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by Bill Tiepelman

Stitch Gone Rogue: The Zombie Edition

Once upon a time, in a world not too far removed from our own, the lovable experiment known as Stitch became... well, something else entirely. This wasn’t your tropical "Ohana means family" Stitch anymore—oh no. This was Zombie Stitch, and he had traded luaus and Elvis for chaos and carnage. The Day Everything Went to Hell It started innocently enough. Stitch had been minding his own business, terrorizing tourists on Kauai by stealing their Spam musubi and farting loudly during luau performances. Then, as fate would have it, a military-grade bioweapon “accidentally” got dropped into his pineapple smoothie. One slurp later, and our mischievous blue alien was dead… well, mostly dead. When Stitch clawed his way out of his shallow grave, he wasn’t the same. His eyes were darker, his teeth sharper, and his manners—well, nonexistent. The first person he encountered was a jogger in neon spandex. Stitch pounced. The jogger screamed. Five minutes later, Stitch was burping out a chunk of neon running shorts and lamenting, “No taste. Bleh.” Welcome to the Apocalypse The world had gone to hell in a flaming dumpster, and Zombie Stitch was thriving. The formerly idyllic Hawaiian paradise had turned into a wasteland of rotting coconuts, burning surfboards, and shambling hordes of undead tourists. If the apocalypse had Yelp reviews, this one would’ve been rated “five stars for chaos, zero for hospitality.” Stitch had embraced his new lifestyle with gusto. He wore a leather jacket stolen from a biker he had eaten (it still smelled faintly of Miller Lite and regret) and had accessorized it with skull patches and a hula flower pin for flair. His signature mohawk was spiked with a mix of zombie goo and stolen hair gel. He was the undead king of punk rock apocalypse chic. The Undead Hunger Games “Brains!” Stitch growled as he lurked in an alley, waiting for his next victim. But not just any brains—Stitch had standards. He liked his meals smart and slightly pretentious. “No basic brains,” he mumbled, his voice raspy and guttural. “Need spicy brains. Mmm... nerd flavor.” He found his perfect target at a coffee shop still inexplicably open during the apocalypse. A hipster was sipping a pumpkin spice latte while typing on a vintage typewriter. Stitch pounced, slurping the guy’s brains like they were the foam on a cappuccino. “Mmm, artisanal!” Stitch declared, licking his claws. “Hints of anxiety and gluten intolerance. Perfect!” Zombie Stitch Meets Karen Not everyone in the apocalypse was afraid of Zombie Stitch. Enter Karen—armed with a bat, a bad attitude, and a megaphone. She cornered Stitch outside a decaying Target. “Listen here, you little gremlin!” she shouted. “I want a word with the apocalypse manager!” Stitch tilted his head, confused. “Manager? Stitch is manager now!” Karen swung her bat, but Stitch dodged with an agility that could only come from years of dodging Nani’s frying pan. He retaliated with a bite to Karen’s leg, but immediately spit it out. “Bleh! Tastes like fake tan and expired wine!” Karen hobbled away, shaking her fist. “I’ll leave a one-star Yelp review on your apocalypse, you little freak!” The Rise of the Undead Empire Over time, Zombie Stitch amassed a loyal following of misfits, survivors, and other zombies who found his chaotic energy strangely charismatic. He became the de facto leader of the apocalypse. His rules were simple: No eating Stitch’s snacks. (This included brains he had saved for later.) Punk rock at full volume 24/7. (Even the zombies who were missing ears somehow complied.) Mandatory mohawks for all minions. Under Stitch’s leadership, the zombies turned the remains of Disney World into their headquarters. Cinderella’s castle became a haunted fortress, and the animatronic pirates were repurposed as zombie sentries. Stitch declared himself “King of Zombie Ohana” and hosted nightly feasts where they roasted human legs like they were turkey drumsticks at the county fair. Climactic Showdown: Stitch vs. Humanity Of course, the remnants of the human race weren’t thrilled about Stitch’s undead empire. They launched a full-scale attack, led by an army of Karen clones wielding expired coupons as weapons. The battle raged in front of the castle, a chaotic mess of screaming, biting, and poorly aimed Molotov cocktails. Stitch faced the leader of the human army, a grizzled general with a flamethrower. “This ends now, freak!” the general shouted. Stitch just grinned, his jagged teeth gleaming in the moonlight. “Ohana means family,” he growled, lunging forward. “And family means... I eat you last!” The fight was intense. Stitch dodged flames, tore through barricades, and even used a Karen as a makeshift shield. Ultimately, he emerged victorious, standing atop a pile of flaming coupon books and shouting, “BRAINS FOR EVERYONE!” The Aftermath With humanity defeated, Stitch’s undead utopia flourished. The zombies developed their own version of Hawaiian culture, blending luaus with mosh pits and serving cocktails made from coconut water and… well, you don’t want to know. Stitch ruled as a benevolent (if slightly deranged) king, occasionally munching on tourists who were foolish enough to wander into his domain. And so, Zombie Stitch’s reign continued, a bizarre blend of chaos, comedy, and carnage. In the end, the apocalypse wasn’t so bad—at least, not if you were on Stitch’s side. If not? Well… let’s just say you’d better keep your brains spicy. Available for Prints and Licensing This incredible artwork, "Stitch Gone Rogue: The Zombie Edition", is now available in our Image Archive. Whether you're looking for prints to decorate your space or licensing options for your project, this piece is perfect for fans of edgy, apocalyptic art.

by Bill Tiepelman

The Enigmatic Zombie Gnome: Brain on the Rocks

It wasn’t easy being undead. And for a gnome, it was especially awkward. Gerald, formerly known as “Gerald the Garden Defender,” now just went by “The Enigmatic Zombie Gnome.” Partly because it sounded mysterious, but mostly because no one in their right mind would mess with a brain-holding zombie gnome. Gerald, once a proud protector of suburban lawns, had been through some stuff. It all started when some dipshit sorcerer—probably fresh off his third Dungeons & Dragons campaign—decided he needed a few gnome corpses for "experiments." A couple of chants, a blood moon, and one botched spell later, Gerald and his fellow garden buddies were up and walking. Except now, they weren’t trimming hedges or scaring squirrels. No, they were dragging their sorry, rotting butts around, contemplating life’s bigger questions. Like, “Why the hell was Gerald holding a brain?” “This can’t be mine,” Gerald muttered, staring at the dripping, mushy mass in his hand. He squeezed it lightly. A satisfying squelch. “Feels a little too fresh to be mine, honestly. Or maybe I’ve just been dead too long to remember.” He scratched his cobweb-covered hat, which, let’s be real, was holding on to its last shred of dignity by a thread. Literally. Wandering around the garden, Gerald glanced at the other zombie gnomes. Steve—who still had a daisy growing out of his eye socket—was gnawing on a stick. Classic Steve. And Larry? Larry just stared into the distance with a vacant look, drool pooling on his chin. Probably thinking deep thoughts about existentialism or some crap. Or maybe he was just wondering where his pants went. It was a toss-up. “Right,” Gerald mumbled, tossing the brain up like a football. He caught it with an impressive splat. “Guess I should find the idiot this belongs to.” Gerald was no hero. He didn’t give two dead rat turds about whose brain it was. But he also didn’t want to be mistaken for some gory IKEA mascot lugging a squishy accessory everywhere. He had standards. Off to the Neighbors Gerald shuffled past the rusty garden gate and out onto the sidewalk. The sun was setting—thankfully, because zombie gnomes in broad daylight? Not exactly “incognito.” The first stop was Mr. and Mrs. Johnson’s place next door. They were old, weird, and smelled like prune juice, but if anyone’s brain had spontaneously vacated their skull, it was probably one of them. Gerald gave the doorbell a try, but his green, decomposing finger went straight through it. “Perfect,” he groaned. He was about to kick the door in when Mrs. Johnson opened it, staring wide-eyed at the gnome standing on her welcome mat, brain in hand. “Oh dear, what have you got there?” she asked, squinting through thick bifocals. Gerald groaned. If she had a brain at all, it was clearly on its last neurons. “Is this yours?” Gerald asked, thrusting the brain toward her like a broken UPS package. “Found it in the garden. Thought you might’ve dropped it. Though honestly, if it was yours, you probably wouldn’t even notice. No offense.” Mrs. Johnson tilted her head. “I don’t think so, dear. I’m quite sure mine’s still in here somewhere.” She tapped her temple with a bony finger. “Right. Yeah, sure,” Gerald muttered under his breath. “Well, if you happen to lose it, you know where to find me.” He waved the brain for emphasis, letting a chunk of it plop onto her doorstep. “Whoops. My bad.” And with that, he shuffled off down the street. The Bar Crawl Next stop, the local dive bar. Maybe someone there had misplaced their brain—Gerald certainly wouldn’t be surprised, judging by the clientele. The bar was dimly lit, reeked of stale beer, and was populated by the same two guys who had probably been glued to their stools since the Reagan administration. Gerald dragged himself in, brain still in tow, and plopped onto a stool. The bartender—a grizzled man who looked like he’d seen one too many zombie flicks—just stared. “We don’t serve gnomes,” he grunted, polishing a glass with all the enthusiasm of someone hoping for an early death. “Not here for a drink,” Gerald replied, propping the brain on the counter. “Unless you’ve got something that’ll make this less squishy. Got any formaldehyde on tap?” The bartender raised an eyebrow. “Buddy, if that’s your brain, I think you’ve had enough drinks already.” “Ha. Ha. Hilarious,” Gerald said with a roll of his milky, undead eyes. “But seriously. Anyone lose this? Saw some of your regulars out back, and let’s be honest, this brain probably has more function than half of them combined.” The bartender snorted, wiping down the counter. “Try the morgue, pal. Maybe someone there’s missing a few marbles.” Some Questions Are Best Left Unanswered By the end of the night, Gerald still hadn’t found the owner of the brain. And after running into a couple of particularly brainless joggers, he was starting to wonder if it was worth keeping around at all. He gave it a last squish, smirking at the satisfying sound. “You know what? Screw it,” Gerald decided, tossing the brain into a nearby hedge. “Someone’ll find it. Or not. Either way, I’m done being the neighborhood lost-and-found.” He stretched, groaning as his bones popped. “Back to the garden for me. Maybe tomorrow I’ll lose a limb and someone will return it. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll find out whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn.” As Gerald shuffled back to his post, he couldn’t help but smile. Being undead was a pain in the ass, but hey—at least he wasn’t completely brainless. Unlike Steve.