lesson at a time. As the sunset painted the trees in hazy oranges and greens, Stibbo leaned back against the bark and murmured, “Everything’s a leaf if you believe hard enough.” And Trevor, blinking slowly as a snail waved at him, thought... maybe he was onto something. Highdeas and Hollowcore Philosophy The next morning, Trevor awoke to find a squirrel braiding his hair and humming a reggae version of Beethoven's Fifth. He blinked. Was he still dreaming? Possibly. But the aroma of sizzling pine mushroom pancakes lured him fully awake, and when he rolled over, there was Stibbo—grinning, pan already in hand, frying breakfast on a flat stone warmed by psychic energy (or maybe it was just the sun). “Morning, Pants-Man,” Stibbo chirped. “You snored out a haiku last night. Something about spreadsheets and inner peace.” Trevor sat up slowly, leaf-crumbs in his eyebrows, and nodded solemnly. “That sounds right.” Over breakfast—flavored with what Stibbo called “empathy truffles” and “existential cinnamon”—the old herbalist decided it was time for Trevor to begin his spiritual journey. Or, more accurately, a gentle stumble through layers of mild confusion and cosmic nonsense, wrapped in fragrant smoke and metaphors involving bark. “You see, the forest is a mirror,” Stibbo said, licking sap off his thumb. “And also a bong. Depends how you look at it.” Trevor took a bite of pancake. “I think I’m ready to find my truth.” “Ha!” Stibbo cackled. “Good luck with that. But hey, let’s go talk to Gronkle. He’s a toad who used to be a monk. Real good with paradoxes.” The Quest for the Cosmic Chill Their journey took them through trails no map had ever dared chart—paths that looped, swirled, and occasionally spoke Latin backwards. They crossed a bridge made of suspended spiderwebs and optimism, and passed under an archway made entirely of hemp vines and glowing fungus. Along the way, they encountered: A sentient dandelion who claimed to be a tax accountant in a past life and still offered free consultations. An owl named Chad who gave unsolicited advice about polyamory and fire safety. A moss-covered rock with the uncanny ability to play Lo-Fi beats, vibing non-stop for 300 years. When they finally reached Gronkle the Toad-Monk, he was sitting in a puddle of herbal tea, croaking softly while contemplating a mushroom cap. Trevor bowed respectfully. “What is the nature of bliss?” he asked. Gronkle blinked slowly, then replied: “Bliss is the absence of spreadsheets and the presence of snackies.” Trevor cried a little. The Ceremony of Smokelight That night, the Glen held a ritual: the **Ceremony of Smokelight**, where beings of all types—gnomes, sprites, talking vines, and even Chad the Owl—gathered to share a communal smoke and release their worries into the stars. Trevor was handed a ceremonial cone so large it required two dryads to light it. As the Glen buzzed with laughter, drum circles, and a literal fog of good vibes, Stibbo stood before the crowd, arms raised, leafy robe twirling in the wind. “Brothers, sisters, fungi, all! Let us inhale our regrets and exhale our realizations! Let the sacred puff carry your burdens to the forest Wi-Fi!” Trevor took his first deep inhale of the sacred Smokelight blend—part pine, part something that might’ve been mint, and part... stardust? Suddenly, he saw everything. The stock market. The squirrel braid. The spreadsheet cells forming a pattern that resembled ancient runes. He laughed. Loudly. A tree joined in. And in that moment, surrounded by weirdos, wisdom, and really excellent snacks, Trevor realized: this was home now. Stibbo’s Final Lesson Later that night, as fireflies danced and someone played panflute dubstep in the distance, Stibbo sat beside Trevor and passed him one last smoke. “You’ve come a long way, my khaki-clad brother,” Stibbo said. “Remember, life’s just a big wandering. You don’t always need a destination. Sometimes it’s enough to vibe.” Trevor looked up at the stars and whispered, “I think I’m finally chill.” “Damn right,” said Stibbo. “Now help me find my other shoe. I swear I left it inside that tree.” And so, under a sky full of glowing spores and lazy constellations, the Herbalist of Hollow Glen lit another one, and the vibe went on… forever.     Epilogue – The Wind in the Leaves Years passed in Hollow Glen, though no one was really counting. Time, in that part of the forest, had agreed to chill out and stop being so linear. Trevor—now affectionately known as “Reeferend Trev”—became a fixture in the community. He traded his khakis for a robe of woven moss, learned the names of every talking mushroom, and could identify 72 types of mood-enhancing foliage by smell alone. He never went back to finance. Occasionally he’d get a vision of a boardroom or a pie chart, shiver, and then hug a nearby tree until it passed. His former life faded like a dream, replaced by moments of pure present: brewing bark tea at sunrise, debating metaphysics with lizards, or just lying in a hammock woven from vines, vibing to the sounds of forest jazz. As for Stibbo, he never changed. He just grew a bit leafier, a bit wiser, and slightly more forgetful in charming ways. When asked how old he was, he’d usually reply, “Somewhere between 4:20 and eternity.” But one fog-sweet morning, Trevor found a message carved into the bark of their favorite tree, scrawled in Stibbo’s unmistakable wiggly script: "Gone walkabout. Found a talking comet. Be back when the stars forget how to argue. Water the mushrooms and tell Chad to chill." No one panicked. That was just Stibbo being Stibbo. He always came back. Probably. But even if he didn’t, the Glen was in good hands. Trevor kept the tea steeping, the vibes flowing, and every new wanderer welcomed with an open branch and a fresh roll. And if you ever find yourself off-path, a little lost, or completely zooted in a mossy clearing with the sense that the trees are laughing gently at your existence—well, you might just be near Hollow Glen. Take a deep breath. Sit down. Listen for panflute dubstep. And remember what the Herbalist always said: “Reality’s optional. But kindness? That sh*t’s essential.”     🛒 Bring the Vibe Home If you found yourself smiling (or spiritually exhaling) somewhere in this tale, you can keep a little piece of the Hollow Glen with you. Canvas prints and wood-mounted art bring Stibbo’s leafy grin to your wall. Or go mobile with a vinyl sticker that travels with you like a tiny forest guardian. Feeling generous? Send some Hollow Glen wisdom with a greeting card—perfect for birthdays, apologies, or deeply weird thank-you notes.

by Bill Tiepelman

Woodland Wonder Twins: Nutorious Mischief

The Branch of Bad Decisions In the heart of the ancient Windlewood Forest, where the moss grows thick and secrets grow thicker, there lived two chipmunk twins infamous across the treetops — Pip and Pea Nutters. Identical in fur but ferociously different in attitude, Pip was a hyper-charged storm of bad ideas and Pea was the sarcastic, eye-rolling accomplice who somehow always followed anyway. Their current perch? A fragile branch known in local rodent legend as "The Branch of Bad Decisions" — a spindly limb high above the forest floor where only fools or heroes dared balance. "Pea! Look at me! I'm King of the Forest!" Pip screeched dramatically, arms flung wide like an unhinged woodland messiah. His tail twitched with the energy of a creature who had absolutely never considered consequences. Below him, Pea sighed in a way only a twin brother could — equal parts fondness and fury. "You're not king of anything, Pip. You're king of future splats." Leaves swirled around them like slow-motion confetti. Pip wobbled dramatically. Pea casually dug his claws into the bark. "We should be gathering acorns like normal rodents," Pea grumbled. "BORING. Acorns wait for no chipmunk, but adventure? Adventure is like... the wind beneath my fuzzy butt!" Pip declared with wild-eyed sincerity. Somewhere below them, the elderly owl Mortimer muttered from his hollow: "Those blasted Nutters are gonna be the death of me." But Pip wasn't done. He had that dangerous glint in his eye — the one that meant a bad idea was being born at maximum speed. "You know what we should do next, Pea?" Pip asked, waggling his eyebrows. "Regret everything?" Pea deadpanned. "Even better," Pip grinned devilishly. "Branch surfing." Pea's little rodent heart sank. "Oh acorn crumbs..." Nutorious Mayhem Unleashed Branch surfing, as Pip explained (poorly), was a sport entirely invented by creatures with too much energy and not enough supervision. The idea was simple — terrifyingly simple — and, of course, incredibly stupid. "You run real fast. You jump on the branch. You ride it like a wave. Nature provides the adrenaline, and gravity does the rest," Pip said proudly, as if quoting ancient chipmunk wisdom. Pea blinked slowly. "Nature provides the broken bones too, you acorn-brained maniac." But resistance was futile. With a wild whoop that echoed through the forest like a squirrelian war cry, Pip launched himself down the sloping branch. His tiny claws skittered against the bark. His tail whipped like a streamer caught in a tornado. "WOOOOOOO!" Leaves exploded into the air. Nearby beetles abandoned their homes. A mother bird shielded her chicks' eyes. For one perfect second, Pip looked magnificent — a furry streak of chaotic joy hurtling toward disaster at impressive speed. Then physics arrived. The branch dipped under his weight. Then flexed. Then, with a noise that would forever haunt Pea's dreams, it snapped clean off — catapulting Pip skyward in a spinning, screaming blur of limbs. Pea watched his twin ascend into legend. "Heck," Pea muttered. The Aftermath Pip crashed — not into the ground, because fortune favored fools — but directly into Mortimer the Owl's laundry line. An elaborate series of bark-cloth tunics (Mortimer was an eccentric sort) wrapped around Pip like an accidental toga. He swung gently in the breeze, upside-down, looking far too pleased with himself for someone freshly ejected from a tree. "Did you see that, Pea?!" he hollered joyously. "I am unstoppable!" Mortimer poked his beak out of his hollow, unimpressed. "You're unhousebroken." Pea casually strolled down the tree, tail flicking in that older-sibling-I-told-you-so rhythm. He paused beneath his dangling brother. "Stuck again, huh?" Pea asked. "Temporarily suspended in victory," Pip corrected, upside-down grin wide as ever. And Then The Forest Watched News traveled fast in Windlewood. By the time Pea cut Pip down (with no small amount of commentary), a small crowd had gathered — squirrels, birds, a fox cub or two. They all knew the Nutters. They all knew this was far from over. "What did we learn today?" Pea asked, already regretting the question. Pip stood proudly, adjusting his laundry-tunic like royalty. "That I am a pioneer. An innovator. The future of recreational stupidity." Pea rubbed his temples. "We're going to be banned from the forest." Pip threw an arm around his brother. "Pea, my brother in bad decisions... If we get banned from one forest — there's always another." Leaves swirled. The crowd laughed. Mortimer sighed. And deep in the woods, a new branch wobbled ominously... waiting for its next terrible idea.     Epilogue: Legends in the Leaves In the weeks that followed, the legend of Pip and Pea Nutters grew like a particularly obnoxious vine — twisting through every hollow, burrow, and tavern log in the Windlewood Forest. Chipmunk kits whispered about "The Great Branch Surfing Incident" as if it were a grand historic event. Mortimer the Owl? He doubled the strength of his laundry line. Reinforced it with spider silk. Posted tiny warning signs. ("Absolutely No Nutters.") Pea found a new hobby: apologizing on behalf of his twin to literally everyone. Forest Council? Apology. The acorn vendor whose stash Pip "accidentally" converted into a slingshot experiment? Apology. The frogs who woke up wearing tiny laundry-togas? Big apology. But Pip? Oh, Pip thrived. He strutted through the woods with the chaotic energy of a squirrel-shaped celebrity. Small creatures asked for autographs (usually scratched into bark). He hosted storytelling nights where every detail grew more ridiculous. "Did I jump the entire river? Yes. Was it full of crocodiles? Obviously. Did I land on a cloud shaped like a heroic fist? Don't question my truth, Pea." And Late At Night... When the forest quieted and the wind rustled through the leaves like whispered laughter, Pea would glance at his twin — curled up in their cozy little den — and smile despite himself. Because maybe, just maybe, the world needed a little Nutters-level nonsense now and then. Besides — he was pretty sure Pip was already planning their next terrible adventure. And heaven help them all... Pea would be right there beside him. End of Mischief (For Now)     Bring the Nutters Home Love the wild energy of Pip and Pea Nutters? You're not alone — and now you can bring a little Woodland Wonder Twins mischief into your own space. Whether you're decorating a cozy reading nook, gifting a fellow chaos enthusiast, or simply want to remember that life is better with a bit of joyful nonsense — we’ve got you covered. Available Now from Unfocussed Metal Print — For bold souls who want their wall art to shine (literally). Framed Print — Class up your chaos with gallery-ready style. Tote Bag — Carry your mischief wherever you roam. Sticker — Perfect for laptops, water bottles, or anywhere that needs extra attitude. Fleece Blanket — For curling up after a long day of causing (or surviving) chaos. Each item features the whimsical charm and vibrant detail of Woodland Wonder Twins by Bill & Linda Tiepelman — ready to spark smiles wherever they land. Browse the full collection: Shop Woodland Wonder Twins

by Bill Tiepelman

He Who Walks with Wind & She Who Sings to Stones

Of Beards, Boots, and Bad Decisions Long before the forest whispered their names into the moss, He Who Walks with Wind was just a humble (and slightly scruffy) gnome with a spectacularly oversized feathered headdress — the sort of thing that made squirrels pause mid-acorn. His boots were too big, his beard was too wild, and his sense of direction was... well... wind-dependent. His friends in the woods often joked that he had the charm of a river rock — hard to hold onto and prone to vanishing downstream after a bottle of pineberry wine. But everything changed the day he stumbled (quite literally) into She Who Sings to Stones. Now, she was no ordinary forest maiden. No sir. This was a woman who could calm a thunderstorm with a side-eye and convince even the crankiest badger to hand over his last berry tart. She wore a headdress of feathers softer than secrets and robes woven from mountain twilight. And worst of all (for him)... she caught him singing to his own reflection in a puddle. "Nice voice," she said, her words like warm honey but with the sharpness of a pebble in your shoe. "Do you serenade yourself often, or am I just lucky today?" And just like that — he was doomed. In the best, most embarrassing way possible. From that moment on, they became the forest’s worst-kept secret. The loudest whisper. The odd couple that critters gossiped about endlessly. He brought clumsy poems carved into sticks. She responded with mossy hearts on his walking path. He accidentally wooed her with terrible fishing skills. She let him believe he was mysterious (he wasn’t). And thus began their legendary love story — one filled with mishaps, stolen kisses behind pine trees, and enough awkward glances to fill a hollow log. View His Collection | View Her Collection Of Stones, Songs, and Stolen Things It didn’t take long for the forest to realize that He Who Walks with Wind and She Who Sings to Stones were absolutely terrible at keeping things casual. For one, their “chance encounters” were happening so often that even the mushrooms started rolling their eyes. After all, how many times can two gnomes “accidentally” meet at the same mossy log at the exact same twilight hour without the universe winking suspiciously? But there was something about her that unraveled him. Maybe it was the way her voice floated between tree roots like a lullaby only rocks understood. Or the way her smile could disarm even the sharpest thorn bush. Or — and he would never admit this aloud — the way she stole things. Oh yes. She Who Sings to Stones was a notorious thief. Not of valuables — no. Her crimes were far worse. She stole moments. She stole his awkward pauses mid-sentence and replaced them with knowing glances. She stole the roughness from his voice with every quiet laugh. She even stole his lucky acorn — the one he swore protected him from wandering skunks (it didn’t). He found it days later tucked beneath his pillow with a note: "Protection only works if you believe in something bigger than your beard. —S" But he wasn’t innocent either. He Who Walks with Wind was a collector too — of her songs. At night, when the forest hummed low and the stars yawned above the treetops, he would follow the soft echoes of her voice. Never too close. Never letting her see. Just close enough to catch pieces of melody drifting like dandelion seeds — fragile, weightless, impossibly precious. He began carving her words into stones. Not fancy stones. Not polished gemstones. Just regular forest rocks — the kind most gnomes kick absentmindedly. But to him, these were sacred. Each carried one word of her songs: “Patience” “Kindness” “Wild” “Enough” He placed them like breadcrumbs through the forest — a map only she could read. And of course... she found them. One by one. Because she was the sort of woman who always found what was meant for her. One morning, after a night of restless dreams about her laughter echoing in the hills, he woke to find a perfect circle of stones outside his door. His stones. His words. Returned — but now surrounded by tiny wildflowers and mossy hearts. The message was clear: "If you want me — walk the path you’ve started." And so, for the first time in his rambling, wandering life... he walked with purpose. Not with the wind. But toward her. This was no longer a story of solitude. This was a story of two souls circling each other — stubborn, playful, fierce — until the forest itself held its breath. Of Forest Gossip, Awkward Kisses, and the Very Bad Squirrel Incident The thing about forest creatures is — they talk. Not just the whispery, rustle-in-the-leaves kind of talk. No. Full-blown, scandal-hungry, gossip-mongering chatter that would put any village marketplace to shame. And when the subject was He Who Walks with Wind and She Who Sings to Stones... well, let’s just say the squirrels were holding meetings. “Did you see him trip over his own staff yesterday trying to look heroic?” “She smiled at him again. That’s the third time this week. It’s basically a marriage proposal.” “I give it two more days before he tries to build her a house made entirely of sticks and regret.” Even the owls — who usually prided themselves on dignified silence — were side-eyeing from the treetops. But despite the forest-wide commentary, their story kept weaving itself in unexpected ways. Take, for example, the Very Bad Squirrel Incident. It all started when he — in a misguided attempt at romance — decided to gather her favorite forest berries for a surprise breakfast. What he didn’t know was that those particular berries were under the jealous watch of the local squirrel matriarch — a wiry old beast known as Grumbletail. The moment his clumsy hands reached for the berries, the squirrels launched a coordinated attack with the kind of ferocity usually reserved for territorial foxes and bad poetry readings. He arrived at her cottage hours later — scratched, tangled, missing one boot, and carrying exactly one sad little berry in his dirt-covered palm. She blinked at him, standing there like a wind-blown scarecrow of embarrassment. “You absolute fool,” she whispered. But her eyes — stars above, her eyes — were sparkling with something wild and dangerous and impossibly soft. And then — because the forest gods have a twisted sense of humor — it happened. The First Kiss. It wasn’t elegant. There was nothing poetic about it. He leaned in at the exact moment she turned her head to laugh and the whole thing ended with a bumped nose, an awkward tangle of beard, and her muffled giggle against his chest. But when their lips finally met — really met — it was like every stone he’d ever carved, every word he’d ever stolen from her songs, every ridiculous misstep... finally made sense. The wind forgot to blow. The trees leaned in closer. Even Grumbletail — watching from a safe distance — begrudgingly approved. Afterwards, sitting beneath a crooked old pine, they laughed until their sides ached. Not because it was funny (though it absolutely was) — but because that’s what love felt like for them: Messy. Ridiculous. Beautifully imperfect. As the sun melted into the horizon, she poked him gently with her finger. “If you ever steal berries from Grumbletail again, I’m not saving you,” she teased. “Worth it,” he grinned, pulling her close. And just like that — two souls who had spent a lifetime walking alone... began learning how to stay. Of Vows, Feathers, and Forever Things The forest had been waiting for this day for longer than it would ever admit. Word had spread faster than a startled rabbit — He Who Walks with Wind and She Who Sings to Stones were getting married. And let me tell you — no one throws a celebration like woodland creatures with too much time and too many opinions. The Preparations Were... Something The owls insisted on handling the invitations (delivered in tiny scrolls tied with fern ribbons). The badgers argued for three days about what type of moss made the best aisle runner. Grumbletail the Squirrel — yes, that Grumbletail — shockingly volunteered to oversee security, muttering something about "keeping things civilized." The ceremony location? The Heartstone Clearing — a sacred, wildly overgrown circle deep in the woods where stones hummed if you listened close enough... and where countless gnome love stories were rumored to have begun (and ended, often with dramatic flair). The Bride Was Magic She Who Sings to Stones wore a gown stitched from twilight — soft greys, rich earth tones, and wildflowers braided through her long silver hair. Her headdress was adorned not just with feathers, but with tiny carved stones — each one gifted to her by him over their impossible journey together. She looked like a song made visible. The kind of song that quiets storms and stirs ancient roots. The Groom Was... Trying His Best He Who Walks with Wind was absolutely, hopelessly nervous. He’d polished his boots (which promptly got muddy). He’d combed his beard (which immediately tangled in a rogue twig). His headdress was slightly crooked. But his eyes... his eyes never left her. As she stepped into the clearing, every creature — from the smallest beetle to the loftiest owl — felt it: This wasn’t just love. This was home. The Vows (Improvised, Of Course) He cleared his throat (twice). "I never knew the wind could lead me somewhere worth staying. But you... you are my stone. My song. My forever place." She smiled — that maddening, beautiful, secret smile. "And I never knew stones could dance... until you tripped over every single one on your way to me." Laughter echoed through the clearing — loud, wild, utterly perfect. The Forest Rejoiced The celebration that followed was the stuff of legend. The rabbits organized an impromptu berry feast. The foxes provided slightly questionable musical entertainment (there was howling). The squirrels, begrudgingly, allowed dancing beneath their favorite trees. And the stars? Oh, the stars stayed out far later than usual — winking knowingly over two gnomes who had somehow turned awkward missteps and stolen glances into something breathtakingly permanent. And As The Night Faded... They sat together, tangled in each other, surrounded by stones and feathers and laughter that would echo in the woods for generations. "Home," he whispered into her hair. She nodded. "Always." And So Their Story Lives On... In the stones that hum when the wind passes through. In the feathers caught in the branches long after they’ve gone to bed. And in every ridiculous, wonderful, perfectly imperfect love story waiting to happen just beyond the trees.     Bring His Story Home Some stories aren’t just meant to be read — they’re meant to be lived with. He Who Walks with Wind carries with him a spirit of wild adventure, quiet romance, and the kind of humor only found in the heart of the woods. Now, you can bring his legendary presence into your space — a daily reminder that love, laughter, and a little bit of mischief belong in every corner of your life. Metal Print — Sleek, bold, and perfect for a space that echoes with adventure. Canvas Print — Rustic charm meets timeless storytelling for your walls. Tapestry — Let the wind tell his story across fabric flowing with forest magic. Fleece Blanket — Curl up in cozy folklore and daydream of distant woods. Throw Pillow — A soft landing for tired adventurers and dreamers alike. Every Piece Tells a Story Let his quiet strength, mischievous spirit, and legendary heart become part of your everyday world. Whether on your walls, your couch, or wrapped around your shoulders — his journey is ready to continue with you. Explore the Full Collection →     Let Her Quiet Magic Find You She Who Sings to Stones doesn’t shout her wisdom — she leaves it tucked in corners, resting on shelves, and humming softly beside you in moments of stillness. Her story is one of grace, patience, and secret strength — and now her spirit can dwell in your space in beautifully crafted ways. Acrylic Print — Sleek clarity capturing her timeless quiet beauty. Framed Print — A classic heirloom piece for a heart-centered home. Tote Bag — Carry her story with you — to markets, to forests, or wherever you wander. Greeting Card — Send a small, powerful blessing into someone else's world. Sticker — A tiny, mischievous reminder to listen for the quiet songs in life. Her Presence Lingers Long After the Song Whether decorating your favorite reading nook, becoming a cherished gift, or adding a whisper of magic to your day — her story is ready to walk beside yours. Explore the Full Collection →     Epilogue: And the Forest Just Kept Smiling Years later — deep in that same wild forest where it all began — they are still there. He Who Walks with Wind still gets lost on purpose sometimes. (Old habits, old boots.) He still carves her words into stones when he thinks she isn’t looking. And yes — he still sings badly to puddles on quiet mornings... because now she sings along. She Who Sings to Stones still listens for stories the wind forgets to tell. She still leaves him tiny gifts in strange places — feathers braided with wildflower threads tucked into his coat pocket, small heart-shaped stones placed along his wandering paths, notes scrawled with things like: "Don’t forget berries (Grumbletail is watching)." They built a home together — if you can call it that. Part cottage, part moss-covered miracle, part falling-apart-on-purpose. It smells of pine needles, old books, and laughter that never learned how to be quiet. The forest watches them — still — with that old, knowing smile. And the Animals? The squirrels still gossip (they always will). The owls still judge. The rabbits still host awkwardly loud dinners near their porch. But ask anyone — ask even the grumpiest badger — and they’ll tell you: This is how the best stories end. Not with grand adventures. Not with epic quests. But with two foolish souls who chose to stay — tangled together in feathers, stones, and all the wonderfully ordinary magic of forever. And Somewhere... Right Now... She’s humming. He’s tripping over a tree root. And the forest? Still smiling. Shop His Story → | Shop Her Story →

by Bill Tiepelman

The Secret Life of a Dandelion

In a forgotten corner of a sunlit kitchen, where old wooden floorboards creaked like the sigh of memories, there sat a glass of water with a single dandelion seed head balanced inside. Its fragile white filaments shimmered faintly in the afternoon glow — a crown of wishes waiting for wind or wonder. But across from it — hanging slightly crooked on the wall — was a mirror. Not just any mirror, but one of those quiet, silver-framed relics from another era, the kind that felt heavier than its reflection, as though it remembered every gaze that had ever passed across it. And in this mirror, the dandelion was no longer a fragile thing clinging to what little time it had left. No — in the mirror’s world, the dandelion stood in full bloom, fierce and golden. A wild sun captured in petals. Bold where it had been delicate. Alive where it had seemed to be fading. It had always been this way. You see, mirrors — the real ones — don’t just show you what you are. They show you what you once dreamed of being. What you secretly still believe you could become. They show the hidden life humming inside quiet things. Day after day, the little seed head sat there, half-remembering how once, long ago, it had been golden too. When it had basked in fields uncut, standing tall against the breeze, unapologetic in its brightness. But time, as it does to all things, had softened it. Made it cautious. Fragile. Ready to let go rather than reach again. But this reflection — this impossible golden version of itself — had begun to whisper. Not with words. No, dandelions know better than that. With feeling. With quiet hope. With the restless ache of dreams deferred but never forgotten. And one night, long after the house had fallen silent, something extraordinary happened... Night of the Turning The house was asleep. Even the clock on the wall had quieted its ticking, as if time itself was holding its breath. The moon hung low, spilling silver across the wooden table where the dandelion sat — still, fragile, and impossibly aware of its own smallness. But the mirror had been waiting for this night. Some say mirrors lose their magic as we grow old. They say that reflections harden into truth and leave no space for dreams. But those people have never sat still enough — or long enough — to hear what mirrors whisper in the dark. “Remember,” the mirror hummed. Not in sound, but like a warm pressure just behind the bones of the chest. “Remember what it felt like... to be full of sun.” The dandelion quivered. Not from wind — there was none. But from something deeper. An ache. A pulse from long before it knew how to let go. The seed head trembled on its slender stem, brittle from waiting, from surviving. “You were never meant to stay small,” the mirror whispered. “You were never meant to fade quietly.” It was a ridiculous thought. The world had told the dandelion for weeks now — for seasons — that its time was over. That its beauty had passed. That its best chance was to scatter to the wind and hope to start over somewhere else. But not tonight. The Bloom Inside the Quiet Slowly, impossibly, the fragile threads of the seed head began to shimmer — not with light from the moon, but with something older. Something remembered. Hope is not loud. It is not the drumbeat of certainty or the blaze of guaranteed victory. Hope is quieter than breath. It is smaller than a seed. It is the ache of “maybe” in the chest when the world has said “no” for so long you almost believed it. And the dandelion — the small, forgotten, nearly gone dandelion — began to gather itself from the inside out. Not a transformation forced by magic or wishful thinking. No, this was the truest kind of change. The kind that grows in the dark. The kind that starts with belief. Petal by petal, color by color, the reflection was no longer only in the mirror. The golden bloom was rising from within. Not all at once. Not perfectly. But steadily. It wasn’t about being what it had been. It was about becoming what it still could be. Outside, the wind stirred — gentle, curious — brushing against the old wooden house like an old friend. And when dawn came, spilling gold across the floor, there sat the dandelion... no longer just a seed head. There it stood — quiet but fierce — crowned in golden bloom once more. Not because it had been forced. Not because someone had saved it. But because it remembered that dreams, like seeds, wait for the smallest crack of belief to bloom again. The Mirror's Secret And the mirror? Oh, the mirror simply smiled in its way. After all, that’s what it had been trying to tell the dandelion all along. Not all reflections are reminders of what we have lost. Some reflections are invitations to become.     Epilogue: For Those Who Wait Quietly Somewhere, perhaps in a kitchen much like yours, or on a windowsill nobody watches anymore, another dandelion waits. It waits with all its fragile parts — seeds that want to let go, roots that don’t remember how to stay, a heart grown tired of being told it is too late. But the mirror is still there. Somewhere. Everywhere. Waiting. Whispering. Not every bloom is for the wild fields. Not every golden crown rises in the open sun. Some are meant for quiet places. For still hearts. For those who have forgotten how bright they once burned. If you find yourself looking at your own reflection — in glass or water or memory — and all you see is what time has taken from you… Wait a little longer. There is a bloom inside you still. And some mornings — when the world holds its breath — even the smallest dream dares to rise again.     Bring the Story Home Every story deserves a place to live — even the quiet ones. The Secret Life of a Dandelion is more than just an image. It’s a reminder of what waits inside us all — of patience, resilience, and the quiet bravery of dreams not yet spoken. You can bring this story into your everyday world — as art, as gift, as a gentle nudge toward hope. Wood Prints — Rustic and timeless, perfect for quiet corners and thoughtful spaces. Metal Prints — Modern reflections that catch the light, much like the story itself. Tote Bags — Carry your dreams. Or your books. Or your quiet thoughts for the road. Greeting Cards — Share hope with someone who needs it most. Spiral Notebooks — Because stories — especially your own — deserve to be written down. Explore the full collection at shop.unfocussed.com. Let your space — or your gift — become part of the story.

by Bill Tiepelman

Warden of the Arctic Heavens

The Legend Awakens High above the frozen world — somewhere between the last Wi-Fi signal and the first whisper of stardust — there lives a snow leopard unlike any other. Her name is Solvryn, though few mortals dare to utter it. Not because of fear — but because they usually can't pronounce it after three shots of glacial vodka. She is the Warden of the Arctic Heavens, the guardian of northern skies, and an unofficial therapist for lost souls who wander into her domain thinking it’s a great idea to "find themselves" in minus-40-degree weather. Solvryn wasn’t always celestial. She was once a regular snow leopard with killer instinct and an unhealthy obsession with napping on branches. But the universe has a wicked sense of humor. One night, as she lounged atop a frost-covered tree, watching the aurora ripple like cosmic mood lighting, a shooting star crashed — not with grace — but directly into her backside. Instead of instant vaporization (which frankly would have been easier), she sprouted wings. Feathery, luminous, ridiculous wings. Wings that ruined stealth hunting forever but made her look exceptionally photogenic on Instagram — if anyone ever made it up here alive with a signal. Of course, with wings came responsibility. An ancient voice boomed in her head, as all ancient voices do: "Rise, Solvryn, Warden of the Arctic Heavens. You must guard the northern skies, protect the balance of solitude and wonder, and occasionally knock sense into arrogant explorers who think the cold won't affect their phone batteries." And just like that, Solvryn began her eternal gig. She patrolled the winter realms, kept an eye on mischievous aurora spirits, and ensured the silence of snow remained unbroken — unless it was for a good laugh or an even better story. Still, on particularly long nights, she wondered: Was she destined for this forever? Was there more to being a guardian than frostbite prevention and dramatic wing poses? Little did she know, a challenge unlike any other was about to enter her territory — a wandering human with too much caffeine, zero common sense, and a destiny tied dangerously close to her own. The Human Problem The thing about humans is — they never read the signs. Not the cosmic ones. Not the wooden ones. Definitely not the ones with skull symbols and the words “TURN BACK” carved in twelve languages. Solvryn had seen them all. Mountain climbers powered by granola bars. Influencers searching for that “authentic wilderness aesthetic.” CEOs on a “spiritual retreat” hoping to expense enlightenment. But this one? This one was different. He tripped over his own snowshoes. He talked to himself — a lot. And worse, he argued with the Northern Lights like they were customer support. "Okay universe," he muttered loudly into the frozen air, "if you're listening, I could really use a sign that I'm not completely ruining my life." Solvryn, perched above him in full celestial glory, sighed the ancient sigh of a being who knows exactly what’s coming next. Because rules were rules. If a human asked for a sign — out loud — and they were within earshot of the Warden, she had to respond. She stretched her wings slowly, letting moonlight catch the edges just enough for maximum drama. She descended from her frosty perch with the casual elegance of a being who had absolutely had it with humanity’s nonsense. The man fell backwards into the snow, wide-eyed. "Holy — I knew this hike was a mistake." "Mistake?" Solvryn’s voice echoed through the trees — rich, smooth, slightly amused. "You walked twenty miles into the Arctic in discount hiking boots, armed only with optimism and protein bars. 'Mistake' is generous." The man blinked. "You... talk?" "Of course I talk. I’m not just here for the aesthetics." He scrambled to sit up, shivering, snow clinging to his beard like regret. "Are you... an angel? A spirit guide?" "Depends," Solvryn said, landing beside him with a soft crunch of snow. "Are you here to find inner peace, or did you just need a really aggressive life coach?" The Lesson No One Asked For Turns out, he was neither. His name was Eliot. A graphic designer from the city. Midlife crisis in progress. Divorced, burnt-out, spiritually empty — you know, the usual inspiration package. Solvryn listened — because wardens listen first, judge later. It’s more effective that way. He spoke of deadlines and loneliness. Of feeling invisible. Of scrolling through other people’s lives until his own felt like a poorly edited draft. And when he finally ran out of words — when the Arctic silence pressed against him like truth — Solvryn leaned in. "Listen closely, small warm-blooded disaster. The universe doesn’t care about your productivity metrics. It doesn’t reward suffering for suffering’s sake. But it does respond to courage — especially the courage to be still, to be quiet, to not know." Eliot stared up at her. "So… what? I should just… stop?" "No. You should begin — properly this time." The Guardian Code She unfurled her wings fully — a gesture both ridiculous and magnificent. Snowflakes glittered like tiny stars in the wake of her movement. "You want meaning? Make it. You want peace? Choose it. You want purpose? Earn it — not by running away from the noise, but by becoming immune to it." Eliot let the words settle like snowfall — slow, relentless, undeniable. Later, he would swear that the northern lights above them pulsed brighter, as if in approval. The Departure By dawn, Solvryn was gone — as guardians always are when their work is done. But Eliot — now guardian of his own story — walked back to civilization slower, lighter. He had no photos. No proof. No viral content. Only a strange feather tucked into his pocket — and a quiet, ferocious promise to live differently. The Arctic Whisper Far above, watching from her frozen branch, Solvryn chuckled quietly to herself. "Humans," she murmured. "So fragile. So lost. So gloriously capable of change." And with a powerful beat of her wings, the Warden of the Arctic Heavens soared into the endless blue — her watch never truly over.     Bring the Legend Home If Solvryn, the Warden of the Arctic Heavens, stirred something wild and wondrous in your soul — why not bring a piece of her mythic world into your own? Explore our exclusive collection of Warden of the Arctic Heavens art pieces — crafted for dreamers, wanderers, and guardians of their own quiet moments. Each item is designed to transform your space into a place of reflection, inspiration, and maybe — just maybe — a little magic. Woven Tapestry — Let Solvryn guard your walls in soft, textured beauty. Metal Print — Bold. Modern. Ready to outshine your neighbor's art collection. Fleece Blanket — Wrap yourself in celestial comfort. Approved for late-night existential pondering. Canvas Print — Classic. Elegant. Timeless as a winter sky. Let the legend live on — in your home, your story, your space.

by Bill Tiepelman

Mushroom Mirth in Hedgehog Daze

The Prickle Awakens Deep in the glimmer-soaked underbrush of the Wobblewood Forest — where the mushrooms glow like disco balls and the trees hum vaporwave melodies after dark — there lived a hedgehog named Fuzzwort. Now Fuzzwort wasn’t your average forest critter. Oh no. This hedgehog had been sampling the mysterious mushroom caps of Wobblewood for, well... let’s just say "a long time" and leave it there. One particularly hazy afternoon, Fuzzwort awoke nestled between two bioluminescent toadstools, blinking his enormous cosmic-blue eyes — pupils dialed all the way out like saucers floating in space. "Whoa," he mumbled to no one. "Either I’m awake... or the forest downloaded a new skin pack." Stretching his tiny paws, he realized that sometime during the night, his quills had absorbed some of the psychedelic mushroom spores. They glimmered in swirly rainbow hues. "Wicked fashion upgrade," he giggled. "I am... Hedgehype Supreme." The Quest for the Crunchy Munchies His belly rumbled — not like a regular hungry noise — but like a tiny drum circle of woodland gnomes playing the bongos inside him. He needed snacks. Immediately. Preferably crunchy. Preferably within crawling distance because moving was, frankly, a negotiation right now. Slowly rolling himself into a little spiky ball, Fuzzwort tumbled downhill like a sentient mossy bowling ball. Mushrooms blurred past him in fractal patterns. He muttered, "Bro... trees shouldn’t have that many elbows." He bounced to a stop near a peculiar gathering of mushrooms. These weren’t just glowing — they were vibrating. "Ayy, what’s up, shroom bros?" he whispered reverently. They pulsed in response like they were beatboxing in slow motion. The Council of Shrooms A booming, spongy voice echoed in his head. "Fuzzwort... why dost thou rolleth so recklessly through our fungal fellowship?" Startled but still impressively chill, Fuzzwort replied, "Sorry, my dudes. I'm on a vision quest for some crunchy snacks. Also, I think my spine is growing tiny neon forests. Not complaining." The mushrooms collectively shimmied. "Seek ye the Snackshroom Grove," the voice replied. "But beware... it is guarded by the Lich Lizard of Eternal Vibes." "Heavy," Fuzzwort whispered, nodding solemnly. "Respect." Snackshroom Grove and the Lich Lizard of Eternal Vibes Fuzzwort rolled onward, carried by the subtle gravity of a snack-craving heart. The Wobblewood Forest grew increasingly surreal — the trees stretched sideways like rubber bands warming up for interpretive dance, while the moss whispered ancient limericks only slightly inappropriate for polite company. In the shimmering distance, beneath a canopy of glitter-dripping vines, the legendary Snackshroom Grove pulsed like the heartbeat of a funky bassline only forest creatures could hear. But standing between him and crispy victory... was him. Enter: The Lich Lizard of Eternal Vibes The creature slithered out from behind a kaleidoscope bush, scales glistening like oil spills on velvet. Wearing oversized sunglasses (indoors, naturally), the Lich Lizard exhaled a glowing cloud of sage-scented mystery and addressed Fuzzwort in a voice smooth as melted marshmallows. "Whoooo dares enter Snackshroom Grove... whilst rocking bioluminescent drip that sick?" Fuzzwort froze. Not from fear. No. From sheer admiration. "Whoa," he breathed. "Your vibes... they're... immaculate." The Lich Lizard did a slow-motion spin. "You're not so bad yourself, little orb of chaos. But the path to Snackshroom Grove is no free buffet." The Ritual of Chill Challenges The Lich Lizard gestured to a circle of vibrating stones. "To earn access to the sacred Crunchies, you must pass... The Trials of Chill." Fuzzwort nodded, feeling fate coil like a slinky in his gut. Trial One: The Dance-Off of Wiggly PrecisionHe had to out-wiggle a group of glow-worms synchronized like a K-pop flash mob. Fuzzwort summoned his inner disco hedgehog. Quills shimmering, feet barely obeying him, he spun in lazy circles that accidentally formed the shape of a cosmic fractal. The worms collapsed in awe. Pass. Trial Two: The Riddle of the Perpetually Confused SquirrelA squirrel hopped forward, eyes wide, holding an acorn that vibrated ominously. "If a mushroom falls in the woods but everyone's too baked to hear it... did it even drop?"Fuzzwort blinked, considered the eternal mystery, then replied, "Bro... maybe we’re the mushrooms."Silence. Then the squirrel gave him a tiny acorn fist-bump. Pass. Trial Three: The Patience of Eternal ChillHe had to sit perfectly still while a snail told its entire life story. It took three hours. It was... mostly about lettuce.Fuzzwort never flinched. Inner peace achieved. Pass. Snackshroom Grove Unlocked The Lich Lizard gave him a slow clap that echoed like tree trunks applauding in the wind. "Respect. Enter, young fuzzball." Fuzzwort stumbled into Snackshroom Grove and immediately lost all sense of linear time. The air was thick with the scent of earthy goodness. Mushrooms shaped like nacho chips. Tiny fungi that crunched like kettle-cooked potato magic. A bubbling brook flowing with chilled mushroom tea. He feasted. Oh, did he feast. After what felt like decades (but was probably 17 minutes), Fuzzwort lay on his back, belly round, paws behind his head, staring at the cosmic swirl of colors above. The Lesson of the Day The Lich Lizard materialized beside him, reclining effortlessly. "So, what did you learn today, little wanderer?" Fuzzwort squinted, thinking deeply. "That... snacks taste better when you've vibed with weird forest dudes and survived existential riddles from stoner squirrels." The Lich Lizard nodded solemnly. "Truest thing I've heard all century." Epilogue: The Return to Wobblewood Eventually, Fuzzwort rolled himself back toward his cozy patch of moss beneath the disco trees. Behind him, the Snackshroom Grove pulsed gently — always there for the next adventurer with a crunchy dream and an open heart. He whispered to the sky, "Stay weird, forest. Stay weird." THE END Or is it...?     Bring the Vibes Home Can't get enough of Fuzzwort's whimsical wanderings through Wobblewood? Now you can bring a piece of the Mushroom Mirth magic into your own space. Whether you're decking out your chill zone or gifting some forest-fueled joy, check out our Canvas Prints and Metal Prints for bold, vibrant wall art straight from Wobblewood itself. Feeling crafty? Stitch your own adventure with our Cross-Stitch Pattern, perfect for slow, mindful creating — just like Fuzzwort would want. Need something cozy to curl up with during your next snack quest? Grab a super-soft Throw Pillow, or pack your favorite crunchy finds in a magical Tote Bag. Shop the whole collection: Mushroom Mirth in Hedgehog Daze Product Line Stay weird. Stay wonderful. Stay unfocussed.

by Bill Tiepelman

Glimpses of Gaia

The Eye in the Forest It began, as all ridiculous yet profound things do, with a terrible idea born from excellent wine. Somewhere deep in the tangled emerald forests of the forgotten world, an eccentric old monk named Tenzo Featherbeard was determined to find what the locals only whispered about: The Eye of Gaia. "It sees through all things," the innkeeper had warned, polishing his wooden mug with the reverence usually reserved for cathedrals or particularly stubborn goats. "Not just the skin of things... but their intentions." Tenzo, of course, took that as a challenge. Days turned to weeks. He wandered past glowing mushrooms that offered unsolicited advice. He stepped over meditating frogs so enlightened they levitated mid-ribbit. The forest was alive in a way that made him feel perpetually underdressed — emotionally, spiritually, and sartorially. Then one night, beneath a sky so full of stars it looked like spilled sugar, he found it. Embedded in the bark of an ancient tree was an enormous eye — scales like sapphire armor surrounding a hypnotic iris of burning gold and shifting emerald. The lashes were delicate vines tipped with bioluminescent petals. It blinked — not with hostility, but with... curiosity? Tenzo, being Tenzo, bowed dramatically and said, "Hello, you luminous ocular enigma. Care for a conversation?" The forest held its breath. Then — from deep within the roots and leaves — came the warm, velvet voice of Gaia herself: "Human. Why do you seek me?" Without hesitation — and still slightly drunk on the fermented sap of a mischievous tree — Tenzo replied: "Because I’ve lost my socks. And possibly, myself." Gaia laughed — a sound like rivers learning to giggle. The eye sparkled with cosmic amusement. "Sit, monk. Let us speak of lost things." And so he sat — cross-legged upon a mossy stone shaped suspiciously like a buttock — ready to hear truths he would likely misunderstand in the most beautiful way possible. Conversations with an Ancient Eye For what may have been hours, days, or several reincarnations of the same particularly stubborn beetle, Tenzo sat before the Eye of Gaia, basking in its strange warmth — like the feeling of sunlight filtered through an old library window, dust motes included. Gaia spoke again — her voice now slower, thicker — as if poured from an ancient teapot rarely used except for very important guests or bewildered monks: "Human. Tell me of these... socks." Tenzo sighed. "They were soft. Very soft. Handmade from the wool of a laughing mountain goat. Lost them during a bout of contemplative streaking after my enlightenment practice went sideways." The eye blinked slowly. "Ah. Attachment." "Also," Tenzo added with the gravity of a man truly pondering the universe, "they matched." The forest hummed with gentle laughter. Leaves quivered. A nearby caterpillar paused mid-transformation just to listen. The Teachings Begin (Sort of) "Human," Gaia intoned, "All things are lost eventually. Socks. Ego. Even planets. What matters is not possession... but presence." Tenzo scratched his beard thoughtfully. "So you're saying... I should go barefoot forever?" "No," she replied, "I'm saying that seeking what is lost externally often blinds one to what is already found internally." Tenzo considered this deeply, as deeply as one can while a squirrel braids your hair uninvited. The Eye Shows Him the Way Without warning, the eye dilated — rippling outward in honeycomb fractals of glowing color — pulling Tenzo into a vision. He saw himself — old, wrinkled, absurdly content — sitting on a mountain peak wearing no socks, but smiling so fully that even the wind paused to admire it. He saw villages thriving because he shared laughter instead of wisdom. He saw forests blooming because he sang off-key to them nightly. He saw lovers, friends, strangers — all touched by the presence of a foolish, barefoot monk who once lost his socks but found himself utterly... here. The Return When he awoke, the Eye of Gaia shimmered with approval. "So," Tenzo said, standing on impossibly clean forest moss, "What you're saying is... the socks were never the point." "Precisely." He bowed low. "Can I ask one last question?" "Ask." "Where the hell am I going to get more goat-wool socks? Winter is coming." The forest roared with laughter. Trees shook. Petals fell like confetti. Even the stone beneath him pulsed as if giggling. And then — just as the first morning light crested the treetops — a small, neatly wrapped bundle fell from a high branch onto his head. Inside? The softest, warmest, utterly mismatched pair of socks he had ever seen — woven from the fibers of forest dreams themselves. Epilogue: The Way Forward Tenzo Featherbeard left the forest that day not as a man who had lost something — but as one who realized everything worth having was already walking with him. His legend spread — not because he found the Eye of Gaia — but because he listened, laughed, and never took himself too seriously again. Years later, people still speak of him as the barefoot sage with mismatched socks — who taught the world that sometimes the universe gives you what you need... the moment you stop demanding it look the way you expected. And the Eye? It still watches — waiting patiently for the next fool wise enough to be ridiculous.     Bring a Glimpse of Gaia Home Perhaps, like Tenzo, you've found yourself wandering — seeking signs, symbols, or maybe just a really good pair of socks. While the forest may keep its secrets, the magic of this story lives on beyond the trees. Inspired by the very vision Tenzo discovered, you can carry your own piece of Gaia's wonder into your daily life: Metal Prints — Bold, luminous, and ready to hang in your sacred space. Acrylic Prints — For those who see clearly even when reality bends a little. Tote Bags — Because wisdom (and snacks) should travel well. Round Beach Towels — Perfect for meditation, storytelling, or sand-covered enlightenment. Cross-Stitch Pattern — For creators who know every stitch is a mantra. Every piece is a glimpse, a reminder, a quiet nudge from Gaia herself: Be present. Laugh often. Lose your socks. Find yourself.

by Bill Tiepelman

Aubade in the Enchanted Forest

The first light of dawn shimmered through the whispering canopy of the Enchanted Forest. The trees — ancient sentinels with leaves like stained glass — cast a kaleidoscope of colors over the soft, moss-laden earth. There was a stillness in the air, the kind only found at the fragile seam between night’s last breath and day’s first awakening. She was called Liora — a wanderer, a listener, a quiet soul in search of nothing but presence itself. Her long dress of woven silk, kissed by the hues of wildflowers and moonlit streams, trailed behind her like a river of forgotten dreams. The path beneath her bare feet wasn’t marked by signs or boundaries; it formed gently as she moved — conjured by intention, not direction. The forest greeted her not with sound, but with feeling — the hum of ancient roots intertwined beneath the earth, the scent of warm cedar and soft blooms unfurling to the sky, the faint pulse of life both hidden and omnipresent. Even the stones beneath her steps seemed to release their breath after a thousand years of patient waiting. Liora walked slowly, as if time itself had loosened its grip on her. Every step was deliberate, an offering of stillness to a world overwhelmed by noise. She paused often — to touch the velvet petals of unfamiliar flowers, to trace the grooves of bark older than memory, to feel the cool pulse of stones nestled like sleeping hearts among the moss. It was here — in the sacred hush of the forest — that serenity did not need to be chased. It waited, quietly, for those willing to slow down enough to meet it. Liora was one of the few who knew this. The Aubade Garden At the heart of the forest, beyond a gentle curve in the path, there lay the Aubade Garden — a hidden grove bathed in soft morning light, where spherical blooms of impossible colors blanketed the ground like a dream made real. It was said that those who reached the Aubade Garden were granted not wishes — but clarity. Clarity not of answers — but of questions. Liora stepped into the clearing. Her breath caught — not in awe, but in gratitude. The garden was untouched by human desire. It was not meant to be conquered or consumed. It was simply to be shared — for as long as one's heart could stay quiet enough to listen. The trees stood tall around her, their trunks rising like pillars in a temple built by time. Above her, the sun’s first golden rays poured through the canopy, igniting the blossoms beneath her feet. It was not loud. It was not dramatic. It was — simply — a beginning. And so Liora sat, folding herself gently into the earth, her dress spreading like a second layer of petals across the enchanted floor. She closed her eyes. The forest breathed with her. Here, there were no lessons. No declarations. Only being. And in the stillness — she waited for the dawn’s full embrace. The Silent Dialogue Time, in the Aubade Garden, dissolved into something softer — something that did not measure itself in hours or minutes, but in the rhythms of breath and the slow unfolding of petals. Liora did not need to name this feeling. It was beyond words, woven into the very bones of the forest itself. As she sat in stillness, an invisible dialogue began between herself and the world around her. Not a conversation of speech — but of exchange. She gave her presence freely, without expectation. In return, the forest offered its secrets — delicate, quiet gifts unnoticed by those who rushed through life’s corridors. Over time, a warmth settled into her chest. Not a fiery blaze — but a gentle ember, steady and grounding. She could feel the pulse of roots beneath her, tracing their way like forgotten rivers beneath the surface of the earth. Every tree, every flower, every stone — was part of the same breath. It occurred to her that serenity was not absence — not the escape from life — but a fuller presence within it. The forest did not deny sorrow, nor did it pretend away hardship. It held space for all things — joy and grief, light and shadow — without judgment. And in doing so, it healed without effort. The Arrival of the Sun The first true rays of the morning sun crept across the treetops, cascading downward like golden silk. The spheres of color surrounding her began to glow, not with an unnatural light, but as if reflecting an inner luminescence — the quiet radiance of existence itself. Birdsong arrived — not hurried or loud — but as a gentle greeting. Each note a thread in a larger tapestry of sound. The breeze, playful yet respectful, tugged softly at her hair, carrying with it the scent of distant rain and blooming earth. Liora opened her eyes slowly. Nothing had changed — and yet everything had shifted. The forest was the same. She was the same. But within her was a clarity that words could not shape. A knowing that she belonged here — as she belonged everywhere — not as a conqueror or an intruder, but as a quiet witness to the world's unfolding beauty. The Path Forward She rose without rush. Her dress shimmered, catching the morning light like woven dawn. As she stepped forward, the ground responded — the path blooming anew beneath her feet, soft petals unfurling to mark her journey without disturbing the living tapestry around her. The way home was not marked by signs or stones. It was marked only by trust — trust in the world’s quiet rhythms, trust in her own heart's ability to listen. The Aubade Garden faded behind her — not in distance, but in presence — a sacred place that required nothing but remembrance to revisit. And so she walked — not away, but forward — carrying with her the serenity of the Enchanted Forest. The calm did not remain behind her; it lived within her now, a quiet companion through all the noise of the outside world.     Epilogue: The Forest Beyond the Forest Long after her footsteps had faded from the moss-laden paths, the Enchanted Forest remained — untouched, eternal, quietly alive. It asked for no memory. It required no proof. Those who had truly been there carried its essence not in photographs or souvenirs — but in the softened edges of their lives. For Liora, the forest had never been left behind. It echoed in the way she touched the world — in her patient gaze, in the unhurried grace of her movements, in the gentle silences she allowed to bloom between words. Sometimes — in quiet moments — she would pause wherever she was: beneath a city tree, on a sunlit balcony, or beside a river flowing through unfamiliar lands. And she would feel it again — that subtle hum beneath all things. The forest within the forest. The garden beyond the garden. And perhaps that was the truest magic of all — that serenity was not a place to find, but a way to be. A living, breathing aubade — offered again and again to the waking world, for anyone willing to listen.     Bring the Serenity Home The quiet calm of the Enchanted Forest need not stay within the pages of a story. For those wishing to carry its stillness into their daily spaces, curated creations inspired by Aubade in the Enchanted Forest are available — crafted to transform your home into a reflection of tranquility and wonder. Wrap yourself in softness, surround your space with vivid colors, or bring moments of mindful creativity into your day — all while supporting the artistry of Bill & Linda Tiepelman. Wall Tapestry — Let the forest bloom across your walls. Metal Print — Vibrant, enduring reflections of the enchanted grove. Throw Pillow — A soft place to rest, inspired by forest calm. Fleece Blanket — Wrap yourself in warmth and wonder. Cross-Stitch Pattern — A meditative creation of the forest's beauty by your own hand. Let the story live with you — not just in memory, but in the peaceful presence of your home.

by Bill Tiepelman

Arboreal Symphony in Fractal Major

The roots hummed long before she heard them. Deep beneath the woven surface of existence, the Tree of Resonance was never silent. It pulsed — slowly — with tones beyond human frequency, casting fractal harmonics into the soul of the earth. Lyra stepped barefoot onto the veined carpet of spiraling color. She was not here to conquer, to pluck wisdom like fruit, or to carve her name into ancient bark. She came only to listen. The landscape unfolded in spiraled fractals of luminous vines and coiling roots, their forms impossibly organic yet touched with mathematical precision. Every twist and curve felt deliberate — as if designed by nature and music in secret collaboration. The Breath of the Tree Standing before the impossibly vibrant trunk, Lyra closed her eyes. She could feel the slow inhalation of the Arboreal Giant — not through lungs — but through an ancient rhythm woven into the core of existence. A pulse synchronized with tides, seasons, breath itself. Here, silence wasn’t empty. It was full. It draped around her shoulders like a cloak of invisible threads, connecting her to every rooted tendril beneath her feet, every distant bough above, unfurling into a sky woven from gradients of light. Her thoughts began to dissolve, not into nothingness — but into everything. The concept of separation softened. She was the tree. The tree was her. The infinite dance of roots and branches mirrored her own inner labyrinth of memory, emotion, and longing. Resonance and Release The Arboreal Symphony required no audience, but welcomed all. It had sung before language. Before gods. Before stars knew their names. And here, within its embrace, Lyra could feel the residue of countless souls who had stood where she stood — seekers, wanderers, the lost and the found. Colors shifted with intention. Blues softened into greens, greens ignited into fire-warm gold. The roots at her feet spiraled outward — not to possess, but to guide. They showed her paths she had forgotten existed — internal paths. Emotional rivers buried beneath layers of noise and duty. And so she breathed — not with lungs, but with being. She became rhythm. She became stillness. The tree did not heal her because she was never broken. It simply reminded her of the shape of her own song, lost beneath the static of a too-loud world. A Pause Before Descent As the sun’s fractal light bent and refracted across the infinite leaves, Lyra smiled with no reason beyond presence itself. She would descend soon, return to the world of movement and memory. But not yet. For now, she remained part of the Arboreal Symphony — a singular note in a melody older than time — held gently in the arms of fractal infinity. Descent into the Roots When Lyra moved again, it was without urgency. The tree had shifted around her. Not physically — the roots and branches remained — but perception had altered. What was once external was now a mirror. Every spiral of color beneath her bare feet echoed with her own pulse. She walked toward the base of the tree, its roots parting not in invitation, but in quiet acknowledgment. There was no gatekeeper here. No threshold guarded by ritual or code. The only key was presence. The only cost was time surrendered to stillness. The roots formed passages — arched like cathedrals, carved not by tools, but by patient growth and ancient will. Fractal patterns of light streamed through porous surfaces, cascading in hues that defied earthly language: azure that whispered memory, crimson that pulsed with forgotten names, golden light spun from the laughter of leaves. The Chamber of Echoes Lyra found herself in a hollow — vast, but intimate. At its center pulsed the Heart Root — not a beating organ, but a luminous braid of energy weaving through the earth and sky. Its sound was not heard but felt, vibrating in the bones, in the blood, in the spaces between atoms. She sat upon smooth spirals of coiled wood, letting her fingers drift through tendrils of luminous moss. There were no instructions. No expectations. Only resonance. Here she remembered. Not memories tied to narrative — not stories of who she had been — but memories older than thought. The memory of wind against newborn skin. The memory of sun-warmed stones beneath childhood feet. The memory of tears without sorrow. Laughter without reason. Integration When Lyra rose — hours or years later, time meaningless in the tree's embrace — she was not changed. She was revealed. Layers of false weight dissolved, leaving only clarity. The fractal pathways led her upward — not out — but through. Every step traced with light. Every breath a return. She emerged beneath the tree's infinite crown as night fell, the sky strewn with stars that felt impossibly close, as if she could reach up and trace their edges with her fingertips. The Symphony continued — unbroken, unending — and Lyra carried its melody within her. Not as a possession, but as a remembering. A knowing that would hum beneath her every step, her every word, long after she left this place of luminous roots and infinite branches. Stillness in Motion As she walked away, the landscape did not fade — it folded into her. The fractal tree receded not because it vanished, but because it was everywhere. Beneath stone. Beneath city. Beneath skin. It was not a place she would return to — because it had never been separate. Lyra was not the same. But she had always been whole.     Epilogue: The Quiet Between Moments Long after Lyra returned to the weaving patterns of human life — the soft hum of conversation, the brittle glow of city lights, the pull of tasks and time — the Symphony remained. It whispered in pauses. In the steam curling from morning tea. In the hush of twilight when shadows lengthened like memories returning home. In the subtle ache behind the heart when longing stirred without name or reason. The Tree of Resonance was not a distant wonder buried in a forgotten forest. It was the architecture of stillness — a map etched in the marrow of all things. Every street corner, every crowded room, every moment of solitude held its rhythm if one only listened. And so Lyra did. She became the listener. The walker-between. The weaver of quiet threads invisible to the hurried eye. Not seeking answers. Not chasing peace. But living as melody — presence unfolding note by note — in the infinite Arboreal Symphony that never truly ended.     Bring the Symphony Into Your Space The Arboreal Symphony does not belong to a distant realm alone — it can live with you, woven into the quiet spaces of your home, reminding you of stillness, connection, and wonder. Explore inspired creations featuring the vibrant fractal essence of Arboreal Symphony in Fractal Major — available in artful and functional forms to infuse your surroundings with calm and color: Cross Stitch Pattern — Craft your own reflection of the Symphony Tapestry — A wall-hung canvas of fractal serenity Canvas Print — Art for meditative spaces Fleece Blanket — Wrap yourself in color and calm Bath Towel — Everyday moments infused with vibrant energy Let the Symphony accompany you — as art, as comfort, as a gentle reminder that connection and beauty live not only in faraway places, but right here, within reach.

by Bill Tiepelman

Squirrely Monroe

The Rise of a Forest Icon Long before the world knew her as Squirrely Monroe, she was just another bushy-tailed dreamer from the oak-lined backstreets of Central Park. Born in a hollowed-out tree with bad insulation and worse neighbors (woodpeckers, of course), little Norma Nutbaker had one dream — to be seen. Other squirrels were content chasing acorns and dodging cyclists. But not her. Not Norma. She practiced strutting along fallen branches like a catwalk. She nibbled seductively on pinecones. She whispered her famous line into the wind every night: "Some like it rough... but I like it nutty." The City That Never Sleeps (Because of Raccoons) By the time she was two (about 20 in squirrel years), she hit the underground scene — quite literally. The storm drain scene. Central Park's secret nightlife thrived beneath the grates. There were jazz mice. Dancing possums. And if you were lucky? You might catch a glimpse of Norma's famous tail swirl — the twirl that would later grace murals on tree trunks everywhere. But fame has a way of finding those who shine hardest. One breezy autumn afternoon, while foraging near 5th Avenue, she stumbled upon the moment that would define her forever... The Breeze Heard 'Round the Park She stood above a subway grate. It hummed below her like the purr of a big city engine. And then — whooooooosh — the wind caught her simple little leaf-sewn dress, sending it billowing skyward in a scandalous flurry of forest fashion. A passing pigeon paparazzi captured the moment. Within hours, she wasn’t Norma Nutbaker anymore. She Was Squirrely Monroe. Forest creatures whispered about it over mushroom cappuccinos. Raccoons tried to imitate it (poorly). And chipmunks... well, they blushed just thinking about it. But fame is never just fun and acorns, darling. Behind the glamour... was a squirrel still searching for something more. Fame, Fur, and Forbidden Nuts The High Life in the Tall Trees Overnight, Squirrely Monroe became the name whispered across the treetops. She graced the covers of every leaf-laminated magazine from Acorn Vogue to Squirrel Illustrated. Her signature look? Soft platinum fur curls (styled with dew from rare morning grass) and that windswept leaf dress — now sold in boutique burrows at frankly scandalous markups. But forest fame came at a cost. Every twig-snapping paparazzi raccoon wanted a piece of her. Even worse? Her love life became headline fodder. Enter: Reynard Fox — The Scandal of the Season Reynard was trouble. A red-furred indie actor from the West Woods. Known for his smoldering eyes, questionable poetry, and tragic allergy to beechnuts. The tabloids went wild: "SQUIRRELY FALLS FOR BAD BOY FOX — WILL IT LAST?" It didn’t. Reynard was seen one night slipping into The Burrow Room — an exclusive underground club for forest elite — with a rival socialite: Trixie Chipmint, heiress to the Minted Nut fortune. Squirrely was devastated. Heartbroken. The forest stood still. The Comeback of a Lifetime But if the world thought Squirrely Monroe would vanish quietly into the hollow... they didn’t know her at all. She retreated deep into Central Park — to a forgotten maple grove where the wind blew wild and free. There, she crafted her masterpiece performance: a one-squirrel stage show titled "Nutting Like A Woman" — a raw, funny, painfully honest story of love, fame, and survival in a world that only saw the tail, not the heart. The premiere? Legendary. Critics declared it: "A triumph of fur, fashion, and vulnerability." Her Final Bow (For Now) Today, Squirrely Monroe lives a quieter life — at least by squirrel standards. She hosts late-night fireside interviews for Nutflix, mentors young chipmunk actresses, and occasionally reenacts the pose — leaf dress swirling — for charity fundraisers benefiting displaced urban wildlife. But if you wander Central Park late at night... and listen carefully beneath the hum of the city’s heartbeat... You might just hear her famous line float through the trees: "Some like it rough... but I like it nutty." And somewhere, a squirrel dreams of being seen — just like she once did.     Epilogue: The Wind Still Remembers Her Years have passed. The city grows louder. The trees thinner. The grates rust over with time and footsteps forgotten. But not her. Every once in a while — on a warm summer night when the subway hums beneath the streets and the breeze rises just right — there’s a rustle above Central Park’s oldest grate. Some say it’s the wind. Some say it’s legend. But those who know? They pause. They smile. And they whisper to the night air: "Goodnight, Squirrely Monroe." Because icons never really leave us. They just become part of the stories we tell... when the wind feels just a little more glamorous.     Bring a Little Squirrely Monroe Home Love a little glam with your wild side? Take a piece of forest fame home with you. The iconic moment that made Squirrely Monroe a legend is now available as stunning wall art, cheeky accessories, and collector-worthy keepsakes. Canvas Prints — Bold, beautiful, and ready to steal the spotlight on your wall. Framed Prints — Classy enough for the burrow or the boardroom. Tote Bags — For carrying nuts, secrets, or just a whole lot of style. Stickers — Tiny, sassy, and ready to adorn your world one acorn at a time. Because glamour never really goes out of style — it just grows fluffier.

by Bill Tiepelman

Sunset Whiskers of Joy

The Roar Before the Nap There once was a tiger cub named Kip. Not King Kip. Not Sir Kip. Just... Kip. And Kip had opinions. About everything. The jungle, for starters, was absolutely not up to his standards. "Too pokey," he would complain, tripping dramatically over a vine. "Too loud," he grumbled at the squawking parrots like a tiny, judgmental old man. And the sun? Oh, the sun was personally trying to ruin his life. "Rude," he declared every morning when it dared to rise directly into his sleepy eyes. But tonight — oh, tonight was different. The sunset was a warm golden hug across the treetops. Kip could feel it. Something was building. Energy. Mischief. Drama. The world, for one shining moment, was about to revolve around him — and honestly, about time. With a wobbly little stretch of his fuzzy arms, Kip stood up on his hind legs. He wasn’t exactly built for this. Tiny paws wiggled in the air like confused baby stars. His tail flicked like a metronome set to 'sass.' "Look at me!" Kip roared — which, to anyone else, sounded a lot like an aggressive sneeze mixed with a hiccup. "I AM THE JOY. I AM THE SUNSET. I AM... HUNGRY." But there was no stopping him now. He squeezed his little eyes shut in absolute, dramatic glee. A grin stretched across his face like a stripe of moonlight. Tongue out. Teeth sharp. Tiny bean-paw pads flexed with raw, feral delight. Somewhere, a very serious owl judged him from a tree branch. But Kip didn’t care. He was, for this one perfect moment, the undisputed king of nonsense. The wild prince of sunset silliness. And absolutely, positively... ready to cause problems on purpose. And maybe... just maybe... ready for a snack. The Snack Attack Chronicles Kip had peaked. He knew it. There he stood — still awkwardly on his hind legs like some unholy mix of majestic jungle predator and undercooked breadstick — bathed in sunset glory. Oh, the drama. The pageantry. The glow of absolute nonsense radiating off his fur like he was the headline act in nature’s most unhinged musical. But reality, as it often does, came clawing back with one simple, inconvenient truth. "Snack. Need snack. Must acquire snack," Kip whispered with the raw intensity of someone who had once tried to eat a decorative rock out of boredom. (It had not gone well. He still wasn’t over it.) The problem was... the jungle was being difficult again. Everything edible was either too fast, too spiky, or — in one outrageous case — capable of biting back. Kip had opinions about that too. "If snacks don’t want to be eaten," he grumbled to himself, stomping in a very non-threatening way, "then maybe they should stop looking like snacks. Rude." He slumped dramatically into a patch of soft moss, sighing the sigh of someone who was absolutely starving despite eating six lizards and half a papaya earlier. His tiny tiger belly gurgled in betrayal. "Unbelievable. This is a crisis." And that’s when it happened. Rustle. Rustle. CRUNCH. Kip’s ears perked up so fast they practically levitated. His entire body tensed like a wound-up spring of fluffy disaster. His inner monologue hit maximum overthink: Is that food? Is that dangerous food? Is it snack-shaped? Snack-adjacent? Snack-adjacent-with-fangs? Do I care? No. He launched himself — with all the grace of a wet sock — directly into the bushes. What he found there would change the trajectory of his evening forever. It was not a snake. Not a lizard. Not even a stray jungle fruit (which, to be honest, were becoming a little tedious anyway). It was... a troop of tiny, wide-eyed monkeys. And they were eating — wait for it — cookies. Jungle cookies. The good kind. Sweet, sticky, questionably sourced, possibly stolen from some absent-minded forest traveler. Kip could barely handle it. His brain short-circuited. I want it. One of the monkeys noticed him. It paused mid-bite. A single crumb fell in slow motion. For a heartbeat, the whole jungle held its breath. Kip did not. "HELLO YES IT IS I," he announced in full uninvited-main-character mode. "I WILL BE TAKING YOUR COOKIES NOW. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE." The monkeys blinked. Kip blinked. No one moved. Then — utter chaos. Monkeys scattered like confetti at a party he wasn’t technically invited to (but absolutely considered himself the guest of honor). Kip, driven by sugar-lust and absolute goblin energy, gave chase. He zigged. He zagged. He rolled dramatically down a small hill because apparently his legs had never done cardio before. But in the end — oh, the glorious end — a single, sticky cookie was left behind. Forgotten. Abandoned. His prize. He pounced. Victory tasted like questionable jungle molasses and adventure. Also, dirt. But mostly victory. With a self-satisfied flop onto his back, Kip cradled the cookie between his tiny paws, sighing deeply like a creature who had just survived a great battle — against himself, mostly. The sun dipped below the trees. The sky melted into purples and golds. The jungle exhaled. And Kip, the bratty, chaotic, ridiculous little prince of his own nonsense universe, whispered to no one in particular: "I am the joy. I am the sunset. I am... absolutely not sharing." And for once — no one argued.     Epilogue: His Royal Crumbliness Later — much later — long after the sunset had melted into twilight and the jungle was whispering its nighttime secrets, Kip was still awake. He was lying belly-up in a soft nest of moss, paws splayed, crumbs everywhere. Cookie crumbs in his whiskers. Cookie crumbs in his ear fluff. Cookie crumbs in places cookie crumbs simply should not be. Did he regret anything? Absolutely not. Was he mildly stuck to the moss like a forgotten jungle marshmallow? ...Also yes. But that was future Kip’s problem. Present Kip was far too pleased with himself to care. He gazed lazily at the stars poking through the canopy, imagining — with the full delusional confidence only a baby tiger can possess — that they were twinkling just for him. "Royalty," he whispered smugly to a particularly judgmental cricket nearby. "Absolute royalty." The cricket did not reply. Somewhere in the distance, the monkey troop plotted cookie security upgrades. Somewhere else, the serious owl shook its head and muttered something about "today’s youth." But Kip? Kip smiled in his sleep, his tiny tail twitching in dreams of snacks, sunsets, and being exactly — gloriously — too much. Long may he reign.     Bring Kip's Joy Into Your World If Kip’s wild little adventure made you grin (or if you, too, have a chaotic snack-loving spirit), you can bring a piece of his sunset joy into your space. Sunset Whiskers of Joy by Bill and Linda Tiepelman is available as a range of stunning products — perfect for gifting, decorating, or just treating yourself to a little everyday magic. Soft Tapestries — Wrap your walls (or yourself) in Kip’s golden glow. Metal Prints — For bold spaces that deserve a bold little tiger prince. Fleece Blankets — Maximum cozy. Maximum Kip energy. Bath Towels — Because why shouldn’t your towel be as dramatic as you? Greeting Cards — Share a little joy (or sass) with someone who needs it. Shop the full collection and bring Kip’s cheeky little roar into your world: View All Sunset Whiskers of Joy Products.

by Bill Tiepelman

Midnight Clutch

The Transaction It started with a bet—because it always does. A bar too loud for conscience and too dim for decency, a stranger in a velvet hood, and a wager scribbled on a napkin: “If you win, you get what I caught. If you lose, I take your voice.” She laughed then, because she always did. “What the hell does that mean?” she’d asked, swirling her drink, blood-red and twice as toxic. The stranger didn’t answer. He just held out a deck of cards that smelled faintly of sulfur and old leather. She cut the deck, felt a zap under her fingertips, like licking a battery—but she was half-lit, halfway gone, and too proud to pull back. Three hands later, she won. Technically. She expected a bag of weird drugs. Maybe a wriggling thing in a jar. What she got was… warm. Alive. And looking at her like it already hated her guts. “You’re kidding,” she said, staring at the demon no bigger than a housecat, curled in the stranger’s black-gloved palm like a spoiled reptile. Its skin was wet, slick with blood or something trying to be it, and its teeth were small but too many. Its eyes were older than rules. It blinked—slow and smug. “He’s yours now,” the stranger said, voice like gravel in honey. “Don't name him. Don’t feed him after midnight. Don’t masturbate while he’s watching.” She choked on her drink. “Wait, what?” But the stranger was already fading into shadow, melting into the cigarette smoke and regret that passed for air in that place. All that was left was the creature in her lap, blinking its oily eyes and dragging a claw down her thigh like it was mapping her for later consumption. She didn’t name it. She called it “Dude.” “You better not piss on anything important,” she muttered, already regretting everything but the free drinks. The thing purred. Which was worse than any snarl. By sunrise, her apartment smelled like scorched leather and strange flowers. “Dude” had taken up residence in her lingerie drawer, hissed at her vibrator, and made three of her plants wilt just by looking at them. She watched him perch in her hand like some Satanic chihuahua, wings twitching, tail wrapped tight around her middle finger. That’s when she noticed: her thumb nail—bare just yesterday—was now painted crimson and sharp. Like it had grown that way. She stared at it. Then at the demon. “Dude,” she said, voice low and unsure, “are you doing... nail art?” He smiled. It was all teeth and bad news. And that’s when the scratching started. From inside the walls. The Claw That Feeds By the third night, Dude had claimed dominance over the television, her bedroom, and—possibly—her soul. She hadn’t slept. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him: curled up like a grotesque fetus in the glow of the lamp, wings twitching, muttering in a language made entirely of consonants and war crimes. He smelled like brimstone, black licorice, and regret. Her cat had moved out. Her neighbors started leaving butcher paper on her doorstep. No one had explained why. Worse, the nail thing had escalated. All ten fingers now gleamed with blood-red lacquer, sharp enough to open envelopes or jugulars. She’d broken a mug just holding it. Her touch left scorch marks. A guy on Tinder said he was into “witchy girls” and ended up sobbing in a fetal position after she touched his thigh. “Dude,” she hissed, watching the little bastard lick something off her phone charger, “I need my life back.” He burped. It smelled like ozone and roasted anxiety. She Googled “how to reverse demonic contract” and ended up on a blog run by a guy named Craig who lived in a bunker and sold artisanal salt circles. She bought two, just in case. They did nothing. Dude pissed in one and it screamed. The scratching in the walls had turned into whispering. Sometimes it said her name. Sometimes it just recited Yelp reviews in a dead language. Once it tried to sell her life insurance. She tried holy water. Dude drank it like wine, then offered her a sip. She blacked out and woke up on her bathroom floor with her mirror cracked and her teeth cleaner than they’d ever been. Her breath smelled like cinnamon and sin. “I don’t remember giving consent to any of this,” she muttered. Dude winked. It was awful. By week two, her landlord knocked. “There’ve been complaints,” he said, squinting past her at the flickering hallway behind her. “Someone said you’re running a cult or a TikTok house.” She blinked. “I work in HR.” Behind her, Dude appeared in the shadows, eating a Pop-Tart and making intense eye contact with the landlord. The man turned white, left a notice, and moved to Colorado the next day. At some point—she’s not sure when—her reflection started moving slower than she did. It smiled sometimes. When she wasn’t. Then came the night of the knock. Not on the door—on the window. Seventh floor. No balcony. She opened it. Because of course she did. The velvet-hooded stranger was there again, hovering just outside, suspended by logic-defying darkness. His gloved hand was extended, the red nails glinting in the moonlight. “You’ve kept him well,” he said, voice like a slow drag over gravel. “And now the second half of the deal.” “There was a second half?” she asked, already regretting every drink she’d ever accepted from strangers. “He chose you. That means... promotion.” Behind her, Dude fluttered up, perched on her shoulder like the worst shoulder devil in a sitcom gone to hell. He whispered something in her ear that made her eyes roll back and her feet lift off the ground. The room trembled. The walls began bleeding down the drywall like melting crayon. Her toenails turned crimson. Her Wi-Fi signal improved. Her laughter—dry, cracked, and unstoppable—filled the air like static. When the world stopped shaking, she stood taller, eyes rimmed in black fire, her body laced in dark silk that hadn’t been there before. “Well,” she said, smirking at her clawed hand, “at least the nails are killer.” The stranger nodded. “Welcome to management.” And just like that, she vanished into shadow, taking Dude, the Pop-Tart crumbs, and the lingering smell of sin with her. The apartment was empty when the cleaning crew arrived. Except for a single note scrawled on the mirror: “Midnight Clutch: Hold tight, or be held.”     🩶 Take It Home — Midnight Clutch Lives On If you’ve fallen for the twisted charm of “Midnight Clutch,” you can now summon the darkness into your space. Bring this demonic vision to life with Canvas Prints, cast it across your lair with an epic Tapestry, or carry your sins in style with a Tote Bag. Want to snuggle the madness? Yeah, we’ve got a Throw Pillow for that. Clutch it. Display it. Offer it to your weirdest friend. Just don’t feed it after midnight.

by Bill Tiepelman

Hoppy Hour Hideaway

The Gnome, the Beer, and the Basement of Broken Dreams There are gnomes, and then there's Stigmund Ferndingle—a retired mischief-maker turned full-time beer philosopher. While most garden gnomes settle for standing around birdbaths and silently judging your lack of weeding, Stig had different aspirations. He was done with the ceramic life. He wanted hops. He wanted barley. He wanted to forget the Great Hedge Trimmer Massacre of ’98, one Heineken at a time. He set up shop in what used to be the damp, haunted corner of an old farmhouse basement—now lovingly renamed “The Hideaway.” With cracked plaster walls and a cooler older than most midlife crises, it was everything he never dreamed of and settled for anyway. He even had a sign, crudely etched in bark, that read: "No Elves, No Fairies, No Bullshit." Stigmund wasn’t picky, just jaded. Life had smacked him with one too many acorns. He didn’t trust anyone under four feet tall or sober enough to recite a riddle. His days were spent squatting by the cooler, sipping warm beer because the electricity had been shut off ever since he tried to wire the fridge using copper from a neighbor’s wind chime. “It hummed,” he’d say. “That’s technical enough.” One Tuesday—though it could’ve been a Thursday, time’s a blur when you're drunk and immortal—Stig cracked open his last bottle of Heineken. He tilted it toward the gods of barley with a solemn toast: “To broken promises, expired coupons, and the complete absence of meaningful tax reform.” Then, from the shadows, came a voice. Gravelly, thick with regret and sausage grease. “That better be the cold one you owe me, Ferndingle.” Stig didn’t look up. He knew that voice. He’d hoped it had choked on a chicken bone and floated off into the realm of forgotten side characters. But no. Throg the Drunken Troll had found him again. “Jesus, Throg. I thought you were banned from every basement in the county after the 'Incident with the Flamethrower and the Garden Salsa.'” “I got a pardon. Said it was an art installation gone wrong. You know, cultural expression and all that crap.” Stig rolled his eyes so hard he nearly sprained a socket. He took another sip of his beer, the last precious drop of liquid sanity in a world gone mad with elves trying to unionize and hobbits opening artisanal bakeries. “Well,” he said with a burp that rattled the paint chips off the wall, “if you’re here to drink, bring your own bottle. This one’s mine, and I’m too old to share or care.” Throg grunted, dropped a cooler that clanked suspiciously, and pulled out a mysterious green bottle labeled simply “Experimental – Do Not Consume”. Stig stared at it, then slowly grinned. “...Pour me a glass, you ugly bastard.” Experimental Brews and Unforgivable Flatulence Throg poured the liquid, which fizzed like it had opinions and regrets. The smell hit first—like fermented onions wrapped in gym socks and betrayal. Stig took a whiff and immediately questioned every decision that led him here, starting with the one where he *trusted a troll with a chemistry hobby.* “What the hell’s in this?” he croaked, holding the glass like it might bite. “Bit of this, bit of that,” Throg shrugged. “Mostly swamp hops, fermented fairy tears, and something I scraped off the underside of a kobold’s armpit.” “So... brunch?” They clinked glasses, a sound not unlike two gravestones making out, and drank. The reaction was instantaneous. Stig’s beard twitched. Throg’s left eye started vibrating. Somewhere in the room, the wallpaper peeled itself off and whispered, “Nope.” “Hot DAMN,” Stig choked, eyes watering. “That tastes like regret with a lemon twist.” “You’ll get used to it,” said Throg, just before he hiccuped and briefly turned invisible, only to reappear halfway through the floorboards. “Side effect. Temporarily phased into the ethereal plane. Don’t worry, it’s mostly boring in there.” After the third glass, they were both feeling bold. Stig attempted to do a dance called the “Root Stomp of the Ancients”, which mostly involved him tripping over a nail and blaming it on a cursed floorboard. Throg, ever the artist, tried to juggle beer bottles while reciting a poem about dwarven plumbing. It ended, as these things often do, in shattered glass and someone farting loud enough to scare off a raccoon in the vents. Hours passed. The cooler emptied. The air filled with tales of failed love affairs with mushroom witches, unsuccessful startups involving enchanted bidets, and a half-formed business idea called “Brew & Doom”—a tavern that doubled as a survival obstacle course. Eventually, as twilight crept through the basement grates and the hangover fairies circled overhead like tiny, winged harbingers of doom, Stig leaned back against the cooler and sighed. “You know, Throg... for a smelly, emotionally-stunted, swamp-dwelling ex-con—I don’t entirely hate drinking with you.” Throg, now half-asleep and softly humming the troll anthem (which was mostly guttural noises and the phrase “Don’t Touch My Meat”), gave a lazy thumbs-up. “Right back atcha, ya old piss goblin.” And thus, the night ended like most nights in the Hoppy Hour Hideaway—boozy, weird, and just shy of a fire hazard. But if you listen closely on lonely nights, past the creak of old pipes and the occasional beer burp echo, you might still hear the toast: “To broken dreams, bad decisions, and the brew that made it all tolerable.”     Epilogue: The Morning After and Other Catastrophes When Stigmund awoke, he was spooning the cooler. Not romantically—more like clinging to it for emotional support as one might do with a trusted bucket during a three-day ale bender. His hat had migrated halfway across the room, and somehow his beard had acquired a mysterious braid with a tiny rubber duck tied into it. His pants were intact, but his dignity had clearly fled during the second bottle of “Experimental.” Throg was upside down in a flowerpot, snoring through one nostril while the other whistled a haunting tune. There was a crude tattoo on his belly that read “TAP THAT” with an arrow pointing downward. Whether it was ink, soot, or regret was unclear. On the wall, in green Sharpie and misspelled Old Elvish, someone had scrawled: “Here Drank Legends. And They Were... Meh.” The hangover was biblical. The kind of headache that made you question your life choices, your gods, and whether fermented fairy tears should really be FDA-approved. Stig muttered dark gnomish curses under his breath and reached for his last piece of bread, which turned out to be a coaster. He ate it anyway. Eventually, Throg stirred, farted without apology, and sat up with the grace of a walrus falling down stairs. “You got any eggs?” he croaked. “Do I look like a breakfast buffet?” Stig snapped, scratching under his beard where something small and possibly sentient had taken refuge. “Get out of my hideaway. I’ve got three days of silence scheduled and I intend to use all of them to forget last night.” Throg grinned, wiped beer foam from his eyebrow, and stood. “You say that now, but I’ll be back Friday. You’re the only gnome I know who can hold their booze and insult my mother with such poetic flair.” “Damn right,” Stig muttered, already rooting around for a clean glass and a less cursed bottle. And so the cycle would begin again—one gnome, one troll, and the questionable sanctity of the Hoppy Hour Hideaway, where the beer is warm, the insults fly freely, and magic doesn’t stand a damn chance against fermented stupidity.     Take the Hideaway Home Want to bring the beer-soaked brilliance of Stig and Throg into your own questionable life choices? We've got you covered—whether you're sobering up, blacking out, or just need to explain why your tote bag smells like hops and regret. Wood Print – Rustic, sturdy, and perfect for hanging above your bar... or over that hole you punched in the drywall during karaoke. Framed Print – Add a touch of class to your chaos. Guaranteed to start conversations, or at least halt them awkwardly. Tote Bag – Holds groceries, spellbooks, or six cans of questionable troll brew. Durable and judgment-free. Spiral Notebook – Jot down beer recipes, bad ideas, or angry letters to the HOA. Gnome-tested, troll-approved. Beach Towel – For when you pass out poolside, beer in hand, and need something soft to cushion the shame. Disclaimer: No actual trolls were harmed in the production of these fine goods. Emotionally? Maybe. But they’ll get over it.

by Bill Tiepelman

Born of Ash and Whisper

In Which the Dragon Crashes Brunch Maggie had three rules when it came to dating: no musicians, no cultists, and absolutely no summoning spells before coffee. So imagine her mood when her Sunday hangover was interrupted by a loud pop, a puff of sulfur, and a tiny, winged demon landing face-first into her half-eaten croissant. “Excuse you,” she muttered, flicking powdered sugar off her robe. The creature sneezed, coughed up a coal, and blinked at her with large, ember-flecked eyes. It looked like a lizard mated with a nightmare and gave birth to a goth chicken nugget. It hissed. Maggie hissed back. “Listen, Hot Topic,” she grumbled, cradling her forehead, “whatever infernal womb spat you out clearly didn’t finish the instructions.” The dragon squeaked indignantly and flapped its wings in what Maggie could only interpret as attitude. Its claws were tiny. Its ego? Not so much. As she tried to pick it up using a potholder and a cereal bowl, the creature inhaled deeply and burped out a perfect smoke ring in the shape of a middle finger. “Oh, sass. You came with sass.” Thirty minutes and one minor kitchen fire later, Maggie had managed to corral the dragon into an old cat bed she’d been meaning to donate to Goodwill. It curled up like a smug little inferno and immediately fell asleep. She could swear it purred. “This is fine,” she said to no one. “This is how people become warlocks, isn’t it?” Outside, the world continued being normal. Inside her rent-controlled apartment, a dragon that smelled like burnt marshmallows and sarcasm had adopted her. She poured herself more wine. It was 10:42 a.m. In Which Maggie Joins a Cult (But Just for the Snacks) The next morning Maggie woke up to find the dragon perched on her chest like a judgmental paperweight. It smelled faintly of espresso and something illegal in three states. Its name, according to the faintly glowing rune now tattooed across her forearm, was “Cindervex.” “Well, that’s not ominous at all,” she grumbled, poking the little beast in the snout. “Do you do tricks? Pay rent? Breathe less?” Cindervex snorted a puff of ash and promptly coughed up a tiny, slightly smoking coin. Maggie inspected it. Gold. Real gold. She turned to the dragon, who looked far too pleased with himself. “Okay, you live here now.” By noon, Maggie had a dragon in a baby Björn, aviators on, and a grocery list that included ‘kale’ and ‘dragon-safe firewood.’ She did not have answers, dignity, or any real understanding of the arcane arts, but she did have a glowing wrist tattoo that now vibrated when she passed the corner of 6th and Pine. “No,” she muttered. “Not today, Satan. Or Tuesday.” But the tug of magical curiosity and the faint scent of garlic knots drew her in like a moth to a pizza oven. Down an alley, through a brick archway, and past a sentient fern that tried to unionize her hair, Maggie found herself standing before a rustic wooden door with a sign that read: “THE ORDER OF FLAME & FOCACCIA — Visitors Welcome, Opinions Optional.” “Oh great,” she said. “It’s a hipster cult.” She was greeted by a woman in a caftan made of velvet and poor decisions, who immediately clasped her hands. “You’ve brought the Emberchild! The Scaled One! The Prophet of Reheated Destiny!” “I call him Vex. And he bites people who say ‘prophet’ with a straight face.” The woman—Sunblossom, of course—led Maggie through what could only be described as Restoration Hardware meets Hellboy fanfiction. Long wooden tables. Floating candles. A small wyvern in the corner wearing a beret and reading *The Economist.* “You’re among friends here,” Sunblossom purred. “We are bound by flame. By ritual. By the brunch buffet.” “Is that a waffle fountain?” Maggie asked, stunned. “Yes. And mimosa golems. They keep your glass full until you surrender or die.” Somewhere in the distance, a man screamed, “No more prosecco, you devil sponge!” Cindervex hissed happily. Apparently, this was home now. Over goat cheese frittata and a surprisingly insightful conversation about dragon soul-bonding laws, Maggie learned that Cindervex had chosen her. Not just as a caretaker, but as a Conduit—a human being tapped to bridge the magical and mundane, possibly lead a rebellion, and definitely help design seasonal merch for the cult’s online shop. “There’s a hoodie?” she asked. “Three. And a tumbler. BPA-free.” She paused. “Okay. I'm in. But just for the hoodie. And the snacks.” The room erupted in joyous fireballs. The mimosa golem did a cartwheel. Someone summoned a kazoo-playing imp. Maggie blinked. It was chaos. It was ridiculous. It was hers. Back at her apartment that evening, Maggie collapsed on the couch, Cindervex curled at her feet. Her wrist glowed faintly with new runes: Initiate. Brunch-Approved. Caution: May Ignite Sass. She laughed. Then she poured another glass of wine and toasted the ceiling. “To destiny. To waffles. To accidentally joining a cult.” Cindervex purred, burped out a fireheart-shaped smoke ring, and stole her throw pillow. Somehow, this was the most stable relationship she’d had in years.     Epilogue: In Which Everything Burns, But Like... In a Good Way Six months later, Maggie had adjusted to life as a brunch sorceress, part-time chaos gremlin, and reluctant cult celebrity. Cindervex now had a dedicated fire-proof bean bag, his own corner of the apartment (lined with gold coins and stolen socks), and an Instagram following of 78,000 under the handle @LilSmokeyLord. They still fought—mostly over bath time and how many fireballs were considered “too many” in a laundromat—but they were a unit now. Partners. A girl and her dragon, trying to navigate a world that didn’t list “arcane brunch queen” on its tax forms. The Order of Flame & Focaccia was thriving. They opened a second chapter in Portland. The hoodie waitlist was a nightmare. Maggie had accidentally become a motivational speaker for magical burnout recovery, which she delivered with the energy of someone who once summoned a thunderstorm because her latte had too much foam. She had friends now. A talking cauldron named Gary. A banshee who did her taxes. Even a date or two, though most were scared off by the part where her pet tried to set their shoelaces on fire “as a vibe check.” But she was happy. Not the fake kind of happy you post on social media, but the weird, loud, chaotic kind that makes your neighbors suspicious and your therapist very intrigued. On the night of the Vernal Equinox, she stood on her balcony with Cindervex on her shoulder. The city glittered below. Somewhere, distant drums thudded from a magical rave she wasn’t drunk enough to attend. Yet. “We good?” she asked the dragon. He flared his wings, let out a gentle burp of violet flame, and settled in. That was dragon-speak for ‘yes, and also I’m about to pee in your houseplant.’ “You little hell nugget,” she said, smiling. “Don’t ever change.” And he didn’t. Not really. He just got weirder. Louder. More chaotic. Like her. Which, when you think about it, was kind of the point. Everything burns eventually. Might as well light it up with someone who brings their own matches and snacks. The End... probably.     Bring the Flame Home 🔥 If you fell in love with the story of Maggie and her attitude-packed dragon, you're not alone. Now you can bring their world into yours with exclusive merch inspired by Born of Ash and Whisper, available now from Unfocussed. 🔥 Metal Print – Make a statement. Fireproof-ish. Beautifully bold. 🔥 Tapestry – Turn your wall into a magical gateway (or dragon lair). 🔥 Throw Pillow – For when your emotional support dragon needs emotional support. 🔥 Greeting Card – Say it with sass and smoke rings. Perfect for dragon-worthy messages. 🔥 Spiral Notebook – Chronicle your own accidental cult adventures in style. Because honestly, who doesn’t need more dragons in their life?

by Bill Tiepelman

Torchbearer of the Toadstool

The Itch in the Moss The woods, contrary to poetic belief, are not serene. They are loud, rude, and filled with creatures that don’t care about your personal space — especially if you’re knee-high and have wings like stained glass. Just ask Bibble. Bibble, a fairy of questionable repute, sat atop her chosen throne: a glistening red toadstool with the kind of white speckles that screamed, “do not lick.” She licked it anyway. She did a lot of things just to spite the rules. In her grubby little hand she held a torch — not magical, not ceremonial, just a stick she lit on fire because it made the beetles scatter dramatically. That, and she liked the power trip. “By the Glimmering Grubs of Gramble Root,” she muttered, staring into the flame, “I swear, if one more gnome asks if I grant wishes, I’m setting his beard on fire.” Bibble was not your average fairy. She didn’t flit, she strutted. She didn’t sprinkle pixie dust, she shook glitter in people’s faces and yelled “Surprise, b*tch!” She was not the chosen one — she was the annoyed one. And tonight, she was on patrol. Every seventh moon, a fairy must take the Spore Watch, ensuring that the Amanita Council’s fungal empire isn’t being nibbled on by rogue badgers or cursed raccoons. Bibble took this role very seriously. Mostly because the last fairy who skipped watch was now being used as a coaster in the council’s breakroom. “Torchbearer,” came a voice behind her. Slithery. Elongated. Like someone who practiced being creepy in front of a mirror. She didn’t turn around. “Creevus. Still oozing around like a sentient rash, I see.” “Charming as ever,” Creevus replied, sliding from the shadow of a mossy log, his cloak stitched from shed snakeskin and the dreams of disappointed parents. “The Council demands an update.” “Tell the Council their mushrooms are unbitten, their borders unmolested, and their Torchbearer deeply underpaid.” She blew a puff of smoke toward him, the flame flickering like it was laughing at him too. Creevus narrowed his eyes. Or maybe he just didn’t have eyelids. It was hard to tell with creeps like him. “Don’t let your spark go to your head, Bibble. We all know what happened to the last Torchbearer who disobeyed the Spore Law.” Bibble grinned, wide and wicked. “Yeah. I sent him flowers. Carnivorous ones.” Creevus vanished back into the darkness like an overdramatic theatre major. Bibble rolled her eyes so hard she nearly levitated off her mushroom. The flame danced. The night stretched its claws. Something was watching. Not Creevus. Not a badger. Something... older. And Bibble, goddess help us, grinned wider. The Spores of Suspicion The thing about being watched in the woods is — it’s rarely innocent. Squirrels watch you because they’re plotting. Owls? Judging. But this? This was something worse. Something ancient. Bibble hopped down from her toadstool, torch held like a royal scepter, eyes narrowed. The flame’s glow made her shadow stretch tall and lanky across the mossy ground, like it was auditioning for a villain role in a woodland soap opera. “Alright then,” she shouted, twirling the torch. “If you’re going to stalk me, at least buy me dinner first. I like acorn wine and fungi you can't pronounce.” The forest answered with silence — thick, heavy, and absolutely hiding something. And then, with the elegance of a drunk centipede in heels, it emerged. Not a beast. Not a ghost. But a creature known only in whispers: Glubble. Yes, that was its name. No, Bibble wasn’t impressed either. Glubble had the face of a melted toad, the smell of compost tea, and the conversational charm of wet socks. He wore a robe made entirely of leaf husks and arrogance. “Bibble of Sporesend,” he rasped. “Bearer of Flame. Licker of Forbidden Caps.” “Oh look, it talks,” she said dryly. “Let me guess. You want the torch. Or my soul. Or to invite me to some terrible forest cult.” Glubble blinked slowly. Bibble could swear she heard his eyelids squelch. “The Flame is not yours. The Torch belongs to the Rotmother.” “The Rotmother can suck my bark,” Bibble snapped. “I lit this thing with dried moth guts and sheer spite. You want it? Make a PowerPoint.” Glubble hissed. Somewhere behind him, a slug exploded from stress. Bibble didn’t flinch. She’d once stabbed a possum with a licorice wand. She feared nothing. “You mock the old ways,” Glubble wheezed. “You taint the Watch.” “I am the Watch,” she declared, raising the torch. “And trust me, darling, I make tainting look good.” There was a sudden rumble — deep beneath the forest floor. Trees leaned in. Moss shivered. From the base of Bibble’s old toadstool throne came a sound like choking fungus. “Ah, fantastic,” she muttered. “I woke the throne.” The mushroom had been enchanted, yes. But no one told her it had feelings. Especially not the emotionally unstable kind. It stood now, unfolding from the ground like a sad inflatable sofa, eyes blinking beneath its cap, and let out a pitiful groan. “Torch…bearer…” it moaned. “You… never moisturize me…” Bibble sighed. “Not now, Marvin.” “You sat on me for weeks,” it whimpered. “Do you know what that does to a mushroom’s self-esteem?” Glubble raised a clawed hand. “The Rotmother comes,” he declared with terrible drama. Thunder rolled. Somewhere, an owl choked on its tea. “And I’m sure she’s lovely,” Bibble deadpanned. “But if she tries to mess with my watch, my torch, or my emotionally needy mushroom, we are going to have a situation.” The woods fell into chaos. Roots whipped like angry noodles, spores exploded from the ground in clouds of glittery rage, and a deer — possessed by pure drama — threw itself sideways into a ravine just to avoid involvement. Bibble, torch raised, yelled a war cry that sounded suspiciously like “You fungal freaks picked the wrong fairy!” and leapt onto Marvin’s back as he sprinted like a caffeinated Roomba through the underbrush. Glubble pursued, screaming ancient rot-prayers and tripping over his own leaves. Behind them, the Rotmother began to rise — enormous, festering, and surprisingly well-accessorized. But Bibble didn’t care. She had a flame. A throne. And just enough bad attitude to spark a revolution. “Next full moon,” she shouted into the wind, “I’m bringing wine. And fire. And maybe some self-help books for my throne.” She cackled into the mossy night as the forest shuddered with spores and chaos and the joy of one fairy who absolutely did not care about your ancient prophecies. The flame burned brighter. The Watch would never be the same.     Epilogue: The Fire and the Fungus The woods eventually stopped screaming. Not because the Rotmother was defeated. Not because Glubble found inner peace or because the Council decided to cancel Bibble (they tried — she cursed their group chat). No, the forest settled because it realized one immutable truth: You don’t fight Bibble. You adjust your entire ecosystem around her. The Spore Laws were rewritten, mostly in crayon. The official title “Torchbearer” was changed to “Spicy Forest Overlord,” and Bibble insisted her mushroom throne be referred to as “Marvin, the Moist Magnificent.” He cried. A lot. But it was growth. Creevus retired early, moved to a cave, and started a disappointing podcast about ancient fungus. Glubble joined a moss therapy group. The Rotmother? She’s now on TikTok, doing slow, haunting makeup tutorials and reviewing mushrooms with disturbing intimacy. As for Bibble? She built a shrine out of old beetle shells and sarcasm. Every now and then, she hosts illegal bonfires for delinquent fairies and teaches them how to yell at shadows and forge torches from twigs, venom, and pure audacity. When travelers pass through the woods and feel a sudden warmth — a flicker of fire, a rustle of glittery defiance — they say it’s her. The Torchbearer of the Toadstool. Still watching. Still petty. Still, somehow, in charge. And somewhere, under the roots, Marvin sighs happily… then asks if she brought lotion.     If you feel your life lacks just a little chaos, confidence, or flaming toadstool energy — bring Bibble home. You can channel your inner Torchbearer with a framed print for your lair, a glorious metal print for your altar of chaos, a soft and suspiciously magical tapestry for wall summoning rituals, or a wickedly stylish tote bag to carry snacks, spite, and questionable herbs. Bibble approves. Probably.

by Bill Tiepelman

Echoes of Tropic Thunder

The Sky Is Not Your Stage—It’s Mine In the heart of a rainforest that tourists only reach after three panic attacks, two leech bites, and at least one existential crisis, there exists a legend. Not a whispered myth or a carved-to-death tribal tale, no. A living, screeching, full-plume riot of a legend. His name? Rey Azul del Humo. Or as the gringos call him—"That Bastard Bird Who Stole My Hat." Rey Azul was no ordinary macaw. He didn’t just fly—he descended. Like Zeus in feathered drag, wrapped in smoke and attitude. His tail alone could spark an identity crisis in a peacock, and his beak had tasted more camera lenses than rainforest fruit. If a storm brewed, it was only because he willed it. If a rainbow showed up afterward, he rolled his eyes and said, “Try harder.” Locals worshipped him, or at least pretended to, mostly out of fear that he'd steal their cigarettes or poop on their roof tiles in judgment. He ruled the treetops with a charisma only rivaled by that one ex you still dream about but tell your therapist you're over. One time, a drone tried to film him. Rey Azul performed a full aerial backflip, flipped the drone the metaphorical bird mid-air, and then escorted it—with talons—to the ground. He then sat on it, spread his wings, and screeched for ten glorious minutes while the jungle watched in awkward awe. He was more than feathers and fury—he was an icon. A flamboyant middle finger to subtlety. A war cry for color, chaos, and unapologetic pride. The forest didn’t just echo with thunder; it echoed with him. His voice. His strut. His feathers that shimmered like they were sponsored by some illicit alliance of tequila and glitter. And Rey knew it. Oh, he knew. Every snap of his wings was a statement piece. Every time he perched on a limb, it became a throne. This wasn't nature. This was fashion week on acid. With claws. He didn’t blend in. He refused to. That’s for parrots with a job. Rey was freelance at best—an untamed contractor of disruption and sky drama. And so, when the smoke rose—fiery orange, electric blue, impossible purple—it wasn’t because the world was on fire. It was because Rey Azul felt dramatic that day. Burnt Sky, No Regrets Now let’s set the scene: dawn. But not your serene Instagrammable dawn where birds tweet and yoga mats breathe lavender-scented dreams. No, this was Rey Azul’s kind of dawn—blazing, loud, chaotic. Somewhere between a Renaissance painting and a nightclub fire hazard. The jungle wasn’t waking up gently. It was getting slapped in the face by feathers and told to get fabulous or get forgotten. Today was not an ordinary strut-and-squawk kind of day. No. Rey had plans. A tropical storm was incoming, and the humidity clung to the air like a desperate ex. He could smell ozone and human incompetence drifting in with the wind. Somewhere, a wildlife photographer was crouching in khakis they hadn’t earned, whispering, “Come on, baby, just one clean shot.” Rey chuckled internally. He lived for this. High in the canopy, he fluffed his chest feathers into what could only be described as a tactical glam formation. He was about to give them a show. Not for the humans. Not for the tourists. Not for the scientists who called him “subject M-47” like he was some jungle spreadsheet. No, this performance was for himself. Because if you weren’t serving main-character energy in the face of environmental collapse, what even was the point? He launched into the air with a screech that could curdle oat milk. Smoke—because of course there was smoke—billowed around him in orange and violet tendrils, summoned either by pure physics or the raw drama he exhaled with every beat of his wings. He didn't fly; he stormed the atmosphere. A full riot in slow motion. Below him, a sloth looked up mid-yawn and muttered, “Oh no, he’s monologuing again.” But no one could hear it over the roaring of feathers slicing air like gossip through a brunch table. The smoke coiled like an adoring serpent around his tail feathers. Tropical fire met monsoon sky, and Rey danced in between—equal parts deity and drag queen, part myth, part middle finger to normalcy. It was performance art. It was rebellion. It was bird-on-bird dominance theater, and it was fabulous. The drone returned. A new one. Different brand. Different owner. Probably insured. This time, Rey paused mid-air, turned to face it like a Shakespearean actor seeing his fate in a floating eye of metal, and did the one thing no machine could understand: He winked. The footage went viral. “Real-life phoenix?” the headlines read. “Jungle diva spotted over Amazon.” Rey was indifferent. He didn’t read blogs. He was the blog. Later that day, soaked in rain and unbothered, Rey perched atop the highest branch in the jungle. The storm cracked open the sky like a broken promise, and lightning lit the forest in brief strobe-lit snapshots. He squawked once—short, sharp, and final. Down below, someone whispered, “What the hell was that?” A guide smiled, looked to the clouds, and said, “Just thunder. And ego.” But it wasn’t thunder. Not really. Not anymore. It was the Echo of Tropic Thunder. And his reign? Unquestioned. Unfiltered. Unapologetically ablaze. Rey Azul del Humo didn’t rule the jungle. He was the jungle—with extra smoke, a touch of glitter, and not a single ounce of chill.     Epilogue: Plume & Legacy Years passed, as they do in jungles and in dreams—slow, sticky, and full of chirping you can never quite identify. Rey Azul? He never died. Please. That kind of drama queen doesn’t get a “death”—he gets a departure. A vanishing act so seamless that even the clouds paused to reconsider their relevance. One day, the jungle just... got quieter. Not in sound, but in energy. As if someone had taken down the main stage after the last encore. The trees still swayed. The birds still sang. But that lingering sense of judgmental fabulousness? That divine eye-roll energy? It was gone. Some say he flew into a thunderstorm and never came back. Others say he’s immortal, traveling from canopy to canopy like some avian freelance chaos spirit. A few jungle elders insist he lives in the smoke itself now—every tendril a whisper of his laugh, every curl of mist a flash of his impossible feathers. There are signs. A rainbow that forms with too much attitude. A gust of wind that feels like it’s side-eyeing your outfit. A branch that shakes just a bit too sassy for a squirrel. And if you ever see a sudden burst of smoke colored like fire and twilight had a scandalous love child? You bow. You don’t question. You whisper, “He’s watching.” Because Rey Azul del Humo may be gone from sight, but legends never really leave. They just perch higher than you can see—and judge silently, from above.     🔥 Take the Thunder Home If Rey Azul’s unapologetic chaos, color, and charisma struck a chord in your soul, why not bring that energy into your daily life? Our exclusive "Echoes of Tropic Thunder" collection turns attitude into art across premium lifestyle products. Just like the bird himself, these aren't here to blend in. 🔥 Metal Print – For bold walls and unapologetic vibes. Sleek, high-gloss, and as dramatic as Rey himself. 🌀 Tapestry – Drape your space in fire and feathered fury. Interior decor just got tropical. 👜 Tote Bag – Carry chaos with you. Groceries, books, or just your unfiltered personality—it fits. 💥 Throw Pillow – For resting your head after a long day of being louder than life. Feathers fade, but style lasts forever. Shop now and add some thunder to your space.

by Bill Tiepelman

The Bloomkeeper's Lamb

The Garden That Grew Itself Somewhere between where the map ends and where afternoon naps become time travel, there’s a village so small it fits in a pocket dimension — or at least inside the walls of Mrs. Tattersham’s overgrown back garden. Nobody really *moves* there. People just show up with suitcases they don't remember packing and an odd craving for elderflower cordial. They call it Hushmoor Hollow. Now, Hushmoor was known for many things: silent goats, whispering fences, and that one Tuesday when it rained marmalade (don’t ask). But mostly, it was known for the Garden That Grew Itself — a spectacular riot of peonies, roses, and things with far too many vowels in their botanical names, blooming entirely out of sync with the seasons and sometimes in sync with showtunes. No one admitted to tending it. The mayor (a retired opera singer named Dennis) insisted it was “self-cultivating,” though he did once get caught pruning the azaleas while singing to them in Italian. But the truth — the real, whispered-at-tea-time truth — was this: the garden belonged to the Bloomkeeper. And the Bloomkeeper’s lamb? She was a fluffball of inconvenient mysteries. Imagine a lamb. Not your average field-hopper. This one’s wool swirled in tight little curls like spun sugar, shifting hues depending on the angle of the sun or whether you’d said anything cynical lately. She smelled faintly of peppermint and improbable hope. Her eyes? Far too intelligent for someone who frequently licked tree bark like it owed her money. Her name was Luma, and she arrived one spring evening precisely 14 minutes after Hushmoor’s last clock stopped ticking. She simply walked out from the thickest bloom of moon-roses and looked at the villagers like they were the surprise, not her. No one knew where she came from. But the garden grew twice as fast after she appeared. And twice as weird. Within a week, the begonias started forming synchronized dance formations. Bees spoke in haiku. Dennis was abducted briefly by a very polite mushroom (he came back smelling of tea and thunderclaps). And Luma? She just stood there, blinking slowly, like she was waiting for someone to finally read the instructions. Then the dreams started. Dreams of distant bells, ancient keys, and doors made entirely of petals. Everyone in Hushmoor had them, though no one spoke of it aloud, because — well — that's how things work in magical villages held together by gossip and curiosity. One morning, a letter appeared under Luma’s hooves. It was written in gold ink and smelled like elderflower and ambition. The note read: “You are late. The Bloomkeeper is missing. Please report to the Seventh Gate immediately. And bring the lamb.” Luma blinked twice. Then, turning with an alarming sense of purpose for someone shaped like a marshmallow, she trotted toward the forest edge. Nobody moved. Nobody spoke. Until Dennis, back from his fungal escapade, said: “Well, bollocks. I guess we’re going adventuring, then.” And that’s how the village, the lamb, and a great deal of gardening equipment found themselves heading into a realm they didn’t know existed, to find someone they weren’t sure was real… led by a pastel-colored mystery with a peppermint-scented butt. The Seventh Gate (And Other Unwise Landscaping) The party was seven strong: Dennis, who insisted on bringing opera binoculars despite lacking an opera; Miss Turnwell, the village baker with a suspicious knowledge of swordplay; two identical twins named Ivy who communicated exclusively in interpretive sneezes; young Pip, who had recently turned into a flower for an afternoon and come back oddly confident; a shovel named Gregor (don’t ask); and of course, Luma — the pastel lamb with a gaze like she remembered your childhood secrets. They followed her through the forest, which was less a forest and more a polite riot of sentient topiary. The hedges whispered things like “left at the mushrooms” or “have you seen my comb?” and nobody seemed to question it. Luma never faltered. Her tiny hooves barely touched the mossy floor as if the earth was giving her a gentle push with each step. The Seventh Gate turned out to be a large wrought iron arch nestled between two ancient willow trees, with glowing vines spelling out the words: “If You’re Reading This, It’s Probably Too Late.” It gave off the exact vibe of a place that had opinions about who was worthy — or at the very least, a strong interest in dramatic timing. “Shall we knock?” Dennis asked, before the gate sighed audibly and swung open on its own, revealing… a hallway. Not a garden path or a mystical realm. Just a dimly lit hallway that looked like it had been designed by someone who once ate a candle and thought, “Yes. This should be a vibe.” They stepped inside, and immediately, their thoughts got louder. Not verbally — mentally. Pip’s inner monologue began narrating everyone’s actions in a dramatic voice (“Dennis brandishes his opera glasses, bold but emotionally conflicted!”), while one of the Ivys projected continuous images of extremely disappointed grandparents. Miss Turnwell’s brain kept chanting “There is no muffin. There is only the jam.” over and over. Only Luma seemed unfazed. She trotted down the corridor as the very walls shimmered with blooming vines and smells that didn’t exist in the normal world — scents like “first kiss in spring rain” and “cherry pie left on a windowsill for someone who never came home.” At the end of the corridor was a room. Round. Bright. Floating somewhere between “luxury greenhouse” and “witch’s conservatory.” And at the center, reclining on a throne made entirely of thistles and chamomile, was the Bloomkeeper. Or… what was left of her. She looked like someone had pressed ‘pause’ halfway through turning into a constellation. Stars blinked from her cheeks, vines curled through her hair, and her voice sounded like bees politely holding a meeting. “You're late,” she said, eyes on Luma. “I expected you… two blooms ago.” Luma snorted. Loudly. A tiny peony popped from her wool and bounced across the floor. No one knew what that meant, but the Bloomkeeper smiled — that kind of smile that might turn into lightning or forgiveness, depending on how you held it. “They came with you,” she said, gesturing toward the awkward line of villagers now pretending to know how to stand heroically. “That changes things.” “What things?” asked Pip, nervously adjusting a petal that had mysteriously sprouted from his collarbone. The Bloomkeeper stood, her vines curling gently around her arms like living lace. “The garden is no longer content with itself,” she said. “It wants… out.” A moment passed. A deep, root-stirring silence. “Out… of what?” Dennis asked slowly. “Out of here,” she whispered, tapping her temple. “Out of dreams and into streets. Into cities. Into poems written in chalk and hearts that forgot to water themselves.” Luma bleated. The Bloomkeeper nodded. Then, without warning, she unraveled — not in a sad way. More like she’d turned into wind and light and something older than both. In her place stood a mirror. Inside it: a garden. Wild. Blooming. Alive. And waiting. Underneath, a message etched in petals: “To tend a garden like this, you must first break open.” The mirror rippled. And Luma walked through it. The others stood, blinking, unsure. Until Ivy (or was it the other Ivy?) took Pip’s hand and stepped in after her. Then Miss Turnwell. Then Gregor the shovel (still don’t ask). One by one, they entered — shedding old fears like petals on the wind. Only Dennis hesitated. He looked back once, toward the place they'd come from — the cozy, bizarre little village of Hushmoor. Then forward, into the blooming unknown. He straightened his jacket, adjusted his opera glasses, and said: “Right. Let’s garden some chaos.” And with that, the gate closed behind them. But somewhere in Hushmoor, the flowers still danced. And if you looked closely, you’d see new ones blooming — ones that hadn’t existed before. Ones shaped like memory, mischief… and a little lamb’s hoofprint in the soil.     Epilogue: The Hoofprint and the Hush Years passed, as they do — irregularly, if you're in Hushmoor — and the village changed in ways that no one could quite measure. The fences no longer whispered (they sang now, mostly jazz standards), and the marmalade rain had become seasonal rather than spontaneous. The garden remained, impossibly alive, though no one pruned it anymore. It pruned itself, occasionally into the shapes of things not yet invented. Flowers bloomed in languages. Peonies opened to reveal keys, poems, and once, a tiny pair of socks labeled “emotional backup.” And every so often, someone new would appear. Not move in — just appear. Standing at the gate with grass in their shoes and a look like they’d accidentally remembered a dream. They would walk through the village, take tea with Miss Turnwell (still the baker, now also a semi-retired wand instructor), and eventually find themselves near the mirror — now standing proudly at the edge of the garden, framed by twining lavender and a little sign that read: “Proceed if you wish to bloom unbegracefully.” No one saw Luma again in quite the same way. But every full moon, the flowers would bend toward the horizon, as if listening. And in the morning, there’d always be a single perfect hoofprint in the soil. Right at the gate. It smelled faintly of peppermint. And impossible hope. Somewhere out there, beyond mirror and vine, the Bloomkeeper’s Lamb still wandered. Growing gardens in people’s hearts. Snorting at overly serious poets. And making sure no one — not even the most cynical, root-bound soul — forgot that they, too, were meant to bloom. The End. Sort of.     If the story lingered in your chest like a dream you’re not ready to wake from, you can bring a piece of Hushmoor Hollow home. The Bloomkeeper’s Lamb is available as a framed print to enchant your walls, a metal print that gleams like moonlit garden gates, a throw pillow to cuddle like a slightly mysterious pastel companion, and even a fleece blanket — warm enough to ward off even the most cryptic chills. Let your space bloom with whimsy and wonder, one hoofprint at a time.

by Bill Tiepelman

Brave Little Liar

Fin It to Win It Deep in the tepid shallows of the neighborhood koi pond—not even a proper lake, mind you—swam a goldfish with delusions far grander than his gallon-sized existence allowed. His name? Morty. Short for Mortimer T. Bubbleton III, if you asked him, though nobody ever did. Morty wasn’t your average ornamental peasant, content to dart between pebbles and wait for toddler fingers to drop pellets from above. No, Morty had ambition. And, more dangerously, he had imagination. “I wasn’t born to swish around with these soggy yes-fish,” he muttered one morning, as he flared his gills at his own reflection in a pond-filter bubble. “I was born to terrorize the tides. I was born to make the ducks flee.” And so, with a DIY spirit usually reserved for frustrated dads in garages and underpaid Etsy sellers, Morty strapped on a shark fin. Not a digital dream, not a Photoshop gag—an actual foam-core dorsal, painted battleship gray, affixed to his slimy gold frame with a bit of lost Velcro and a single shoelace. How it stayed on is a mystery best left to aquatic gods or science fiction. At first, the pond erupted in chaos. The minnows squealed (yes, audibly), the frogs fled to the reeds, and even a particularly judgy heron reconsidered his lunch plans. Morty felt it. That glorious, terrifying power. He wasn’t Morty anymore. He was Megalofish. The Finomenon. King of the chlorinated swamp! “Bow before me, you algae-humping cowards!” he bellowed, though it came out more like *blub-blub-snort-gargle*. Still, the message landed. But as the days passed, Morty realized that power came with, shall we say, logistical challenges. For starters, the fin dragged like a sunken brick. His signature tail flick was reduced to a sad little wiggle, and his stealth factor was effectively zero. Any stealth was out the window the moment the fin hit the surface and cut a dark triangle of terror across the water. He was a floating warning label: “Might be overcompensating.” And the koi—those slow, sashimi-colored nobodies—began to talk. Whisper, gossip, giggle behind their gills. “Who does he think he is?” sneered Bubbles, a koi with the personality of a beige carpet. “It’s not even saltwater.” “That’s not even his fin,” added another, who once tried to mate with a decorative rock and now fancied herself an intellectual. But Morty didn’t care. He had something more dangerous than credibility—he had delusion and audacity, which, in the right combination, could move mountains or at least knock over a moderately tall water lily. Then came the day the humans noticed. Oh yes. The human child, in his grubby Crocs and marshmallow-sticky hands, squatted by the pond, eyes wide as sewer lids. “Mom,” he screeched. “There’s a shark in the pond!” And Morty, oh sweet, ridiculous Morty, surfaced with dramatic flair. Fin cutting the surface. Pose immaculate. Gaze fierce. He was a badass. He was a beast. He was... netted immediately and dumped in a fishbowl for observation. The fall was fast. The bowl was small. The delusion? Still very, very large. “They had to remove me,” Morty rationalized, swirling dramatically against the glass. “Too powerful for containment. Too dangerous. I was a threat to the balance of nature. And the ducks.” He would return. He would rise again. With a bigger fin. A better strap. Maybe even a second fin. Who said sharks only get one? And somewhere, deep in the pond’s silent reeds, the koi whispered nervously. Because they knew— Morty was full of crap… but damn it, sometimes crap floats. The Return of the Fin King Morty spent four full days swirling in that sad, little glass bowl like some kind of imprisoned celebrity—part sideshow attraction, part cautionary tale. The humans poked, filmed, and posted his every motion. “Goldfish with shark fin! 😂 #TinyTerror #FakeAF”. Millions of views. Millions of laughs. And still, Morty plotted. Oh yes. Beneath the filter’s hum and beside a tiny ceramic pirate chest, revenge simmered like pondscum in July. “Laugh it up, land apes,” he muttered, gnawing a flake of food with the quiet rage of a disgraced general. “But I will return. And this time, I’m bringing teeth.” Day five, Morty made his move. Under cover of toddler nap time, a careless elbow tipped the bowl. He rode the wave like Poseidon in a Vegas stunt show, flopping gloriously onto the linoleum, screaming (internally) all the way. The humans panicked. Shrieks. Towels. Tears. One of them yelled something about “emotional damage to the child.” Morty just gasped and blinked like an Oscar-winner in a dying scene—pure drama, pure manipulation. He survived. Again. And with great triumph came great reward: they released him back into the pond. **HIS** pond. The prodigal fin had returned. But things had changed. The koi had leveled up. One had a decorative tattoo—just algae, but the effect was vaguely intimidating. Another now spoke in cryptic philosophical riddles after binge-floating near the garden Buddha. And worst of all, someone had installed a plastic alligator head in the water to “keep the birds away.” As if that would scare Morty the Menace. He needed a new plan. A bigger splash. So he doubled down on everything. Two fins now—one dorsal, one tail. He crafted them from a child’s broken flip-flop and a tiny action figure’s shield. Resourceful. Trashy. Perfect. With hot glue stolen from a garage cobweb and bits of string, Morty rigged himself into a full-blown aquatic warrior. Think Mad Max, but fishier and less vegan. He emerged like an absolute lunatic—tail thrashing, fins wobbling, eyes bugged like a sleep-deprived tax auditor. The pond erupted. Frogs dove. Minnows screamed. The koi? They froze. There was no denying it: he looked insane. “I AM MORTY, BRINGER OF CHAOS,” he bellowed. “I HAVE ASCENDED. I AM TWO-FINNED NOW.” “You look like a floating garage sale,” someone whispered. “EAT MY BUBBLES,” Morty screamed back. But this time, something weird happened. The fear? It didn’t fade—it mutated. They weren’t just laughing at him now. They were respecting the madness. Koi started mimicking his movements. A turtle did a lap in his honor. Even the heron gave him a single, slow nod from across the yard—predator to predator. Or, you know, predator to deeply confused maniac with a plastic fin complex. Still. It counted. The pond had changed. But so had Morty. He wasn’t just pretending anymore. The line between bluff and belief had dissolved. He was the fin. The delusion had become identity. And identity? That’s power, baby. Now, when the human child squats by the pond, marshmallow residue crusting his lip, he doesn't laugh. He watches. Reverent. Maybe a little scared. And Morty? Morty swims slow. He lets the fin breach the surface just slightly. Just enough to make someone spill their juice box. He doesn’t need to be big. He doesn’t need to be real. He just needs to be bold enough to believe his own bullshit. And in this pond, that’s how legends are made. Morty the Fin King.Tiny. Loud. Unhinged. Unstoppable. And somewhere, across the rippling surface of the koi kingdom, a single whisper floats: “Sometimes, all it takes is a fake fin and the balls to wear it.”     Epilogue: The Gospel According to Morty Years later—okay, more like six months, which is forever in goldfish terms—Morty lives on not as a fish, but as a myth. A damp, slightly delusional, wildly over-accessorized myth. The koi now wear fins. Not real ones, mind you, just painted-on symbols of rebellion. There’s a secret “Fin Club,” complete with weekly surface meetings and algae cocktails. No frogs allowed. The turtle has started a podcast. Humans still visit the pond. They peer in, whisper, point. “That’s where the shark-fish came from,” they say, like they’ve stumbled upon some cryptid spawning ground. Kids press sticky faces to the glass, hoping for a glimpse. Some say they’ve seen him. Others claim he’s long gone. But under the water, just past the lily pads, a faint shimmer sometimes cuts the surface. A triangle. A ripple. A legacy. And in the pond’s darkest corner, beneath a sunken Tonka truck and a pile of abandoned fish flakes, something stirs. A bubble. A blub. A whisper: “Don’t ever let them tell you you’re just a goldfish.” Because Morty proved it—loudly, ridiculously, triumphantly: fake fins, real guts. Long live the lie.     Bring Morty Home (But Maybe Not in a Bowl) If you felt the bold, briny energy of Morty the Fin King ripple through your soul, good news—now you can bring his legendary nonsense into your actual habitat. Art Print – Display Morty's greatest moment on your wall. Warning: may inspire overconfidence. Framed Print – For when you're feeling extra fancy, like Morty in his two-fin era. Shower Curtain – Start every day with aquatic ambition and unnecessary drama. Bath Towel – Dry off with the confidence of a goldfish who thinks he’s a predator. Brave Little Liar because sometimes, greatness starts with a fake fin and a load of gall.