mischievous hero

by Bill Tiepelman

Gotham's Firebreathing Hero

Gotham's Firebreathing Hero: A Bat-Dragon with Issues Everyone thinks being a hero is all about dramatic rooftop poses, cool gadgets, and maybe a bit of saving the city. Sure, I do all that. But try doing it as a dragon, with wings that don’t fit in phone booths (do they even have those anymore?) and claws that rip through your own costume like it’s made of tissue paper. Oh, and breathing fire? Not as cool as it sounds. The Day It All Went to Hell Let’s rewind to my latest "mission." A gang of thieves decided to knock over a Gotham jewelry store. Pretty standard Tuesday night. I perched on a building opposite, overlooking the whole thing, preparing for my big entrance. “Time to look cool,” I muttered to myself, puffing out my chest and making sure my bat emblem was perfectly visible. You’d think being part dragon means naturally intimidating. Yeah, no. Gotta strike a pose. Look menacing. But with wings? It’s hard not to look like a flying squirrel having a bad day. I swooped down from the rooftop—wings spread, cape flapping—and landed on the sidewalk with a thud. My claws left scratches all over the pavement, which, by the way, the city is so going to charge me for. Gotham’s insurance rates suck. I marched into the store like the badass dragon I am, only to step on a "WET FLOOR" sign. “Seriously?” I grumbled as my talons skidded. The employees stared, jaws dropped, and one of the robbers? He straight-up dropped his gun and burst out laughing. “This dragon guy's gotta be kidding.” “Yeah, laugh it up, smartass,” I said, baring my teeth, though it came out more like a hissy cough because, you know, fire-breathing doesn’t always work on command. “You’re about to have a very bad day.” One of the robbers raised a gun, and out of sheer habit, I puffed out my chest to blow a stream of fire—except I accidentally aimed at a rack of expensive jewelry. The store instantly became a bonfire, and I had to hear the jewelry store owner screeching about how “THE SAPPHIRES! YOU BURNED THE SAPPHIRES!!” “Well, maybe don’t leave your flammable gemstones out for dragons to torch.” Fire-Breathing... Issues Look, no one tells you how awkward it is to manage fire when you're trying to be a hero. Think it’s easy? Try managing some villain while also mentally calculating how much damage your last fire blast caused. By the time I grabbed the thieves and tied them up with some wire—ignoring the fact that I knocked over three display cases and set off five smoke alarms—the place looked like someone hosted a barbecue in the middle of a Tiffany’s. As I dragged the gang of idiots out the door, I couldn’t help but smirk at my “work.” “Another successful rescue by Gotham’s Firebreathing Hero.” The cops showed up just in time to look at the carnage and scowl at me. Again. “You’re paying for the damages, Bat-Dragon.” “Sure thing, Officer. Just send the bill to my offshore dragon hoard.” No sense of humor. Seriously. A Hero Complex? Maybe. Yeah, I have what people call a “hero complex.” But it’s Gotham. Someone’s gotta stop the thieves and muggers, right? Even if I do occasionally fry the merchandise... or melt a sidewalk. Or two. Okay, maybe three. But heroes aren’t perfect, especially when they have to deal with wings and flames coming out of their nostrils. The problem with wings? Every time I land, I destroy something. Concrete, cars, the occasional trash can that happens to be in my way—oops. Try dealing with a cape that gets tangled in your tail or trying to squeeze into tight alleyways while making sure you don't knock over a building. So yes, I occasionally set the wrong thing on fire. It happens. But let me ask you—how do you expect me to concentrate on capturing villains and making sure I don't roast your precious storefronts? Honestly, isn’t it better to have a bat-themed dragon hero who's a little rough around the edges than none at all? You’re welcome, Gotham. And let’s talk about the villains. I’m telling you, these guys are ridiculous. Last week, I had to deal with a guy calling himself the "Jewel Jaguar." I mean, come on—what is it with these Gotham criminals and their obsession with cat-themed monikers? The worst part? I ended up torching his getaway car by accident and set off the sprinkler system in three different buildings trying to "correct" it. I swear, half of Gotham's property damage is on me. Hero Hotline: Unfiltered You think being a hero is all about glory? Let me enlighten you. Crime-fighting: It’s 80% waiting for something to happen and 20% accidentally destroying public property. Utility belt: Do you know how hard it is to fit my wings into a costume that comes with a utility belt? There’s a reason why most dragons don’t wear pants. Public image: Every time I land to "save the day," it’s a 50/50 chance whether the citizens are going to thank me or sue me. Mostly sue me. So yes, I have some fire-breathing "issues." But hey, if Gotham needs someone to scare the crap out of criminals (and, occasionally, bystanders), I’m your dragon. A bit of collateral damage here and there? All part of the job. But don’t worry—I always leave a good impression. Well, mostly in the form of claw marks and scorch marks, but still. Always a Hero At the end of the day, I get the job done—sometimes with extra smoke, occasionally with singed capes, and yeah, okay, a burnt storefront or two. But when you see a fire-breathing bat-dragon flying above Gotham, you know the city's under *some* kind of protection. Just ignore the smoldering bits. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find some fireproof replacement tights. Again. Want more dragon-fueled chaos? Let us know in the comments below. Just try not to trip over any "Wet Floor" signs.    Get Your Own Piece of Gotham's Firebreathing Hero While I might be busy saving Gotham (and occasionally burning it), you can take a little piece of this fiery dragon-hero home with you. Whether you’re into puzzles, tapestries, or just need something to dry off with after a heroic day, we’ve got you covered! Gotham’s Firebreathing Hero Puzzle – Piece together this epic dragon in all his fiery glory. Perfect for when you need a break from fighting crime (or setting things on fire). Gotham’s Firebreathing Hero Tapestry – Transform your walls with the ultimate heroic decor. It’s like having me guard your living room. Just don’t hang it near the candles. Gotham’s Firebreathing Hero Bath Towel – Dry off in style with a towel featuring your favorite bat-dragon. No promises it’s flame-resistant. Gotham’s Firebreathing Hero Poster – Hang this bad boy up and feel the power of the dragon. Warning: may inspire spontaneous rooftop posing. Get yours today, and remember—if you can't fight crime like a dragon, at least you can decorate like one!

by Bill Tiepelman

The Gnome's Dragon: A Mythical Bond

The Misadventures Begin "Ah, the burdens of being unfathomably powerful and irresistibly charming," grumbled Griswold, the gnome, his words heavy with sarcasm as he deftly dodged a puff of dragon's breath. "Do try to keep up, Searwing," he teased, casting a sardonic glance over his shoulder at the mighty dragon trailing behind. Searwing, with scales that shimmered like a sunset trapped in onyx, huffed indignantly. His massive head lowered to Griswold's level, eyes gleaming with an intelligence and annoyance only a creature of his majestic stature could possess. "I could incinerate you with a sneeze, little one," he rumbled, the heat of his words tickling the gnome's pointed hat. Griswold smirked, twirling his broom like a bard with a lute. "And yet, here you are, playing nanny to a gnome. Fate has a sense of humor as twisted as a goblin's spine, eh?" Together, they ventured through the twisted canopy of the Enchanted Forest, their banter a melody amidst the symphony of the wilderness. Griswold, with a step light and mischievous as the morning dew, led the way with the confidence of one who could talk his way out of a dragon's maw—mostly because he had, on more than one occasion. They were on a quest most peculiar, to retrieve the Whispering Acorn, a seed of legend said to sprout wisdom itself. Many had sought it, drawn by tales of its power, but Griswold sought it for a reason far more personal. "If I'm to be saddled with a dragon-sized conscience," he had declared, "it might as well be one that offers decent conversation." As day gave way to the silver caress of moonlight, the duo reached a clearing. The air buzzed with magic, the ground was carpeted with glowing mushrooms, and at its center stood the oldest oak in the forest, its branches cradling the stars. "Behold," whispered Griswold, a rare reverence threading his voice, "the Sentinel of Secrets, where our prize awaits. Now, let's nab that acorn before something nasty decides to interrupt." Searwing's tail swept the ground, his gaze alert. "Your propensity for trouble is unparalleled, gnome." With a grin and a wink, Griswold replied, "Why, thank you, Searwing. I do pride myself on my talents." A Twist in the Tale Griswold approached the Sentinel, his fingers dancing in anticipation. But as he reached out, the tree's eyes—previously unseen—snapped open. "Ah, another tiny thief come for my treasure," boomed the tree, its voice like the rustling of a thousand leaves. The gnome recoiled, feigning shock. "Thief? I am Griswold the Great, friend to beasts, defier of odds, and charmer of... well, everything. I merely seek an audience with your esteemed acorn." The oak rumbled with laughter. "Many titles, tiny one, yet none proclaim you a listener. The Whispering Acorn cannot be taken—it must be earned." Griswold's brow furrowed, his snark momentarily misplaced. "Earned? And pray tell, how does one earn the right to conversate with a nut?" "By facing a trial," replied the oak. "Succeed, and the acorn is yours. Fail, and you shall become a permanent resident of my boughs." Without hesitation, Griswold accepted. "Let's get on with it then. I've got places to be, dragons to irk." The trial was a riddle, one that echoed the complexities of nature and the simplicity of truth. Griswold listened, his mind whirring with thoughts, quips, and retorts. Finally, with a glint of triumph in his eyes, he gave his answer, infused with his characteristic wit. The tree paused, the forest held its breath, and then—laughter, rich and deep, filled the air. "Correct, gnome. Your wisdom is as sharp as your tongue." With a flourish, the Whispering Acorn fell into Griswold's waiting hand. It hummed with potential, and for a moment, Griswold's facade of jest wavered, revealing the earnest curiosity beneath. "Well, Searwing, it seems we've won the day," Griswold beamed, pocketing the acorn. "Now, let's return before this blasted nut starts giving me lectures on morality." The dragon snorted, a plume of smoke curling from his nostrils. "I suspect it will have much to say about snarky gnomes and their mischievous ways." Griswold chuckled, patting the dragon's snout. "Then we'll make quite the pair, won't we? Come, let's away. Adventure and merriment await!" And with hearts light and spirits high, the gnome and his dragon set off, their shadows cast long by the moon, their legend only just beginning to grow.     Explore The Gnome's Dragon Collection Unfurl the legend in your own space with "The Gnome's Dragon" exclusive collection. From the vivid strokes of our posters to the interlocking tales of our puzzles, each product is a gateway to the fantastical bond between Griswold and Searwing. The Gnome's Dragon Poster Transform your walls into a canvas of adventure with our The Gnome's Dragon Poster. Rich colors and exquisite detail turn your living space into an enchanted realm, a perfect tribute to Griswold's audacity and Searwing's majesty. The Gnome's Dragon Jigsaw Puzzle Piece together the mystique with our The Gnome's Dragon Jigsaw Puzzle. Each piece is a fragment of the tale, inviting you to step into the gnome's boots and share in their adventure and humor. The Gnome's Dragon Mouse Pad Let every scroll and click be a whimsical journey with The Gnome's Dragon Mouse Pad. Work and play over the very landscape our heroes tread, accompanied by Griswold's snark and Searwing's wisdom. The Gnome's Dragon Throw Pillow Rest upon the lore with our The Gnome's Dragon Throw Pillow. Cozy up with a tangible piece of the tale, and perhaps dream of your own mythical quests and cheeky banter. The Gnome's Dragon Fleece Blanket Wrap yourself in the warmth of our The Gnome's Dragon Fleece Blanket. Soft, luxurious, and enchanted with the essence of camaraderie, it's perfect for those nights when the air is chill and the heart longs for tales of valor. Discover these treasures and more at Unfocussed, where every product is a chapter in an ongoing saga of magic and mischief. Visit us to bring home a part of the legend today.