by Bill Tiepelman
Mystic Duck: Guardian of the Spiral Vortex
In a dimension woven from the threads of countless galaxies, a vortex of vibrant hues and swirling patterns danced in endless motion. This was the Spiral Vortex, a cosmic blender where stars and planets were as common as grains of sand on the beach. And guarding this celestial carousel was an unconventional sentinel - a duck, or rather, the "Mystic Duck," as he was known by the astral denizens. Mystic Duck was no ordinary fowl; his feathers shimmered with the essence of nebulas, and his eyes held the wisdom of the cosmos. With a crown of starlight upon his head and a bill as golden as the sun, he was a sight to behold. But what truly set him apart was his sharp tongue and a wit as quick as a supernova. "Ah, the burden of brilliance," he quacked sarcastically, observing a fledgling star struggling to ignite. "Shine bright or fade out, starlet - the universe waits for no one." With a flick of his vibrant tail, the star erupted into a brilliant display of light, as if spurred on by his biting encouragement. The Mystic Duck’s role was an ancient one, though few could recall its origin. Some whispered that he was the first to emerge from the primordial cosmic egg, while others speculated he was the universe’s practical joke on the sober council of celestial beings. Whatever the case, he had embraced his role with gusto and a side of snark. One ordinary aeon, as he glided along the currents of space-time, he came upon a peculiar sight - a black hole wearing a party hat. "Now, that's a fashion statement," he mused, circling the gravitational anomaly. "I am the Vortex of Silence, the devourer of—" began the black hole in a voice that rumbled through the cosmos. "Yeah, yeah, I know who you are," interrupted the Mystic Duck, rolling his eyes. "But the party hat? Really, what's the occasion?" The black hole hesitated, a wave of uncertainty crossing its event horizon. "It's... my birthday." Mystic Duck burst into laughter, the sound echoing through the vacuum. "Well, happy birthday, Vortex! Make a wish before you suck in more unsuspecting asteroids." As Mystic Duck continued his patrol, a distress signal beeped from the nebulae network. A young planet had lost its orbit and was careening towards the Spiral Vortex, panic-stricken. Mystic Duck swooped in, flapping his majestic wings, which glittered with cosmic dust. "Hold on tight, little one. I've got you," he quipped as he deftly steered the planet back to a safe orbit with a nudge of his bill. "There, back in the groove. No need to go off the rails." The planet, overwhelmed with gratitude, thanked him profusely. "Don't mention it, kiddo. Just doing my thing. Remember, an orbit a day keeps the chaos at bay," he said with a wink. As the Spiral Vortex turned and galaxies twirled in balletic synchrony, Mystic Duck knew his adventures were far from over. With a smirk and a tail feather that cut through the cosmic winds, he prepared for the next anomaly that would undoubtedly require his unique blend of sarcasm and celestial guardianship. The Spiral Vortex pulsed like the heartbeat of the universe, a reminder that even in the vast silence of space, there was rhythm and life. And for Mystic Duck, life meant an endless cavalcade of absurdities to mock and crises to navigate with his uniquely droll heroism. A comet zoomed past, leaving a trail of ice and stardust. "Hey, Mystic Duck! Race you to the edge of the galaxy!" it called out, eager for a bit of fun amidst the cosmic monotony. Mystic Duck shook his head. "Kid, I'm so fast, I could beat you in a nap. But sure, why not? Let’s stretch these old wings," he replied, stretching out his feathers which sparkled with the light of a thousand suns. They set off, the comet with its icy tail and Mystic Duck with a blaze of color. They darted through asteroid fields, skimmed over gas giants, and surfed solar flares. In the end, the comet conceded, awestruck by Mystic Duck's effortless speed. "Wow, you really are the fastest!" the comet exclaimed, its voice a mix of disappointment and admiration. Mystic Duck chuckled. "Don't sweat it, sparkler. You've got a few millennia to catch up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to save a cluster of nebulas from getting all tangled up." He arrived just in time to see a group of nebulas twirling dangerously close to each other, their gaseous tendrils threatening to knot. "Alright, you overgrown space clouds, let's keep things orderly," Mystic Duck quipped as he dived into the fray. With precise movements, he redirected their paths, untangling the cosmic mess. "There. You'd think after a billion years, you’d learn to keep to yourselves." Just as he was about to take his leave, an anomaly caught his eye. A rift in the fabric of space-time, a cosmic tear that even the Mystic Duck had never seen before. It was fraying the edges of reality, causing the stars to flicker like a faulty lightbulb. "Well, that's not supposed to happen," Mystic Duck muttered to himself, approaching the rift with a blend of curiosity and caution. "Let's see if a bit of sarcastic encouragement will fix you up." He cleared his throat and addressed the rift, "Hey, you – yes, you, the universe's latest blunder. You’re about as useful as a knitted bathing suit. Close up, will you?" To his surprise, the rift shimmered, reacting to his voice. It began to stitch itself together, responding to his snide remarks with a silent appreciation for the sarcasm. Mystic Duck watched in amazement as the last of the rift sealed shut. "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. Sarcasm does have power beyond making me incredibly charming." With the vortex safe once more, Mystic Duck took a moment to bask in the glow of his accomplishment. But his respite was short-lived as a new call for help echoed through the stars. He sighed, a smirk tugging at his beak. "A guardian's work is never done. Onward to the next cosmic conundrum!" And with a flap of his wings, Mystic Duck set off towards the unknown, ready to face it with his signature blend of sarcasm and unexpected valor. After all, he was the Mystic Duck: Guardian of the Spiral Vortex, the sardonic sentinel watching over the vast, ridiculous theater of the cosmos. After his latest adventure, Mystic Duck glided through the cosmos, his feathers leaving a kaleidoscope trail behind him. "Another day, another anomaly," he quipped, a self-satisfied grin on his bill. "If only the beings of the universe could see me now, they'd surely hang my poster on their nebulous walls." Indeed, a poster capturing the vibrant visage of the Mystic Duck in all his glory would make for a cosmic conversation piece. For those who wish to embrace the guardian's stellar charm, a Mystic Duck Poster is available, perfect for any space aficionado's collection. As he made his way to the next celestial event, Mystic Duck couldn't help but notice the drabness of a passing asteroid. "Dress it up a bit, will you?" he called out. "You could use a splash of color, maybe something with a bit of my panache." Indeed, for those looking to add some flair to their own space, the Mystic Duck Throw Pillow and the Mystic Duck Fleece Blanket offered a touch of celestial whimsy to any home décor. Finally, after a long day's work, the Mystic Duck looked forward to unwinding. "Perhaps a nice, long soak in a quasar pool," he mused. "And of course, no bath would be complete without the proper towel." With a chuckle, he imagined the beings across the universe drying off with the Mystic Duck Bath Towel, bringing a touch of his adventure to their daily routine.
