funny dragon story

by Bill Tiepelman

Paws, Claws, and Dragon Flaws

A Hatchling's First Crime Spree The problem with baby dragons—aside from the fire, claws, and tendency to bite first and ask questions never—is that they have zero sense of consequences. That was exactly the issue with Scorch, a freshly hatched menace with a face too cute for its own damn good. Scorch was small, green, and absurdly chonky for a dragon. He had big, round eyes that made villagers go “Awww!” right before he set their laundry on fire. His wings were still useless, which made him mad as hell, so he compensated by getting into everyone’s business. If you had food? It was his now. If you had valuables? Also his. If you had dignity? Kiss that goodbye. Unfortunately for the town of Bramblewick, Scorch had decided that today was the day he would make the entire village his. And that meant looting. A lot of looting. A One-Dragon Heist It started at Old Man Higgins’ bakery. The old bastard never stood a chance. One second, he was setting out a fresh tray of honey buns, and the next, a green blur shot through the open window, snagged the entire batch, and scurried off under a cart. “What the—” Higgins sputtered, staring at his empty counter. Then he spotted the culprit. Scorch, sticky-faced and smug, licked honey off his claws and burped directly in Higgins’ direction. “Why, you little—” Scorch took off, tail wiggling as he darted down the street, leaving a trail of crumbs and zero remorse. Criminal Mastermind… Kinda By noon, he had: Stolen a pie from the windowsill of Widow Gertrude (who threw a broom at him and missed). Pilfered a pair of underpants off someone’s clothesline (why? No one knows). Scared the blacksmith’s apprentice by sneaking up behind him and exhaling just enough smoke to make him pee himself. Bit a knight’s boot because it was shiny. The villagers were beginning to take notice. A posse formed. Angry murmurs spread. “That little bastard just stole my lunch.” “He’s been terrorizing my chickens!” “He stole my wife’s best cooking pot! And she’s pissed!” Scorch, completely unbothered, was currently sitting in the middle of the fountain, feet kicked up, gnawing on a stolen ham hock. Then, just as he was really getting comfortable, a shadow loomed over him. Enter Trouble “Well, well, well. If it isn’t the town’s newest pain in my ass.” Scorch paused mid-chew and looked up. It was Fiona. The town’s official problem-solver. She was tall, scarred, and wielded an attitude as sharp as the sword on her hip. She also looked thoroughly unimpressed. “You done yet, Tiny Terror? Or are you planning to rob the mayor next?” Scorch blinked his big, innocent eyes. Fiona crossed her arms. “Don’t even try it. I’ve been around too long to fall for that cute act.” Scorch, deciding he did not like this woman, stuck his tongue out and immediately launched himself at her face. Unfortunately, his tiny, useless wings did nothing, so instead of an epic attack, he just face-planted onto her boot. Silence. Fiona sighed. “Gods save me, this is going to be a long day.” How to Train Your Disaster Fiona had dealt with all kinds of problems before—bandits, mercenaries, one very drunk wizard—but never had she been tasked with disciplining a pint-sized dragon with a superiority complex. She bent down and picked up Scorch by the scruff like an angry mother cat. He flailed. He hissed. He smacked her in the face with his chubby little paw. None of it was effective. “Alright, you tiny bastard,” she muttered. “You’re coming with me.” The townsfolk cheered. “About time someone dealt with that little menace!” “Throw him in the stocks!” “No! Send him to the mines!” Fiona gave them all a look. “He’s a baby.” “A baby criminal,” Widow Gertrude shot back. “He stole my pie.” Scorch, still dangling from Fiona’s grip, licked his lips loudly. “See? No remorse!” Gertrude shrieked. Fiona sighed and turned on her heel. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll deal with him.” And before the mob could organize itself further, she marched off, dragon in tow. The Art of Discipline (or Lack Thereof) Fiona’s idea of “dealing with” Scorch turned out to be plopping him down on her kitchen table and pointing a finger at him. “You need to stop stealing things,” she said firmly. Scorch yawned. “I’m serious. You’re pissing everyone off.” Scorch flopped onto his back and dramatically threw his legs in the air. “Oh, don’t even. You’re not dying. You’re just spoiled.” Scorch let out a very unconvincing death rattle. Fiona pinched the bridge of her nose. “You know what? Fine. You wanna be a little menace? Let’s make it official. You work for me now.” Scorch stopped fake-dying. He blinked. Tilted his head. “Yeah,” Fiona continued. “I’m making you my apprentice.” Scorch stared. Then he did the only logical thing—he stole her dagger straight from its sheath. “You little shit—” A New Partnership It took fifteen minutes, a chair tipped over, and a very unfortunate headbutt to get the dagger back. But once she did, Fiona knew one thing for certain: She had made a mistake. Scorch was already investigating every corner of her house, sniffing things, chewing things, knocking things over just because. He had the attention span of a drunk squirrel and the morals of a highway robber. But… She watched as he scrambled onto the counter, knocking over a stack of papers in the process. He was clearly proud of himself, tail wiggling, tongue sticking out as he surveyed his domain. Fiona sighed. “You’re going to burn this town down someday, aren’t you?” Scorch burped out a tiny ember. “Gods help me.” And just like that, the town’s biggest problem became Fiona’s personal headache.     Bring Scorch Home—If You Dare! Can’t get enough of this tiny troublemaker? Lucky for you, Paws, Claws, and Dragon Flaws is available as stunning artwork on a variety of products! Whether you want to cozy up with a tapestry, challenge yourself with a puzzle, or send some fiery charm in a greeting card, Scorch is ready to invade your space. 🔥 Tapestry – Turn any wall into a dragon’s lair. 🎨 Canvas Print – High-quality artwork, perfect for fantasy lovers. 🧩 Puzzle – Because wrangling a dragon should be a challenge. 💌 Greeting Card – Share some mythical mischief with friends. 👜 Tote Bag – Carry your essentials with a bit of dragon sass. Grab your favorite, or collect them all—just be prepared for a little chaos. 😉

by Bill Tiepelman

The Elf and the Dragon's Meeting

Deep in the Enchanted Forest, where the toadstools were as large as wagon wheels and just as sturdy, an elf named Lila stumbled into a peculiar predicament. At only two hundred years old—a mere adolescent by elven standards—Lila was tasked with gathering herbs for the village apothecary. Of course, she'd immediately gotten distracted by the sight of an enormous glowing mushroom and decided it would make the perfect spot for a nap. Who could blame her? Sunlight filtered through the canopy in golden streams, and the forest smelled like fresh moss and adventure. Naturally, her basket of herbs was still empty. As she climbed the mushroom like a drunk squirrel—there were no stairs, after all—she muttered, “Why doesn’t anyone ever build steps for these oversized fungi? If we can enchant pots to stir themselves, we can install a railing or two!” Huffing and puffing, she finally reached the top and sprawled out across the mushroom's cap, arms spread wide. She closed her eyes, reveling in the forest's hum of life. And then she heard it. A raspy, gravelly voice said, “Excuse me, this is my mushroom.” Lila sat bolt upright, her heart pounding. Standing before her was a small dragon. Well, "small" was relative—it was about the size of a large dog, but with shimmering blue-green scales, wings that looked like they’d been stolen from a stained-glass window, and an expression that could only be described as unimpressed. “Your mushroom?” Lila asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Since when do dragons care about mushrooms?” “Since always,” the dragon said, puffing out its chest. “This mushroom is mine. I’ve been guarding it for weeks. Do you know how many squirrels try to pee on it daily? It’s a full-time job!” Lila stifled a laugh but failed miserably. “A dragon. Guarding a mushroom. What’s next? A goblin knitting scarves?” “Laugh all you want, elf,” the dragon snapped, its sapphire eyes narrowing. “This is no ordinary mushroom. It’s a Toadstool of Luminescence. Extremely rare. Extremely magical. And it doesn’t appreciate your sweaty elf butt all over it.” “Oh, forgive me, your Mushroom Majesty,” Lila said, standing up and mock-bowing. “I had no idea I was sitting on the throne of fungal greatness. Please, go ahead and—what do you even do with it? Eat it? Wear it? Propose marriage to it?” The dragon sighed, pinching the bridge of its snout with its claw, as if trying to ward off an impending headache. “Clearly, you’re too immature to understand the finer points of mycology.” “Clearly,” Lila replied with a smirk. “So, what happens now? Do we duel for the mushroom? I’m warning you—I’ve been in at least two tavern brawls, and I only lost one of them because someone threw a barstool at my face.” The dragon tilted its head, genuinely intrigued. “You’re... quite odd for an elf. Most of your kind would have apologized by now. Or tried to sell me herbal tea.” “I’m not most elves,” Lila said with a grin. “And you’re not most dragons. Most of them would’ve eaten me by now, not given me a lecture on mushroom conservation.” They stared at each other for a moment, the tension hanging in the air like an overripe peach. Then the dragon snorted. Not a fiery snort—more of a laughing one. “You’re funny,” it admitted grudgingly. “Annoying, but funny.” “Thanks,” Lila said. “So, what’s your name, oh mighty fungus protector?” “Torvik,” the dragon said, straightening up. “And yours, oh sweaty elf invader?” “Lila. Nice to meet you, Torvik. So, what does a dragon do for fun around here? Besides yelling at squirrels?” Torvik grinned, showing off a set of teeth that could probably shred steel. “Well, there is one thing. You’re good at climbing mushrooms, yes?” “I’m basically an expert now,” Lila said, gesturing grandly at the mushroom they were perched on. “Excellent. Because the next mushroom over has been taken over by a particularly nasty family of raccoons, and they’ve been stealing my food stash. Think you can help me scare them off?” Lila’s face lit up. “Oh, I thought you’d never ask. But fair warning—I’m terrible at being intimidating. I once tried to shoo a possum out of my garden and ended up giving it my lunch.” “Perfect,” Torvik said, his wings flaring dramatically. “This is going to be hilarious.” And so, the elf and the dragon set off on their first adventure together. There was laughter, chaos, and yes, a raccoon uprising that would go down in forest history as “The Great Mushroom Skirmish.” But that’s a tale for another time. For now, suffice it to say that Lila and Torvik found in each other something they hadn’t expected: a friend who appreciated the absurdity of life as much as they did. And maybe, just maybe, the Toadstool of Luminescence really was magical. Because if a snarky dragon and a sassy elf could share a mushroom without killing each other, anything was possible.     For those captivated by the whimsical charm of “The Elf and the Dragon’s Meeting,” you can bring this enchanting tale to life in your own space. From the radiant glow of the Toadstool of Luminescence to the playful banter of Lila and Torvik, these moments are now available as stunning art products: Tapestries: Transform any wall into a magical forest scene. Canvas Prints: Perfect for showcasing the intricate details of the dragon and the glowing forest. Puzzles: Piece together the magic and relive the story, one detail at a time. Stickers: Add a touch of whimsy to your daily life with these delightful designs. Whether you’re an adventurer at heart or simply a fan of the fantastical, these products allow you to carry a piece of the Enchanted Forest into your world. Explore more at our shop and let the magic inspire you.

by Bill Tiepelman

The Littlest Flame: A Dragon's Heartwarming Beginnings

In the vast kingdom of Elderwyn, home to towering castles, enchanted forests, and creatures of legend, something extraordinary happened one quiet morning. No, it wasn’t the usual kind of extraordinary—the kind with knights rescuing maidens or wizards hurling fireballs. This was different. This was the day that a very small, very adorable dragon decided to make its debut. Meet Smidge. And yes, that’s exactly what he was—a smidge of a dragon, no bigger than a loaf of bread. But don’t let the size fool you. Smidge had big dreams, despite being born in the smallest egg of the clutch. His brothers and sisters had all hatched into impressive little fire-breathers, already causing minor property damage to the local village (a rite of passage for any dragon, really). Smidge, however, had yet to produce more than a puff of smoke and some particularly aggressive hiccups. “You’ll get there, Smidge,” his mother, a glorious red-scaled dragon named Seraphina, would say in her deep, echoing voice. “It just takes time.” Smidge wasn’t so sure. While his siblings were off practicing their flame control, he was busy... well, trying not to trip over his own feet. His legs seemed too long for his body, his wings flapped more like a startled chicken’s than anything majestic, and his fire? Let’s just say no marshmallows were getting roasted any time soon. The Quest for Fire (And Not Burning Himself in the Process) Determined to prove himself, Smidge set off on a mission. It wasn’t a typical “slay the knight, hoard the treasure” kind of mission. No, Smidge had something much simpler in mind: learn to breathe fire without sneezing. It was a modest goal, but you had to start somewhere. He waddled out of the cave early one morning, waving goodbye to his siblings, who were busy setting a small forest on fire (totally accidental, of course). Smidge’s journey was one of discovery. He needed to find a quiet spot, away from distractions, where he could really focus on his fire-breathing technique. “Ah, here we go,” Smidge muttered, stumbling upon a clearing in the forest. It was peaceful, with the sun filtering through the trees, birds chirping, and most importantly, nothing that could accidentally catch fire—except maybe a few shrubs, but sacrifices had to be made. Smidge squared his little shoulders, took a deep breath, and... poof. A tiny puff of smoke escaped his nostrils. Well, it was better than last time, when nothing but a few weak sparks fizzled out. He puffed his chest out, feeling rather proud. “Alright, let’s go again,” he said, this time putting every bit of effort he had into it. He inhaled deeply, focused, and—achoo! The sneeze came out of nowhere, and with it, a burst of flame that wasn’t quite forward-facing. Instead, the flames engulfed his own tail. “Yow!” Smidge yelped, hopping in circles, frantically patting out the flames with his tiny claws. After a few minutes of awkward tail-chasing, the fire was out, but his pride had taken a hit. “That,” he muttered, “could have gone better.” Making Friends (or, How Not to Burn Bridges) Despite the hiccups (and sneezes), Smidge wasn’t about to give up. He just needed a bit of help—some guidance. And so, he set off deeper into the forest, hoping to find someone who might teach him the ancient art of dragon fire-breathing. What he found instead... was Barry. Barry was a troll. Not the menacing, bridge-guarding kind of troll, though. No, Barry was more of a “tree-hugging, amateur painter” kind of troll. He stood about 12 feet tall, with moss growing on his back and a pair of reading glasses perched precariously on the end of his bulbous nose. “Hi!” Smidge chirped, looking up at the towering troll. “I’m Smidge. Can you help me learn to breathe fire?” Barry squinted down at the tiny dragon, one mossy eyebrow raised. “Fire, you say? Hm. Not really my specialty, kid. I’m more into watercolors.” He gestured to a nearby easel, where an interpretive painting of what Smidge assumed was a tree stood. It mostly looked like a blob with branches. “Oh,” Smidge said, his tiny wings drooping. “Well... thanks anyway.” Barry sighed, scratching his head. “Look, kid, I may not know much about fire-breathing, but I do know about practice. That’s what painting is, really. Practice. You just gotta keep at it. Eventually, you’ll figure it out.” Smidge tilted his head, considering the troll’s advice. “Practice, huh? That’s it?” “Yep,” Barry replied with a shrug. “And, uh, maybe don’t set yourself on fire next time.” Smidge couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, I’ll try not to.” The Littlest Flame Ignites With Barry’s advice echoing in his head, Smidge returned to his clearing and tried again. Days passed, and though his flames were still small and sputtering, they were growing. He only set his tail on fire twice more, and there were no major forest fires—just a few smoking bushes. One evening, as the sun began to set, Smidge felt different. He had been practicing all day, and though he was tired, something inside him felt ready. He stood tall (well, as tall as a baby dragon could), focused on the horizon, and took the deepest breath yet. Flame surged from his mouth, a beautiful, controlled stream of fire that lit up the sky in shades of gold and red. Smidge blinked in surprise. Had he just... done it? “I DID IT!” he shouted, hopping up and down in excitement. “I’M A REAL DRAGON!” At that moment, his mother appeared, her massive wings casting a shadow over the clearing. “I knew you could do it,” she said proudly, watching her littlest flame with a smile. “You just needed to find your spark.” The Future of the Littlest Flame And so, with his newfound fire-breathing ability, Smidge became a legend in his own right—not for his size, but for his heart. He wasn’t the biggest or the most powerful dragon in Elderwyn, but he was certainly the most determined. And that, as any dragon will tell you, is the secret to greatness. As for Barry, well, he continued painting his abstract masterpieces. Smidge, now a proud fire-breathing dragon, made sure to stop by every now and then to check in on his favorite troll, usually offering him a little flame to dry his watercolors. Because that’s what friends are for—helping each other, whether with flames, brushes, or a little bit of encouragement. Smidge might have started as the littlest flame, but he knew one thing for sure: the world was about to see just how bright even the smallest dragon could shine.    Bring a Piece of Smidge's World Home If the heartwarming adventures of Smidge, the littlest flame, brightened your day, why not bring a bit of that joy into your own space? Whether you’re looking for something whimsical to decorate your home or a playful gift for someone special, we’ve got just the right items to capture Smidge’s charm. The Littlest Flame Puzzle – Piece together the adorable world of Smidge, one puzzle piece at a time. It’s the perfect way to relax while celebrating the little dragon who lights up our hearts. The Littlest Flame Tote Bag – Carry a bit of Smidge’s playful spirit with you wherever you go. This tote is perfect for your everyday essentials, and it comes with an extra dash of dragon-sized cuteness! The Littlest Flame Tapestry – Transform your space with this vibrant tapestry featuring Smidge, the little dragon with a big heart. Perfect for adding a whimsical touch to any room! The Littlest Flame Metal Print – Elevate your decor with this stunning metal print. Smidge’s colorful world will shine beautifully on your walls, capturing the spirit of adventure and fun. Each product brings Smidge’s delightful story to life, making it easy to keep his uplifting energy around you. Whether it's a puzzle for a quiet afternoon or a tote bag for your daily adventures, Smidge is ready to brighten your world. Explore more at Unfocussed Shop!