The New Year crept in with a quiet drizzle, but for Gladys, it was an occasion to make noise—and a lot of it. She sat in her plush pink armchair, donned head-to-toe in what she affectionately called her “glamazon armor.” Oversized pink glasses perched on her nose, hot pink lipstick smeared (liberally) across her puckered lips, and a fluffy feather boa that had clearly seen more action than anyone dared to ask about.
“Well, New Year,” Gladys muttered, swirling a gin martini in her jeweled glass, “what do you have for me this time? Another gym membership pamphlet? Another lecture about kale? Pfft.” She rolled her eyes, nearly dislodging one of her fake lashes. “I’ve got wrinkles older than most of those influencers telling me to ‘hydrate and manifest.’”
Gladys was no stranger to attention, and she planned on starting 2025 with the same unapologetic energy that had carried her through eight decades of mischief, martinis, and a couple of husbands who couldn’t quite keep up. “If they can’t handle the sass, they don’t deserve the class,” she always said, though her brand of class was often served with a generous helping of crass.
The Annual Pink Party
Each New Year’s Day, Gladys hosted what had come to be known as “The Pink Party,” a legendary gathering of her closest friends, all of whom were just as fabulous and outrageous as she was. The invitation read: “Dress code: Anything pink and everything dramatic. Leave your resolutions at the door. We’re here for cocktails, not kale.”
By 8 PM, her house was a swirling hurricane of pink boas, rhinestone heels, and questionable decisions. Her best friend Margie showed up wearing a sequined jumpsuit that looked suspiciously like it had been stolen from the Vegas strip. “Margie, darling,” Gladys drawled, kissing her on both cheeks, “you look like a disco ball with daddy issues. It’s perfect.”
Margie cackled, and the two shuffled off to the bar, where Gladys poured something that could only loosely be defined as a cocktail. “Here’s to another year of ignoring doctor’s orders and making bad choices,” Gladys toasted, holding her glass high. “Cheers to that,” Margie replied, already two sips deep.
The Toast Heard ‘Round the Neighborhood
As the night wore on and the gin flowed freely, Gladys decided it was time for her annual toast. She climbed up onto her coffee table, feather boa trailing behind her like the train of a royal gown. Clearing her throat dramatically, she declared, “Ladies, gentlemen, and those fabulous enough to defy labels, I have but one thing to say about this New Year…”
The room fell silent, save for the faint hum of a disco remix playing in the background. Gladys adjusted her glasses and took a deep breath. “Screw resolutions! I’m sticking to revolutions—mainly the ones on my barstool!” The crowd erupted into cheers, glasses clinking as they toasted to her rebellious spirit.
“But seriously,” she continued, her voice softening for a moment, “life’s too short for regrets, bad wine, or boring underwear. Wear the lipstick. Buy the shoes. Say the thing. And for the love of all things pink, dance like nobody’s taking video for TikTok.”
The applause was deafening, though whether it was for her words or the fact that she managed not to fall off the table was anyone’s guess. Either way, Gladys raised her glass one last time, the queen of sass and class, ready to conquer another year with her signature blend of mischief and glamour.
The Aftermath
By the time the clock struck midnight, Gladys was lounging in her chair, a rose in one hand and a cigarette in the other. “Well, New Year,” she said, smirking at her reflection in the pink-rimmed mirror on the wall, “you’ve got a lot to live up to if you think you’re outshining me.”
She leaned back, exhaling a plume of smoke, and let out a satisfied chuckle. Life, like her lipstick, might not always stay in the lines, but damn if it wasn’t fabulous.
Well, here you are, New Year, looking all prim,
While I’m here with my lipstick, poured to the brim.
I’ve survived decades, drank gallons of gin,
And frankly, sweetheart, I’m not starting again.
“New Year, New Me!”—what a pile of bull,
I’m already fabulous, vibrant, and full.
These wrinkles are roadmaps of mischief and sin,
Each line’s got a story, a scandal within.
Pink glasses? Check. A rose in my hand?
I’ve still got more flair than your bland little plans.
Resolutions are cute, for the young and naïve,
I’ll toast to my glory while you make-believe.
I’ll sip bubbly wine and I’ll cackle out loud,
While you clutch your green juice and act all profound.
Go ahead, chase your dreams, or whatever’s in trend,
I’ll stick to my nonsense till the bitter end.
So here’s to the New Year, let’s keep it crass,
May it kiss my lips and maybe my… sass.
You’re welcome to join me, but bring your own glass—
This diva’s not sharing her liquor or class.
Discover More: This captivating artwork, "Rosy Lips and Wrinkled Sass," is available for prints, downloads, and licensing. Bring a touch of humor, sass, and vibrance to your collection. Visit the Unfocussed Archive to explore and make it yours today!
