by Bill Tiepelman
Emerald Majesty and the Cheerful Rider
“How many damn carrots does one dragon need?” shouted Grizzle Thimbletwig, his scrunched-up nose nearly glowing red beneath his ridiculous floppy hat. The gnome tugged at the dragon’s reins—not that they worked, because Scorchbutt wasn’t the kind of dragon that obeyed reins or any sort of authority. The massive emerald-scaled beast merely snorted, blowing a gust of hot breath that nearly singed Grizzle’s beloved beard. “Oi, watch it! This beard is older than your great-great-grandmother’s scales!” Scorchbutt responded by farting. Loudly. The flatulent blast rattled the nearby trees, sent a flock of birds scattering, and left Grizzle choking on sulfurous air. “That’s it, you flying gasbag! One more toot like that and I’m cooking gnome stew—with dragon wings as garnish!” he hollered, though they both knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Grizzle was perched precariously on the dragon’s back, as Scorchbutt's wings stretched wide and prepared for another jaunt into the skies above. Grizzle grumbled and braced himself. The last ride had nearly unseated him—damn near got him tangled in his own underpants when Scorchbutt decided to show off with a barrel roll mid-air. A Gnome with Big Dreams It all started when Grizzle decided he’d had enough of gnome society. Too many rules. Too much bureaucracy. And far too many mandatory potlucks. “Bring a casserole,” they’d say. “Don’t spike the cider,” they’d demand. Bah! Where was the fun in that? So one fine morning—fine, if you ignored the dragon dung steaming in the fields—Grizzle packed up his meager belongings, grabbed his trusty pipe, and went out to find some adventure. And what did he find? Scorchbutt. Or rather, Scorchbutt found him, roasting an entire sheep in the middle of the forest. Grizzle, to his credit, didn’t run. He just threw a turnip at the dragon’s head and said, “You missed a spot, ya lazy lizard.” To Grizzle’s utter shock, the dragon didn’t eat him. Instead, Scorchbutt let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle, though it was accompanied by smoke and a small flame. Somehow, the two had clicked. Grizzle had finally found someone—or something—that appreciated his irreverent sense of humor and complete lack of respect for authority. The Mischievous Duo Now, the gnome and the dragon were infamous. Farmers complained about missing cows. Tavern keepers swore they’d seen a tiny man and a dragon drinking ale out of barrels. And let’s not forget the incident at the Duchess’s garden party, where Scorchbutt had sneezed mid-air, torching three rose bushes and a very elaborate hat. Grizzle had laughed so hard he’d fallen off the dragon and landed in the punch bowl. “We’ve got a reputation to uphold, ol’ Scorchy,” Grizzle said, patting the dragon’s scaly neck as they soared over rolling green hills. Below them, a group of shepherds pointed and screamed something unintelligible about missing sheep. “Relax, it’s just a little creative redistribution of livestock. They’ll thank us when they have fewer mouths to feed!” Scorchbutt let out another of his rumbling chuckles, then dived low, snagging a sack of potatoes from an unsuspecting farmer. “We’ll make potato stew tonight, eh?” Grizzle said, holding on tight as the dragon spiraled upwards again. “And by stew, I mean vodka. Gotta keep warm somehow!” Chaos at the King’s Banquet Their latest adventure had led them to a new target: the royal palace. Grizzle had heard rumors of a grand banquet being held for the King’s birthday, complete with golden goblets, roasted pheasants, and desserts so decadent they’d make a unicorn blush. Naturally, he couldn’t resist. “Now listen here, Scorchy,” Grizzle said as they landed just outside the palace gates. “We’re not here to burn the place down. Just... mildly inconvenience them.” Scorchbutt tilted his head, one glowing emerald eye fixed on the gnome. Grizzle rolled his eyes. “Fine. You can roast a little bit. But don’t overdo it, alright?” The banquet was in full swing when the dragon burst through the stained glass windows, sending shards raining down on horrified nobles. Grizzle leapt off Scorchbutt’s back and landed on the King’s table, scattering plates and sending a roasted pig tumbling to the floor. “Good evening, esteemed jerks and fancy pants!” he announced, grabbing a goblet of wine. “I’ll be your entertainment tonight. And by entertainment, I mean thief. Now hand over the cake and no one gets torched!” The nobles shrieked as Scorchbutt let out a mighty roar, blowing out half the candles in the room. The King stood up, red-faced and trembling. “How dare you!” he bellowed. “Seize that gnome!” “Oh no, they’re seizing me!” Grizzle said in mock terror, taking a huge bite out of the nearest drumstick. “Whatever will I—Scorchy, NOW!” The dragon unleashed a fiery sneeze, sending guards diving for cover as Grizzle grabbed the cake—an enormous tower of chocolate and cream—and clambered back onto Scorchbutt’s back. “Thanks for the hospitality! We’ll be back next year!” he shouted as they blasted through the ceiling, leaving a charred hole and a very angry King behind. Home Sweet Chaos Back at their makeshift lair—a cozy cave littered with stolen goods and half-burned treasure—Grizzle kicked back with a slice of cake and a mug of potato vodka. Scorchbutt curled up nearby, his massive body radiating warmth. “Another successful mission,” Grizzle said, raising his mug in a toast. “To chaos, cake, and Scorchy’s gassy arse.” Scorchbutt let out a low rumble that could have been a purr—or another fart. Grizzle waved a hand in front of his nose. “Bloody hell, Scorchy. I’ve been meaning to say this: you really need to lay off the sheep.” And with that, the gnome and the dragon settled in for another night of mischief, ready to dream up whatever shenanigans tomorrow might bring. The End… or is it? Bring the Adventure Home Love the mischief and magic of Emerald Majesty and the Cheerful Rider? Now you can own a piece of this whimsical world! Explore our exclusive collection of products featuring this vibrant artwork, perfect for fans of fantasy and quirky storytelling. Tapestries: Transform your space with the bold and colorful adventure of Grizzle and Scorchbutt. 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