by Bill Tiepelman
Warden Gnomes of the Mystic Grove
A tale of adventure, mystery, and three grumpy, battle-hardened gnomes who are really just trying to mind their own business. Part One: A Foolβs Errand βYou hear that?β Gorrim, the tallest (by an impressive half-inch) of the Warden Gnomes, tilted his head toward the distant crunch of twigs underfoot. He narrowed his eyes beneath his heavy, rune-stitched hat, gripping the pommel of his sword. βSomeoneβs coming.β βOh, fantastic,β huffed Baelin, the most cantankerous of the three. βAnother dimwit thinking they can plunder our forest for βhidden treasuresβ or some other nonsense.β He adjusted his ornate battle axe and leaned against the gnarled trunk of an ancient oak. βI say we scare βem off. Letβs go full βominous guardianβ routine. Maybe some spooky chanting.β βWe did that last time,β Ollo, the youngest (a mere 312 years old), pointed out. βThey just screamed and ran in circles until they fell into the bog.β Baelin grinned. βExactly.β Gorrim sighed, rubbing his temples. βLetβs at least see what kind of idiot weβre dealing with before we start traumatizing them.β The three gnomes peered through the underbrush as a figure stumbled into viewβa lanky, wide-eyed human man dressed in what could only be described as βfashionably impractical adventuring gear.β His boots were too clean, his tunic too crisp, and his belt held far too many shiny trinkets for someone who had actually faced any real danger. βOh, sweet mushroom spirits, heβs a noble,β Ollo muttered. βYou can smell the entitlement from here.β βGood evening, fair woodland creatures!β the man announced with an exaggerated flourish. βI am Lord Percival Ravenshade, intrepid explorer, seeker of lost relics, andββ ββand first-place winner of βWhoβs Most Likely to Get Eaten by a Bear,ββ Baelin cut in. Percival blinked. βIβwhat?β βState your business, long-legs,β Gorrim said, his voice edged with patience that was rapidly wearing thin. βThis is protected land.β Percival puffed up his chest. βAh! But I seek something of great importance! The fabled Gem of Eldertree, said to be hidden within this very forest! Surely, noble gnome-folk such as yourselves would be delighted to assist a humble scholar such as myself!β The gnomes exchanged a look. βOh, this is gonna be fun,β Ollo murmured. Baelin scratched his beard. βYou mean the Gem of Eldertree?β βYes!β Percivalβs eyes gleamed with excitement. βThe very same Gem of Eldertree thatβs guarded by a bloodthirsty, soul-devouring, absolutely massive spirit-beast?β Percivalβs confidence wavered. ββ¦Yes?β Gorrim nodded solemnly. βThe one thatβs cursed to drive treasure hunters insane with whispering voices until they wander into a nest of venomous shadow-vipers?β Percival hesitated. ββ¦Possibly?β Ollo leaned in conspiratorially. βThe same gem that once turned a manβs entire skeleton inside out just for touching it?β Percival gulped. βThat one?β Baelin grinned. βYep.β The nobleman took a deep breath, then squared his shoulders. βNo matter the danger, I shall face it with honor! Besides, legends say a trio of wise gnomes knows the way to the gem.β βHah! Wise gnomes.β Ollo snorted. βGood one.β Gorrim crossed his arms. βAnd if we do know the way, what makes you think weβd help you?β βGold!β Percival said brightly, jingling a pouch. βPlenty of it! And fame! Your names will be sung in the halls of kings!β βOh yes, because that worked out so well for the last guy who came through here,β Baelin muttered. Gorrim sighed deeply. βAgainst my better judgmentβ¦ I say we take him.β Baelin stared. βYou what?β Ollo clapped his hands together. βOhhh, this is going to be hilarious.β Gorrim smirked. βWe take himβ¦ and make sure he fully appreciates the horrors of this forest before we even get close to the gem.β Baelinβs face broke into a wicked grin. βOh, I like it.β Percival, oblivious, beamed. βWonderful! Lead the way, my good gnomes!β βOh, we will,β Ollo muttered as they began their trek into the dark heart of the Mystic Grove. βWe most certainly will.β Β Β The Scenic Route to Certain Doom Percival strutted confidently behind the three gnomes, his boots crunching against the damp forest floor. The deeper they went into the Mystic Grove, the darker and more twisted the trees became, their branches curling overhead like skeletal fingers. A faint, eerie whispering echoed through the airβthough whether it was the wind or something far more sinister was up for debate. βYou know,β Baelin mused, nudging Ollo, βI give him twenty minutes before he cries.β βTen,β Ollo countered. βDid you see how he flinched when that squirrel sneezed?β Gorrim, ever the responsible one, ignored them. βAlright, Percival. If you really want the Gem of Eldertree, there are someβ¦ shall we sayβ¦ precautionary measures we need to take.β Percival, ever eager, nodded. βAh, of course! Some kind of magical rite? Perhaps a test of my courage?β Baelin grinned. βOh, itβs a test all right. First, we need to check if youβreβ¦ resistant to the Wailing Mushrooms of Despair.β Percival blinked. βThe what now?β βVery dangerous,β Ollo said gravely. βIf you hear their cries, you could be overwhelmed with such unbearable existential dread that you forget how to breathe.β Percival paled. βThatβs a thing that happens?β Baelin nodded solemnly. βTragic, really. Just last month, a guy collapsed on the spot. One moment, determined explorer. Next moment, curled up in a fetal position sobbing about how time is a meaningless construct.β Percival looked around nervously. βH-how do I know if Iβmβ¦ resistant?β Ollo shrugged. βOh, weβll know.β They led him to a cluster of large, pulsing fungi with bioluminescent blue caps. Gorrim gave one a light poke, and it released a long, eerie wail that sounded suspiciously like an elderly man muttering, βWhatβs the point of it all?β Percival yelped and took several steps back. βBy the gods! Thatβs unnatural!β βHmm.β Ollo stroked his beard. βHe didnβt immediately collapse into an existential crisis. Thatβs promising.β Baelin leaned in. βThink we should tell him theyβre just regular mushrooms and the wailing sound is Gorrim throwing his voice?β βNot yet,β Ollo whispered back. βLetβs see how much more we can get away with.β Gorrim cleared his throat. βAlright, Percival. Youβve passed the first test. But the path ahead is dangerous.β Percival straightened up, puffing out his chest again. βIβm ready for anything!β Baelin smirked. βGood. Because the next part of the journey involves the Bridge of Certain Peril.β βCertainβ¦ peril?β Percival repeated warily. βOh, yes,β Ollo said, nodding seriously. βA rickety, ancient bridge stretched across a bottomless chasm. So old, so fragile, that even a slight gust of wind could send a man plummeting into the abyss below.β Percivalβs confidence wavered. βIβ¦ see.β Moments later, they arrived at said bridge. It was, in reality, a very sturdy, well-maintained stone bridge. The kind you could probably drive a fully armored war elephant across without so much as a wobble. But Percival didnβt need to know that. βThere it is,β Baelin said, making his voice tremble just enough to sell the drama. βThe most treacherous bridge in all the land.β Percival took one look at it and visibly paled. βIt looksβ¦ uhβ¦ sturdier than I expected.β βThatβs what it wants you to think,β Ollo said darkly. βItβs the cursed winds you have to worry about.β βCursed winds?!β βOh, yes,β Gorrim said with a straight face. βUnpredictable. Invisible. The moment you least expect itβwhoosh! Gone.β Percival gulped. βRight. Yes. Of course.β Taking a deep breath, he stepped cautiously onto the bridge. Baelin, grinning like a madman, subtly cupped his hands and let out a low, ominous whoooooosh. Percival let out a shriek and flung himself flat against the stone, gripping it as if he might be flung into the abyss at any moment. Ollo wiped a tear from his eye. βIβm going to miss him when the forest eats him.β Gorrim sighed. βAlright, enough. Letβs get him to the ruins before he has a heart attack.β Percival, still visibly shaken, scrambled to his feet and hurried to the other side of the bridge, panting heavily. βH-ha! I conquered the Bridge of Certain Peril! That wasnβt so bad!β Baelin slapped him on the back. βAtta boy! Now just one last thing before we reach the temple.β Percival hesitated. βI swear, if itβs another testββ βOh, no test,β Ollo assured him. βWe just need to wake up the guardian.β βTheβ¦ guardian?β βYeah,β Baelin said, waving a hand dismissively. βThe spirit-beast of Eldertree. Giant, angry, breathes fire, maybe eats souls? Honestly, itβs been a while.β Percival went rigid. βYou werenβtβ¦ joking about that?β Gorrim smirked. βOh no. That partβs real.β The trees ahead trembled. A deep, guttural growl echoed through the forest. Baelin grinned. βWelp. You first, brave adventurer.β Percival turned slowly toward them, his expression caught somewhere between utter horror and regret. βOh,β Ollo whispered. βHeβs definitely gonna cry.β To be continuedβ¦ maybe. Β Β Bring the Magic Home! Love the world of the Warden Gnomes? Now you can bring a piece of their mischievous, mystical adventure into your own space! Whether you want to decorate your walls, challenge yourself with a puzzle, or send a whimsical greeting, weβve got you covered. β¨ Tapestry β Transform your space with enchanting artwork that captures the magic of the Mystic Grove. πΌοΈ Canvas Print β A high-quality piece to add an air of fantasy to any room. π§© Puzzle β Test your wits and patience just like our dear Percival. π Greeting Card β Send a message with a touch of fantasy and mischief. Click the links above to grab your favorite magical keepsake and support the artistic adventures of the Warden Gnomes!