gnome love story

by Bill Tiepelman

Pumpkin Grove Guardians: Gnomes Under the Harvest Moon

In a far corner of the enchanted forest, where the trees whispered secrets and the pumpkins grew a little too perfectly round, lived two gnomes. Their names were Hazel and Gourd, and while they were as mismatched as a Halloween costume found on discount, their love story had a certain quirky charm—much like them. Gourd, as his name suggested, was obsessed with pumpkins. Obsessed might even be an understatement. The gnome had an entire system for growing the roundest, orangest, most perfectly symmetrical pumpkins in the entire forest. His pumpkin patch was the talk of the woodland community, even drawing occasional admirers from passing fairies who couldn't resist snapping a photo (or painting, since fairies were old-school like that). Gourd loved his pumpkins almost as much as he loved Hazel. Hazel, on the other hand, was a bit more... unpredictable. If Gourd was a perfectly carved jack-o'-lantern, Hazel was the pumpkin that got dropped, bounced a few times, and then rolled off into the bushes. In the best way, of course. She was spontaneous, fun, and had a habit of creating the most bizarre Halloween concoctions. Pumpkin spice soup with a hint of ghost pepper? Sure. Candied bat wings? Why not? She even made gnome-sized witch hats out of leftover squash. For Hazel, life was too short not to embrace the chaos. The Great Pumpkin Proposal It was Halloween, naturally, the night when the enchanted forest came alive with glowing pumpkins, mischievous fairies, and a general sense that anything could happen. Gourd had spent weeks preparing his pumpkin patch for the occasion, perfecting each pumpkin with the dedication of a sculptor chiseling their masterpiece. Tonight wasn’t just any Halloween. Tonight, Gourd was going to propose to Hazel. Now, you might be thinking, “A pumpkin patch proposal? Isn’t that a little... basic?” And you’d be right. But Gourd was anything but basic when it came to his love of pumpkins. This proposal wasn’t going to be just some candle-lit dinner next to a jack-o'-lantern. Oh no. He had a plan. A grand one. Earlier that day, Gourd had spent hours carving the most impressive pumpkin in his patch. It was huge—so large, in fact, that Hazel had questioned whether or not it was legally a pumpkin anymore or some kind of squat orange monster. She didn't know that inside that pumpkin was the ring—nestled safely in a tiny compartment Gourd had carved himself. Tonight, as they strolled through the glowing patch, he was going to lead her to the special pumpkin and pop the question. But, as with all things involving Hazel, nothing ever went according to plan. A Spooky Twist “You know,” Hazel said with a playful grin as they walked hand-in-hand through the pumpkin patch that night, “you really should let some of these pumpkins have faces. They’re just sitting there, staring blankly into the night. It’s creepy.” Gourd chuckled. “These are serious pumpkins, Hazel. You can’t go carving faces on everything, you know.” “Oh, can’t I?” Hazel challenged, her eyes twinkling with mischief. That’s when Gourd knew he was in trouble. Before he could protest, Hazel darted ahead, plucking a small, harmless-looking pumpkin off the ground. She pulled a tiny carving knife from her belt—Hazel always carried around random tools for reasons Gourd could never quite understand—and began etching a face into the pumpkin’s surface. “Hazel, wait! That’s—” Gourd began, but it was too late. As soon as Hazel finished carving the pumpkin, its eyes began to glow a deep, eerie orange. The pumpkin trembled in her hands before letting out a long, raspy cackle. “Oh no,” Gourd muttered, rubbing his temples. “That was one of the cursed pumpkins, wasn’t it?” “Cursed?” Hazel asked, her face lighting up with excitement. “You didn’t tell me there were cursed pumpkins! This is amazing!” Before Gourd could explain, the cursed pumpkin hopped out of Hazel’s hands and began bouncing across the patch, cackling like a tiny maniac. It careened through rows of pumpkins, knocking them over like bowling pins as it went. “Stop that thing!” Gourd yelled, but it was too late. The cursed pumpkin slammed right into the giant, proposal-sized pumpkin. With a dramatic puff of smoke, the enormous pumpkin split in two, revealing the tiny carved compartment and, much to Gourd’s horror, the ring, now sitting in the middle of the chaos like the world’s most obvious clue. The Surprise Proposal Hazel gasped, her eyes going wide as she caught sight of the ring. “Is that—wait, are you—?” Gourd, seeing that the plan was well and truly ruined, sighed heavily and dropped to one knee in the pumpkin carnage. “Hazel,” he began, sounding more defeated than romantic, “will you marry me?” There was a long pause. Hazel blinked. Then, slowly, a grin spread across her face. “Of course I will!” she squealed, throwing her arms around Gourd and knocking him backward into the pumpkin guts. For a moment, they lay there, tangled in vines and seeds, laughing at the absurdity of it all. The cursed pumpkin, seemingly pleased with itself, hopped away into the night, still cackling. Happily Ever After—Pumpkin Style Later that evening, as they sat together under the twinkling lights of the forest, Hazel admired the ring on her finger. “You know,” she said, smirking, “I think the cursed pumpkin really added something to the whole proposal. Gave it a little... spice.” Gourd, still picking pumpkin seeds out of his beard, rolled his eyes. “I swear, only you would find the silver lining in a cursed pumpkin ruining my big moment.” “Oh, come on,” Hazel teased, nudging him playfully. “It was perfect, and you know it. After all, who else can say they were proposed to by a gnome who grows the best pumpkins in the entire forest?” Gourd chuckled, pulling her close. “I suppose you’re right. But next time, let’s try to keep the cursed pumpkins out of it.” Hazel grinned. “No promises.” And so, under the glow of the pumpkin patch and the twinkling lights of the enchanted forest, Hazel and Gourd began their happily ever after—complete with pumpkins, curses, and all the quirks that made their love story one for the ages. Because really, what’s love without a little magic... and a few pumpkin-related disasters?    

by Bill Tiepelman

Leaf-Crowned and Heart-Warmed

Interviewer: Well, aren’t you two just the picture of fall romance! Tell us, how did this autumnal love story begin? Cedric the Gnome (stroking his beard): Ah, it was a crisp fall day many, many seasons ago. I was out gathering acorns, minding my own business, when suddenly— Willa the Gnome (interrupting with a smile): He tripped over his own boots and rolled straight into my pumpkin patch! Knocked over three pumpkins and squashed a squirrel. Most romantic moment of my life. Cedric (laughing): Hey, I meant to do that! It was all part of my plan to catch your attention, my dear. Willa: Uh-huh. Sure. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to laugh or throw a pumpkin at him. But his beard was full of leaves, and he looked so ridiculous, I couldn’t help but fall for him. Interviewer: And from that day on, the fall foliage wasn’t the only thing falling, right? 😉 What keeps the spark alive after all these years? Cedric: Oh, it’s simple. I keep showering her with leaves and compliments. And, of course, the occasional acorn necklace doesn’t hurt either. Willa (blushing slightly): He’s a charmer, this one. But really, it’s the little things. Like when he sweeps up the fallen leaves around the yard without me asking, or when he sneaks an extra honeycake into my lunch basket. Cedric: And let’s not forget your famous pumpkin stew, my love. That stew has magical powers, I swear. Keeps me warm in more ways than one. Interviewer: Sounds like you two have figured out the secret to gnome love. So, what’s next for this fall-tastic couple? More pumpkin patches to conquer? Willa: Oh, I think we’ll take it easy this season. Maybe just enjoy the sunset and watch the leaves fall. Every autumn with him is an adventure, even if it’s just sitting by the fire. Cedric (grinning): I couldn’t agree more. Just me, her, and a good pile of leaves to jump into. Interviewer: Well, if that isn’t the perfect fall plan! Thanks for sharing your story, Cedric and Willa. You two are truly “leaf-crowned and heart-warmed.” 🍂     The Backstory of Cedric and Willa: A Gnome Love Rooted in Autumn Cedric and Willa's love story is as timeless as the changing of the leaves. It all started when Cedric, a rather distracted gnome with a talent for tripping over his own feet, found himself tumbling into Willa’s pumpkin patch. He’d been on a mission to gather acorns for his famous “Acorn Ale,” but fate—or maybe just some poorly tied boots—had other plans. Willa, known around the village for her autumn wreaths and pumpkin stew, wasn’t exactly impressed by Cedric’s less-than-graceful entrance. But there was something about his goofy grin, his beard full of leaves, and the way he scrambled to gather the pumpkins he’d knocked over that made her heart flutter. Maybe it was the crisp fall air, or maybe it was the way Cedric apologized with a bouquet of freshly gathered maple leaves. Either way, Willa found herself falling for him faster than the autumn leaves. Years have passed, and while Cedric still manages to trip over a vine now and then, Willa wouldn’t have it any other way. Their life together is filled with cozy fires, pumpkin pies, and long walks through the forest where they collect the season’s most beautiful leaves. For Cedric and Willa, fall isn’t just a season—it’s a way of life. Their love, much like the autumn colors, grows richer with each passing year.     And if you can’t get enough of Cedric and Willa’s autumn charm, why not bring a little of their cozy magic into your own home? 🍂 Snuggle up with the “Leaf-Crowned and Heart-Warmed” throw pillow, perfect for those crisp fall evenings. Carry a bit of fall magic with you wherever you go with the tote bag featuring this heartwarming gnome duo. For those who love to decorate, add a touch of whimsy to your walls with the framed print. Or, share some autumn love with friends and family through the greeting card, perfect for sending warm wishes! Get your own piece of Cedric and Willa’s story today! 🍁

by Bill Tiepelman

Happily Ever After... Mostly

Happily Ever After... Mostly Interviewer: Good afternoon, folks! Thanks for agreeing to sit down with us. You two look…well, quite the pair! How long have you been together? Jasper the Gnome (rocking the striped hat): Oh, it’s been what? 237 years, love? Greta the Gnome (arms crossed, not having it): Feels like 500. Jasper: She’s kidding! We met at the Gnome Shindig of ’787. She couldn’t resist my moves. Greta (deadpan): Yes, he was dancing on a toadstool and fell right off. I thought he was dead. Should’ve left him there. Interviewer: Wow, sounds like love at first…fall? Greta: More like an unfortunate accident that became a life sentence. You try saying no when a gnome proposes in front of the entire mushroom village. You’re stuck. Jasper (laughing): And what a beautiful life sentence it’s been! Don’t let her fool you—she’s my flower in the garden, my sun in the forest, my— Greta (interrupting): Ugh. Please, you romantic fool, the mushrooms are blushing. Let’s not pretend you don’t spend most of your days “foraging” for fungi with the lads. I haven’t seen you sober since last Midsummer's Eve. Interviewer: Sounds like you both have very…uh, balanced roles in this relationship. How do you keep the spark alive after all these centuries? Greta (rolling eyes): Spark? Oh, there’s plenty of sparks—mainly from me lighting fires under his lazy butt. I do all the hard work. I tend the garden, I ward off trolls, and what does he do? He gives rock 'n roll hand gestures to passing gnomes and pretends he’s still in his “heyday.” Jasper: That’s not true! I’m a provider. I bring home the rarest mushrooms. Just last week I found a Shroom of Ever-Lasting Farts. Very rare. A prized specimen! Greta: Oh yes, and I’ve had the distinct pleasure of experiencing those farts ever since. Thanks for that. Interviewer (laughing): So, what's the secret to surviving centuries together? Greta: You make sure he’s outside when the farts kick in. And you always keep a frying pan nearby…just in case. Jasper: And love! Lots of love! And, you know, forgiving the occasional fart…or ten. Greta: *Sigh* The things I endure for love. He’s lucky he’s cute. Barely. Interviewer: Well, it’s clear you two have something special, even if it's a bit…aromatic! Any last words for the folks at home about keeping a gnome marriage strong? Greta: Don’t. Do. It. Jasper (grinning): Oh come on, love, don’t be grumpy. I’d say, keep laughing. Whether it’s at her grumpy face or my mushroom hunting “skills,” laughter’s kept us going. Greta (softening, just a bit): Hmm. Fine. Laughter…and a frying pan. Interviewer: You heard it here first, folks—farting, frying pans, and laughter. That’s the key to a happy gnome marriage. Thanks for your time, you two! And best of luck with…well, surviving each other. Jasper: Anytime! Now, about that mushroom hunting trip I was talking about— Greta: No. Absolutely not. We’re done here.   The Backstory of Jasper and Greta: A Gnome Love (and War) Story It was the year 787, a wild time in the gnome world. Gnome festivals were all the rage, and young gnomes were hopping around from mushroom to mushroom like it was going out of style. In the middle of this chaos was Jasper, a self-proclaimed “wild stallion of the woods,” known for his legendary mushroom-foraging skills and his ability to drink an entire tankard of nectar without collapsing. On the other side of the forest? Greta. Stoic. Stubborn. Not here for anyone’s nonsense. She spent her days in peaceful solitude, tending her garden and perfecting her signature death glare that could freeze a goblin in its tracks. The last thing she wanted was some wide-eyed, happy-go-lucky fool traipsing into her life. And yet, fate—or perhaps just bad luck—had other plans. They met at the infamous Gnome Shindig, where Jasper, in a spectacular display of clumsiness, slipped off a toadstool during an attempt at a particularly daring jig. He landed face-first in Greta’s flowerbed. Covered in dirt and muttering something about “true love,” Jasper was smitten. Greta? Not so much. But as it happens with gnomes, persistence pays off. Jasper wooed her with gifts of rare mushrooms (not the fart-inducing kind, yet) and charmingly awful serenades. Greta, despite herself, began to soften—mainly out of exhaustion from his relentless attempts. And so, under the soft glow of mushroom caps and amidst the buzz of tiny fireflies, they became the oddest couple in the forest. Since then, they’ve endured centuries of gnome bliss: bickering, mushroom hunting, and enough eye rolls from Greta to power a windmill. Their love, while not the stuff of fairy tales, is real. It’s built on snark, fart jokes, and a deep, unspoken understanding that they’re stuck with each other—for better or for worse. And honestly? They wouldn’t have it any other way. Except maybe Greta. She’s still on the fence.