by Bill Tiepelman
A Gnome’s Day Off
There comes a time in every gnome’s life when he just needs to sit back, crack open a cold one, and say, “Screw it.” That’s where this little guy is today—tired of the endless nonsense of magical quests, potion brewing, and dealing with the fairy community’s constant drama (seriously, those winged little monsters never stop bickering). He’s been working overtime lately, mostly trying to fix the forest's plumbing after a particularly feisty group of trolls got into the enchanted springs and turned the water into root beer. Did you know trolls can down gallons of fizzy sugar water in minutes? Now you do. And it’s a real problem when your magical water source bubbles like it’s permanently on a sugar high. But today, no more of that. Today, our gnome friend is calling it quits. He’s swapped his staff for a Corona and his magical map for a dingy, old cooler he found in the back of a wizard's yard sale (don’t ask, it’s a long story that involves a drunken sorcerer and a very unfortunate rabbit). Look at him. Perched there in his ripped jeans, his hat so massive you could fit a family of squirrels under it. He’s the very picture of “don’t give a flying broomstick.” That beard? Pure wisdom. Or maybe just an excellent beer filter. And that cooler? That’s not just any cooler. It’s seen things. Dark, sticky, inexplicable things. But most importantly, it’s keeping his beer ice-cold, and that’s all that matters today. He stares out at the cracked wall in front of him, the perfect metaphor for his soul right now: a little broken, a little rugged, but still holding it together with a bit of duct tape and the occasional prayer to the gods of “just get me through the day.” A Magical Hangover? You might be wondering, “What’s a gnome doing with a Corona anyway? Shouldn’t he be drinking some mystical brew from the heart of the forest?” Nah. Our gnome’s not about that life anymore. He tried that once, and let’s just say the hangover from fairy mead is the kind of thing that makes you rethink all your life choices. Nothing like waking up in a unicorn’s stable, wearing nothing but a leaf crown and no memory of how you got there. That’s when he switched to the basics. Corona. None of that fancy enchanted crap that messes with your head. Just a regular beer for a regular day off. Simple. No frills. No magical hallucinations. And definitely no waking up under a bridge being yelled at by a troll who thinks you stole his favorite rock. Relaxation Level: Maximum So here he is, on the floor, leaning against the wall, a relaxed and slightly buzzed gnome, trying his best to forget about the absurdity of his life for a few hours. It’s not that he hates his job. I mean, who wouldn’t love turning invisible, speaking to animals, or using a wand to make pancakes float directly into your mouth? But even a wizard needs to chill out sometimes. And what better way to unwind than with a cold beer and the knowledge that somewhere, some fairy is probably losing their wings in a prank gone wrong, and it’s not your problem today. The wizard council can handle it. Or not. Whatever. Today, that’s their mess. As he takes another sip, he smiles—or at least we think he does. It’s hard to tell with all that beard. But one thing’s for sure: this gnome has mastered the art of magical laziness. Some say it’s a skill. Others call it a lifestyle choice. Our gnome just calls it “Tuesday.” The Aftermath Will he get back to his duties tomorrow? Probably. Will he face another nonsensical quest that involves saving the enchanted woods from some ridiculous creature no one’s ever heard of? Absolutely. But right now, none of that matters. All that matters is this moment, this beer, and the fact that he’s not dealing with a single enchanted animal, talking mushroom, or overly emotional sprite. As the last bit of Corona slides down his throat, he lets out a contented sigh. The world can wait. After all, even magical beings deserve a break from the chaos. And if anyone asks where he is, just tell them the truth: The gnome’s taking a damn day off. If you’re loving the vibe of this gnome’s well-deserved day off, you can bring him into your own home—or better yet, your own break room. This image is available on prints, art downloads, and for licensing. Just head over to our gallery to get your hands on a little slice of magical relaxation. After all, who wouldn’t want to kick back with a gnome that knows how to enjoy a cold one?
