The Day After Christmas: The Gnome Chronicles
The day after Christmas dawned cold and bitter. Snow still clung to the pine branches outside the gnome’s hut, but inside, it smelled of regret, spiked eggnog, and faintly of burnt gingerbread. Our hero, the holiday gnome—known in certain circles as Gary—sat at his wooden table, nursing a hangover the size of Santa’s naughty list.
Gary squinted at the mess around him. Broken ornaments glittered like shameful confetti, and the pine needles on the floor looked less festive and more like a crime scene. His lantern flickered on the table, barely holding onto its dignity.
“Why the hell did I do shots with those damned elves?” Gary grumbled, rubbing his temples. “Those little bastards are like frat bros with pointy ears.”
The Night Before
It had started innocently enough. Christmas Eve had been perfect—snow was falling, carolers were singing, and Gary had successfully avoided the reindeer potluck (he had a sneaking suspicion about what "venison surprise" really meant). By Christmas night, however, the elves showed up at his hut with “a little cheer,” which turned out to be a keg, a deck of questionable playing cards, and enough eggnog to sedate a moose.
Gary had intended to keep it classy, sipping his spiked nog and munching on cookies. But then Elroy, the ringleader of the elves, brought out the peppermint schnapps. “One shot won’t kill you, G-Man!” Elroy had chirped, grinning like the devil in a holiday sweater. That was the beginning of the end.
Fast forward three hours, and Gary was wearing his red knit hat like a toga, belting out inappropriate versions of Christmas carols. “Deck the halls with boughs of holly—fa-la-la-la-*burp*! La-la-la-screw-it-all!” He barely remembered the elf conga line, but he distinctly recalled losing a bet that involved twerking on the mistletoe.
Regrets (and an Angry Reindeer)
Now, in the harsh light of the day after, Gary faced the aftermath. His overalls were smeared with frosting from some ill-advised cupcake fight, and his boots were missing entirely. He suspected the elves had stolen them as a prank. To make matters worse, there was a pile of reindeer poop outside his front door, which suggested he’d angered someone in Santa’s fleet. Again.
He groaned as he spotted his phone blinking on the table. A text from Elroy read, “Legendary party, bro! Also, I think you owe Prancer an apology.”
Gary frowned. What could he have possibly done to Prancer? The memory was foggy, but flashes of him trying to ride a reindeer like a drunk cowboy came to mind. “Dammit,” he muttered. “That explains the hoof mark on my ass.”
The Clean-Up
He spent the rest of the morning cleaning up the carnage. The snow-dusted wooden planks outside his hut were littered with half-empty bottles and candy cane shards. He found his missing boots under a bush, inexplicably tied together with tinsel. As for the reindeer poop, he shoveled it into a sack labeled “Return to Sender” and left it by the elves’ workshop.
By noon, Gary had restored some semblance of order, though his dignity was still in short supply. He brewed a strong cup of coffee (spiked, of course) and sat down to reflect on his choices. The gnome life wasn’t easy—living in the woods, dealing with tourists taking selfies, and now, apparently, fending off wild elf parties.
But as Gary sat there, watching the snow fall softly outside, he felt a grudging sense of pride. Sure, he’d made some questionable decisions. Yes, he’d probably be on Prancer’s blacklist for a while. But wasn’t that what the holidays were about? Joy, laughter, and the occasional peppermint schnapps bender?
The Resolution
Gary raised his mug in a toast to himself. “Here’s to another year of festive chaos,” he declared, ignoring the fact that he was still wearing a candy cane stuck in his beard. “Next year, I’ll double the rum.”
As the gnome settled in for a well-deserved nap, a faint knock came at the door. He opened it to find a reindeer, looking unamused, holding a note in its mouth. It read, “Prancer is not amused. Expect coal.”
Gary sighed, grabbed a bottle of schnapps, and muttered, “Well, coal makes for great barbecues.” And with that, he shut the door on Christmas and vowed to survive the New Year.
Shop the Look
Bring the festive charm of "Lantern Light and Holly Delight" into your home with these featured products:
Deck your halls with these festive delights and keep the holiday spirit alive all year long!
