Funny Halloween tale

by Bill Tiepelman

Fur, Wings, and Midnight Stars

It wasn’t your typical night. No, it was one of those nights where everything felt just a little… off. The kind where the moon looked like it was hanging a little too low in the sky, the stars twinkled with an extra bit of sass, and the air smelled faintly of something suspiciously floral. As if the world had decided to add a hint of cherry blossom perfume, just to throw everyone off. Hanging from a thin branch, Bob, a bat with what he liked to call "above-average fur," swung upside down, wondering how his life had come to this exact point. Cherry blossoms? Really? How cliché. He’d been aiming for mysterious and edgy, not some kind of romantic backdrop for a Hallmark movie. Yet here he was, blending into an Instagram post waiting to happen, all fluffy and cute. Yuck. “Look at me,” he muttered sarcastically, squinting at the petals gently falling around him. “I’m a walking Pinterest board.” He flicked his wings dramatically, sending a couple of cherry blossoms fluttering to the ground like they had personally offended him. The moon, in its usual overly dramatic fashion, glowed as brightly as it could, determined to outshine everything else in the sky. “Oh, look at me,” the moon seemed to say. “I’m so big and round and full of myself.” Typical moon behavior. Bob rolled his eyes—at least as much as a bat could roll its eyes while hanging upside down. “Could you tone it down a bit?” Bob called out to the moon. “Some of us are trying to be mysterious over here.” The moon, of course, didn’t respond. It never did. Always too busy being the center of attention. Stars, on the other hand, twinkled mischievously in the background, as if they were in on some cosmic joke Bob hadn’t been invited to. “Oh yeah, sure, laugh it up,” Bob mumbled. “You’ve got one job. Blink. Real impressive. Meanwhile, I’m out here doing acrobatics, defying gravity, and hanging by my freakin’ toes. But sure, let's all focus on the big shiny ball in the sky.” At that moment, a particularly bold cherry blossom floated down and had the audacity to land directly on Bob’s head. He sighed heavily. “Perfect. Just perfect. This is exactly what I needed. A flower crown. I look like the poster bat for a hipster festival. Someone hand me a tiny latte so I can complete the look.” Bob had been hanging around this tree for a few hours now, waiting for something exciting to happen. And by exciting, he meant anything that wasn’t him accidentally falling asleep and almost plummeting to the ground. It wasn’t his fault, though. The nocturnal life could get... repetitive. You'd think a creature of the night would have some epic adventures—maybe an underground rave, or a thrilling chase with a vampire—but no. Mostly it was just endless nights of hanging out (literally) and listening to the wind rustle through the branches. “Why did I choose this tree again?” he asked himself. “Oh right, because the last one had that squirrel problem. Ugh, don’t even get me started on squirrels. One time I blinked, and they’d stolen my entire stash of perfectly good berries. And for what? To bury them? In what world does that make sense? Do they even remember where they put them? Spoiler alert: no.” Suddenly, a second bat—Vera—swooped in and landed gracefully next to Bob. She hung there, looking effortlessly cool, her sleek wings catching the moonlight in just the right way. Bob hated it when she did that. “You look... cozy,” Vera said, eyeing Bob’s accidental flower crown with a smirk. “Oh yeah, I’m living the dream,” Bob replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Just me, my petals, and an overly enthusiastic moon.” He flapped his wings lazily. “Life doesn’t get better than this.” Vera chuckled, her amusement only adding to Bob’s misery. “You’re such a drama bat,” she teased. “It’s kind of adorable, in a ‘tragically misunderstood artist’ kind of way.” “Please,” Bob scoffed. “I’m not misunderstood. I understand myself perfectly. I’m just not sure why I bother.” They hung in silence for a while, watching the stars flicker and the wind carry the scent of cherry blossoms through the air. Every now and then, Bob would let out an exasperated sigh, as if the weight of the entire night sky rested on his little bat shoulders. “You know,” Vera said after a while, “you could always just... fly somewhere else. If the cherry blossoms bother you that much.” “Fly where? Every tree around here is basically a scene from a botanical calendar. There’s no escaping the pretty.” “Or you could embrace it,” Vera suggested, clearly trying to be the voice of reason. “It’s not so bad. You’ve got a prime spot, great view of the moon—” “Ugh, don’t mention the moon,” Bob interrupted, glaring at the big glowing ball in the sky. “It’s like a giant nightlight that won’t turn off. Ever.” “Or,” Vera continued, ignoring him, “you could stop being so grumpy about everything. Maybe try... I don’t know... enjoying yourself?” Bob snorted. “Enjoy myself? In this economy?” Vera sighed, but there was a fondness in her eyes as she watched Bob fume over the petals that continued to rain down. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?” “Yeah, well, someone’s got to be the voice of reason in this overly-optimistic world.” Bob shook the cherry blossom crown off his head. “Besides, I hear being miserable is very in this season.” “Oh yeah?” Vera raised an eyebrow. “And where did you hear that?” “The stars,” Bob said with a wink. “They’re gossipers, you know.” Vera laughed, and for a brief moment, Bob let a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. Maybe tonight wasn’t so bad after all. Even if he did feel like a decorative ornament hanging in some picturesque scene. “Alright,” Bob sighed. “Maybe I’ll stick around a little longer. But if one more petal lands on my head, I’m burning this tree down.” “Good luck with that,” Vera replied, her voice dripping with amusement. “Let me know how that goes.” And so, with the stars giggling overhead, and the moon continuing to shine like the overachiever it was, Bob the bat decided to endure the night—flower crowns and all. After all, someone had to keep things grounded while the rest of the world floated away in its ridiculous beauty. Besides, the view wasn’t half bad.    Enjoyed the whimsical charm of "Fur, Wings, and Midnight Stars"? Now, you can bring a piece of Bob's night into your home! Whether you want to snuggle up with a cozy throw pillow or transform your space with a stunning tapestry, we’ve got you covered: Throw Pillow – Add a touch of moonlit whimsy to your couch with this fluffy bat-inspired pillow. Duvet Cover – Drift into dreams with this charming nocturnal scene wrapped around your bed. Tote Bag – Carry a piece of the night with you wherever you go, perfect for the quirky bat lover. Tapestry – Turn your wall into a dreamy, moonlit canvas with this beautiful piece. Explore the full collection and embrace the magic of "Fur, Wings, and Midnight Stars" today!

by Bill Tiepelman

The Harvest Hoot: Owl’s Autumn Adventure

In the heart of the forest, where the trees were ablaze with autumn colors and the ground was a patchwork quilt of crunchy leaves, there lived a very peculiar owl. His name? Well, he didn’t really care to tell anyone his name. To most of the woodland creatures, he was simply that owl, but to himself, he was known as Archimedes—a name he had plucked from a dusty library book left behind by a lost hiker. Archimedes wasn’t your average owl. Sure, he had the usual owl trappings: feathers, big eyes, and an annoying tendency to hoot at inopportune moments. But what really set him apart was his love for all things autumn—and not in the basic, pumpkin-spice-latte way. Oh no, Archimedes was a full-on fall fanatic, with a weakness for harvest festivals, crunchy leaves, and most importantly, pumpkins. It was mid-October, and the annual forest harvest festival was just around the corner. Naturally, Archimedes was feeling pretty smug. Every year, the animals gathered for the big event: there were the squirrels showing off their acorn-hauling skills, the foxes running their speed races, and the rabbits competing in some highly questionable pie-eating contests. Archimedes, of course, had long since declared himself the “Pumpkin Patch Overseer”—a completely self-appointed title that no one bothered to contest. Feathers, Pumpkins, and a Hat “Looking good, Archimedes!” a chipper chipmunk called out as she scurried by, her cheeks stuffed with what appeared to be at least twenty acorns. “Love the hat!” “Obviously,” Archimedes muttered, fluffing his feathers. He was indeed sporting a rather dashing autumn hat—a little number he’d “borrowed” from a scarecrow in a nearby field. It was adorned with miniature pumpkins, berries, and even a few fancy feathers. Not that he cared about aesthetics, of course. He wore it for functionality. Yes, it kept his head warm… in theory. “Nice hat,” another voice chimed in, this time from a passing rabbit. Archimedes let out an exaggerated sigh. “Why, thank you,” he said dryly, “because what I really needed in my life was more commentary on my fashion choices from woodland critters who don’t even wear pants.” The rabbit blinked, then shrugged and bounced away, muttering something about owls and their attitudes. The Pumpkin Problem As the sun began to set, casting a warm orange glow over the forest, Archimedes turned his attention to the real reason he had chosen to oversee the pumpkin patch: the pumpkins themselves. These pumpkins weren’t just any pumpkins—they were enchanted. Every year, on the night of the harvest festival, something strange happened in the patch. The pumpkins, for reasons unknown to any of the animals, glowed with an eerie, otherworldly light. Some said it was magic. Others blamed it on the squirrels messing around with leftover fairy dust. This year, Archimedes was determined to find out what was going on. He fluffed up his feathers and perched proudly atop the biggest pumpkin he could find, ready to keep watch. Or at least he would have, if a gust of wind hadn’t sent his hat flying right into a nearby thorn bush. “For crying out loud,” he muttered, hopping off the pumpkin with a level of indignation only an owl in a fancy hat could muster. The Mystery of the Glowing Gourds As the night wore on, the animals began to gather around the pumpkin patch, waiting for the annual glow-up. Archimedes, having retrieved his now slightly tattered hat, was perched on a nearby tree branch, watching the crowd with a critical eye. “I don’t get the big deal,” one squirrel whispered to another. “They’re just pumpkins.” “Just pumpkins?” Archimedes hooted in disbelief. “These are the most mysterious gourds in the entire forest. You’ve clearly never seen the magic of Halloween.” Sure enough, as the moon rose high above the trees, the pumpkins began to glow. Softly at first, then brighter and brighter, until the entire patch was bathed in an eerie, magical light. The squirrels stopped chattering. The rabbits quit hopping around. Even the always-dramatic foxes fell silent. Everyone was mesmerized by the scene. “See?” Archimedes said, nodding to himself. “It’s magic. Pure, pumpkin-spiced magic.” But just as he was about to congratulate himself on a successful night of overseeing, something strange began to happen. One of the pumpkins—a particularly large one near the center of the patch—started to move. “Uh… does anyone else see that?” a nearby raccoon whispered, eyes wide. Before anyone could answer, the pumpkin wobbled, shook, and then—POOF—it exploded in a cloud of glowing orange mist. And from the mist, a tiny, rather confused ghost appeared, floating a few inches off the ground. “Well, that’s new,” Archimedes muttered, his feathers ruffling in surprise. A Hooting Good Time The ghost, who looked like it was just as surprised to be there as anyone else, blinked its big, wide eyes and looked around at the stunned animals. “Uh… boo?” it said, uncertainly. “Boo?” Archimedes scoffed. “That’s the best you’ve got? It’s Halloween, for crying out loud. At least try to be scary.” The ghost looked a little sheepish—or at least as sheepish as a floating, glowing blob could look. “I’m new at this,” it said quietly. “Clearly,” Archimedes said, rolling his eyes. “But I’ll give you points for effort. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a pumpkin patch to oversee and a hat to fix.” As Archimedes flew off, leaving the animals to gawk at the tiny ghost (who was now trying out a slightly better "boo"), he couldn't help but feel a bit of pride. After all, he had solved the mystery of the glowing pumpkins—kind of. Sure, the pumpkins were haunted, and maybe a ghost had accidentally exploded out of one, but who was keeping track? The important thing was that the harvest festival had been a hooting success, and once again, Archimedes had been at the center of it all—whether anyone appreciated it or not. The Real Magic of the Season As he perched himself back on a tree branch, watching the animals below chatter and laugh about the night's strange events, Archimedes allowed himself a small, satisfied smile. Autumn really was the best time of year. The air was crisp, the leaves were crunchy, and there was always a bit of magic—whether it came from glowing pumpkins, tiny ghosts, or, in his case, a particularly dapper hat. “Next year,” Archimedes murmured to himself, “I’m getting a better hat. Maybe something with sequins.” And with that, the snarky owl settled in for the night, ready to dream about pumpkin pie, Halloween pranks, and possibly running for mayor of the pumpkin patch next year. After all, someone had to keep things interesting.    Take a Piece of the Harvest Magic Home If you’re as enchanted by Archimedes and his autumn adventures as we are, why not bring a bit of that whimsical magic into your own space? Cozy up to the fall vibes and show off your love for the snarkiest owl in the pumpkin patch with these special products: The Harvest Hoot Throw Pillow – Add a touch of autumn charm to your living room or bedroom with this adorable throw pillow, featuring Archimedes in all his hat-wearing glory! The Harvest Hoot Fleece Blanket – Wrap yourself up in this cozy fleece blanket and enjoy some fall comfort, perfect for chilly nights or snuggling up with your favorite autumn reads. The Harvest Hoot Tapestry – Transform your space with this vibrant tapestry, featuring our wise owl hero surrounded by pumpkins and fall foliage. It’s the perfect seasonal decor for your home or office. The Harvest Hoot Tote Bag – Take a bit of fall magic with you wherever you go! This charming tote bag is perfect for carrying your autumn essentials (or maybe a pumpkin or two). Each product brings the whimsy of the harvest season and the charm of Archimedes right into your everyday life. Whether you’re decorating for fall or just looking to add a little snarky owl flair to your space, these items are the perfect choice! Explore more seasonal magic at Unfocussed Shop, where autumn adventure meets cozy home decor.

by Bill Tiepelman

Spells, Pumpkins, and Gnome Mischief

In the heart of the haunted hollow, there sat a gnome. Not just any gnome—this was Garvin, the self-proclaimed “Master of Spells” and “Pumpkin Aficionado.” Spoiler alert: he was terrible at both. Garvin wasn’t your typical, cutesy lawn gnome. No, no. This one had big plans. With his oversized witch’s hat, adorned with fake flowers he stole from Mrs. Willowbottom’s garden, and his broom that had never swept a thing in its life, Garvin was ready to cause some mischief. Or at least, that was the plan. “Alright, pumpkin,” he muttered under his breath, glaring at the jack-o'-lantern next to him, which glowed a bit too cheerfully for his taste. “Tonight’s the night we make magic happen.” The pumpkin didn’t respond. It was a pumpkin, after all. Garvin huffed. “You know, some witches get a talking cat. I get...you. A vegetable with a face. Great.” The broom next to him seemed to mock his lack of witchy credibility. But it wasn’t the broom’s fault that Garvin hadn’t quite mastered the whole “flying” thing. Or sweeping, for that matter. He gave it a kick for good measure. It did nothing, of course. With a dramatic flourish, he waved his hands, trying to summon something spooky, something powerful. “Abra...kadabra?” He paused, frowned. “Wait, no. Alaka-zam? Oh, whatever.” Nothing happened. Well, aside from a gust of wind that knocked over a nearby stack of firewood. Real spooky stuff. Frustrated, Garvin leaned back against the pumpkin and crossed his arms. “I’m starting to think this whole witchy gnome business is overrated. Do you know how much this stupid hat itches? And don't even get me started on these striped socks. They're cutting off circulation.” The pumpkin glowed, casting a warm light on Garvin’s disgruntled face. For a moment, the gnome just stared at it. Then, with a sigh, he nudged it again. “Look at you, all smug with your perfect little glowing grin. Bet you’re really proud of yourself, huh?” Suddenly, a bat flew overhead, casting a shadow across the moonlit yard. Garvin flinched, then quickly composed himself, pretending he hadn’t just jumped out of his skin. “Oh, yeah. That’s real original. A bat. On Halloween. Didn’t see that coming.” He rolled his eyes. But as the bat disappeared into the night, Garvin allowed a small smirk to creep across his face. Maybe tonight wasn’t so bad after all. After all, it was Halloween—a night for witches, gnomes, and all sorts of spooky mishaps. He picked up his broom, not to fly it (let’s not kid ourselves), but to lean on it like a walking stick. “Alright, pumpkin,” he said, “let’s go see if we can find some candy to ‘borrow.’ After all, if I can’t conjure magic, I can at least conjure up a sugar rush.” And with that, Garvin, the most sarcastic, spell-challenged gnome in the haunted hollow, shuffled off into the night, ready to cause just the slightest bit of mischief... or at least get his hands on some chocolate. The pumpkin, as usual, said nothing.     Bring Home the Mischief! Love Garvin the gnome and his magical, sarcastic adventures? Why not invite him into your home! Whether you're decorating for the spooky season or just want a quirky reminder of Halloween mischief, we’ve got you covered. Choose from a variety of products featuring "Spells, Pumpkins, and Gnome Mischief": Framed Prints – Add a touch of gnome magic to your walls with this beautifully framed print! Tapestries – Drape your space in whimsical charm with a cozy tapestry of Garvin and his pumpkin companion. Greeting Cards – Share the fun with friends and family with gnome-inspired Halloween greeting cards. Stickers – Slap some spooky, gnome-filled goodness on your laptop, notebook, or anywhere that needs a dash of Halloween fun! Embrace the enchantment with a touch of sarcasm – Garvin wouldn’t have it any other way!

by Bill Tiepelman

Hocus Pocus Tortoise

The Hocus Pocus Tortoise It was Halloween night, and Carl wasn’t feeling the spooky spirit. While his neighbors adorned their lawns with inflatable skeletons and fake gravestones, Carl preferred something quieter—Netflix and boxed wine. However, when he stepped outside to take out the trash, he noticed something strange at his front door. A tortoise. But not just any tortoise. This one wore a purple witch’s hat, with a buckle gleaming in the moonlight, and its shell was carved like a jack-o'-lantern. A small cauldron bubbled beside it, and Carl swore he heard... cackling? “Alright, I’ve seen weirder stuff after a couple glasses,” Carl mumbled. He approached the tortoise cautiously. “What’s your deal, little guy?” The tortoise blinked slowly, then—much to Carl's disbelief—spoke. “Not so little, are we now? I’m a magical tortoise, buddy. Call me Hexley.” “A talking tortoise. Yeah, sure, why not. How many drinks have I had?” Carl rubbed his eyes and looked around, but the street was empty except for Hexley. “Alright, let’s play along. What do you want, Hexley?” “Oh, it’s not what I want, it’s what you need,” Hexley said with a sly grin, his eyes twinkling beneath the brim of his oversized witch hat. “I sense you’ve been avoiding the fun, Carl. Don’t think I don’t know about your sad attempt at avoiding Halloween by binge-watching rom-coms.” “Wait, how do you know my name?” Carl stammered, stepping back. Hexley’s shell glowed faintly orange as he chuckled. “Buddy, I’m not just any tortoise. I’m the Hocus Pocus Tortoise! Halloween is my domain. And right now, you’re my project.” Chaos Unleashed Before Carl could object, Hexley waved a claw in the air, and suddenly, Carl’s once-boring front yard exploded into a full-blown Halloween carnival. Pumpkins swirled through the air, turning into enormous jack-o’-lanterns with flaming eyes. Skeletons danced on his lawn, and somehow, his trash bin had transformed into a candy dispenser shooting full-sized chocolate bars. “Whoa, whoa! Stop, stop!” Carl shouted, nearly tripping over a rogue black cat that dashed past him. “I didn’t ask for this!” Hexley grinned wider. “That’s the beauty of it. No one asks for a magical tortoise to ruin—or rather, improve—their evening. But here I am.” He waddled slowly toward Carl, his shell glowing with every step. “Now, how about we liven you up a little?” With another wave of his claw, Carl felt a strange tingle in his body. He looked down and—what the hell?—he was now dressed in a pirate costume, complete with a hook for a hand, an eye patch, and a bottle of rum. “I look like an idiot!” Carl yelled, though part of him found the situation strangely hilarious. “That’s the point, matey,” Hexley said, now perched atop a conjured treasure chest. “You’re supposed to let loose! Life’s too short to be boring. Besides, the neighborhood Halloween party starts in ten minutes. You’re going as Captain Carl.” “I don’t even like parties!” Carl protested, but Hexley just shook his head. The Wildest Night As if on cue, his phone buzzed. It was a notification from the neighbors: “Halloween Block Party. Join us, Carl! Don’t be a buzzkill this year.” Carl sighed, knowing Hexley wasn’t about to take ‘no’ for an answer. “Come on, Captain Carl,” Hexley said with a wink. “It’s not every day you get invited to the party of the year by a magical tortoise. Let’s go make some chaos.” And so, with a combination of resignation and curiosity, Carl grabbed his bottle of rum and followed Hexley down the street. His neighbors were already gathering, dressed as zombies, superheroes, and werewolves, but none of them had a tortoise with a pumpkin shell casting spells left and right. Before he knew it, Carl was the center of attention, thanks to Hexley. The tortoise had turned the punch bowl into a fountain of margaritas, the party snacks into gourmet appetizers, and at one point, he enchanted the music playlist to only play ‘Monster Mash’ on a loop. But somehow, everyone loved it. By the end of the night, Carl found himself laughing more than he had in years. He’d won the costume contest (because of course, a magical tortoise’s creation would win), danced like an idiot, and even made a couple of new friends. A Bewitching End As the party wound down and the crowd began to disperse, Carl sat on the curb with Hexley beside him, nursing a final drink. “Okay, I’ll admit it,” Carl said, wiping his brow. “You were right. I needed this.” Hexley gave a slow nod. “Of course, I was right. I’m always right.” He smirked, tipping his witch hat. “Now, next year, we’ll turn it up even more. Maybe I’ll turn you into a werewolf, or a sexy vampire. We’ll see.” Carl chuckled, shaking his head. “No more surprises. One night of magical chaos is enough for me, thanks.” Hexley just grinned. “We’ll see about that, Carl. We’ll see.” And with that, the Hocus Pocus Tortoise vanished into the mist, leaving Carl to wonder if any of it had been real at all. Except for the fact that he was still in a pirate costume, and his lawn still had a skeleton breakdancing under the moonlight. “Next year’s gonna be even weirder, isn’t it?” Carl muttered, as he stumbled back inside, kicking a pumpkin out of the way. “Dammit, Hexley.”     Bring Hexley's Magic Home If Hexley's mischief has sparked your Halloween spirit, you can bring a bit of the magic home with you. Whether you're decorating or gifting, these Hocus Pocus Tortoise products will cast a fun spell on your home: Hocus Pocus Tortoise Framed Print – Capture the essence of Hexley’s whimsical charm with this high-quality framed print. Perfect for adding a spooky yet playful vibe to any room. Hocus Pocus Tortoise Puzzle – Love a challenge? Piece together this magical tortoise while sipping on your favorite Halloween treat. Hocus Pocus Tortoise Greeting Cards – Send some spooky fun to friends with these delightful greeting cards, featuring Hexley in all his Halloween glory. Hocus Pocus Tortoise Coffee Mug – Start your mornings with a bit of mischief! This mug is the perfect companion for sipping your brew and plotting your own magical adventures. Whether you're decorating for Halloween or simply love the idea of a magical tortoise making your life more interesting, these products are sure to make Hexley a part of your world.